Two more unseen Christmas films, starting with last night's "The Cheaters"(1945), a delightful screwball comedy starring the great Joseph Schildkraut ("The Shop Around the Corner") as a washed-up actor (we've been having a lot of those lately), who becomes a "charity case" for a wealthy family who are feeling the need to be generous at Christmastime. As the movie opens, "Mr. James Pigeon" (Eugene Pallette), the head of a New York business firm, is told by the company's lawyer that he's bankrupt. It's Christmas season and he begs the lawyer to hold off the creditors until the New Year. "My wife's out shopping for presents. I can't have her hearing this news." Just when things are looking their bleakest, his brother-in-law "Willie" (Raymond Walburn), who lives with the Pigeons and who James thinks is a freeloader, arrives at the office with a telegram from the estate of a rich, recently deceased uncle, who's left five million dollars to a niece neither of the men has ever heard of, a Miss Watson. However, if she can't be located, the telegram states that the fortune will go to the Pigeons.
"It's a miracle!" says James. "All our problems are solved. I've never heard of any relative named Watson. She probably doesn't exist. That means the money is ours and the company will remain solvent. We're rich again, Willie!"
Mr. Pigeon goes home to celebrate, and finds his wife planning to take in a homeless stranger during Christmas week. It's the "thing to do" among the upper class, and she doesn't wanna be outshone. In the paper, she reads of a once-famous actor, "lamed" by an auto accident, who is rumored to be living in flophouses or on the street. She has Willie track him down. He will be her charity case for Christmas. When he shows up, with a pronounced limp, he turns out to be a boozer with a penchant for "very tall drinks" that look like protein shakes but are high in alcohol content. The Pigeons are priming him for "Charity Week" when the news comes in that a detective agency is trying to locate the elusive Miss Watson, the heir to the dead uncle's fortune.
Mr. Pigeon panics, because he was counting on that money. Now all his plans are ruined. But then he gets an idea. "Let's find her first, before those detectives get hold of her. If we keep her with us, we can prevent her from hearing the news". It's a hide-her-in-plain-sight strategy. Their butler locates her and calls her before she finds out the news about her inheritance. The family tells her they want to sponsor her, as a long lost relative, to add to their Christmas charity dinner. She's broke and could use the free meal. They figure that by keeping her in-house, they'll be able to keep her from hearing about the five million bucks, and if she doesn't claim it, they will. She has no idea she's in line to collect, and is just glad to hang out with some rich folks for Christmas (who are near-broke themselves), and in the middle - knowing all the secrets - is the actor "Mr. M" (Schildkraut), the original charity case for the family. He watches as they deceive the good natured "Miss Watson" (Ona Munson), who has a way with people. She transforms the teenaged family brat (Ann Gillis) into a sentimental Christmas traditionalist. Then, in the last ten minutes of the movie, when it looks like the Pigeons are gonna get away with cheating Miss Watson out of her five million bucks, Mr. M speaks up, to recite the story of Dicken's Mr Scrooge, and how he was visited by three ghosts on Christmas Eve, and how the ghost of Marley wore chains for eternity for his greed. "Mrs. Pigeon" (Billie Burke aka "Glenda the Good Witch") is overcome with guilt feelings. Is her charity all for show? With Mr. Pigeon, there's no question of his duplicity, but even he breaks out in a cold sweat as Mr. M continues to speak.
There are numerous other things going on, including a subplot between the two rival Pigeon sisters. Ten minutes could be cut to elevate the tension, but it's so charming you can forgive the lack of direction in those places. The movie runs 84 minutes (long by our standards), but it comes together with Joseph Schildkraut's masterful Dickens speech. He isn't well-known now, but he won an Academy Award for his performance in "The Diary of Anne Frank", and was in many other well-known films and TV shows, including three episodes of "The Twilight Zone". Two Big Thumbs Up for "The Cheaters" and a high recommendation. Give it a shot if you've never seen it. The picture is very good. ////
Now then, you can't win 'em all. We've been having some mixed results in our search for unseen Christmas movies, but never in my worst nightmares did I think we'd find anything as bad as "Magic Christmas Tree"(1964). The budget's so low that they couldn't afford a "The" in the title, which should've been a warning sign, I suppose. But, I mean, what do you do when you find a movie so inept it make's Ed Wood's flicks look like "Citizen Kane"? At least Wood was a "professional" filmmaker (or was he?); with this movie, there's no data available as to it's release. Was it in theaters? If so, they probably went out of business after running this gem. Was it on TV? Maybe regionally, on a Tuesday night at 3 am in Keokuk, Iowa. But I doubt that, too. It does have a professional-looking credit sequence at the end, so someone paid for it, but where the heck did it play? The pundits on IMDB suggest it was relegated to minor PBS stations and the church circuits. I literally can't imagine it playing anywhere except in the director's living room on a stand-up silver screen or against a wall, but anyhow, it has a small cult following, which is how it came to my attention.
It's Halloween, and in that regard, this movie has "The Nightmare Before Christmas" beat by 29 years, as far as blending holidays. Three schoolboys are trading sandwiches at lunch time (with the most exaggerated "gee whiz" voices in motion picture history), They talk about what they're gonna do that night. "Ya wanna go trick-or-treating?" asks one. Bratty "Mark" (Chris Kroesen) has a better idea. "Let's go to the witch's house on my block. I double dare ya." The other boys agree, but when they get there, they see the witch out front and chicken out. This leaves only Mark, who suggested the stunt, to venture forth by himself. It's still daylight, and up close, he can see that the so-called "witch" (Valerie Hobbs) is just a creaky old lady, wrapped in a shawl with a cane. But she has a witchy voice, and a black cat named Lucifer who is stuck in a tree. She asks Mark to climb up there and rescue Lucifer. He's scared out of his wits but agrees, on the provision she'll let him go home afterward. But he falls out of the tree, and now the last of the budget is spent on a roll or two of color film. Methinks we're about to have a Dream Sequence, brought on by Mark's fall.
He's been given a special ring as a reward by the witch, for his bravery in rescuing Lucifer. The ring contains a seed, and she's given him instructions on how to plant it, with a Thanksgiving wishbone underneath, so that a Magic Christmas Tree will grow that will grant him three wishes. Mark goes home and does this, and from there - if you thought the movie had any promise - it turns to complete and utter s-t. Magic Christmas Tree (no "The") sprouts instantly, and it talks. It talks, and it's fruity and snarky. Mark's Mom, Dad and sister are out Christmas shopping, and the next day Dad tries to mow the lawn (in a sequence that re-defines "interminable"). The best thing about The Lawnmower Scene is Ichabod, the family turtle, who is shown in close up eating clover. Finally, the Tree gets Mark alone and grants him three wishes.
His first wish leads, briefly, to the best part of the movie, some location footage in the neighborhood of La Verne (near Covina) circa 1964. For some reason, this outdoor trek turns into a pie fight between some nurses on the street and a fire engine chase with Mark turning day into night, because that was his first wish, to have power over everything in the Universe. His second wish is to have Santa Claus all to himself on Christmas Eve, which the snarky tree grants, but because Santa is trapped in Mark's living room, the kids of the world get no presents. Mark then finds himself lost in the rocky wilderness of the Angeles National Forest, with only his bb gun to protect him. But it's worthless in the presence of a morally questionable giant who traps Mark because he was greedy. Mark has one more wish, which he uses to set Santa Claus free. He's seen the error of his ways, and he doesn't wanna be trapped for eternity with the creepy giant, so he apologizes for being greedy. The Grumpy Tree, which could've been voiced by Charles Nelson Reilly, lets Santa go. He delivers his presents to the children of the world, and Mark wakes up in the witch's yard, once more in black and white. The whole shebang was a dream.
I'm telling ya, you ain't seen nuthin'. Remember "Laserblast"? You thought that was bad? You got nuthin'! I defy you to watch this movie, and if you do, and honestly sit through it, I'll give you Two Gigantic Thumbs Up. I'm not gonna give the movie any thumbs one way or the other. It is what it is, and it's up to you to watch it. That is all. ////
Tomorrow I am going to Disneyland, and I'm very excited because it'll be my first time there at Christmas since 1970 (52 years!). Hopefully, we'll get to go on the Star Wars ride this time, but even if not, it'll be the usual blast, and extra wonderful to see the park all decked out for the Holidays. I'll have a full report in the next blog, plus one movie. Enjoy the rest of your weekend and stay well. My blogging music was Scriabin by Sofronitsky. No late night cause I'm getting up early. I send you Tons of Love, as always. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
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