I'm still binge-ing my way through "Dickensian", four episodes last night, three tonight, which was why there was no blog yesterday. I haven't much to offer today either, I'm afraid, but I didn't wanna miss two nights in a row.......cause you might forget about me, or change the channel or some such.
Next year I've gotta get my mojo back and start writing about stuff that really matters. I have been loathe to do so, because whenever I start to really pour my heart out and write my opinions on things, I always later second-guess myself : "ah, maybe I shouldn't have said that. I really don't feel that way. Wait a minute; yes I do"!
But I have this thing in my past, which nowdays I simply call "1989" for short (of course the book title will always be "What Happened In Northridge", which is both a question and a statement). 2019 will mark the 30th anniversary of What Happened, and it seems to me that the subject must be tackled once again. The absolute, locked-down silence in all this time has been harder to deal with than the events themselves. They lasted two weeks. The silence has lasted thirty years, half my life.
It is very hard to deal with because I am closing in on 60, and I worry, "what if I never find out what happened to me, and more importantly, why"? I have written before that I am afraid it might affect my soul if I were to be on my deathbed one day and still not know, and all just because people made iron clad decisions not to tell me.
Well, anyway, I didn't mean this blog to be a downer, but one day everyone is gonna have to face the facts, because the truth always comes out, even if people take their secrets to the grave.
Secrets are poison, but some people have an amazing capacity to keep secrets and to go about their lives as if everything is just fine. Such a mindset borders on the sociopathic, but I'll stop there for now.
In short, I haven't written about these subjects because I don't want to be dark. I am a seeker of the light, of truth and answers and enlightenment. But I have to deal every day of my life with the fact that there are people who know what happened to me, and why it happened, and these people have basically disowned ever knowing me. They have not only remained silent for thirty years, knowing that I have been begging for answers, but they have distanced themselves from me to the extent that you'd think we never even met.
Well, I'll shut up for now, but I think in 2019 we should re-examine some of these things. My other fear is one of conscience : "what if I am 100 years old and still don't know what happened, or why, but I didn't try hard enough to find out"? Didn't write enough letters, didn't ask enough questions, etc.
So I at least have to try, at some point. I tried very hard from 2006-2009, but the brick wall of silence remained intact. Maybe next time we can chisel one brick away, just for a peek at the truth.
I guess I am writing all of this tonight because I have just finished the Dorothy Kilgallen book by Mark Shaw, called "The Reporter Who Knew Too Much". As described a few blogs ago, she was the very first newsperson to call BS on the phoney Oswald Lone Shooter "verdict" handed down by the legendary fascist J.Edgar Hoover. She doggedly pursued leads for the next two years that led her to New Orleans, and to the doorstep of low life Mafia scum Carlos Marcello, who almost without doubt had a hand in the JFK assassination (directed by LBJ and Hoover).
She was a courageous woman to do what she did. She didn't have to do it, she was also a television celebrity and an entertainment columnist with lots of money and millions of followers, but crime reporting was her reason for being. She was the first to point out that JFK was killed by a conspiracy. She was relentless in trying to track down the truth so she could expose the assassination cabal, and she did all of this because - more than money, or fame, or just going with the flow - the truth mattered to her, especially where the murder of the President was concerned.
She was the first to point out the conspiracy, and she stayed with it because the truth mattered to her. She was very wealthy and didn't have to do this, but she did, and it got her killed.
So Dorothy Kilgallen is very inspiring to me because she stood up to lowlife criminals. We have a criminal President who thinks he's a big shot. Russia has one too. Mafia bosses think they are big shots too. But really, all of these people are not much of anything. They are just destructors.
The people I know who have kept silent about 1989 for thirty years have done so because many of them were involved with criminals, and they are scared, even at this late date. There are other issues, too, for sure, like all of the CIA National Security stuff I have written about in my blogs about the FOIA efforts I have made.
I'm not satisfied with the responses I've gotten from the CIA, but I trust them, because I believe they are, for the most part, patriotic Americans of the highest honor.
But I don't trust secret keepers or criminals, and I don't want to wait another thirty years to find out what happened to me, which as you know would make your head spin if it happened to you.
See you in church in the morning. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
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