"Attack of the Crab Monsters" by Roger Corman

I suppose you could say we were pushing our luck with a title like "Attack of the Crab Monsters", and you're right, it wasn't on a par with our previous triple play of classics, but neither was it as bad as it sounds. it made up in weirdness what it lacked in plot, and the monsters - while cheesy - were focused and determined to take care of business. They were Serious Crab Monsters in other words, which means the movie could only have been directed by Roger Corman, who doesn't fool around.

A group of scientists, all from different disciplines (hmm, we've seen this before) arrive at a small island in the Pacific, where an atomic test has taken place. They are replacing another group who've disappeared without a trace, and in addition to finding out what happened to them, the new team is there to study the severe erosion that has occurred since the bomb blast. Huge craters are opening up daily. The island seems to be dissolving in on itself. Is this due to the constant earthquakes, and have they been caused by the test? The arriving team hopes to answer these questions.

They are led by physicist "Dale Brewer" (Richard Garland) and his fiance, biologist "Martha Hunter" (Pamela Duncan), but the one you notice more than these two is radio operator "Hank Chapman" (Russell Johnson), because he's The Professor from "Gilligan's Island". He's going six years back in time here, but in finding himself stranded on an island and attempting to fix broken radios, he will be gaining valuable experience for when The Minnow runs aground, and he winds up in similar circumstances.

The team is left high and dry when their seaplane explodes after dropping them off. This is inexplicable, but then the radio breaks and The Professor can't fix it, and now they're in real trouble. They hear an unusual tapping sound that first night, and Brewer wonders if it might be a survivor from the previous team. He sends one of the Navy assistants outside to check it out, but he doesn't return (though we know what happened to him).

The next morning, the team is examining a Giant Crater that wasn't there the day before. Brewer speculates it was caused by the seawater, which is likely highly irradiated. But then The Professor notes that the bottom is filled with Land Crabs. If radiation is the cause, why haven't they been affected? How could they still be alive? You will ask why the team is wearing no protective gear, but that isn't the point. It's all about the Land Crabs.

That night, Hunter the biologist is awakened by a voice, coming from what seems like all directions. She wonders aloud if she was having a dream, but then there it is again. Is it a ghost? It sure sure sounds like one, but she's a scientist. She doesn't believe in such things! The others hear it too, and now they are certain it is coming from a surviving member of the previous team. There is no time to waste. They must get to him immediately, but where is he? "Let's check the caves down by the lagoon".

These would be the Bronson Canyon Caves, naturally, which are to Sci-Fi what Iverson Ranch is to Westerns. When the scientists get to the caves - via the crab-infested crater - they will indeed find a prior team member, but he will be deceased and there won't be a whole lot left of him. Suddenly.....there's that tapping sound again. It gets louder and louder and then......

OMG it's a giant Crab Monster! It's got Enormous Claws, a Ravenous Maw and Feelers that Plug Into It's Head like electrical cords.

Good thing the team brought along a supply of hand grenades, but before they can blow it to smithereens, the Crab Monster starts talking to them - in a human voice! And it's the voice of the dead former team member, a man they all knew! Okay, that does it : "KA-Boom"! Hand grenade time.

They can deal with Crab Monsters, but ones that talk like your former co-worker? Unh-uh. Not gunna dooit, as George Bush would say. Back at their hut, Brewer and his team work furiously to determine how the Crab Monster could have learned to speak English : "But it isn't just that! It was speaking with Carson's voice"!

"Yes, it seems to have assimilated him".

What follows is some fairly sophisticated yet nonsensical Biophysical Jargon involving atom-jumping free electrons, and how an organism possessing same (like a irradiated Crab Monster), would be able - upon consuming a human victim - to absorb not only it's various bones and tissues but it's mental processes as well. The print I watched had insufficient volume, so I'd like to go back and hear this scene again on a properly uploaded soundtrack in order to better understand the digestive issues involved, but from what I gathered, they are quite complex.

However, when the process is complete, the Crab Monster has Entirely Assimilated the human being it had for dinner. It isn't clear if it and it's fellows plan to take over the Human Race in this manner, but the scientists are not gonna wait around to find out. They're running low on grenades, but....."what about electricity"?  An ingenious idea by The Professor! He will bravely risk another encounter with the Crab Monster to rig up some parabolic high-voltage shooters inside the caves. Soon the final showdown will take place, with the future of mankind at stake.

Meanwhile, it is discovered that the Crab Monsters also have ESP (shades of Tobor!) That is how they were able to explode the seaplane back at the beginning, by "thinking" it to happen. They also apparently have a well-developed justification for World Dominance, logically worked out to an Aristotelian degree. There was a lot of philosophical jabbering back and forth at the end, between the Crab Monsters and the Scientists, but again I didn't catch it all due to the lousy sound. By all indications, though, it was very important, so a repeat viewing is in order and even as I write this blog I have discovered another print of the movie that has a suitable soundtrack (and wouldn't you know it, on that copy the picture is soft......). But I must know what the Crab Monsters have planned for us, and so I will simply listen to the salient dialogue, sound only.

As mentioned above, "Attack of the Crab Monsters" is not a Corman Classic due mainly to inferior production values. I don't know why this is, as he made other movies in the same time frame demonstrating his technical abilities with lighting, camerawork, etc. I think the problem could be that he had so much riding on the Crab Monster itself, that he had to devote excessive time to the scenes it was in. This may have "eaten up", haha, a great deal of his budget, which wasn't much to begin with. Hence, a less than full grey scale and some sloppy editing compared with "Bucket of Blood" and "Not Of This Earth", both of which likely had a similar budget but no "special effects" to worry about, so they were technically superior.

I will still give "Attack of the Crab Monsters" Two Solid Thumbs Up, because of it's taut, highly weird storyline and the presence of Russell Johnson. Corman directs his actors to take the material Very Seriously, as usual, a standard he should be commended for. Never should one surrender to unintentional laughs, MST3K be damned!  :):)   /////

That is all for the moment. 'Tis another Hot One in the 'hood, so I'll now venture out of The Tiny for some fresh and less stifling air on my nightly walk around the campus. I trust all is well and I'll see you in a little while, tonight at the Usual Time.

Tons of love!  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :):)