You and Me (plus 90s Music)

R.I.P. Dolly Parton and Tim Curry, she (of course) a giant of American culture (and philanthropy) and he a great actor who did a lot more than the roles he was known for, like Frank-N-Furter in "Rocky Horror". Speaking of his costumed roles, you no doubt loved him in "Legend" (an underrated movie - by Ridley Scott of all people - that is one of my favorites). And of course, we love him as Pennywise in the original "IT." Both Dolly and Tim Curry had been in poor health for a long time, so their deaths weren't entirely unexpected. But still...

Anyhow, I think of you all day long, every day. I hope all is well and that you are holding up in this heat. The last few nights haven't even cooled off. I go for my walk between 7 and 9 pm, and it's still close to 90 degrees and very humid. Yow. 

I've been listening to '90s music, so I have another list for you. Did you like the music from that era? I love it. My favorite 1990s groups were Soundgarden and Alice in Chains, both of whom transcended the grunge/indie genre and graduated to playing arenas while maintaining their artistic integrity. I initially liked Pearl Jam, too (and saw them at The Troubadour before they were huge), however, while "Ten" is a classic album (and a 10 from start to finish), in my opinion they were only able to produce snippets of their original brilliance on their next two albums, "Vs." and "Vitalogy," and weren't very good after that. One of the things, though, that made the '90s so great, music-wise, was that it was melody-oriented. In that way, it was similar to to 1960s, when there were a lot of talented bands who could write hooks. Some were one-hit wonders, others had a few hits and maybe one classic album. Since we love lists here at the blog, let's look at a dozen of the greatest songs of the 1990s:

"No Rain" Blind Melon

"Hey Jealousy" Gin Blossoms

"Name" Goo Goo Dolls

"These Are Days" 10,000 Maniacs

"Linger" The Cranberries

"Kiss Me" Sixpence None the Richer

"One of Us" Joan Osborne

"Feed the Tree" Belly

"Fade Into You" Mazzy Star

"Sweetness and Light" Lush

"I Only Wanna Be With You" Hootie and the Blowfish

"Golden Blunders" The Posies

(P.S. Don't give me a hard time about Hootie. That's a great song and you know it.😉)

I am also a big fan of Radiohead (though I don't know that they qualify as strictly '90s), and of course King's X, one of my favorite bands of all time. Both bands had their heyday in the 1990s, though the above song list is (I think) more reflective of the vibe from that era.

Well, we're closing in on the month of September, and of course, September 1st has special significance for me. I don't mark it much anymore, but for many years, I considered it the start date of what I now call The 1989 Event (also known as "What Happened in Northridge"). Through years of dedicated research, I now know that September 1st, 1989 was only the start of the endgame of a much longer scenario that went on for much of the 1980s and grew extreme in 1988.Those who follow the blog know that story "ad nauseum" (which is also my punk rock name). Therefore, I shant repeat it now (though I reserve the right to do so at any time!) For anyone unfamiliar with my writings on 1989, just use the Blogger search box and try different keywords, like that year, or "What Happened in Northridge", CSUN, Concord Square, 9032, etc.

I am 66 years old; my first memory of The 1989 Event returned in October 1993, almost 33 years ago. Thus, I can divide my life into two halves now:

The first half is from birth to age 33 and six months. During that time, due to deliberately-induced amnesia (memory blockage) I was entirely unaware that anything untoward had happened to me four years earlier, or that I'd had an unusual childhood. I basically considered myself a Regular Joe (although I was always my own person). 

I can still (and will always) remember the moment my memory came back: I was inside the home of the late, questionably great Dave Small. The date was approximately October 20, 1993, about 9pm. We had just quit Shecky's band and were jamming, trying to come up with a fresh sound to start our own group. Not another version of Disturbing the Peace, but something new. Dave was way into all the music of the early '90s, as I was, and he played me "Gish" by The Smashing Pumpkins, who I hadn't heard of at the time. I was inspired by Billy Corgan's guitar sound, and trying to come up with some riffs. Dave was playing bass.

He paused to use the restroom, and this is what happened to me:

I heard a voice in my head. Not a schizophrenic voice, nor an imaginary one. I've come to call it "sub-aural", like a tiny (but actual) human voice, as if someone was speaking to me from inside my ear. This was the first time I'd had this happen. I heard something like, "Hey Adam...remember that time, at (such-and-such) apartment, when (so-and-so and so-and-so) tried to kill you?" I'm obscuring the names because there's no reason to mention them at the moment. The point is that this sub-aural "voice" acted as a trigger. As it was "speaking", I experienced the simultaneous recollection of the incident in question, which was a near death-experience I suffered inside a Reseda apartment on the night of September 1, 1989. My heart stopped after I was assaulted. And as shocking as it was to remember that, it was even more unnerving to know that I hadn't remembered it for over four years. Furthermore, no one had told me about it. When was the last time you nearly died, and your family and "friends" kept it a secret? 

That's why the second half of my life, from 1993 until now, has included an intensive and ongoing investigation into what my life has been. In my research, I've discovered that much of it has been hidden from me through deliberate memory blocking. For those unfamiliar with that process; briefly, it is possible to block a person's memory (of an incident, an event, or a given length of time) through several means, hypnosis and drugs being the most common. Radio signal is another one. 

Over time, God has helped me overcome the memory blocks of 1989, and while I have yet to fully comprehend that year, I now know that memory can never be erased (which is what the bad guys hoped to achieve), but only blocked. And I have learned, and proved, that blocked memories can be unblocked though meditative self hypnosis, a reasonably simple process that involves quieting the mind and focusing on an intended target.

I've been quite successful at this.

All of this brings me back to You, so let's put aside 1989 for the moment.

I've written about several encounters we've had, experiences we've shared. I have a couple more, maybe a few. These aren't yet as clear as the others. I'm still trying to work them out, so instead of stating them, I'll pose them as questions:

Did you once come to church dressed in Goth attire and makeup? I've had imagery of this. Did some people get offended? If so, too bad for them. If this happened, I think it's awesome! ✌

Did we once go, with your Mom in her car, to Dollar Tree, but it wasn't your Dollar Tree, and we went to a closer one because your Mom didn't wanna drive that far (all the way to your Dollar Tree)? I think we did, and I think I remember the one we went to, but they didn't have what you wanted, which was why you preferred the one you liked and had wanted to go there. And when we left Dollar Tree, did you ask your Mom if we could go to Walmart (perhaps to look for the same or similar items) but she said no because it was too far, there was too much traffic, etc? Did that happen? I have a feeling it did.

Here's one I am certain about: one Sunday at church, right when the service ended, your Mom or Dad asked me if I would come talk to you. You were sitting in one of the back rows. I said I would, and I did. Do you remember that? I think you didn't want to leave unless you got to see me (because of all the stuff that was going on at that time in 2014/2015). I sat down. Your Mom and Dad left us alone for a few minutes and we talked. I don't yet recall what we said, but it feels beautiful in retrospect.

I think we should be together. That's just my opinion. You don't have to agree, but I hope you do. I know many years have gone by, but many great years remain. And what is time, compared to love? 

I think we'd make a great team, a great couple. For one thing, we'd be the greatest supernatural investigators since Ed and Lorraine Warren, though we don't necessarily have to do Haunted Houses (we could, though).

More than that: the Whole Thing that's happened this Summer - the dream I had on July 1 that returned you to my life; the knowledge that we've had a lot of involvement. It has to have happened now, for a reason. And then there's the way we met, in 2010. Who else had a First Meeting like the one we had? I mean, c'mon. That alone is a story for the ages. I'm still remembering things about you and me, and I have a feeling that you came over to Pearl's house maybe more times than I've realized.

I'll keep working on it. I hope you will, too. Please keep in mind the things I've said.

I love you every day and all the time. 💗 

Good Friday 2015 (continued)

In addition to asking if you mind me writing to you, I suppose I should ask the question in another way: do you want me to write to you? I ask because I've been writing to and about you unsolicited. I've also been describing my recently recovered memories of our personal encounters and I don't want to overstep my bounds. I don't want to write anything that would dismay you, and of course I've tried to use my best judgement in that regard by never using names, keeping things vague where necessary, etc.

But you have the final say. Now that I know you have been in my life, in a way that only you could have created, I don't want to lose you. You foresaw the future. I love you.

Anyway, I guess I'll continue the story, since I've seen nothing to indicate I should not. We left off on Good Friday, April 3, 2015. We were at at your house for a champagne toast, and were sitting at the dining table talking when a man burst into the house. See the last blog for reference. This man had followed us from the church, hovered on the porch uninvited, then he finally gained entrance by intimidation. We've seen, however, that this man can use many degrees of temperment when necessary. He's clever and doesn't just storm his way into a situation. He smiles a lot; he knows when to use charm or claim influence. Claim he has a right to be somewhere.

But he still wasn't welcome in the house. Your Mom may have told him so. He sat down anyway. In hindsight, and because I've had a lot of interaction with this man, I think he wanted to monitor what was being said, in particular to me. He was concerned about what I might be told, things I might learn. He didn't want me at your house, talking to you and your parents, but he couldn't (or wouldn't) come right out and say it. He's very good at "keeping his cool" when he has to.

One thing I vividly remember is talking to your Dad about the military. He had served (in Vietnam?). I mentioned that my Dad was in WW2. Forgive me because I don't recall what branch your Dad was in (Navy?), but I know for sure that your Mom wanted him to show me a special dress cap he had saved from his time in uniform. At first, your Dad was reluctant to do so. He felt it was...what? Like showing off? I don't know, so I won't speak for him. But your Mom appealed to him to show me the cap, and he finally did go get it and wore it for a minute or two. I don't know if all of this occurred while the Uninvited Man was at the table.

I will now describe something that's indicative of why I ask your permission to reveal these things. If I am saying too much here, let me know:

I vividly remember a ceremony in the kitchen. It was not unlike a marriage ceremony. Perhaps it was more of a "bonding" ceremony (I wish it was the former). We were standing side by side. Before this, you were very busy, rushing around for all the necessary things that were required to complete this ceremony. Was a ring (or a symbolic ring) involved? And if you can believe it (which you can since you were there), this ceremony was presided over by the man who was uninvited. All of a sudden, he was helping you (or us). I don't know how this turn of events happened.

But then, you wanted to show me your room. And he went back to being confrontational. At first, he said nothing and waited while you showed me some of your favorite things, and we may have talked about mutual interests like movies and other stuff. It turned out we had a lot in common.

I vividly remember you writing something down on a piece of paper (a strip of paper?)

Did you ask me to write on that paper, too? If so, what did I write? What did you write?

Did you fold it up and put it in a special book? I think so.

Your Mom came in at some point because the man was giving her a hard time. He didn't want you talking to me alone. You said you still had some things to show me, and your Mom said to hurry it up. But the man preempted her. Suddenly he was in the doorway of your room. He got belligerent. Your Mom ordered him to back off, but he wouldn't. He'd seen you fold up that piece of paper, and he wanted to know what it was.

"What'd you write on that paper? I saw you put it in a book. I need to see it, show it to me!"

You said no. You stood up to him. Your Mom again ordered him out of the house.

I think he kept pushing, though, and you ended up showing him the piece of paper, just to get rid of him.

If I stood there saying nothing, not intervening, I apologise. It would've been because I wasn't sure what was going on.

But you can see, from this and other incidents, why I don't like this guy now.

I don't know where Pearl and her daughter were while all of this was happening (and I'm still not 100% sure that Pearl was with us that night). But I was expecting her daughter to give me a ride back to Pearl's house. I was her overnight caregiver. And I was told by this man that he would be giving me a ride back. I may have asked why, or protested...

I vaguely remember him talking to me as we drove away. That is the current state of my memory of that night.

I love you more than I can say. 💗 

Good Friday 2015 (The Toast)

Quick question: do you mind me writing about us? I hope it's okay. If not, just give me a sign and I will stop. Also, if you ever want to talk for any reason, you can get my phone number and/or email from the Birthday Card Person, who was also in the car with us at Cleveland High on Halloween Night 2014. I believe you know who I mean. 

I'd like to return to 2014, and actually to Good Friday 2015, which I outlined in another blog, but before I do that, I have another quick question: did you ever come to Pearl's house on occasions other than that Halloween night? I've had recollections - unverified bits and pieces, as yet without context - that you came over at least once for a Blessing Ritual or something like that. It was something metaphysical that you were in charge of. I'll meditate on it to remember it more clearly.

And now, to Good Friday, which in 2015 was on April 3. I mentioned in an earlier blog that I sang in choir that evening, that the service likely ended around 8pm, and that I spoke with your Mom in the parking lot. She complimented me on my voice (very kind of her), and when this memory came back, I vividly remembered us talking about music, harmony singing, and specifically those kinds of vocal groups. Your Mom was a fan of the greats of 1950s rock, and she definitely "knew her stuff" on the subject.

We talked for a few minutes, possibly about other things as well. I don't recall if Pearl was with me, or if she was still inside the church with her friends, but when she came out, your Mom (who knew Pearl) proposed that we go over to your house for a Good Friday toast. Pearl may have declined, at first. After all, she was 90. But your Mom said, "Just a quick toast. C'mon, Pearl. It won't take long. I have some champagne", etc.

I think Pearl's daughter was with us, and she convinced her Mom to go. Being Pearl's caregiver, I would've done whatever was decided. I think you were waiting in your Mom's car.

We did end up following you guys to your house, for the Good Friday toast.

But before we left the church, something happened. A man came out to the parking lot, saw us talking, heard our plan, and asked if he could come along. I think the answer may have been "no", or "it's private", but he followed us there anyway, though he was not invited into the house.

We had our champagne toast and talked for a little while. 

Then there was a commotion, and the man was in the house. He entered the dining area. Someone (a young lady? Perhaps your sister or a friend?) had been asked to keep an eye on the man, who was lurking by the front door, refusing to leave, and I believe she said she tried to keep him out but he kept ringing the bell and demanding to be let inside. And when she finally opened the door, he brushed past her, came to the table and sat down.

(I'm gonna stop here. I'll continue later unless you say not to)

I love you. 💗

The Church Parking Lot (plus weird horror movies)

Let's start with some scary movies, just for fun and because Halloween will be here before we know it. Here are ten of my favorite weird ones (keeping in mind that not all horror movies are weird). In no particular order, they are:

1) The Devil Commands (1941) 

2) The Uninvited (1944)

3) The Seventh Victim (1943) 

4) Eyes Without a Face (1960) 

5) The Devil Rides Out (1968) 

6) Voodoo Man (1944) 

7) Plague of the Zombies (1966) 

8) The Old Dark House (1932) 

9) Night of the Demon (1957) 

10) Onibaba (1968).

Two good Witch movies are "Bell, Book and Candle"(1958) starring Kim Novak. You probably know that one, but have you ever seen "Night of the Eagle"(1962), also known as "Burn Witch Burn"? It's a British production based on a book called "Conjure Wife", and in my opinion, it is one of the greatest horror movies ever made.

Lastly, for tonight, let's do two classic Ghostly Romances: "Portrait of Jenny" (1948), starring Jennifer Jones and Joseph Cotten. I love this film and have seen it multiple times. The other is "The Enchanted Cottage" (1945).

Now, here's another new memory, arising from a single meditative image: the parking lot at RUMC. Sensing its importance, I focused hard and it continued to develop, slowly like a Polaroid photo. This is how the process began: I was wondering if I had any encounters with you before Halloween Night 2014 (not counting our initial meeting in January 2010). Was it possible that we saw each other during the nearly five years in between? In self-hypnotic memory recovery, one sets the intent by speaking (softly but directly) to the subconscious. In this case, I asked: did I (see her) between January 17 2010 and October 31 2014?

What came back, as noted, was an image of the church parking lot.

In my first years with Pearl, 2010/2011, I had little connection to the church. I basically only drove her there and picked her up after service. I also drove her to Golden Agers meetings on Tuesday afternoons and (once a month) to the RUMC Women's Group meetings (Pearl's group was nicknamed "Luanna/Ruth", honoring two former members).

In those early years, Pearl was ambulatory and had all of her faculties. She didn't need my help entering or leaving the church, thus I would arrive early and wait for her in the parking lot. Depending on the length of the sermon, the post-service gathering in the Fireside Room (for coffee and cookies), and choir practice, my wait could vary. I tried to time it as best I could. Sometimes I got there ten minutes before Pearl came out; other times I had to wait close to an hour.

Here is the image from my recent meditation, with the above intent in mind.

I'm parked in the lot, toward the west end because the slots near the main entrance are full. Church is still is session. I'm probably a half-hour early on this day. 

My car is directly south of where the church school is located. School, preschool, Sunday School? I can't say what it is (I'm still new), but it's a children's school, like many churches have, and I'm parked close to its gate, waiting for Pearl to emerge from the choir room to my west.

I'm sitting there waiting, and I notice motion in my rearview window. A young woman has exited the preschool gate and is walking in my direction. She has long hair. Is it braided? (It may be on future occasions). And is she wearing black glasses? Maybe one time, but not another.

Did I park there more than once, hoping she'd come out again? 

I'm not certain.

All I know for sure is that she's striking. She has a unique look. But is there something else about her? 

                                                                ***

That was the start of this memory, and of course, I'm referring to you. I'm more than 51% certain that it happened, meaning that it's crossed the 50/50 threshhold to become probable rather than merely possible.

I recall you wearing a colored T-shirt with the RUMC School logo. Your car was parked near mine. You were headed to it, either to leave for that day or to retrieve something from your car or put something in it. I thought wow, who's that girl? and I probably did park in that area the following week, hoping to see you again.

Here's where the memory stands now. You can tell me if it's correct or not:

I had parked in this spot for at least two Sundays (there's also a chance it was Tuesday and "Golden Agers").

On one of these days, you may have noticed me. Did you walk up to my window and say something like, "Excuse me, but do we know each other?" That's paraphrased, and would indicate that you (like me) also had a memory block of January 17, 2010. But I could swear that you saw me sitting in my car and came up and said something. Maybe it was more like, "We've met. Do you remember me?" And if I said no, you might've said, "You will. I can't tell you why, though." Or, you might've said, "Do you wanna get a cup of coffee and we can talk about it?" If so, I would've said, "I can't. I'm waiting for Pearl."

I don't yet know our exact words, but I'm almost certain I saw you in the parking lot, at least once, and that it led to a short conversation. My current guess is that it happened in Spring or Fall 2010 (during a time when church school was in session).

I have another brief memory associated with that one. On another Sunday, you had car trouble. Is that possible, and did Triple A come? It's not crucial; I'm just wondering about the accuracy of detail. How close am I overall?

I love you and hope your week is off to a good start. 💗

My Miracle (a few thoughts and questions)

Wow! I asked for a sign, and I got one. You responded; you couldn't have been more clear, and as a result, I've been floating around on Cloud Nine since yesterday afternoon. By the way, I looked in my diary to see when I discovered the dual-handwriting birthday card, and it was on June 4. So, that was when this whole thing started, for me, at least. Then, it really got rolling on July 1 (as noted in the last blog), and here we are. I think yesterday will go down as a Magical Day (in the cosmic sense) because not only did I get your wonderful message, but I started to hope that what was described in those lyrics could be repeated in real life. If it is possible (or becomes possible) to see you again, all I can say is "I can't wait." 💖

On my end, the best I can do (besides continuing to write) is to come to church, which I am going to do soon, hopefully by Fall (maybe by Halloween?), and absolutely no later than Christmas Eve. I'd come next Sunday if I knew you were going to be there, but I don't know if you attend regularly, and also, this is all predicated on the hope that you would want to see me (though I should probably refrain from making any assumptions). I've been meaning to go to church for a while now, and I did go to a choir reunion in August 2022 (four years ago, I realize). What's prevented me is that I'm shy. I know that sounds ridiculous because I was in choir for over five years and I knew almost everybody in church (at least to say hi to). In fact, for those five-plus years (November 2014 to March 2020) I had the best attendance record of anyone, including the two pastors from that era. I only missed five Sundays in five years. But I was always (or usually) with Pearl, and I felt that people knew me as "Pearl's caregiver" and not as an official member of the church. I guess the main thing is that I am shy, and after Pearl died, I felt nervous about going back without her, especially after the long gap with Covid. But having said all of that, I have been meaning to go back, and if there's a chance that you would be there, I'd go back at any time (if you want to see me).

I've also thought, alternately, that I can simply follow your lead. You know how to make things happen. For instance, the dual birthday card (if that in fact was you). I've had another recently recovered memory, from August 24, 2024 (the 100th anniversary of Pearl's birth) (sorry about all the parentheses), in which The Person Who Sent Me That Birthday Card asked me if I remembered your family. I was with that person at CSUN on the night of the indicated date. A secret event was occurring (the kind that I don't remember until years later), and the person said: "Adam, do you remember the ********'s?" I'm not sure what else was mentioned, but I know I must've answered "yes" because I always remembered you and your parents from church, even though our all of personal encounters were blocked. I guess my point is that you seem to know the person I'm referring to, who - as noted - was in the car with us on Halloween Night 2014. And maybe this person was in contact with you and/or your Dad in 2024, and finally, if you were the other writer on my birthday card, then you guys have been in contact recently.

The bottom line, as I say, is that you know how to make things happen, so should I just follow your lead? I realize I'm speculating, but I feel like this could be the best Halloween season ever, and I just can't tell you how wonderful it's been to remember that you have been in my life. You are a Miracle to me.

I love you. Back soon.

How I Turned Up Out Of The Blue (For You)

I hope you don't mind me writing to you here at the blog. I have no idea if you read, though I hope you do and I think you may have mentioned it many years ago. Anyway, if you're wondering how I showed up, out of the blue in July 2026, after all these years, and if I haven't described it already, it's because I was researching January 2010 for the book I am writing called "Diane's House", the title of which refers to a job I had immediately before becoming Pearl's caregiver. Through much research, I learned that the two jobs were connected - by circumstance, you might say. In other words, I became Pearl's caregiver because of things that happened at Diane's house, which resulted in Pearl's broken hip, and I've already written (vaguely) about how that happened. 

It's a long story that will be fully detailed in the book, which is actually gonna comprise at least three volumes. The first will run about 600 pages. 

But anyhow, I was researching the month of January 2010, to see how the job at Diane's house segued into my becoming Pearl's caregiver, and in the course of my meditations, I uncovered the major incident that occurred on January 17, which I have also recently described. That recovered memory, in part, is how I was re-introduced to you (so to speak). Before I say anything more, I am aware that you may know more about this process of re-introduction than I do, because you have superior perceptive and craft-oriented abilities. I consider myself able to cover most of the psychic bases, but I've never met anyone like you. You are an entirely unique person who knows things in advance and can make things happen over a long span of time. No flattery intended, just being honest, and you already know these things about yourself. You don't need me to tell you.

I said that my research led to the discovery of the incident at Pearl's house on January 17, 2010. And that is true. But in actual fact, in those recent, initial meditations, I didn't recall meeting you that day. That was because I was focused on the crime aspect of how Pearl's hip was broken on January 1, and how it was associated with concurrent events at Diane's house (located a half-mile north of Pearl's) in the days that immediately followed.

Here is how the memory of our introduction came about: 

Right around July 1st, about six weeks ago, I had a dream. I can't pinpoint the exact night because I didn't write it down in my diary or my meditation notes. I did write, on July 4th, that the dream "occurred in the last 72 hours", which is how I dervied the approximate July 1st date. Another thing about this dream is that I had variations of it two nights in a row, and both times, it felt pulsed.

By that, I mean that it almost felt like it was sent to me, like a message. It's the kind of dream that wakes me up within my sleep, like a switch getting flipped. In such a dream, I can almost feel the awakening spark, and all of a sudden I'm inside and part of this dream that has a lucid quality. In a recent blog, I mentioned another such dream, also involving you, that was so vivid, I did wake up and spoke aloud the most pertinent details so I wouldn't lose them: "Halloween Night, a Friday, in a car at Cleveland High School".

In the July 1st dream, I was aware of being with a small group of people, three at most, maybe two or only one. Who they were wasn't clear. This dream wasn't vivid like the Halloween/Cleveland High dream. All I knew was that "we" were supposed to "go to the church" (Reseda Methodist) to meet with or find a certain lady, meaning you. Why we were to meet or locate you there wasn't clear, but the feeling was urgent, and that was the extent of the dream. It lasted just a few seconds, but I had it two nights in a row, and because it repeated, and had that awakening spark, I wrote the scant details down in my diary, including your name, which was already familiar to me from my church years.

The details of this brief dream are written down in my July 4th diary entry, which included a report on the Shepherd of the Hills fireworks show in Porter Ranch, and a short review of the awesome Beach Boys concert I attended the night before. Despite those two entertaining events, it was the dream that held my attention. It wouldn't let go, and so, on the next afternoon (July 5), I did a meditation on it, to try and see if it might be a trigger for a blocked memory.

And it was. My meditation that day revealed our very first meeting on January 17, 2010. On a side note, I discerned the exact date through extra detective work. 

I was astounded to remember this meeting. When I think of it, my heart melts, because of you, and because things like that don't "just happen" except by God's design. You know what I'm talking about because you were there. And for me, that memory was followed by many others that have since flowed, once the block was broken, and I realized I actually know you (or knew you or had encounters with you or however you want to put it). As I see it, we know each other reasonably well (and in some ways, very well), despite the fact that most of our meetings happened a decade ago. That is because of the intensity of those meetings, things that were said, the directness with which you say things, and other factors.

I mentioned in the last blog that I will pick up our story on Good Friday, April 3, 2015, and I will do that.

There is much to tell, and I hope you are still with me. Of course, I'd prefer to tell it all to you (and only you) in private, but I have to take this opportunity to get your attention. You tried to get my attention years ago, and I failed to adequately respond. For that I apologise profusely, but I just didn't know (not like you did), about all the important things I'm now aware of. For everything you did, every effort you put forth, I am grateful beyond measure (and to your Dad and blessed Mom, as well).

I hope you don't mind me saying that I love you.

Two last details, for now, concerning research. A few months ago, I received a birthday card that appeared to have two different styles of handwriting. I didn't notice this at first, and not until I was about to put the cards away (I keep them all and store them, every year, after they spend several weeks on my bookshelf).

Before I put this year's cards away, I read them one final time. I don't get a lot of birthday cards, but anyway, as I re-read this one, I was struck by what appeared to be two different styles of handwriting, which I had not noticed when I first read the card. This happened in July, as all the dreams were occurring and the memories were being revealed. The card was sent to me by someone we both know (who knows you, in other words). This person was also in the car with us on Halloween Night 2014, when we were parked at Cleveland High School. I'm not saying you sent me a birthday message, but...did you send me a birthday message? 💗

The other thing I noticed was in my diary. I found it while I was looking up October 31, 2014. I kept reading after that, and saw that three days later, on November 3, I watched a movie called: "I Married a Witch".

There's no way that was a coincidence.

(Back soon. Give me a sign if you read this....)

December 28, 2014 at Church (Important Stuff)

Let's go back to the beginning of what we've recently been working on. I'll be vague where necessary and avoid naming names for privacy, but this is important so let's talk about it. For me, it's astounding to remember.

As mentioned in a recent blog, I met you on January 17, 2010, at Pearl's house, before I began working for her. As you know, it was a magical encounter. As far as I am aware, I did not see you again until Halloween Night 2014. If I am wrong, please correct me. On that night, you guys (you and "M") came to Pearl's house, in costume, ostensibly to trick or treat, but really to get my attention. I came out to the gate and of course you two were taller, lol, than most of my other customers that night. I think you said "we know you from church". But the thing was, I wasn't yet part of the church. Until November 2014, when I joined choir, I only ever dropped Pearl off in the parking lot. Maybe you saw me with Pearl at a church function, like one of the boutiques, or luncheons? Also, on a side note, your Mom (a great lady) was in one of the RUMC Women's Groups with Pearl, and Pearl knew "M" and her Dad. Anyhow, you two returned a little later that Halloween night, with a third person (whom all of us know well), and after talking to Pearl for a few minutes, you convinced her to let me leave with you guys, and I did. It was me and the three of you, and we drove first to (your house?) and then to Cleveland High.

I now remember well what we talked about there, sitting in the third person's car. Before a few days ago, I had no memory of the incident at all. While we were parked at Cleveland, an "extracurricular" situation may have developed, involving a police officer (and a safety concern), but vagueness is in order, and I will say no more about that. The bottom line for Halloween Night 2014, is that we had an important talk in the car.

Fast forward to December 28, 2014. It was my seventh Sunday in choir (I joined on November 9, 2014). This is from another recently recovered memory:

The service had just finished. I believe I was in the courtyard, perhaps just milling about. I was apart from Pearl, and - as I have considered the evidence of this incident - I've wondered if she came with me to church that day, or if she stayed at home. 

Here is what I remember for certain: I was in the courtyard and was approached by "M" (whom I knew by sight and whose Dad I had met several times). "M" told me to follow her. She said the matter was urgent. Time and stealth were of the essence. She said (paraphrase) "just follow me and don't ask questions". I followed her into one of the rooms in the building just west of the chapel. It may have been the Fireside Room or a classroom.

The point is that you were in there. "M" brought me in to see you. Vagueness is crucial here, but as you know, I did not recognize you (and I am sorry). My memory was blocked, and my failure to recognize you - just two months after our Halloween meeting - shows how powerful those memory blocks are (at least on me). I know it was upsetting, and I'd like to go back in a Time Machine and kick myself because you are an unforgettable person. But getting back to the urgency of that meeting, there was something you and "M" wanted to tell me. Vagueness is again in order, and in truth, I still don't remember the exact details of what it was, only that it had to do with you losing your job or being transferred (through no fault of your own).

I know we had to hurry, to finish up our meeting, because you guys didn't want a certain man to catch us together. In fact, if I recall correctly, his son (who may have worked at the church) came into the room we were talking in to warn us that the man was heading our way.

He found us and broke up our meeting. I remember him telling me to follow him into another room. I will return to this part of the story later on, but it might be in a separate blog.

This next part is very important: At some point, likely not long after, I reentered the church (perhaps to hang up my choir robe) and overheard the man harassing you. I believe (though I am not 100% certain) that I went up the steps that lead to the stage, wondering what the commotion was about, and I observed this man berating you (in the aisle in front of the stage) about having spoken to me.

On a side note, when this memory returned (a few days ago), it was accompanied by a very creepy feeling.

To your credit, you stood your ground while the man was hassling you. 

I remember what you said, but vagueness is in order, for now.

I am not 100% certain that this Incident of Harassment inside the church occurred on the same day of our clandestine meeting (December 28, 2014). Logic, and the available evidence tells me it did, and I'll keep working on it.

When he was done with you, the man told me to follow him back into the choir room, and I did. I'm sure I must've asked him (paraphrase) "what in the world is going on?" Another creepy feeling accompanied the memory of standing in the choir room with him. I don't yet recall what he said to me, but it probably had to do with you, and our meeting, and I think I stood up for myself. I get uppity, you might say, when anyone threatens me, even if they do it "in so many words" while smiling.

As I say, I'm wondering if Pearl was there that day. My diary (which I use to corroborate evidence) gives no indication whether she was there, or not. I'm guessing she wasn't, because she surely would've wondered where I was, and would've come looking for me. Finally, on another important side note, although this entire event happened after church was over, and most of the parishoners had probably gone home, I think there's a chance that at least one (or maybe a few) people were still on the grounds. Someone must've overheard the raised voices (including mine).

One last memory detail from this incident: two other men came into the choir room, just after the man in question was done "talking" to me (threatening me? cajoling me?) (a combination of both?) (not sure).

These two men seemed not to like me, which was strange because I'd never met them before.

Vagueness is crucial here (for now), but the memory of being in the choir room with those two men (and the things they said to me) was accompanied by a very creepy feeling.

That is all I will say, for now, about December 28, 2014.

In the next blog, we'll pick up the story on Good Friday April 3, 2015, which may be the next time I saw you.

I love you. Back soon.