In Memory of T

I'm a day late, due to some sudden and sad news. One of my long time circle of friends has passed away, and while it wasn't entirely unexpected because he had been in poor health for many years, it is nonetheless a shock, especially given the revelations I've had this week, which have already left me reeling. In his case, the words "long ago" should be added to "long time" friend because I hadn't had any contact with "T" for almost 29 years. Thus he was a long time but also long ago friend.

The reason for this was that he was one of the three people in the room - his apartment - when the events of September 1989 began. If you know me, you already know all about that story, which has been made clearer to me - and more devastating - this week, even before I got the news of his passing.

T was a difficult figure in my life because of 1989, but he was a friend before that, and - surprisingly, even to me, I never held a grudge against him for what happened in his apartment. He always seemed like a side character in the whole thing, and after about six months to a year (when my memories came back), I was no longer angry about what happened in his apartment, because - when you get right down to it - an affair in which you are the jilted party isn't worth getting worked up over. Affairs are childish things (anyone can have one, it's no great accomplishment) and regarding T, while I no longer considered him a friend after my memory returned in 1994, he never registered as adversarial toward me, the way that some other parties did.

One of the great ironies of the aftermath of September 1989, is that after T got evicted from his apartment the following month, I actually invited him to live in my family's garage. Because I had amnesia of what took place in his apartment only eight weeks earlier, and I had no idea I'd almost died in that room on the night of September 1st, I felt sorry that he was losing his place to live. You can't let a friend become homeless if you are in a position to help, and I was, so I offered him our garage as a place to stay, and he lived there for the next 4 years and 8 months, until my memory began to return. Then he moved out in a hurry. But yeah, that's one of the great ironies of the mind-boggling September 1989 event, is that I invited T to come live in our garage, just eight weeks after what happened in his apartment (and if you don't already know the details, you'll have to ask someone because I don't want to repeat them right now). Just for the record, he moved into our garage on Halloween day, 1989. I even helped him move. The reason he gave for being evicted was that his Mom refused to pay any more of his rent, however, knowing what took place there on the night of September 1st, I have a feeling that was not the real reason.

But the thing is, before my memory returned (and amnesia is the damnedest thing), he and I were friends and hung out on a daily basis. That's ironic, right? We hung out and watched TV, played basketball, smoked pot (one of my great regrets is smoking pot for 19 years, a very bad drug in my opinion), and had a lot of fun. Looking back, he seemed depressed a lot of the time he lived at my house, and I can imagine why; always wondering if - and when - I'd remember September 1st, 1989. But I never did, for almost five years, so maybe he felt like the coast was clear. And the thing was, the coast would always have been clear, if someone would've just told me the truth. As I say, for me, getting cheated on upset me for about six months to a year after I remembered it. I wasn't the world's best boyfriend to that particular person who, for now, shall remain nameless, and I would've left me long before she did. So the cheating was never the big deal.

But, what we do know about September 1989, is exactly that: the cheating was never, and is not, the Big Deal. The Big Deal is that it sparked a National Security event that remains the biggest secret in America to this day. Maybe T was aware of this, maybe he was not. But he began drinking and smoking at an early age anyway. His lifestyle was not conducive to good health.

In remembering him today, I'm thinking of the fun times, like taking the bus to Hollywood with T and my brother to buy movie memorabilia at the Hollywood Book & Poster shop on Hollywood Boulevard. That would've been around 1977. Or taking the bus to Dodger games. Playing baseball, basketball and football (every Sunday!), well into our 30s. His Mom took us many places also, like to Disneyland and to see "The Exorcist", back in the 1970s. His Mom was a very nice lady.

I'll sum up to say, that, though I hadn't seen him for 30 years, and our friendship was without a doubt long since over, he was my friend once, and that's what counts today. I know he's in a better place. He has to be.

God Bless You, T.

I'll be back with more movies either tonight or tomorrow.  ////