This blog was begun Saturday night May 2nd and completed the following evening :
Here's another good chord progression for ya : the one in "Ramblin' Man" by The Allman Bothers. It's basically a combination of G-C-D but with a G-F thrown in at the beginning of the verse and an Em added toward the end. Google it for the specifics. It's another one that when I start playin' it, I can't stop lol. It causes a major "earworm" as they say. I was trying to learn the solo because I love Dickey Betts. His playing is so melodic, and he shows what you can do with just a simple pentatonic scale if you hit all the right notes. :)
On to tonight's movie :
News Flash, folks : We've uncovered The Worst Film Ever Made. Forget "Plan 9", "Robot Monster" and even "The Incredible Petrified World". I'm gonna go out on a limb and say forget even the films of Arch Hall Jr. I wasn't prepared for the unequivocal awfulness of "Mesa of Lost Women"(1953) until I sat through it tonight, and friends, all else pales in comparison.
I first noticed the title several weeks ago, when I began looking up public domain movies to watch during seclusion. Over and over, I kept seeing "Mesa of Lost Women" popping up everywhere - on Google, on IMDB lists, in fan references, and yes.......on lists of Worst Movies Ever Made. That alone wouldn't have stopped me; witness "The Beast of Yucca Flats". I watched that masterpiece in it's entirety and even found something to like in it's Zen-like rhythms. But "Mesa"?.......well, I kept putting it off for the usual reason regarding an unseen cheesy film : the title didn't grab me. It sounded like an exploitation flick (i.e. "Lost Women") and while I claim no moral high ground in life, the fact remains that exploitation pictures are boring.
Howwwevver........we are constantly looking for films to support our nightly habit and we're can't be as choosy as we once were. The pickins are getting slimmer every day, and despite my success in Gooling new lists and titles, there are some nights when I can't find a selected film on Youtube, or when the print is too lousy to watch, and when that happens I have to have a back-up plan. What I do is pick something I've known about but put on the back burner due to suspected crumminess, like "Yucca Flats" or "They Saved Hitler's Brain". We got lucky with the former due to it's theraputic benefits (which many have noted), but with the latter we bottomed out. The good news, though, for "Hitler's Brain" is that it's now only the "Second Worst Movie of All Time", because there's a new champion to crown: "Mesa of Lost Women". Yessiree, I know it's hard to believe, but listen up and I'll tell ya how it came to earn the title.
Surprisingly enough, the film starts out with promise. We see an aerial shot of the "Muerto Desert" in Mexico. Craggy rock formations tower over the foreboding landscape. A grim-voiced narrator (Lyle Talbot) speaks rhetorically of man's arrogance in thinking himself superior to the insect world, which outnumbers him by the billions. "The Insect, adaptable to any condition or climate, uncomplaining and without want, needing only the basics of survival. Man, on the other hand, proud and foolhardy, thinking himself invincible, above other creatures, including the spider. It is only when Man gets in over his head that he realises how helpless he truly is, but by then it is often too late".
A man and a woman stagger from a canyon, dehydrated and near death. Lucky for them, a geologist is exploring the desert in his jeep. He and his partner rescue the couple and take them to the hospital where they tell an Astounding Tale. Here we enter into flashback mode, and : The man had been a pilot for a wealthy European named Jan Van Croft. Mr. Van Croft had come to know a scientist named Masterson who in turn knows a Brilliant Doctor named Aranya (played by "Uncle Fester" Jackie Coogan). Aranya is doing research into insect biology with a view toward introducing spider genetics into human beings. He believes this will make humans more durable, able to survive even nuclear war. He's aware his studies are controversial, so he's built his laboratory in the most remote place possible, at the top of a 600 foot mesa in the middle of the desert. It's accessible only by plane, which is how Dr. Masterson arrives. He is planning to work with Dr. Aranya, until Aranya shows him around the lab. He's got an awesome setup, with lots of levers, scopes and bubbling beakers. So far we have a decent beginning to the movie. Fester......er, I mean "Dr. Aranya"....then trots out the Prime Specimen from his initial experiments. Her name is Tarantella (Tandra Quinn). She looks human enough, but she's got an unnerving stare and she hovers close to Dr. Masterson as if sizing him up for prey.
Dr. Aranya explains that she's undergone arachnid gene splicing and her body has already adapted to the changes. "She may live several hundred years", he remarks, adding that she can grow a new limb should she lose one. He leaves unsaid what she uses for food, but Masterson has heard enough. "This is evil! You are evil, and I'm going to put a stop to this"! Well, that's what he thinks, because no sooner does he shoot his mouth off than Fester nods to Tarantella, who grabs a needle and shoots Masterson up with something that knocks him cold. The next we see of him, he's in the Booby Hatch at "Amerexico Hospital", having gone completely insane. From now till the end of the film, he will wear an Idiot Grin that never leaves his face. If you remember the scene in "Eraserhead" where Mary's Dad asks Henry, "So, Henry.......whataya know"? and then freezes in place with an overstretched smile, well..........that's what happens to Dr. Masterson, but in this case it lasts for the whole movie.
We're now about ten or twelve minutes in, and we've had a decent setup so far, but that's all we're gonna get and we've still got an hour to go.
The scene then cuts to a Mexican restaurant where Tarantella is performing an Interminable Dance. This goes on forever (or does it only seem that way?), until Dr. Masterson, having escaped from the asylum, enters the place and shoots her. She falls to the floor but doesn't die; remember she's got spider genes. Masterson just stands there. In addition to his grin, his gun will become an Everpresent Fixture on his person. He will point it at Odd Angles for the rest of the picture, smiling the entire time.
It's a good thing The Pilot and the Wealthy European man are at the restaurant to spirit Masterson away, otherwise he'd stand there all night. The Wealthy Man has a Young American Girlfriend with him. The four of them will get his plane and fly back to the top of the mesa to try and stop Dr. Aranya, but friends, this isn't near as exciting as it sounds. In fact, being in a coma might be more stimulating, because after their plane lands, the "director" chooses to show every.........last.......step.......of their trek to the laboratory. Here he's got a fairly cool lab with all the bells and whistles, and he's got Uncle Fester as his Mad Scientist for cryin' out loud, but does he use them? Hardly not even! We only get a few minutes of Fester at the beginning and thirty seconds more at the very end of the film. If you thought Tarantella's Spider Dance dragged on ad nauseum, wait til you get to the Jungle Hike. There you will learn the meaning of the word "Tedious". Occasionally some midgets will be sprinkled about the scenery. These guys are meant to represent the males of the spider genera, smaller and less powerful than the females. We see some of them too, but they have no special costumes save for long fingernails. They look more like Roller Derby teammates than tarantulas.
Oy! No matter what I tell you, no words can convey the monotony that is felt by sitting through this mind-numbing excuse for a picture.
But there is one more thing I have to report, a factor so annoying that it caused almost every IMDB reviewer to comment. There is a soundtrack to this film that should require a warning label. It consists of a single relentless loop, perhaps 20-30 seconds long, of a rapidly strummed flamenco guitar melody. And while you can thank your lucky stars it does not play for the entirety of the film's 70 minutes, it nevertheless is repeated often enough to finish the job of driving you crazy, if the movie itself hasn't done so already. One commentator remarked that the guitarist must've developed carpal tunnel syndrome by the end of the shoot. I don't doubt it, but he does just as much or more damage to the viewer's eardrums and brain cells.
Having said all of this, if you still want to watch "Mesa of Lost Women" - just so you can say you've seen The Worst Movie Ever Made - then by all means have at it. Just don't say I didn't warn ya. Two Thumbs Down to the dead center core of the Earth for this one. Yikes and My Goodness is it bad! /////
Well, needless to say we will try to do better this evening. We can't help but do so, there is only one way we can go after that movie, and that's Up! :)
Elizabeth, I enjoyed your pictures from the river this morning. That is indeed your Happy Place. The picture of the trees looks like a beautiful spot to relax and listen to the water. Thanks for including the sound again, this time I could hear the birds chirping, something I always enjoy. I like point out the birdsong to Pearl when we go on our neighborhood walks. One of these days when this lockdown ends, I'll be back on the job and the parks will be back open too. I look forward to both of those things. I also liked the poem that you included in your post. The words fit the scene to a "t".
That's all for the time being. Now I will go on my CSUN walk, back in a little while at the Usual Time.
Tons of love! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
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