Last night's movie was "Miss Tulip Stays the Night"(1955), one of those Veddy Brrrittish farces where everyone runs around speaking in exclamation points, and the police inspector is always in a state of High Dudgeon. Diana Dors and Patrick Holt star as "Kate" and "Andrew Dax", he a crime writer who needs a country setting to finish his latest novel. He promises Kate will love it when they get there with their adorable dachshund Archie.
The house itself is cozy enough, two story and semi-secluded, but there's supposed to be a housekeeper and she's nowhere to be found. The kitchen faucet springs a leak, there's barely any food in the pantry, but at least there's plenty of gin, so Andrew mixes drinks, and just when he thinks it's gonna turn out okay after all, there's a knock at the door from a fussy, middle-aged woman. Thinking she's the missing housekeeper, he lets her in, but she isn't. "My name is Miss Millicent Tulip. I'm lost on this godforsaken road and I need a room for the night." Before Dax can explain that the house is not an Inn, she's barged into the living room, sat down and is ordering the couple around. "Take my suitcase upstairs! Make some tea! Put this infernal canine outside where it belongs!" She's a real peach. When she asks who the Dax's are, Andrew replies, "I'm a writer and this is my wife." Miss Tulip then cowers. Her mood shifts instantly. "Did you say 'a writer'?" She cringes. "Then you're the one who....oh my, I've been reading your work! It gets worse with each installment!" Kate Dax interrupts: "See here, my good woman! I'll have you know my husband is quite talented, and very popular!" "Very popular? You mean he writes to other ladies besides me?!"
it seems there's a mix-up (and it wouldn't be a British farce with out one, or several). Miss Tulip is referring to a writer of salacious, anonymous letters, of which she's received several. Dax, of course, is referring to his books. Miss Tulip shrugs: "Oh, novels eh? Never heard of ya." When she finally deigns to go upstairs to bed (after asking if Dax is coming along too, naughty naughty) they are glad to be rid of her. "My concentration's shot. I cant write now," he says. "I need another gin."
In the morning, all seems better. Kate is making breakfast. Miss Tulip is not around. "I don't know where she went," says Dax, until they look in the living room and find Miss Tulip sitting in a chair, dead as a bloody doornail.
After much Fussing About, concerning how a person can die sitting up, and other morbid ripostes, Kate throws a blanket over Miss Tulip, while Dax goes in search of a police officer.
Coincidentally, one shows up while he's gone, a patrol cop asking for Miss Tulip, with whom he's acquainted. "It's nothing, really. Her car's too far in the road. Is she here?" This leads to Kate making excuses that aren't lies, exactly: "Well, she's here but she... isn't." "We'll, could you tell me where she went?" "I'm not sure." (could be heaven, could be hell). This back-and-forth also goes on for a while, and the cop could've been played by John Cleese if you dumbed him down quite a bit and made him less pompous. Dax reappears at about this time, just as the Chief Inspector arrives. He doesn't trust Dax's excuse for leaving. "If you wanted an officer, why didn't you just use the telephone?" "Well, because nothing else works in this house, why should the blower?"
But it's when the Inspector finds Miss Tulip's pistol in Dax's coat that Dax becomes suspect #1. "So, you left before the police got here, and you have her gun in your pocket." Dax tries explaining that Miss Tulip gave it to him before she turned in, "to protect myself from that letter writer she was so afraid of."
It's a continuous roundabout of misunderstandings, misspoken excuses, and Britspeak sarcasm, combined with "I'm all right, Jack" nod-and--grin humor. Diana Dors provides eye candy, though she's a top comedienne who does capital-I "Indignance" with the best of them, giving the inspector What For. Late in the game, Miss Tulip's companion, "Miss Gale" (Ida Patlanski), comes looking for her. "I can't imagine why she ran out on me." Dax thinks Miss Gale might be the anonymous letter writer, and goes to their house in search of clues. His wife Kate is half nuts by then, having to deal with the Inspector and the John Cleese cop by herself. Then, toward the end, with Archie barking his head off, the door opens, and in walks......
Miss Tulip? "It cant be!" But it seems that it is. Just as Dax returns from her house with a clue that solves the case.
Two Bigs, verging on Two Huge for "Miss Tulip Stays the Night". If you're British, it's probably Two Gigantic. You've gotta pay attention to keep up. We saw Diana Dors recently in "The Long Haul", that ultra depressing trucking Noir with Victor Mature, in which she played a tragic Femme Fatale. Here, she's the polar opposite, a cheery, Smart Wife who ends up playing detective, decidedly against her Blond Bombshell image. Dors was promoted as England's answer to Marilyn Monroe, and like MM, there was more to her than sex appeal. However, though MM specialized in comedic roles, her range was otherwise limited, whereas Dors had a fair amount of real acting talent. This movie is as crazy as British farce comedy gets. if you're in the mood, you will absolutely love it, but you'll have to be ready for zany on top of wacky, with nutty thrown in for good measure. The picture is razor sharp. ////
The previous night, we found a hostage drama Western from 20th Century Fox, called "Rawhide"(1951), starring Tyrone Power as a Wells Fargo driver-in-training and Susan Hayward as the passenger with whom he's held captive. As it opens, Uncle Joe is yelling at Ty: "What're ya shavin' for? Tryin' to look pretty for yer horses? C'mon, c'mon. You've already wasted time in the bath. A man should stay dry on the outside and wet on the inside. Now get out there n' hitch up yer team." If Uncle Joe is moving a little faster at the junction than usual, that shouldn't seem strange: it's 1951, so he's 18 years younger.
Power is waiting for the incoming stage, to hitch his fresh horses and take over. Besides mail, there will be passengers who've paid 200 bucks in gold per head. For that, they get a ride from San Francisco to St. Looie or the reverse, with stops in between and free meals. One of the passengers on the incoming stage is "Vinnie Holt" (Susan Hayward, the diva's Diva but we love her because she was so talented. All divas should worship Susan Hayward). Vinnie has a baby with her, named Callie (for California, and thank goodness she didn't spell it Cali). She's headed to SF with a ton of luggage: "Everything I own". At supper, she's very bossy, but it gets a whole lot worse when the passengers learn that a gang has just robbed a different stage. "Sorry, ma'am," she's told, "but company policy prohibits children riding when bandits are on the loose." This doesn't sit well with Vinnie; she feels she can protect Callie, but she's forced to stay in the small brick ranch house in the Alabammy Hills that serves as a waystation, until the next day's stagecoach arrives.
Ty Power doesn't wanna deal with such a brassy broad, so he remains out front, watering and feeding his team. That's when "Rafe Zimmerman" (Hugh Marlowe) rides up, passing himself off as a Southern sheriff. "Just rode out from Louisiana. I'm after those gunmen who robbed the stage. Word has it they also killed the driver." Ty wasn't aware of that part. He's glad a Sheriff is on hand. "Sure thing. you can stay the night here." But when Zimmerman gets inside, he pulls a gun, just as you were suspecting. Then he whistles for his honchos, who've been hiding in the rocks. One of them is Jack Elam, when he was young, thin and wide eyed, with bad teeth. He could've played Jim Sideow's role in "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre", as well as that of "The Hitchhiker". Jack Elam was a fantastic actor, but he should've been arrested for this movie.
Now, everyone in the house is a hostage to Zimmerman and his gang, which includes Elam and two other men: one whose heart isn't in it, and one who's a a big German brute, not too brite. The other male passengers have all departed earlier on the evening stage. Only Vinnie Holt was forced by the rules to stay behind, so she's trapped with Ty and Uncle Joe, who Zimmerman beats up for lying about the gold on the stage. He finally shoots Joe, which leaves Ty, Vinnie, and Callie as the remaining hostages. Zimmerman needs Ty, as a Wells Fargo driver, to make the morning transition go smoothly, to avoid a shootout, which Zimmerman might lose because the Wells teams always have a shotgun rider and often a third gunman, like a Brinks truck. He figures it's better to have Ty take the reins, then offload the gold in the desert.
To save Vinnie Holt, Ty's pretending she's his wife. Since the gang needs him, they won't hurt her or Callie for the time being, But Jack Elam is a sleazebag who's always hinting what he'd like to do to Vinnie, until Zimmerman tells him to can it. This creates a rivalry in which the Simpering Psycho resents the Aggressive Bossman, who's always telling him what to do. "You think yer better 'n me, doncha, with yer college edjication?" Elam's just waiting for the chance to catch Rafe off guard, which he does later on.
During the long night, while waiting for the morning gold stage, Ty and Vinnie try to dig their way out of the room Zimmerman has locked them in, using a butcher knife found earlier by Ty in the kitchen. They've also written SOS notes to hand to the Wells driver in the morning, knowing that if they are seen by one of the gang, it's Goodbye Charlie. "But they're gonna kill us anyway," Ty reasons, "because we saw Rafe shoot Uncle Joe. We have to try to escape before morning."
Tension is the name of the game, as they have to ask permission for everything they do, from getting a pitcher of drinking water, to taking Callie to the bathroom, and always with a gunman watching over them.
Finally, something happens with the hole they've dug in their wall, but I can't tell you what it is, and it leads to the climax of the movie, where Elam goes full-bore psycho. This one gets Two Huge. Man what a cast: Tyrone Power, Susan Hayward, Uncle Joe, Hugh Marlowe, Jack Elam, Dean Jagger (Mick's Dad), Jeff Corey, and George Tobias. Hugh Marlowe uses his Noir chops to play a college-educated bad guy. The picture is razor sharp. Man, we've been on a roll with our Westerns. ////
And that's all for tonight. Before we go, let's do some Dogs real quick, in honor of Cupid's. What are some of the best Hot Dogs you've ever had? My #1 would have to be Cupid's, which I first had when we moved to Northridge in 1968. My second favorite was the Dogs they served at the Los Angeles Athletic Club. They were similar to Cupid's in weiner and bun (the Dog itself was a snap-skin Vienna, the bun steamed). The only difference was that they didn't have chili, so, me and my brother would get 'em with mustard or plain, after a game of basketball or elevator races to the 12th floor and back. Dad had an account at the Club, so we'd just sign for 'em. Another good Dog comes from Downtown, as well. That would be the Hot Dog Sandwich served at Clifton's Cafeteria. Dad took us there a few times, and that's what I always ordered. The Dog was split in half and grilled on a griddle, so it had slightly burnt edges and a nice, greasy edge (slightly flayed). It was served in two halved sections between two slices of toasted white bread, smeared with a mayonnaise/ketchup spread. I have to cut in to say: Yes! Ketchup (or Catsup, or however you want to spell it) is okay on Hot Dogs. In fact, it's not only okay, it's delicious! And while you might think a mayo/ketchup mixture sounds questionable, trust me -it isn't. Not on those split Dogs on toast. Boy was that sammich good! Another good one (#4) would of course be the Dodger Dog. Everybody's had one. Make mine with mustard, relish, and chopped white onions, please. Finally, there's Der Weinerschnitzel (#5). It ain't Cupid's, but if it's the only Dog around, it'll do. And, they have chili. Der Weinerschnitzel is pretty good, if not great. They actually outlasted Taco Bell here in Northridge, and they've been there since 1977.
We had a Dog Place down the street called My QT, that was in business for many years. They served Chicago-style Dogs, which were expensive but very good. But I only ate there once, because of Cupid's. I've lived within walking distance of our Cupid's for 55 of the 59 years it's been in business.
For store-bought Dogs, you've gotta go with Oscar Mayer (every kid's First Dog), and Hoffy, and Farmer John, then Hebrew National and Nathan's. We never had chicken Dogs when we were kids; it was always beef. But I suppose chicken Dogs are okay in a pinch, if your kids are hungry of if you've got a bunch of 'em and are on a budget. Kids can eat Dogs cold, too. So can adults, for that matter.
Brats are a whole 'nuther subject (and I'm talking about the sausages, not the obnoxious children). Brats would be the go-to in cities like Detroit or Cleveland. In Cincinnati they have Coneys, which were invented by the same guys who gave us 5-Way Cincinnati Chili. One of my bucket list things is to eat at Skyline in Cincy, and have me some 5-Way and a couple Coneys. Well, now I've made myself hungry. So what are your favorite Dogs?
And hey, wait a sec! We forgot to mention Corn Dogs! Do they count as Hot Dogs? Man, they're good.
My blogging music was "Shades of Deep Purple" and "The House of Blue Light" by DP. My late night is "The Flying Dutchman" by Wagner. I hope you had a nice day, and I send you Tons of Love, as always.
xoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
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