I'm reading something mindboggling in my current book, "Dark Matter, Missing Planets & New Comets" by Tom Van Flandern. When the Earth was newly formed, having been ejected as mass from the Sun (the prevailing theory for all planets of the Solar System), it had a spin rate of only two hours, as opposed to the twenty four hour day we now experience. That's pretty doggone fast, so fast that it's known to astronomers as overspin, a condition that overrides the balance of a planet's gravitational force. One result of the overspin on Earth was that part of it's crust was thrown into orbit. These enormous chunks of landmass rotated and coalesced under the Earth's sphere of influence and created the Moon. Van Flandern posits that the Pacific Basin, now filled by the world's largest ocean, was created when the crust on that part of our planet was literally torn off and thrown into space by the ultrarapid rotation of the Earth. That enormous part of Earth's crust, spinning in space, became the Moon. Pretty far out, eh?
If only tonight's movie was as interesting, or even remotely interesting, haha. Instead, it was one of the worst we've seen. Entitled "The Creeping Terror"(1964), it stars a guy named Vic Savage, who also directed. Savage plays "Martin", a newlywed deputy on his way home from honeymooning with his wife. One of the opening shots is stock footage of a rocket liftoff played backwards to simulate an Alien Spaceship landing on Earth. That's how bad the special effects are, though you've gotta give Savage some points for ingenuity, lol. When Martin and his bride arrive home, the sheriff is waiting on the edge of town. "Follow me", he says.
He leads Martin to a dirt road that dead ends at Spahn Ranch, the main outdoor location for this film That was one of the main reasons I chose "The Creeping Terror" in the first place, having noticed it's 2.1 IMDB rating, the lowest we've ever seen. I don't believe we've ever watched a movie shot at Spahn, and I was hoping we'd get to see some of the old sets, even as background. But they only used it for the landing site of the spaceship, so all you see is trees, rocks and brush, just like in any part of the Santa Susana Pass.
The sheriff tells Martin a plane has crashed but they soon find out differently. Martin radios for backup, summoning another deputy named Barney. When he arrives, Barney is told to stay put and guard the spaceship while Martin and the Sheriff leave to alert the military. But Barney can't help himself. He just has to look inside the ship, which is accessed by crawling underneath a metal lip. No "open wing" or sliding doors for this saucer. Once Barney is inside, we hear him scream. He has just been eaten by The Creeping Terror.
The Terror then crawls out from underneath the Lip of the Ship and is now slithering free around the environs of Spahn Ranch. He looks kind of like a Chinese New Year Dragon if the dragon was made out of old pieces of carpet instead of silk, and he moves about in lurching motions as if three or four people underneath the carpet were animating his body. This couldn't possibly be the case, of course, because he's an actual Monster From Outer Space. But yeah, now he's loose, and he's gonna start eating people right and left. His first victim is a housewife up near Chatsworth Park. She does a disappearing act up Creeping's maw. He feeds the way a snake does, slowly usurping (or should that be u-slurping?) his prey. Then he shuffles off again, his dusty body undulating all the while.
In addition to notifying the Army, the sheriff has also called in a scientist who specialises in the analysis of alien life forms. When the guy gets to the site, he enters the ship to examine it's propulsion system, assuming that he will be safe because the Creeper is out eating people. But Holy Smokes and Great Googley Moogely! There's another one on board the spaceship!
Here I must pose a possible Directorial Influence Phenomenon. It may be far fetched this time, but do you recall a movie from about five years ago, called "Arrival", directed by Denis Villeneuve? It was an Alien Invasion flick, just like "The Creeping Terror" (albeit a tad more sophisticated, lol), but the thing was, it had two globular, Blob-like creatures flying the spaceship. So, in both movies, you have monsters with no arms or legs piloting high tech UFOs. My question, after seeing "Arrival", was "how did they fly the thing? They're Blobs". And one might ask the same question of "The Creeping Terror", which has Slugs in the pilot seats. Was Denis Villeneuve influenced by The Creepers? If so, I wonder if he'd admit it, haha. But anyhow, back to the movie.
The scientist manages to neutralise the onboard Creeper and chain him up in a harness, but the escaped one is still on the loose, running amok on Spahn Ranch. He sneaks up on a father and son fishing in the creek. They make a nice snack, but he's still hungry, so he shuffles off again and comes upon a folk singer serenading a group of young people under the shade of an oak. Excuse me if this seemed like a premonition of The Manson Family, who would occupy the same location five years later, with Charlie on guitar. The folk singer and his friends are much more clean cut, but it's still an eerie scene, and it gets worse when Creepy shows up and starts eating them. All the singer can do is use the only weapon at his disposal - his guitar - which he bashes The Creeper with until it is broken. His efforts are all for naught.
Now the movie is gonna undergo a major shift in theme. We cut to a Dance Party inside what looks like a high school auditorium or Elk's Club. Teen couples are doing the Twist and the Watusi to a band playing the type of hybrid rock/surf jazz that was sometimes heard on the radio on "Gilligan's Island". This scene is gonna go on long enough to irritate both the audience and ol' Creepy, who hears the band playing from half a mile away and starts slithering in the direction of the music. Apparently, he's not a fan of rock/surf jazz, because by the time he gets to the Dance Hall, he's thoroughly pissed off. After trashing the place, he eats a few dancers for good measure before heading back to Spahn and the spaceship.
Our hero Martin, the young deputy, has spent much of this time making out with his wife. He was doing so when we left him, and he's still at it when the Sheriff tells him to get his rear end back to the site. The Carpet Crawlers are getting ready to depart; they must be stopped before they can fly back to whatever hellhole they came from. Just when the scientist thinks he has figured out the ship's propulsion system, the escaped Creeper crawls back inside, trapping him at the last minute.
That's all I'm gonna tell ya unless you demand to hear more. Now that I've had time to consider it, I think this movie may be bad/good rather than simply bad, ala "Mesa of Lost Women" or "The Incredible Petrified World". Research on Wiki informs me that it's widely considered to be The Second Worst Movie Ever Made ("Plan 9" being #1). But in retrospect, I notice a meditative quality similar to the one given off by "The Beast Of Yucca Flats". That film's narration was like a series of haiku poems, providing a soothing contrast to the dry desert landscape. I forgot to mention "The Creeping Terror" is also almost entirely devoid of dialogue, relying instead on a narrator to tell it's story. I think it might work best as an Endless Background Loop, playing to infinity, to be glanced at (and the volume turned up) whenever one needs some Zen-like invigoration.
A feeding scene I neglected to describe (because how many do you need, haha) still merits a mention because of a certain automobile that is shown. I'll call it the "23 Skidoo Car". See if you can find a picture of it on Google. Like the Dance Music, this car angers the Creeper, enough to make him overturn it. I wonder if it's still sitting in the Spahn Ranch creek bed, rusting away under the Chatsworth sun.......
When I began this review, I was gonna give "The Creeping Terror" Two Thumbs Decidedly Down, but now I've changed my mind. In a stunning reversal, the likes of which we've never seen, I'm giving the movie Two Solid Thumbs Up. I think Dance Hall scene clinched it, running twenty minutes and completely changing the tone of the movie for no reason whatsoever. Once again, we have a film that cries out for restoration, because we may never see anything like it again. It's that Good/Bad. //////
I hope this review didn't come out sounding too jumbled. I wrote it in bits and pieces over a long workday. Tomorrow I will re-read it for clarity and to correct clumsy sentences. That's all for now. See you tonight at the Usual Time!
Tons of love. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
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