Fourth Of July

No movie tonight because of the 4th of July, but I did attend the fireworks show up at Shepherd Of The Hills Church, as always. I've been going there since 2008, so this was my 12th time in a row. It's always jam packed, though this time it appeared to be a little less so. Not as many people cramming the sidewalks and grassy areas in front of the church. If the usual attendance is 30,000 (rough guess), then I'd say it was somewhere between 20 and 25,000 this time. That made for an easier walk to the site, because I park over a mile away, and I didn't have to slow down and lag in frustration behind groups of folks just moseying along. I'm a fast walker; I can't mosey to save my life, haha. :)

The fireworks were awesome as always, and maybe even more than usual. For twenty five minutes the sky was just a constant blaze of bursting color patterns, set off to the usual soundtrack of patriotic music. I always get goosebumps because - while I detest rah-rah patriotism (chants of "USA, USA" and any type of "look at me" flagwaving) - I am nevertheless grateful to be an American citizen, proud that my family dates back in this country to the early 1600s on both sides. My Dad served in WW2 and I have ancestors who fought on either side in the Civil War, so I am a strong supporter of the military even though I never served myself. But as with my religious beliefs, I like to keep my feelings for America to myself, rather than parade them around for the world to see like our ridiculous "president", who didn't serve either. I don't blame him for trying to get out of Vietnam, but what an overarching a-hole he is to put on a Red Square-style tank parade in order to prove his manliness. Well, screw him and I'm sorry I mentioned him, but I did so to illustrate exactly what July 4th is not about, for me.

Love of country, or God, is a quiet thing to me. If you go around promoting it loudly, I know you are a phony who is only trying to draw attention to yourself. Well anyhow....

Immediately preceding the fireworks was a jump by three paratroopers from 10,000 feet. They wore body suits that were all lit up and had flares attached to their boots, so it was quite a show to watch them come down. Each jumper had an American flag attached to his parasail. They circled above the site and then landed on a lighted arrow in the middle of Rinaldi Street. Just as the last jumper landed, the fireworks began, and now that I think of it, I will bet that I wrote almost these exact same words last year, when the aerial jumpers performed for the first time.

So it was a good show - awesome, really - and I had a nice hike at Aliso beforehand.

My only complaint is that everything I do, everything I attend, I do or attend by myself. This has been really hard for me but I try to keep my spirit and my optimism. I once had a very active social life and I am a social person. But a lot of my friends died, and we all had something happen to us thirty years ago that nobody wants to talk about.

I was a shy kid and that is my outward face. I don't make contact with people very easily. Once I do get to know someone, I become an extrovert and then that becomes my face. That's the real me, an extrovert on the inside but an introvert in public. I'm not the kind of person who is gonna make a bunch of new friends at 60, which I will turn next year. I also have a ton of energy, and I suppose folks probably wouldn't want to try and keep up with me.

But it's getting really hard to keep doing everything myself.

Really I want to be married and have a normal life, whatever that may be.

I remember July 4th, 38 years ago. Wow.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :):)