Your Destiny

Sorry I didn't write last night. I didn't watch a movie and therefore felt I had little to write about, as the rest of my day was not very exciting, just working and reading during my breaks. Grimsley came over last night to play me a tape of his audition, as lead singer, for a cover band up in Simi Valley. The band is made up of older guys, so the material is skewed towards the 60s and 70s. Grim sang "Born To Be Wild" by Steppenwolf, "White Room" by Cream, three Jimi songs. He sounded best on "Fire". I thought he did pretty good overall, with his best efforts coming on the aforementioned material. The band disagreed apparently, because Grim was not asked back for a second rehearsal. I told him to keep trying, maybe even try to form his own band so as not to have to deal with the whims of other musicians. That would probably be a difficult prospect, but I suppose if Grim wanted to, he could pull it off. Grim has wanted to be a lead singer ever since I met him, way back in 1974.......

I am lucky with my singing, and I suppose that, for me, things kind of happened in reverse. I had no intention of joining a choir, and when the former director pressed me to join in November 2014, I resisted. "No thanks" was basically my answer. But she more or less insisted, I think because the choir needed members, and I was Pearl's caregiver and would have to be up there on stage anyway. Might as well make me sing, haha. And I wound up loving it, and slowly got better at it and learned to read music just a bit in the process. That's kind of the way my life has unfolded in general, just by letting Destiny take over, and following God's lead. That has worked for me, and I don't think it could have been any other way in my life, because as a young person I had no idea how to "make it" in the world, and I found the idea of Adult Life, or rather a typical dead end job, absolutely terrifying.

But then 1989 happened. I didn't recall 1989 until 1993, and really didn't even begin to understand it until 1997. That year I also moved back in with Mom and started going with her to church. Stopped taking drugs, including pot. Stopped drinking heavily. But - I took all that I had learned along the way and just said - "okay, this is my avenue of study, my continuing education into life, and who I am as a person", and I applied it to my belief in a Higher Power, something I have always had all my life, since I can first remember. I just said silently to God, "okay, this is getting interesting. I've always felt a little different, and I didn't know how to fit in, or where I was supposed to fit in American society, but now I think I am beginning to understand my place". But by then I was in my late-30s, and I still knew I would never make it in the 9 to 5 world, not as something I could do for the rest of my life at any rate. So, I just said to God, "it's up to You. Something really weird happened to me. I don't understand it. I mean, I think I do, in some ways, but nobody will help me or talk to me, so will You please help me"?

And He has, ever since. That's why so many interesting and truly awesome things have happened, like joining the choir and discovering the joy of singing, or......meeting the SB in 2012.

That happened Out Of The Blue, too.

And now, as the year 2017 closes out, I am writing letters to the CIA, trying to enlist their help to find out what happened to me back in 1989, when everything broke wide open and my life changed.

If you had told me when I was a teenager that I'd one day be writing letters to the CIA, I'd have thought you were.........well, not "nuts" exactly, because as I say, I've always felt that something was different in my life, ever since I was about five years old. But as a late teen and young adult, I felt that the difference had mostly to do with my shyness. I did not yet understand that the reason I felt so "inside myself" was because of a spiritual connection that was in the process of developing.

Mars-in-Pisces has something to do with it, and other stuff that would take a long time to explain.

I guess that my point in this blog is to urge you to trust in your destiny, and to stay in close contact with God and with your spiritual guides (in my case I call 'em my Helpers), because God is the one bringing about your destiny.

It is extremely important to note that I do not mean a White Bearded Guy sitting up in the sky. When I say "God", I do not know what I mean. I don't mean some New Age God, like God is "The Universe" or some generalisation like that. As you know, I am not a fan of New Age philosophy.

No, the important point to note - and it is very, very important - is that when I say "God" I have no idea what I am referring to, in terms of an entity. I only know that God is the Highest Power, The Creator, and that He or She, or She first and He second perhaps, is all about Love and Possibility and Realisation.

Destiny!

Not the kind of destiny that ego-driven madmen and dictators believe in. That is temptation-driven destiny, promoted by The Devil. Yeah, I believe he exists, too, in whatever form, a force most likely, but who knows. But the kind of destiny he sells through temptation is short lived. So screw that.

Anyhow, I guess I write this for anyone who ever wondered how they were supposed to fit in to the World. Me, I never understood it, and when I hit about 16 or 17 I thought I was toast. "How will I ever make it"? was my question back then,

But here I am today, and while I am not a millionaire (and don't care) (but wouldn't mind, lol), and while I haven't had a brilliant career (no biggie), and have not followed a traditional path, one thing that I was able to do was to understand at a young age that something was different in my life, and understand that I did not fit in, and ride it all out, instead of rebelling to a point of self-destruction.

I rode out all the confusion and the long periods of apprehension. I call that part "Surfing Life", like a wave.

And that's what I urge you to do, to ride out any confusion or difficulty in your life, because if you do that, and if you ask God to help you (an indescribable God, as written above), then you will see your destiny revealed to you, very slowly. And it will happen as you go along, and continue to work and create. It's not like your free will ceases to exist. You are still You all the way, making your own decisions. But you are 100% tuned in to Who You Really Are Inside, and that conversation is just between You and God.

You can feel Your Destiny, even if you don't know where it is leading exactly, and God does know.

She or He is the one leading you. And your Helpers are helping you.

All you have to do is tune in, and listen.

That's all I know for tonight.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :):)