Dear Ann (Part Nine)

Dear Ann, Part Nine :

Now that I had signed the non-disclosure form, I was free to leave. However, I didn't have a car and the agents didn't want me to walk home, which was almost three miles away. This brings up an issue that has confounded me for years : I don't remember how I got to Terry's apartment in the first place, on the night of September 1st when the trouble all began.

For the sake of completeness I should mention that there was a "preliminary night" prior to September 1st. On the evening of August 31, one night before, I had been involved in another argument with Terry and Lillian. It was the same three people in the same apartment. But that argument was minor in comparison to the one that took place the following night. The relevant point is that on the night of August 31st, a Thursday, I had driven down to Concord Square in Terry's own car. Lillian and I spent many evenings at Terry's place (unfortunately, I might add), in the late 80s. Without going into a long explanation about the reason for this, which had to do with my own lack of initiative at the time, the important point is that I had arrived at Concord Square on Thursday night in Terry's car, because he would loan it to me from time to time, but I am not sure how I arrived there on Friday night, the night of September 1st, when the twelve day event began.

I suppose it is merely a side issue, but I know that there are only two ways I could have gotten from my house in Northridge to Concord Square in Reseda on the night of September 1st. I either once again drove Terry's car down there, or I walked. My guess is that, after the argument we had on the night of August 31, he would have been in no mood to loan me his car again - nor would I have asked - so I must have been on foot. It is likely, then, that I had walked the three miles down to the apartment complex on the following night of September 1st, and after I woke up there the next morning in the empty apartment, I had no transportation home. And, I assume the agents who had spoken to me by the pool did not want me walking back, as I was still in pretty bad shape.

When the memories of that initial night first came back to me, a huge stride was made in my recovery from amnesia when I additionally remembered that I had awakened the next day in the empty apartment, also at Concord Square. Now I had the beginnings of a chronology, because I was able to set a timeline of events running from the night of September 1st to the next morning of September 2nd.

But for the life of me, Ann, for the longest time I couldn't figure out how I had gotten home after the agents had let me go. Keep in mind that for all these years, until 2015, I had not remembered being presented with the non-disclosure form, either. I only remembered speaking to the two men at the table by the pool, and then wondering how I had gotten home.

I knew for certain that no one from my family had come to get me, and I was sure I hadn't walked. I considered my friends, and, with all the evidence I had available, I discarded them one by one as having been my ride. The thing was, as my memories returned to me, it became clear that several of my friends were involved in what had been going on behind my back, and had participated in the twelve day event.. No, they would certainly not have responded, nor likely have been called, to give me a ride home the next morning following the insanity of the previous night, the news of which must surely have gotten around by telephone.

At any rate, Ann, for a long time I thought and thought about this question :

"How did I get home the next day"?

And finally, I came to the conclusion that it was you who drove me home. You see, prior to this, I had a separate memory - a non-sequential memory - of being with you, in your car this time, with you as the driver. My memory was of you driving me to my house, then helping me up the walkway and through the front door. I remembered you being in my living room, at 9032 Rathburn Avenue, and helping me onto the couch. This memory was not visceral, but it was strong enough that I knew it was real. The trouble was that I couldn't at first place it in a time frame. I didn't know when it occurred, that you had taken me home and helped me to lie down on the sofa in my living room. I wondered if it had happened on the first night, but then my memory of the Mary Sean Young car ride through the 7/11 parking lot negated that consideration, as I came to know that I had spent the remainder of the night of September 1st in the empty apartment at Concord Square and not at my home in Northridge.

So then I reconsidered my memory of you, driving me home in your car, and I wondered if maybe it took place the next day. "Was it Ann who drove me home"?, I wondered.

And as time passed, I became certain of it.

Ann, I believe that it was you who drove me home the next morning or afternoon of September 2nd 1989, from Concord Square to my house. I don't know if the agents called you to come get me, or if you were already there at the building. Perhaps it was you they were talking to in the business office before they came out to see me. The last time I had seen you was just before I was placed in the empty apartment, and there is no doubt that the agent who was present at that time would have wanted you to stick around so he could talk to you. Also, you had your sister to think about, as she would have still been in the hospital recovering from the incident with Howard Schaller.

But yes, Ann, I am sure you drove me home from Concord Square that morning or afternoon of September 2nd, because I remember specifically that you helped me onto the couch in my living room. I can even remember the drive home, and that you apologized for what had happened, though none of it was your fault. You were very quiet the entire time, not saying much, just being a nurse and trying to make sure that I was in a safe place there at home and in the light of day. You very likely told me to get some rest, to lay down for a while, and that is where my memory ends, as far as your participation in the event is concerned.

You would have left my house then, and undoubtedly gone back to check on Lillian or follow up in some way to the experience of the previous night. There is zero chance it could have been a normal day for you.

For me, that morning in my living room is the last time I ever saw you. Ann, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for caring about me that night, and the next morning. It was an unpleasant situation to start with, and became terrifying as it continued, and then even confusing and weird. Hell, it was way beyond weird. But you acted with concern and were calm throughout, at least as I remember it.

I have a few more things I'd like to mention, and to ask of you. The reason I wrote this letter, after all, was to ask for your help once again after all these years, and so......

(To be concluded tomorrow)