Tonight's word is gigantomachy. From Greek mythology, it means "war of the Giants" or "war between the Gods and Giants". I've referred to it before, years ago, and I do again tonight because, frankly speaking, I love that word. Something about it cracks me up. Maybe it's the clunky syllables, maybe it's the machy. Gi-gan-to-machy. I mean, "Giganto" is almost identical to "Gigantor" (i.e. The Space Age Robot), it's just missing the "r". And then....."machy". I suppose "machy" means "war" in Greek, but don't hold me to that. But c'mon : gigantomachy. What's not to love? Me, I find it a hilarious word, in a low-key sort of way. Whenever I mention it, now or years before, it's because I've just read about The Gigantomachy in one of Dr. Farrell's books. He writes about it from time to time, as he just did in "The Tower of Babel Moment", in connection with a possible literal interpretation of it's meaning. It is said that myth is disguised truth, or disguised history, and in the case of The Gigantomachy, Dr. Joe has examined the cosmic explanation, i.e. Planets as Gods (Jupiter = Zeus, Saturn = Chronos). We are looking for literal, physical explanations for The Gigantomachy; could the Greeks have been talking about astronomical catastrophes? Collisions of planets as reported in ancient lore? Or near misses, in which the magnetic fields of enormous bodies like Jupiter would have given off terrifying electrical discharges, visible to people on Earth?
There is also the possibility that the Giants were just that - actual Giants. It is reputed that Huge Skeletons were dug up by early archaeologists, indicating that a race of Gigantic People did indeed walk the Earth at one time, some of them twelve feet tall. The Smithsonian institution suppressed all of those finds, which is why you never hear about them, but you can do some Googling on your own if interested. Me, I believe there were Gigantic People on Earth in the past. If we now have folks over seven feet tall, what is so outrageous about 12-footers walking around a few dozen millennia ago? Think of the story of David and Goliath, where do you imagine that came from? Or the tale of the Cyclops?
When we come to The Gigantomachy, though, I agree with Dr. Joe. I think the explanation is cosmic. The planets are the real Giants, and in those days men spent their nights watching the sky. In reading Dr. Van Flandern's book we have ample evidence for an exploded planet as the cause of the Asteroid Belt. Immanuel Velikovsky and Zecharia Sitchin say it could have come about from planetary collisions. The point is, people in ancient times saw some very scary stuff in the night sky, and these events were turned into myths. But they were entirely real events, they actually happened, and they also caused catastrophes here on Earth such as the Flood. We have the evidence to strongly suggest it.
Now, you may be asking, "what in the world does this have to do with tonight's film"?
"C'mon Ad. We get that The Gigantomachy is a laff riot, and also interesting from a mythological and scientific perspective, but what's the deal? Where's the freakin' movie"?
My answer is that there is a correlation. Tonight's movie was called "War of the Colossal Beast" (1958). It was a sequel to "The Amazing Colossal Man", directed by our buddy Bert I. Gordon, and it featured the Gigantic Man himself, ol' Colossal, so we had a potential Gigantomachy on our hands right there in the title! But as I am terribly disappointed to report, Bert Gordon has let us down. He's been Mr. Reliable up to now, even with his Giant Grasshopper movie, which could've had a better script but was still entertaining. I don't know what happened with this flick, or if Bert just churned it out for a paycheck (and it was a sequel), but boy oh boy oh boy oh boy was it ever dull. As noted folks, umpteen times, you can do anything to me, cinematically speaking. Just don't bore me, puhleeze! This is why I have written so much in the preamble above, because I don't have a lot to offer in the way of a movie review. There simply isn't a story in this film, to the extent that even a stultifying anti-masterpiece of tedium like "Mesa of Lost Women" outdoes it on weirdness, if nothing else. It's not that "Colossal Beast" is up there with the Worst Movies Ever Made, it's that it isn't interesting enough to even be considered.
Here's a synopsis : A young deliveryman is driving a truck through Chatsworth Park in Mexico, hell bent to escape something terrifying. He abandons it at a rocky outcrop and runs for the hills. Next we cut to the office of a Mexican Police Chief, who's being berated by a belligerent white man, the owner of the vehicle. He wants his truck back and figures the kid has stolen it. "I want you to get out there and find him right now"! he yells. The Chief takes it in stride. He's an easygoing chap. "Senor, if you will just calm down, I will help you locate your truck. Now, what route would your driver have taken"? They find it in the same location, but it's been smashed and twisted as if from a wreck. And there's no sign of the driver.
"This doesn't make sense, Senor. No one could could walk away from such an accident. Could the damage have been done after he exited the vehicle? Maybe he was running from someone".
"Maybe. But where did he go"?
They find the young man in a local hospital, but he's gone bonkers. He just stares wildly at the ceiling, unresponsive to their questions. The Police Chief suggests a return to the site, to look for more clues. There, in a clearing, they find a Giant Footprint. "Whatever made this, Senor, is ten times the size of a man". When the Chief reports the discovery, scientists are called in. One believes he knows the source of the footprint. "It could be Col. Glenn Manning, the officer who grew to 60 feet in height due to radiation exposure".
"But didn't he die after falling from Hoover Dam"?
"That's what we thought. But what else could explain that footprint"? I'm cutting in to say "that's what we all thought" because we in the audience also witnessed the demise of Col. Manning at the end of "The Amazing Colossal Man". He did indeed fall from the dam and was presumed dead, by everyone except the producers.
Because they have a Giant on the loose, and because he's already torn up Las Vegas in the first movie, the scientists aren't taking any chances. This time, they don't try to cover up his existence. They call in the news media to warn the public. By following his tracks and a trail of strewn auto wreckage, they determine that Colossal is grabbing food trucks for sustenance. He appears to be headed for Los Angeles. The Army is put on alert. At the Beverly Hilton Hotel, a lady is watching a report on KTLA. "Special Bulletin - A man at least sixty feet tall is making his way to the city. All residents are urged to remain indoors until further notice". She does the opposite, running instead to the local military base, where she tells the Major she wants to help. "You need me! I'm his sister"! Ahh, yes - we remember her too. She tried to reason with her brother in the first film, tried cheering him up when he grew depressed and then cynical over his growth spurt. We didn't like the plot twist (or his attitude) and referred to him then as "The Pouty Colossal Man" or "The Churlish Colossal Man". Now Sis is back and wants to try again. The Major tries talking her out of it : "Your brother is beyond help now. He's become a Beast" (hence the adjusted title of the movie).
Anyhow, that's basically all the drama for the rest of the picture, and we're only at the halfway point. As he did in "Beginning of the End", Bert Gordon is going to abandon plot tension and further discovery. In "Beginning", he did so in order to give us a Protracted Bug War, so we at least got some action. But this time, we're subjected to another 38 minutes of Colossal Unhappiness. They catch The Big Guy and chain him up in a hangar at Burbank Airport, where he languishes in the depths of despair. His moans and groans become increasingly loud and obnoxious (I had to remove my headphones at one point). He has a long flashback of his prior captivity in Las Vegas, and his near-death ex-schperience at Hoover Dam. This allows Bert Gordon to fill eight minutes of screentime and to pad his almost non-existent script. Finally, with ten minutes to go, Colossal breaks loose and does a 23-skidoo, stomping over the hill to Griffith Park. There he makes his final stand, at the Observatory, with the Army shining searchlights in his face as they blast away with artillery.
I don't wanna tell you what happens at the end, but then you may not care by now, haha. His sister does try to talk Colossal out of another rampage, but you'll have to see for yourself if she's successful or not. I liked the first movie enough to give it Two Solid Thumbs, because it had a great first half, featuring stock footage of a hydrogen bomb test and other cool hardware-related stuff. This sequel doesn't even have that. In addition to the lackluster script, Gordon's direction is surprisingly flat and tepid. Other than the angry man who wants his truck back, the characters don't feel invested in the story. As for the Colossal Man himself, he's being played by a different actor this time around. It's as if the first guy knew how bad the sequel was gonna be, and opted out. I would've liked to have given "War of the Colossal Beast" Two Regular Thumbs Up, just because we like Bert Gordon, but I just can't do it. While it won't qualify as one of the worst movies we've seen, it certainly is one of the most boring, Top Three in that category. Two Thumbs Decidedly Down, sorry Bert. //////
It's now Monday evening. I had a nice hike at Aliso a little earlier. Also ordered three Gentle Giant albums from Amazon. Man, talk about re-discovering a band. I guess it took me a long time to "get" their music. I mean, we all loved "Octopus" as kids, and we might've had copies of "Three Friends" and "Power and the Glory" and played them a few times, but for myself, other than "Octopus", I really hadn't listened to GG or thought much about them over the years. But when Ono mentioned the Derek Shulman interview, everything changed. I watched it and thought, "lemme listen to those guys again". This time, 45 years later, I blew my mind! Now I've been listening every day since, and today I ordered the albums. My Summer listening was gonna be Buddy Holly and Bobby Fuller, but now we can add Gentle Giant to the list. Wow.
I also began reading "The Giza Death Star", as predicted. See you tonight at the Usual Time.
Tons of love! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo (and don't forget about The Gigantomachy, haha)
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