Back in the mid-70s, a staple of late-night TV on weekends was the Midnight Horror Movie. They were shown on local stations like Channel 9 or 11. Sometimes, the programs had a "ghoulish" host, like Seymour, or Elvira later on in the 1980s. The movies they showed were always little known affairs, either a decade old or something that played at drive-ins, second run features nobody had ever heard of. But quite often, they were really scary.
One such movie was the memorably titled "Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things"(1972). Sometime around 1975, one of the Midnight Horror channels began programming this film, and for a long time it seemed like the only movie they were showing. Week in, week out, it was "Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things". As a budding young horror fan, I stayed up late to watch the weekend movies, and I saw "Children" multiple times during that mid-70s run. I didn't always see the whole movie - sometimes I only caught a few minutes, it varied - but over the period in which it was broadcast, I saw it in it's entirety at least twice, and "in pieces" a half dozen more times. My friends saw it, too. We all talked about it, because it was so totally over the top; a movie about Hippies and Zombies, and..........Devil Worship.
As teenagers, we were mostly fascinated by the Zombies. There were loads of 'em in this flick, and man were they gruesome. The Zombie makeup was especially memorable. But coming in a close second were the Hippies. They were actually a troupe of actors, led by a tyrannical director (Alan Ormsby), who sail to a small island off the coast of Florida to conduct a Satanic ritual. The counterculture aspect made it seem like a joke, but it wasn't, because the story was sacrilegious to the point of utter blasphemy, and it was also freakin' sick. I will tell you about it, but you may want to tune out if you are squeamish.
When the Hippies reach the island, director "Alan" (Alan Ormsby) leads them to an old graveyard that's in a state of disrepair. It's been used as a "potter's field" for years, to bury the indigent. In other words, it's the perfect place for Alan to conduct his ritual, which will conclude with the exhumation of a body. Again, I'm warning you, this is a twisted story. I should add that there is an element of black comedy. The "Alan" character is played by Ormsby as a pompous fool, who speaks with an aggrandized accent and vocabulary. Do you remember the episode of "King of the Hill", where Bobby met an older kid who headed up a "Dungeons and Dragons"-type cult? The older kid used fancy language; his favorite word was "resplendent"! That's kind of who "director Alan" reminds me of, though his character was written long before "King of the Hill". Anyhow, suffice it to say that I only feel the need to explain these things because we live in a PC Age of Taking Offense At Everything. In 1975, none of my friends, nor me, would have been offended by this movie. We would've just thought it was gross and hilarious, and freakin' scary, the way teenagers view such things. I guess now we have "The Walking Dead" (which was certainly influenced by this flick), but that show doesn't have the blasphemous irony of the movie. I'm not sure many writers would dare it now.
Back to the story : the Hippie actors are disgusted with Alan when he reveals the extent of his ritual. They didn't know it was gonna include digging up a grave. But, he's paying them and they don't wanna lose their jobs. The script also insinuates that Alan has clout in the local film and theater scene. He can get them blackballed. So, as much as they don't want to take part in his ghoulish fantasy, they don't want to lose favor with Alan. Reluctantly, they go along with his wishes, making wisecracks to ward off the terror. Alan is rude and disparaging. He castigates all of his proteges - whom he refers to as "children" - but saves most of his venom for "Val", his leading lady. The thing is, Alan is such a fop that none of the actors take him seriously, except for the paycheck. So when he insults them, they give it right back, especially Val, who can see through Alan's Black Magic persona. She thinks he's a phony.
He's gonna prove her wrong, however, because he really is gonna go through with the exhumation. First, though, he's going to play a truly insane practical joke on all his "children", which I will let you discover for yourself. Once the joke is over, and Alan reminds them of his clout ("do you wish to join the unemployment line"?) he gets down to business. Using an old Book of Rituals from Druidic times (here we go with the Druids again), Alan recites the Incantation to raise the dead. The poor soul he has unearthed only lies there, so he tries again. But nothing happens.
This sends Val, his much maligned leading lady, into a flurry of sarcastic laughter. "Some sorcerer"!, she mocks. Then she does her own ad-lib incantation to make fun of Alan, who by now is getting pissed off. Again, because of Ormsby's performance, this is to be taken as black humor (and most folks will understand that). What happens is that Alan "takes his ball and goes home", proverbially speaking. He has the two male actors carry the Dead Body into the caretaker's house, where they set it down in the living room. BTW, Alan will explain what's happened to the caretaker, who's not present.
At this point, the movie will slow down, to dwell on the depth of Alan's sick perversions, and this is some evil stuff, folks. You've gotta have a National Lampoon level of black humor appreciation to watch the following sequence, where Alan - get ready - will force his actors to participate in a "marriage ceremony", in which he will be hitched to the dead man. Hey, I didn't write this stuff. It was written and directed by a guy named Bob Clark, who went on to make the 1983 hit "A Chirstmas Story". He also created the "Porky's" franchise, which netted him trillions of dollars in the '80s.
Perhaps Clark and co-writer Ormsby wanted to push the limits of taste and acceptable subject matter, much as John Waters was doing with his films. If so, they pushed it to the limit with the middle section of "Children". The pacing suffers, but only a little because Ormby is so compelling as Alan. Had the character or the actor playing him been uninteresting, the result could've been a grade C generic zombie film, but these guys knew what they were doing and had the talent to pull it off. If the question is asked, "Does it hold up, fifty years later"?, the answer is a resounding "Yes". "Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things" is one of the greatest Zombie movies ever made, and it's much better than you remember it to be, in every respect.
Technically, it's excellent. The color photography is liquid and mobile, hand held sometimes but never jittery. Clark's camera moves, but hits all the right spots at the right times. It's not aimless but precise. Ditto the editing, which produces plenty of tension and jump scares. Clark and Ormsby were film students in real life, and they learned their chops. The makeup rivals anything Tom Savini ever did, and the "pompousness" of the script is downright funny at times, deliberately so. I was waiting for one line my friends and I used to repeat, years ago : when Alan needs a locked door broken down, he instructs one of his male actors to bash it in : "Do your 'Athlete Thing', Paul", he says, in his most pretentious voice. We used to get a big kick out of that line, and I did once again, last night.
You can probably guess that all does not end well for Alan and company. I mean, all you have to do is consider the title of the movie. Children should indeed refrain from playing with Dead Things. Didn't their mommas ever tell them? Well, now they're gonna learn the hard way. There was one other thing about the movie that I never forgot, and I waited for it last night : The Slow Motion Shot at the end. It's one of the greatest uses of slo-mo you'll ever see, and highly effective!
So yes, despite the slow middle section the film succeeds on every count and is technically superior. The graveyard set looks like something out of your worst nightmare. It's the perfect Halloween movie.
But should you see it? That all depends on how willing you are to "just go with it" and give in to your Inner Fifteen Year Old. You also have to be a hardcore horror fan. But if you're squeamish, or politically correct, or easily offended, don't watch it, because you absolutely won't like it.
It remains, however, a Horror Classic. Within it's narrowly defined context, I'm gonna give it our second highest rating, Two Huge Thumbs Up, and recommend it to the dedicated, thick skinned fans mentioned above. Maybe you've already seen it. /////
That's all for the moment. Tonight I will search for something slightly less gruesome, with which we can "cleanse our palate", as it were. See you at the Usual Time.
Tons and tons of love! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
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