Baskets (sweet dreams)

Good Evening, my Baby,

I am back home. It was a busy day, and this time my sister did come over, so we went shopping. This morning, Pearl, Kobi and I went over to Louise Park, a smaller park near her home, and this time we brought our new basketball. :) I told you we bought a basketball, right? We had been at this park a couple weeks ago, and Pearl saw some boys shooting baskets. She used to play in high school, way back in the late 30s- early 40s, but she really got a kick out of watching those kids play. So when we left that day, she said that we should get a basketball, so we did.

I did all the shooting today, of course. I am a little wary of giving the ball to Pearl to shoot, because on the one hand, she wouldn't be able to push it up very far. But more importantly, she has osteoporosis, and I would not want her to spontaneously break anything, trying an unfamiliar body motion.

But, it's still fun for me to shoot. Pearl can watch, and Kobi can stand around and wonder what the heck is going on and why we aren't walking around. When I was a kid, my friends and I shot tons of hoops. We were always playing one sport or another, and basketball was a favorite. I could shoot pretty good back then, but until this morning I had not shot a basketball in maybe ten years, so there were a lot of airballs, haha. But - fun stuff; Pearl, Kobi and me, and our new basketball. :)

I saw your posts this morn. I loved the quote about photography, and the idea that it's a means to stop time. The whole idea of the passage of time is something that fascinates me, and really in a good way. The workings of time include things like photographs and memories, because those can bring not just images (pictorial or mental) back into the present, but something close to the total experience. Like, say you were looking at photos from last year's trip to The Sideways Trees. Suddenly, you might picture (or better yet, place) yourself riding in the car, on the way there. You might remember a song or cd you were listening to. And suddenly the past is in the present. You can feel it and relive it. So that's my favorite thing about photos.

The passage of time is a trip. In the last ten years, I lost my parents, but - and I say this with no sorrowful feelings - it's really like they aren't gone. There was a grieving period, of course, when each passed away, but since then, it's really like they are still here because I can feel their presence all the time. Not in the metaphorical sense, either, but literally.

So it's a trip, and very interesting, because once we find each other in this world, and once a bond is formed, whether through family or love or close friendship (a form of love), we lose the sense of beginning and end. We live in the now, but we can look at photos and go back, or we can look at places we haven't been and go forward, but it's really all One Big Now. And what proves it, to me anyway, is the feelings of Deja Vu that places and photos can give you, and the very interesting experience I have had that when a loved one passes away, you don't feel a loss of presence.

Something that is interesting to consider, is where did yesterday go? And if a photograph has captured it, is it possible that it still exists? I think that in some sense, the answer is yes. Just the fact that we experience Deja Vu, and we have emotion-based memory (as opposed to strictly practical memory like knowing where our house is), is indicative of the non-linear nature of time.

Well, now I went off on a huge tangent, lol. But that's the kind of feeling I get when I am in a place like Corriganville or Placerita, or even a very familiar place with buildings, like Reseda where I lived as a small child, that there is something really humongous at work, in memory, emotion, and the reason we are limited, right now, to physically experiencing time in a linear manner.

On the surface, it's day-by-day and year-by-year for us humans. It seems directional and limited. But below the surface, where our emotions, memories and sixth sense are at work, we see a bigger picture.

I will end the tangent with that thought, but the quote on photography got me started! :)

I hope your day was good, and maybe you took some pictures or did something equally fun. I am gonna relax for a few, then go for my walk in an hour. Then back later as usual.

I Love You.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :):)

11:50: It's late, so I will wish you sweet dreams. Hope you had a great day.

Just Getting Home :):)

Hi Nice Lady,

I'm just getting home, hope your day was good. I see, at weather.com, that it was a beautiful day in Middleton, so that is great. It's warm here, not quite roasting yet, but getting there. I need to do a proper walk and workout tonight, so I will do that when the sun goes down. So, hi for now, and I'll write more later.

I Love You. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :):)

11:45pm : It's late. I am listening to Bach, I love the English Suites. I hope you had an excellent day. I don't know what's going on with this blog, but it shows zero hits, so I will write more tomorrow. :):)

It's Me (more added)

Hi Elizabeth,

I just got home from my walk and I saw your post. More on that in a moment. First, I hope your screening went well, and that the past few days have been as good as possible under the circumstances. I have to say they have been a little difficult for me, just because I did not know what was going on or the status of things. All the reasons why are in my recent blogs on the subject and I needn't go into them any further tonight.

In the past, I have always taken your posts of babies (especially those being held) to mean that you are my baby and vice versa. I hope I have been making the right interpretation all this time, and I think I have. So does your post just now, from a little while ago, indicate the same thing? I hope so.

I am just getting back, so I am gonna have a snack real quick, and then I will write some more in a few minutes, around 11 or 11:15 as usual. Be right back........

11:10pm: One thing I wanna say, having seen your post last night, is that I am sorry to hear that your friend Brian suffers from Crohn's. My foreman from back in the MGM days had that, and I know it's gotta be pretty tough to deal with. Brian seems like a good guy, and I know he loves film. I hope he can minimize and maybe even eliminate his symptoms.

Well, here I am. You see, I am at a disadvantage because I am way out here in Los Angeles, so I don't know who's who. As the old baseball saying goes, "You can't tell the players without a scorecard". And I don't have any direct communication to go by, which we know because we've been through this before. I don't know what happened in the Fall of 2012 to cause direct communication to stop, but it must have been pretty severe. I mean, I can imagine, as I've said before. Those Myspace blogs, if parents read 'em, could have indeed been shocking. But the thing is, if parents (or anybody else) ever met me, they would see that I am a fairly straight arrow. They might even be surprised that I am fairly conservative myself, though in a moderate way. There is my age, of course, but you know what? Screw that. I come from the beginning of the rock n' roll era. I keep myself in shape. I can't stop the world from turning, and I can't stop gravity, but I am younger in spirit than most, and that includes people younger than me, lol.

Still, looking at the other side of it, if I were a parent, or friend, I might be : "Hey, what're you doing talking to that guy! He's 54"!

That's the way I would be, if I were a parent. No doubt about it.

But then, we live in an interesting world, and while you can indeed make generalisations about people, there are also people who do not fit into molds. I am one of those people. I am older, but I was born into the era of The Beatles. Paul McCartney is 71 years old and still playing stadiums and three hour shows. So this is the mentality and energy of my generation.

I could write about so many things, from so many angles, but I get distracted by emotion. You and I have different social makeups. You are ultra-gregarious, I am one-on-one. All of that is no big deal, but the only thing that gets my radar up is..........certain guys.

If a guy is a Certain Guy, it doesn't make him a bad guy. It just makes him a Guy I Have Noticed. As I have said, I notice things. I comes from a lifetime of being in the World, with all these people, lol. I am connected to and very intimately in touch with my emotional radar, and so, if there is a girl I am in love with, I can see what I will call a Certain Type Of Guy coming from a mile away.

Again, it doesn't mean he is a bad guy. Just a guy who likes my girl a lot. And so that gets my radar up, and I never fail to notice it.

You - being the girl in question - may not see it the same way, especially because of your social outlook (see Sagittarius).

But I see it, and so I just mention it, just because I don't wanna compete with a lot of these guys. I don't want you to change your nature, and you should not have to. It's your life. It's just that I am not an aggressive person, and so if a guy comes along who is pushing for something, I will have a tendency to step aside and say, "You Win", and then let the girl sort it out. I am a one-on-one person, in the relationship sense. If I were married, I would not have a lot of husbands-and-wives type parties. I would never be an "office party" type of guy, because I have seen what happens. Everybody is in competition. Everybody wants to chat everybody else up. Everybody wants everybody else's girl, everybody wants everybody else's guy, everybody wants to be in competiton.

This is why marriage is going down the tubes. And when marriage goes down the tubes, families will go down the tubes. And when that happens, goodbye society. You see, I really am fairly conservative, which means traditonal. And traditional means "what works".

So, my Girl, that is enough expoundature for this evening. I like your post from earlier this evening. Please try to see things from my point of view if you can. Don't change a thing. Keep being you. But please remember that I have a lot of experience, and I have my radar, and I see things.

People are good guys, so it's not that. It's just that I am looking out for your best interests, and I love you from the heart.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :):)

Just To Say Hi

Hi Elizabeth,

I am home. I just wanted to say that I haven't posted because I know you are preparing for your screening and I didn't wanna distract you in any way, but I did want to post now, just to say hi and because by not posting for an extended period, it just creates tension and possibly makes it look like I was mad, which I was not and am not.

Anyway, just to let you know that I am here. :)

Adam

It's Just Me, As You Might Guess (I'm Only Human) (walk) (late night rambling)

Hi Elizabeth,

I am just getting home, kind of a long day today, but I did attend a very moving memorial service at Pioneer Cemetery. There was a Vietnam vet there who gave a very powerful speech. I also stopped by the Greek Festival for my annual tour of their beautiful church. And this morn, I began the day by taking Pearl and Kobedoggie to Lake Balboa. It was pretty hot today. I hope your day was good. :)

Well, you know as I sometimes say, I am only human. Ah, the foibles of human nature, right? And I have plenty of foibles! So, I was having a pretty good day yesterday, but then I got confused again. Knowing me as you do, I am sure you can guess why. Now, before I go any further, I ask - because of the lack of voice inflection and facial expression in textual conversation - that you read this in a spirit of good-natured........hmmm, what to call it?...........how about Good-Natured Resignation? Resignation as in a kind of "sigh" in recognition of not only the subject matter, but my own foibles as well. "Sigh", as in "oh brother, here goes Adam again".......It's a sigh, but not one of exasperation. Just a good natured sigh. So that's the spirit this is in.

First of all, congratulations on your musical collaboration. I am glad to hear you are still singing! And, as I say with all your projects, I always look forward to seeing or hearing them, if you choose to post. In this case, I imagine your friend will post. But that brings me to the crux of the matter, which as I am well aware is one of my main foibles.

Remember now, this is just a good natured question. This guy Johann, is he your boyfriend? Or, is the situation headed in that direction? I ask because our communication has changed quite a bit in the last several months. I know some of that has to do with school and general busy-ness of life, and also because of the way in which we communicate; it's one-sided as far as writing the words go. I do all of that, and as I have noted many times, I can't keep it fresh and interesting all the time since it is not two-way. That is no comment on you (or me), it's just the way it is, and also as I say, I know you've had one heck of a busy schedule.

But to get back to my question, I've mentioned Johann once before. I am a Noticer Of Things (it's my nature, just the way my brain works), and I guess it was about last Fall I noticed that he was popping up in every post you made, with the "like" button. I figured he was a fan. You had others like that. I just figured "he's a guy who just saw the Autre Temps video, and now he's on board". Is he from Germany? I say that because of his name. Anyhow, then a few months ago, I saw a post that seemed to indicate you knew him. No problem there, of course. Can't remember the post, it was probably music related. But still, he was popping up in every post, very often the first person to hit the "like" button (yeah, I realise it sounds childish of me to notice such a thing), but what one notices - when one loves Elizabeth! (me) - is that when another guy is hitting the like button with that much frequency, and that rapidly when she posts, is that "this guy seems to like Elizabeth, too". Anybody, male or female, would notice such a thing if they were in my position. I think I remarked about all this several months ago when I mentioned him the one other time.

But I just figured, "he's one of these guys from Europe who saw the video and is a fan".

Well, I thought that until yesterday, and then I got confused again. Super-confused this time, because of the different factors involved. First, I had thought he's from Germany or Europe, so I thought, "wow, if he came all the way to America to see Elizabeth.........yikes". I figured I was toast, y'know? I made an assumption because in the pic he posted on your FB, it said that he "came to Madison to record vocals". So I thought, "well, there are plenty of places to record vocals. He obviously came to Madison because he wanted to record Elizabeth's vocals". He wanted to work with you, which is awesome. And whether he came from Germany or wherever, that is quite a compliment to you.

But, and again please keep in mind the good-natured intent of all of this, because of the way in which our own conversation has changed, and it really has changed quite a bit since the days of Sam Cooke and Eric Whitacre, that is why I ask if he is your boyfriend, or if things are heading in that direction.

I ask because as I have said many times, it is hard for me to know where I stand. You see, in my heart I am coming from the days of Sam Cooke and Eric Whitacre, and from everything that happened in the amazing Spring of 2012, and Winter of 2013. That's where my heart still is located. But then I can't help but notice that our communication has dwindled quite a bit, and I sometimes wonder if I am posting things that are no longer wanted. I mean, mostly I communicate through these blogs (which I assume you still read), but I also post my songs and a ":):)" here and there. But when Johann pops up out of the blue, in person no less, I wonder if I am making a fool out of myself with my posts. If he wanted to collaborate with you, that is obviously something that is planned in advance, and again, my heart is still living in the land of Cooke and Whitacre, when our communication was straight-to-the-heart. But this collaboration, I wasn't even aware of until it happened. And this is a guy who clearly likes you very much. He travelled to your town to work with you, but obviously he likes you, too. I know, because I am a guy and I have been through things.

Now, of course your life is your life, and you can do whatever you want. You don't need me to tell you that. But I just ask, in all fairness to myself, too (cause I'm only a human being), if you could clarify for me what is going on. I would really appreciate it, cause even though I'm way over here, 2000 miles away, I really have given this my best effort, every day for over two years. I really have, and because there was once a time of Cooke and Whitacre, and great communication, my heart and sensibilities have continued to dwell there. I still love you as I always have, and I support you in all that you do. I have hoped that one day you will want to communicate directly once again, but I have been more than willing to do that on your timetable, when you are comfortable with it.

But it all depends on how you feel. How you feel about me, how you feel about Johan, etc. I just feel I needed to ask, because of the drop in our communication in recent months, and the fact that I only just discovered that Johann was not just a fan from somewhere out there on the Internet, but he was someone you know, who now seems to be a part of your life. I don't mean to jump to conclusions, and I hope I am not doing so. Perhaps he's just a friend, I have no idea. But I ask for the aforementioned reasons that I can see he likes you, and he travelled to see you, and I am far away, with my heart in the same place it's always been, but not knowing where I stand or what, if anything, has changed.

Please let me know?

You are awesome, Elizabeth, and you know that I love you, now and always.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :):)

9:40pm : Just to say that I am gonna go for my walk now, so I'll be back here about 10:45 or so.  :)

11:10pm : I am back and I see your two posts relating to the Student Cinema Showcase. You usually don't post at this time of night, so maybe you meant them for me? If so, I would guess that you mean you are busy with your film, and/or focusing on the upcoming showcase. Or maybe you are naturally excited about the showcase and didn't mean those posts in particular for me. But because I wrote what I wrote, and because you normally don't post late at night, I will guess that you meant them for me, and that the posts mean that, right now, you are busy with your film and excited about the showcase.

I am only even guessing that you read this blog, because ever since April, it shows zero stats on the main stat counter page, as in individual page views. Zero hits for individual blogs since April. But, on the overall stat counter, it averages 1 to 3 "page views" a day. So I dunno. But I am guessing you read at least tonight's blog.

If you are busy, no worries. Elizabeth, the last thing in the world I want to be is the proverbial Older Guy On The Internet, haranguing away with my opinions or what is right and wrong, et al. Please know that I am very hip in that regard. I understand young people because I am a Young People who just happens to be a few years older than the others. I very much understand about life, at least from my own perspective. And so because I understand, I am understanding.

Elizabeth, if you have gotten anything positive, or useful, in all the words I've written, then I have been blessed in a huge way. I want you to have an awesome life, in all the ways we have talked about, great and small. I do not want to constrain you, nor make you feel obligated to read or respond to me in any way.

I only want you to read or respond if you feel like doing so. If it is in your heart.

Now wait just a minute. Me to self: "shut up, Ad. You're overstating the case". And I am......

I am just trying to interpret your posts from a little while ago, if they were meant for me to interpret.

The thing is, I do love you, and I want to be here for you, and yet I am also aware of all that is going on. You have a ton of stuff going on right now.

It's just that I am also aware of the way human connections are established, and the interworkings inside those connections. Because of my life, and because of my makeup, and astrology, etc (my psi, in short), I get a feel for things - big picture down to minute details - that I have learned to rely on for accuracy. This trust in my intuition has helped me live my life, and I am not certain I'd be here without it.

What I am trying to say is that I understand all aspects of most any situation, and I most certainly never would use that understanding to do harm or cause bad vibes in any way. I am the opposite of that.

So, I will stand by for now, but I still hope you can answer my initial questions of this blog, just cause I don't want to get in the way if you have a new situation in your life.

Said with love and in good faith.  :)

Happy Me!

My Baby,

There you are! I was worried. Confused, too, but forget all that right now. I am just happy to see you post something, and I hope all is well and that you are enjoying your holiday weekend. The Agalloch album is killer! So much going on inside the music. Just a few weeks til you see 'em.

Well, Elizabeth, I am very relieved right now. I am at Pearl's, and about to take the Kobester to CSUN, but I just wanted you to know how glad I am to see you post something, and that when you are happy, I am happy.  :):)

I Love You! I will be back in a little while.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :):) !!

Hi :)

Good Evening Nice Lady,

I am guessing you may be on a road trip for Memorial Day weekend. Wherever you are, I hope you are having a blast, and I wanted to say hi. I sure do miss you! I had a nice day, though busy, driving to Glendale to see my sister Sophie. Well, that is all for now.

I Love You.  xoxoxoxo :):)