Hi, my Darling,
I am just home from Pearl's. I hope everything is okay, cause we are back to zero page views for the past day and a half, and I haven't seen you on FB since yesterday morning. Not that you have to be there, or here, at any given time. Of course you are on your own schedule. It's just that....well, you know how I said I can feel it if something seems a little off? It kinda feels like that right now. Not in a major way, but just a little bit.
So as I said last night, I hope everything is okay at home. I hope you are feeling well, and not sick or anything. If anything is wrong, you know you can always tell me if you want to. You know I always care, and will always listen and help in any way I can.
Well, anyway, maybe it's nothing. If so, please disregard the above. I Love You, you know. And, I know sometimes you feel like being quiet, not interacting a lot, and that's cool too. Whatever feels right to you. :)
Today was a typical Tuesday. If you were on FB at all, then maybe you saw my pics from Sage Ranch Park. It was a fun little trip - though hot - but it's not one I will make on a regular basis because the road is a little scary, as I said on FB. It's in disrepair, and so narrow that I am not sure two cars could pass going in opposite directions. And if that happened, there would be no way to turn around.......
But anyhow, it's all good because the place is deserted, even more than Corriganville. I only saw one other person on the trail, and that's probably even a rare thing. The views are pretty awesome, looking down at the tops of the lower hills like from a helicopter, way up high.
Tonight is Usual Schedule. Here til 8:30, then walk, etc. I hope to hear from you, but if for whatever reason you can't post at the moment, no worries.
I Love You, Elizabeth. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
(back in a bit)
11:30pm : I saw your posts earlier, so from the looks of things, all is well? It seems to be, though if there is a complex message involved I have yet to figure it out, lol. At a glance, I will guess you have been busy with art projects, maybe painting, and going to parks, et al, and hanging out w/ friends, and then watching Jon Stewart in the evening!
Now, I know you might mean something more specific, and if you do, you know it will seep in for me, because we share a psychic wavelength and I always understand your complex messages, given enough time.
But I think you are just having fun and working on projects.
I have gotta say that I had a blast last week, making my first new drawing in three years, and my first ever using chalk pastels. The whole thing is still sitting in one place, on the arms of a chair. Everything : the drawing, the oversized clipboard it's held by, and all the chalk and oil pastels (and a pencil) that I used to make it. I've got the whole mess balanced on the big art clipboard, on the arms of a chair. And it's sitting there because I need to get to the art store for some fixer. Otherwise it's gonna be One Big Smudge.
They say you can use hairspray, too. Should I try that?
It may depend on how much they want for the fixer!
But it's been a blast making it, and it ties in with the feeling I've had on my most recent trips to Santa Susana and even today up at Sage Ranch. They are all some weird places, because they have the Oldness still intact in an area of high population and development. It's such a trip, because in the Valley you've got two million people, and cars galore. But then drive 15 or 20 minutes into the hills, and.......
There's nobody. It might as well be the 1800s.
Or even 5000 years ago.
So the dichotomy is a trip. And the everyday stuff just flows right past me anyway. I feel the ancient stuff all the time.
It's all systems entanglement, or so it seems.......
I am glad all is well. I am enjoying listening to Mompou, a new discovery.
I Love You, my Sweet Baby! I will see you in the morning and we will have another awesome day.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
Monday, July 21, 2014
A Beautiful Day :):) (love from home) (sweet dreams and love)
Happy Noontime, my Darling,
Wow, those are gorgeous Alcest posters. Are ya gonna get one? I know they are pricey. If you are gonna get one, don't wait, as there are only 50. All my money lately goes to concert tickets and cds. I am glad I got a ticket for the Judas Priest concert, a good seat in the 4th row loge, dead center. 85 bucks, which is what seems to be a going price nowdays for a decent seat at a non-club show. I didn't go the last time they played, because I was upset that KK Downing was not in the band, but the new album is so good, and the new guitarist turned out to be great, that I have to go this time.
Well, you are my Darling, and at the moment you are also my Deer (or Dear if you prefer). I love that picture! That's us, as always, and the third deer is........our Baby? We shall see! :):):)
Pearl and I took The Kobester to The Shady Park a little while ago. A nice day here, though a bit on the cool side. I think it may actually be warmer in Middleton today than in The 'Ridge. I am gonna do the dishes and then watch one of my new Bob Steele westerns that arrived in the mail on Saturday. They are all on one dvd, and all of the "matinee" variety that I described several blogs ago. About an hour each, all made in the 1930s. I love it! So, I will basically be here until 4:15pm, either watching Bob Steele or just hanging out. Gotta buy some fixative spray for my pastel chalk drawing. I can't pick it up cause it smudges. I'd forgotten about that factor......
I hope your week is off to a good start. I triple-Love You ! ! !
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
(back later but basically around....)
7:30pm : Hi, my Darling. I just wanted to say that I'm home. I'm hanging around at the moment, reading my book ("Giza Death Star") and looking for trails on Google. I found a park up near the Santa Susana Field Laboratory that I may check out tomorrow. You remember the Field Lab, it's where they tested rocket engines for NASA, back in the 60s. I've been touring it every October or so for the past four years. Anyhow, there's supposed to be a place nearby called Sage Ranch Park that has trails. I'll decide tomorrow morn.
Hope you are having a nice evening. I'll head out on my walk at about 8:30, so I'm here until then, and back at the usual time.
I Love You! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
11:30pm : Relaxing with Debussy and Michelangeli. A quiet day, but tomorrow is Trail Tuesday so I'll see what I can find while Pearl is at her Golden Agers meeting. I hope you had a nice day, my Angel. Hope everything is good all around - at home, at work, etc.
That's all I really know for this evening. Tomorrow should be fun, so I will see you in the morning.
Sweet Dreams until then. I Love You, Elizabeth. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
Wow, those are gorgeous Alcest posters. Are ya gonna get one? I know they are pricey. If you are gonna get one, don't wait, as there are only 50. All my money lately goes to concert tickets and cds. I am glad I got a ticket for the Judas Priest concert, a good seat in the 4th row loge, dead center. 85 bucks, which is what seems to be a going price nowdays for a decent seat at a non-club show. I didn't go the last time they played, because I was upset that KK Downing was not in the band, but the new album is so good, and the new guitarist turned out to be great, that I have to go this time.
Well, you are my Darling, and at the moment you are also my Deer (or Dear if you prefer). I love that picture! That's us, as always, and the third deer is........our Baby? We shall see! :):):)
Pearl and I took The Kobester to The Shady Park a little while ago. A nice day here, though a bit on the cool side. I think it may actually be warmer in Middleton today than in The 'Ridge. I am gonna do the dishes and then watch one of my new Bob Steele westerns that arrived in the mail on Saturday. They are all on one dvd, and all of the "matinee" variety that I described several blogs ago. About an hour each, all made in the 1930s. I love it! So, I will basically be here until 4:15pm, either watching Bob Steele or just hanging out. Gotta buy some fixative spray for my pastel chalk drawing. I can't pick it up cause it smudges. I'd forgotten about that factor......
I hope your week is off to a good start. I triple-Love You ! ! !
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
(back later but basically around....)
7:30pm : Hi, my Darling. I just wanted to say that I'm home. I'm hanging around at the moment, reading my book ("Giza Death Star") and looking for trails on Google. I found a park up near the Santa Susana Field Laboratory that I may check out tomorrow. You remember the Field Lab, it's where they tested rocket engines for NASA, back in the 60s. I've been touring it every October or so for the past four years. Anyhow, there's supposed to be a place nearby called Sage Ranch Park that has trails. I'll decide tomorrow morn.
Hope you are having a nice evening. I'll head out on my walk at about 8:30, so I'm here until then, and back at the usual time.
I Love You! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
11:30pm : Relaxing with Debussy and Michelangeli. A quiet day, but tomorrow is Trail Tuesday so I'll see what I can find while Pearl is at her Golden Agers meeting. I hope you had a nice day, my Angel. Hope everything is good all around - at home, at work, etc.
That's all I really know for this evening. Tomorrow should be fun, so I will see you in the morning.
Sweet Dreams until then. I Love You, Elizabeth. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
Sunday, July 20, 2014
Computer Problems (oy) (fingers crossed) (knowing)
Hey, my Darling,
I am glad I got through! I am at Pearl's, and something seems to be very wrong with the computer system, both here and especially at my house. At home, my computer seemed fine this morn, though it has run slow at times in recent days. Generally it's been fine, though, with multiple windows open, etc. But this afternoon it began to run slower and slower until a page would not load. I tried rebooting several times, and the best I could get was a single window, and the only thing that would load was Facebook, and even that barely loaded. Most images were missing, the newsfeed didn't run. I was able to type my message update "this computer is barely functioning", and that was all. Then it was time for me to come to Pearl's.
I turned the computer on when I got here - Chromebook 2 - and I got the same result. I have it set to return to where it left off, so when I turn it on, the same pages are always loaded. This time, the urls all loaded in each window, but each page read an error of some sort.
It says that I should check DNS settings. I don't know what those are, so I am trying to find out. I was just barely able to get this Blogger page to load just now. I hope this will post. It's gotta be some kind of overall system problem with ATT, because why would two different computers at two different houses have the same problem? It's even two different accounts : one from my ph # and one from Pearl's.
So I don't understand it, but I will try to call ATT when I get a moment.
I hope my computer will work when I get home, but if I can't write tonight, that's the reason. I sure hope that doesn't happen, because I will be Super Depressed. I've gotta write to my Baby! And post a Love Song!
So keep your fingers crossed. If there is one thing I can't stand, it's when something mechanical/electronic doesn't work properly. Drives me crazy, oy.........
Let's just say that when I get home, it'll be working. :)
Okay, I'll try ATT now.
I Love You and will let you know what's going on asap! xoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
6:55pm : Okay, Sweet Baby, I am at home now. I have called ATT from Pearl's, and there was a recording saying they had an outage "in Irvine and surrounding areas and are aware of the problem". Irvine is 80 miles south of here, but maybe it's a big outage, or maybe they have a headquarters there. Anyway, when I left Pearl's, the service for Chromebook 2 was still on the blink. Ditto when I got back home a few minutes ago. So, I just called ATT again, from my apt. , and this time the voice instructions told me to reboot. So I tried it, and it seems to be working, though still running slow and not loading all images and stuff like that. It feels like it's running at about 50%. But at least it's working. So, fingers crossed that it'll keep working, and that this will post. If it does, then usual schedule for tonight and I will write more at the usual time.
So here goes, I will try to post, and.......oh yeah, I saw your kitty-on-the-head post just now. And today was the first day that Black Kitty let me pick her up, so I will have to try that! :)
I Love You! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
(back later, ATT willing.....)
11:30pm : Well, everything seems to be working just fine now, so I suppose they got the problem fixed. Got all my mileage done in the meantime. I saw your earlier posts this morn, before the computer problem, and they made me happy because in the pictures, everyone is smiling and having fun. Things feel wonderful right now, and one of the posts said "in a relationship", and we have been in one since April of 2012, as far as I am concerned. Really from the moment I saw the Alcest post about your "Autre Temps" video.
I saw it, I clicked the link and watched it, and right there, our relationship began because you got me thinking about you.......
......and attracted to you.
And feeling something even beyond that. Something very profound that we have talked about.
Remember that sometimes we can get a message sent to ourselves, ahead of schedule.
It's a little bit weird and very, very neat.
It's our larger, outer selves (call it our Souls or Spirits) communicating something that we will recognise when we see it. It could also be our Helpers communicating this. But it is something outside our physical selves, and yet we are connected to it.
And so, we can be just going along, living our lives - but wishing for something, love in this case - and suddenly : there it is!
What's neat is that it's a prayer that has been answered. What's weird, in a good way, is the way it feels.
When I saw the Alcest post, I thought : "You need to know this girl"!
But it was also kind of like : "You (need) to know this girl".
Which becomes : "You ( ) know this girl".
"You know this girl".
And when you look back in hindsight, you can see that there was a message being sent, with the recognition of that post by Alcest, and it was a message being sent from an outside source (Soul or Helper), and your consciousness received it ahead of schedule, i.e. before you were aware of it. Meaning me. Before I was aware of it.
But I recognised you the moment I saw you, in a manner of speaking.
That's when I think our relationship began.
At any rate, this Summer is gonna go down as Legendary. Another great week lies ahead.
I hope you have been having fun, too, and doing stuff besides just work. I know you are getting ready for Italy, which will be awesome. But just so you are getting to do the things you like now, too. I guess you must be, because things feel really good.
That's all I know for tonight, my Angel. I Love You and will see you in the morning.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
I am glad I got through! I am at Pearl's, and something seems to be very wrong with the computer system, both here and especially at my house. At home, my computer seemed fine this morn, though it has run slow at times in recent days. Generally it's been fine, though, with multiple windows open, etc. But this afternoon it began to run slower and slower until a page would not load. I tried rebooting several times, and the best I could get was a single window, and the only thing that would load was Facebook, and even that barely loaded. Most images were missing, the newsfeed didn't run. I was able to type my message update "this computer is barely functioning", and that was all. Then it was time for me to come to Pearl's.
I turned the computer on when I got here - Chromebook 2 - and I got the same result. I have it set to return to where it left off, so when I turn it on, the same pages are always loaded. This time, the urls all loaded in each window, but each page read an error of some sort.
It says that I should check DNS settings. I don't know what those are, so I am trying to find out. I was just barely able to get this Blogger page to load just now. I hope this will post. It's gotta be some kind of overall system problem with ATT, because why would two different computers at two different houses have the same problem? It's even two different accounts : one from my ph # and one from Pearl's.
So I don't understand it, but I will try to call ATT when I get a moment.
I hope my computer will work when I get home, but if I can't write tonight, that's the reason. I sure hope that doesn't happen, because I will be Super Depressed. I've gotta write to my Baby! And post a Love Song!
So keep your fingers crossed. If there is one thing I can't stand, it's when something mechanical/electronic doesn't work properly. Drives me crazy, oy.........
Let's just say that when I get home, it'll be working. :)
Okay, I'll try ATT now.
I Love You and will let you know what's going on asap! xoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
6:55pm : Okay, Sweet Baby, I am at home now. I have called ATT from Pearl's, and there was a recording saying they had an outage "in Irvine and surrounding areas and are aware of the problem". Irvine is 80 miles south of here, but maybe it's a big outage, or maybe they have a headquarters there. Anyway, when I left Pearl's, the service for Chromebook 2 was still on the blink. Ditto when I got back home a few minutes ago. So, I just called ATT again, from my apt. , and this time the voice instructions told me to reboot. So I tried it, and it seems to be working, though still running slow and not loading all images and stuff like that. It feels like it's running at about 50%. But at least it's working. So, fingers crossed that it'll keep working, and that this will post. If it does, then usual schedule for tonight and I will write more at the usual time.
So here goes, I will try to post, and.......oh yeah, I saw your kitty-on-the-head post just now. And today was the first day that Black Kitty let me pick her up, so I will have to try that! :)
I Love You! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
(back later, ATT willing.....)
11:30pm : Well, everything seems to be working just fine now, so I suppose they got the problem fixed. Got all my mileage done in the meantime. I saw your earlier posts this morn, before the computer problem, and they made me happy because in the pictures, everyone is smiling and having fun. Things feel wonderful right now, and one of the posts said "in a relationship", and we have been in one since April of 2012, as far as I am concerned. Really from the moment I saw the Alcest post about your "Autre Temps" video.
I saw it, I clicked the link and watched it, and right there, our relationship began because you got me thinking about you.......
......and attracted to you.
And feeling something even beyond that. Something very profound that we have talked about.
Remember that sometimes we can get a message sent to ourselves, ahead of schedule.
It's a little bit weird and very, very neat.
It's our larger, outer selves (call it our Souls or Spirits) communicating something that we will recognise when we see it. It could also be our Helpers communicating this. But it is something outside our physical selves, and yet we are connected to it.
And so, we can be just going along, living our lives - but wishing for something, love in this case - and suddenly : there it is!
What's neat is that it's a prayer that has been answered. What's weird, in a good way, is the way it feels.
When I saw the Alcest post, I thought : "You need to know this girl"!
But it was also kind of like : "You (need) to know this girl".
Which becomes : "You ( ) know this girl".
"You know this girl".
And when you look back in hindsight, you can see that there was a message being sent, with the recognition of that post by Alcest, and it was a message being sent from an outside source (Soul or Helper), and your consciousness received it ahead of schedule, i.e. before you were aware of it. Meaning me. Before I was aware of it.
But I recognised you the moment I saw you, in a manner of speaking.
That's when I think our relationship began.
At any rate, this Summer is gonna go down as Legendary. Another great week lies ahead.
I hope you have been having fun, too, and doing stuff besides just work. I know you are getting ready for Italy, which will be awesome. But just so you are getting to do the things you like now, too. I guess you must be, because things feel really good.
That's all I know for tonight, my Angel. I Love You and will see you in the morning.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
Saturday, July 19, 2014
Happy :):) (in camera)
Good Evening, my Darling,
I am home, just putting away a few groceries and checking email. Vickie came over for the first time in several weeks and we went shopping. Weird weather here : overcast and humid, like thunderstorm weather though nothing like that happened. It feels more like a late Fall day. But, they say the sunshine will be back full force in a day or two, so that's good.
Did you have a nice day? I saw your Taya Iv post while I was at Pearl's, and again Elizabeth, that is a beautiful thing to post, and if her words represent your feelings, whether in part or as a whole, then all I can say is I am glad! But the thing to keep in mind, if you like who you are becoming, is that you were a wonderful person to begin with. I know you've maybe had some difficulty with self-criticism and things like that in the past, but those days are over. Now, I don't mean you will never critique yourself or your work - of course you will, any creative person wants to do their best - but self-critiquing is a much more positive endeavor than being self-critical, a mindset which tends to emphasize the negative.
I like who you are becoming, too, and I also like who you are and have been! I give myself a High Five because I saw it all along (way to go, Ad!). My first thought was "Artist", and the bottom line with being an Artist, is that once you are one, you are one for life.
Remember that it's a mindset and inner feeling more than anything. Even more than the work you produce, though that is of course the desired end result. But first and foremost, you are an Artist because of the way you think and feel.
Now I'll get off my soapbox, because I love the Taya Iv quote and those words should suffice to describe your feelings at the moment. I always say, "when you are happy, I am happy", and so that extends in every way. You are awesome, my Angel. Always know it, but hold it inside in a quiet way as I always like to say. Confidence is never an outward thing, I don't think, and for me it is always tempered by gratitude for blessings.
For me, power comes from a kind of ritual (though it isn't one). It's a ritual only in the fact that the sun goes up and down, and I go to sleep and wake up in cycles, and so I do a lot of things according to a schedule. We all do, and so we can call something like coffee and the newspaper a "morning ritual", even if it's not technically a ritual. But power, for me, comes from waking up every morning, drinking my water to get me started (coffee comes a little later, lol), and just immediately connecting with God.
As always, you know the way in which I mean God, as your Higher Power. And I just begin by feeling that connection, and being thankful for the individual day, and for every blessing. Then I go out and get the day started, and I immediately feel empowered.
And for you, whatever works for you to feel that way is equally important. Never doubt that you are on an important mission in life. You don't even have to know what it is, but know for sure that it is important.
And so, quiet confidence, connection to your God, gratitude, and knowing your mission (i.e.your life) is important. Not just in a "feel-good" way, but as an unfolding mystery. The importance of your life is being revealed to you, step by step and day by day.
God works in mysterious ways - truer words were never spoken - and you will come to love the mysteries that are presented to you, and the answers that are revealed as you explore them. By finding joy in each day, and in the mysteries, you will always remain curious about life, and that factor is so important for an intelligent and creative person like yourself. Neverending curiosity means you will always have something to look forward to, and that is the lifeblood of the thinker and the Artist.
Well, I'm back on my soapbox again, but I better get off so I can go do part of my walk. I will do half now and half later. Usual schedule, donchaknow........ ;)
I Love You, Elizabeth! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
(and I'll be back later, naturally)
11:35pm : I like the photo you chose earlier, and I checked out the photographer's link to his book, and I like the concept as well: travelling around and recording what you see as you go. In his case it was unfortunately a creation of the circumstance of having to live in his car, but he still created something out of it. I also (and you will know this about me, lol) like when he says of his photo, that it was created "in camera".
Photos should be created in the camera. Not with touch-ups, unless one is doing technical photography for advertisements, or fashion photography, etc. But for art photography, no computer enhancement is best.
Let the light do the work, either natural light or whatever you have set up. For me, because I am not a professional photographer, I am only seeking the Revelation Magic of art photography. I just wanna find interesting confluences of light and shape, and capture them, and hope that something underlying will present itself.
But yeah, I still say that the Mojave Desert and the Pearblossom Highway would be a great shoot for us, and extending from that, all the back roads of America. The backroadsier the better!
The only thing you don't wanna do is get so far off the beaten track that you find yourself in a Texas Chainsaw Massacre type situation! Way out in the middle of nowhere, so to speak......
Still, just start driving and go.........and see what you come up with.
Well, my Darling, we will do these things. For now, I sure am enjoying the local environs. I know you are working (I mean I think you are) but I hope you are having a chance to shoot, also. Meanwhile, just keep the mindset; what we talked about earlier. Keep your power, hold it close.
Sweet Dreams.
I Love You and will see you in the morning. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
I am home, just putting away a few groceries and checking email. Vickie came over for the first time in several weeks and we went shopping. Weird weather here : overcast and humid, like thunderstorm weather though nothing like that happened. It feels more like a late Fall day. But, they say the sunshine will be back full force in a day or two, so that's good.
Did you have a nice day? I saw your Taya Iv post while I was at Pearl's, and again Elizabeth, that is a beautiful thing to post, and if her words represent your feelings, whether in part or as a whole, then all I can say is I am glad! But the thing to keep in mind, if you like who you are becoming, is that you were a wonderful person to begin with. I know you've maybe had some difficulty with self-criticism and things like that in the past, but those days are over. Now, I don't mean you will never critique yourself or your work - of course you will, any creative person wants to do their best - but self-critiquing is a much more positive endeavor than being self-critical, a mindset which tends to emphasize the negative.
I like who you are becoming, too, and I also like who you are and have been! I give myself a High Five because I saw it all along (way to go, Ad!). My first thought was "Artist", and the bottom line with being an Artist, is that once you are one, you are one for life.
Remember that it's a mindset and inner feeling more than anything. Even more than the work you produce, though that is of course the desired end result. But first and foremost, you are an Artist because of the way you think and feel.
Now I'll get off my soapbox, because I love the Taya Iv quote and those words should suffice to describe your feelings at the moment. I always say, "when you are happy, I am happy", and so that extends in every way. You are awesome, my Angel. Always know it, but hold it inside in a quiet way as I always like to say. Confidence is never an outward thing, I don't think, and for me it is always tempered by gratitude for blessings.
For me, power comes from a kind of ritual (though it isn't one). It's a ritual only in the fact that the sun goes up and down, and I go to sleep and wake up in cycles, and so I do a lot of things according to a schedule. We all do, and so we can call something like coffee and the newspaper a "morning ritual", even if it's not technically a ritual. But power, for me, comes from waking up every morning, drinking my water to get me started (coffee comes a little later, lol), and just immediately connecting with God.
As always, you know the way in which I mean God, as your Higher Power. And I just begin by feeling that connection, and being thankful for the individual day, and for every blessing. Then I go out and get the day started, and I immediately feel empowered.
And for you, whatever works for you to feel that way is equally important. Never doubt that you are on an important mission in life. You don't even have to know what it is, but know for sure that it is important.
And so, quiet confidence, connection to your God, gratitude, and knowing your mission (i.e.your life) is important. Not just in a "feel-good" way, but as an unfolding mystery. The importance of your life is being revealed to you, step by step and day by day.
God works in mysterious ways - truer words were never spoken - and you will come to love the mysteries that are presented to you, and the answers that are revealed as you explore them. By finding joy in each day, and in the mysteries, you will always remain curious about life, and that factor is so important for an intelligent and creative person like yourself. Neverending curiosity means you will always have something to look forward to, and that is the lifeblood of the thinker and the Artist.
Well, I'm back on my soapbox again, but I better get off so I can go do part of my walk. I will do half now and half later. Usual schedule, donchaknow........ ;)
I Love You, Elizabeth! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
(and I'll be back later, naturally)
11:35pm : I like the photo you chose earlier, and I checked out the photographer's link to his book, and I like the concept as well: travelling around and recording what you see as you go. In his case it was unfortunately a creation of the circumstance of having to live in his car, but he still created something out of it. I also (and you will know this about me, lol) like when he says of his photo, that it was created "in camera".
Photos should be created in the camera. Not with touch-ups, unless one is doing technical photography for advertisements, or fashion photography, etc. But for art photography, no computer enhancement is best.
Let the light do the work, either natural light or whatever you have set up. For me, because I am not a professional photographer, I am only seeking the Revelation Magic of art photography. I just wanna find interesting confluences of light and shape, and capture them, and hope that something underlying will present itself.
But yeah, I still say that the Mojave Desert and the Pearblossom Highway would be a great shoot for us, and extending from that, all the back roads of America. The backroadsier the better!
The only thing you don't wanna do is get so far off the beaten track that you find yourself in a Texas Chainsaw Massacre type situation! Way out in the middle of nowhere, so to speak......
Still, just start driving and go.........and see what you come up with.
Well, my Darling, we will do these things. For now, I sure am enjoying the local environs. I know you are working (I mean I think you are) but I hope you are having a chance to shoot, also. Meanwhile, just keep the mindset; what we talked about earlier. Keep your power, hold it close.
Sweet Dreams.
I Love You and will see you in the morning. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
Friday, July 18, 2014
Goodness :):) (melted) (rocks & runes)
Good Morning, my Angel,
I am just getting home. I took Pearl to a local imaging center for an upper GI x-ray. Her daughter had taken her to the doctor because she sometimes has food go down the wrong way, which results in coughing spasms. I didn't think it was that big a deal, it's just that Pearl eats too fast and sometimes is talking, too. But her daughter thought she should get looked at, so she took her to see her doctor and he ordered the x-ray. The x-ray tech said he thought the images looked good, but he said the doc would look at them, too, and then send a full report. But it's probably all good. Pearl has never been a smoker, either.
Anyway, so I am back to work, but now I am home again until 4:30. While we were at the imaging center I saw the news about the airplane. Crazy stuff. I don't know what's up with Maylasia Airlines, but it sure seems weird for them to have two highly unusual incidents like this. I think when we travel, we will stick to reputable airlines and safe destinations.
Well, I like our world, and the things we think about and talk about. The photo you posted this morning says "Goodness", and it is very important to remember the overwhelming amount of goodness and good things in the world.
I hope you are enjoying your day. I will be here until 4:15, and then on Chromebook 2 at Pearl's, and then back here again after 6:30! And I will check in later to see how you are doing.
I Love You, Elizabeth. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
7:05pm : Hi, my Baby, I am home. The Black Kitty and Kobedoggie were glad to see me, and vice-versa. Now we will be back in the swing of things for a couple weeks, and then from August 3rd through the 8th, I will get another five days off. They are having new kitchen cabinets put in, so Pearl's daughter will be back down here for that.
I saw your Eric Whitacre post, and I also saw a couple of comments that were visible when you posted it. You may have intended them, but in any case they were so very beautiful, and my heart melted, and all I can tell you, my Angel, is that I Love You, too, and I will never let you down.
Such beautiful things to say. :):)
Tonight, I have to do all my mileage, so I will do half now and half a little later. Or maybe the whole thing at once, lol. I haven't decided yet! My whole walk takes approximately 68 minutes. It's actually 4.75 miles worth. When I started in 1999, I measured, on my car odometer, a loop around CSUN, and that's what it came out to. I just call it 5 miles a day because I figure I do at least a quarter mile of incidental walking, in and out of stores, doing stuff at Pearl's, etc. So, it all adds up, but the 4.75 miles of walking for excercise takes about 68 minutes if I do it all at once. At any rate, I'll do it all at some point this evening!
I hope you are enjoying your Friday night. I will be here for the moment, then back later at the usual time.
I Love You, Elizabeth, always and forever. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
Midnight : A late post, but I got my full walk done, so all is well. I saw your comment about runes, and so I guess you have been into that aspect of occult magic for several years. Are runes a part of Paganism? My guess is yes. You see, my girl, that is in your soul in the same way those ancient Santa Susana rocks are in mine. For me, I have been into what I call "weird stuff" for quite some time. The Occult in the literal sense, of being obscured or hidden. A lot of times it was just fascination with something interesting, but a few times - like with The Meadows after the earthquake, or now with Santa Susana - it's like being pulled in.
I know you know the feeling. For you, it seems very similar, except the traditions and, in your case, the skills (reading of runes and other magical aspects), come from another culture in a different place.
But it's really all the same thing, and do you know what's a mindblower? The whole idea of the rocks. I got interested in Chumash history this evening, and on Wiki they talked about the Shaman, and trances entered into before cave painting, and that the Chumash believed there was special energy in the rocks.
Spiritual power.
When you go out there, there is no doubt. It's a quiet power, and yet you might as well be plugged into a high voltage transformer. So it's a knowing that comes from intuition, from feeling.
You know it because you feel it.
And so, it's pretty fascinating that ancient cultures from around the globe, probably too distantly spaced to have shared knowledge, were all interested in the power of stones and rocks. Runes have a language on top of that, but it's the same thing : harmonic energy contained in symbols.
What blows me away is that this kind of thing is beyond logical analysis. I don't mean that, using logic, that a person could not explain these things. An enlightened and intelligent person certainly could do so. What I mean by "beyond logical analysis" is that The Power Of The Ancient (be it giant rocks, or runes embedded with symbolic language, or cave paintings, or harmonic bowls) is so overwhelming to the person who connects to it, that the Pull is all that is needed for certainty.
When I am in Santa Susana, I don't need anyone to explain it to me. Not even a Chumash, although they could tell me the details and history and fine points. And it's the same way for you. The runes, and symbols of the ancient language pulled you in. And I am sure there are other things in your life, other natural phenomena, that have done the same to you.
It's interesting that so much power - spiritual power - is conveyed through rocks, and in a completely subliminal way.
Dr. Farrell has talked about the pitzeo-electric (i.e.radio) conductivity contained in quartz, and I think that certain, or even most rocks contain a conductivity of some type: physical energy, dream energy, intuitive energy.
Rocks are dense, and they are everlasting or pretty close to that, and they hold energy.
For millions of years, they input energy of all kinds. And then they radiate it, gradually.
And those who are sensitive to that power - who know it without anyone having to explain it to them - are pulled in.
That's you and me. It's pretty awesome to feel that power.
Sweet Dreams, my Baby. I Love You!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoox :):)
I am just getting home. I took Pearl to a local imaging center for an upper GI x-ray. Her daughter had taken her to the doctor because she sometimes has food go down the wrong way, which results in coughing spasms. I didn't think it was that big a deal, it's just that Pearl eats too fast and sometimes is talking, too. But her daughter thought she should get looked at, so she took her to see her doctor and he ordered the x-ray. The x-ray tech said he thought the images looked good, but he said the doc would look at them, too, and then send a full report. But it's probably all good. Pearl has never been a smoker, either.
Anyway, so I am back to work, but now I am home again until 4:30. While we were at the imaging center I saw the news about the airplane. Crazy stuff. I don't know what's up with Maylasia Airlines, but it sure seems weird for them to have two highly unusual incidents like this. I think when we travel, we will stick to reputable airlines and safe destinations.
Well, I like our world, and the things we think about and talk about. The photo you posted this morning says "Goodness", and it is very important to remember the overwhelming amount of goodness and good things in the world.
I hope you are enjoying your day. I will be here until 4:15, and then on Chromebook 2 at Pearl's, and then back here again after 6:30! And I will check in later to see how you are doing.
I Love You, Elizabeth. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
7:05pm : Hi, my Baby, I am home. The Black Kitty and Kobedoggie were glad to see me, and vice-versa. Now we will be back in the swing of things for a couple weeks, and then from August 3rd through the 8th, I will get another five days off. They are having new kitchen cabinets put in, so Pearl's daughter will be back down here for that.
I saw your Eric Whitacre post, and I also saw a couple of comments that were visible when you posted it. You may have intended them, but in any case they were so very beautiful, and my heart melted, and all I can tell you, my Angel, is that I Love You, too, and I will never let you down.
Such beautiful things to say. :):)
Tonight, I have to do all my mileage, so I will do half now and half a little later. Or maybe the whole thing at once, lol. I haven't decided yet! My whole walk takes approximately 68 minutes. It's actually 4.75 miles worth. When I started in 1999, I measured, on my car odometer, a loop around CSUN, and that's what it came out to. I just call it 5 miles a day because I figure I do at least a quarter mile of incidental walking, in and out of stores, doing stuff at Pearl's, etc. So, it all adds up, but the 4.75 miles of walking for excercise takes about 68 minutes if I do it all at once. At any rate, I'll do it all at some point this evening!
I hope you are enjoying your Friday night. I will be here for the moment, then back later at the usual time.
I Love You, Elizabeth, always and forever. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
Midnight : A late post, but I got my full walk done, so all is well. I saw your comment about runes, and so I guess you have been into that aspect of occult magic for several years. Are runes a part of Paganism? My guess is yes. You see, my girl, that is in your soul in the same way those ancient Santa Susana rocks are in mine. For me, I have been into what I call "weird stuff" for quite some time. The Occult in the literal sense, of being obscured or hidden. A lot of times it was just fascination with something interesting, but a few times - like with The Meadows after the earthquake, or now with Santa Susana - it's like being pulled in.
I know you know the feeling. For you, it seems very similar, except the traditions and, in your case, the skills (reading of runes and other magical aspects), come from another culture in a different place.
But it's really all the same thing, and do you know what's a mindblower? The whole idea of the rocks. I got interested in Chumash history this evening, and on Wiki they talked about the Shaman, and trances entered into before cave painting, and that the Chumash believed there was special energy in the rocks.
Spiritual power.
When you go out there, there is no doubt. It's a quiet power, and yet you might as well be plugged into a high voltage transformer. So it's a knowing that comes from intuition, from feeling.
You know it because you feel it.
And so, it's pretty fascinating that ancient cultures from around the globe, probably too distantly spaced to have shared knowledge, were all interested in the power of stones and rocks. Runes have a language on top of that, but it's the same thing : harmonic energy contained in symbols.
What blows me away is that this kind of thing is beyond logical analysis. I don't mean that, using logic, that a person could not explain these things. An enlightened and intelligent person certainly could do so. What I mean by "beyond logical analysis" is that The Power Of The Ancient (be it giant rocks, or runes embedded with symbolic language, or cave paintings, or harmonic bowls) is so overwhelming to the person who connects to it, that the Pull is all that is needed for certainty.
When I am in Santa Susana, I don't need anyone to explain it to me. Not even a Chumash, although they could tell me the details and history and fine points. And it's the same way for you. The runes, and symbols of the ancient language pulled you in. And I am sure there are other things in your life, other natural phenomena, that have done the same to you.
It's interesting that so much power - spiritual power - is conveyed through rocks, and in a completely subliminal way.
Dr. Farrell has talked about the pitzeo-electric (i.e.radio) conductivity contained in quartz, and I think that certain, or even most rocks contain a conductivity of some type: physical energy, dream energy, intuitive energy.
Rocks are dense, and they are everlasting or pretty close to that, and they hold energy.
For millions of years, they input energy of all kinds. And then they radiate it, gradually.
And those who are sensitive to that power - who know it without anyone having to explain it to them - are pulled in.
That's you and me. It's pretty awesome to feel that power.
Sweet Dreams, my Baby. I Love You!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoox :):)
Thursday, July 17, 2014
I Love You :):) (Stagecoach again.......my goodness, Ad, do ya have to go there everyday?.....) (The Slide!) (Chumash Magic) (You Rule)
Good Morning, Elizabeth,
Are you there? I just wanted to say that I have another day off today. Pearl's daughter decided to stay an extra day, so I don't have to be back until tomorrow morning. So, I am gonna do the usual and stay out of the mid-day heat, then head out later just for another short trip, looking for photos to take.
I'm sorry I had to write so much and bring all that stuff up last night, but I really needed to explain the situation. I still have a little more that I want to add, but I will do that later. I hope you are okay, and I am thinking about you and I Love You. Hope to hear from you. :)
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
3:10pm : Just checking in to say that I saw your two posts. I didn't know what to make of them, other than smiling faces (and perhaps the word "yay"!), so I guess, and I am hoping, that you are happy. I am happy and I don't care about those guys or any of the stuff I wrote about last night. They bothered me at the time, and I had to write about them to describe what happened, but I don't care now. Water under the bridge.
I still have to write a little more, and I will do so when I get back. I am gonna do the usual and head back over to Stagecoach. I love it there; it makes me feel like I am back in the 1800s, or even further back in Indian times, thousands of years ago, lol. So, I am gonna drive over there, wander around til late afternoon and then head back. I may stop at Aliso, too, but I will be back no later than 8pm, tops. And I will write more then. I Love You, Elizabeth, and that's something you can always count on.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
7pm : Good Evening, my Darling. I am back, and as you can see (if you saw FB a few minutes ago), I finally found The Devil's Slide, just like I vowed to. It's not all that hard to find, once you get on the correct trail. Anyhow, I found it and I walked all the way to the top of the mountain, and to the trailhead on the other side at a road called Lilac Lane. It was my best hike yet! A total blast, relatively easy, and only about an hour each way. I sure don't know how a stagecoach ever made it down that road, though! They probably didn't have too many repeat customers, lol.
I saw your posts when I got back, and it seems like everything is okay again, so I am happy. France is for sure one of our destinations, and definitely a hike........anywhere!
The one last thing I wanted to bring up (when I said I was gonna write a little more on the subject) is the question of how the whole thing materialised. I mean, it was making me a little nervous because I couldn't and can't figure it out. How did Lillian's name come up, or more to the point, if I am correct that your recent posts (and Tina's post) of Lily Pads, and "Water Lillies" referred to Lillian, then the only possible reason I can think of that you were upset was because of my friend request. In fact, it is the only possible reason because I have had no contact with her. The only thing resembling contact was my friend request, which she never accepted. Hence she is not on my FB "friends" list, so my question is how did her name come up?
You couldn't have seen her on my friends list because she is not on it, and you can't see a friend "request" on FB that is sent by another person. You can only see your own friend requests.
So what I haven't been able to figure out is how you became aware of it? It's freaking me out just a little bit because I thought "What? Did Elizabeth have contact with Lillian? Contact from her"? And then I thought, "that doesn't make any sense at all". Neither one of you would have any reason to contact the other, and in Lillian's case, she is not the type of person who would interfere in my business in that way. At least I can't imagine she would. She has too much else to do with her job. All of my FB posts are limited to "friends", so even if she looked at my profile, all she would see is "lists" (movies, music, etc.) and my photos. Those are the only things I have set to "public". So she wouldn't even be aware of you and I, and I haven't seen her since 1995, so I am sure she would have zero interest in me or my life. She's not out to get me, in other words (and there's nothing to "get" anyway because I am a good guy), so she would have no reason in the world to contact you, and she's just not the kind of person who gets involved in things like that. Not to my knowledge, anyway. And I know you would have no reason to contact her.
So I can't figure it out. If you and Tina (in helping you) both posted "Lillies", which meant that Lillian was the problem, and if she could only have been the problem due to my FB friend request, and if you can't see other people's friend requests on FB, and finally, if it seems extremely unlikely that either you or she would try to make contact with the other (and in her case probably not even aware of you and I), then how did her name come up? How did you become aware of my friend request to her? That's the only thing even resembling contact that I have initiated.
It's no major deal, and I am very glad everything seems okay again, but I am just curious because I can't figure it out, and it seems like intrigue or something. Weird stuff. Anyway, whatever it is you can tell me, even if for some crazy reason she did contact you or vice-versa. You can tell me if you want to, but the main thing is that I am happy everything is good.
I will do the rest of my walk in a little while, then come back and write some more at the usual time.
I Love You, Elizabeth! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
10:30pm : Ah, so it's magic, is it? ;) I'm just teasing, saying that because of your post. Whatever the case, it's all good now I take it. All I know for sure is that I Love You and You are my Sweet Baby. And I know you love me, too. :):)
Well, I am all hiked out after three straight days on the trails. I think I'm turning into a Chumash Indian! It's funny, too, because never in my life was I really a "nature" kind of guy. I mean, I always loved being outdoors, and when we were kids and Dad took us to the beach, desert or mountains, we always had fun and enjoyed it, but as an adult it was never anything I sought out. I love going for walks, at CSUN or in my neighborhood, but this trail thing is new to me. It started when somebody posted a photo last Fall, on FB, of the Garden Of The Gods film site at the old Iverson Ranch in Santa Susana Pass. I thought, "wow, I've never even heard of that place and it's just five miles away". I thought it would be good for some photos, so I went there, and the rest is history : Corriganville, Placerita Canyon, El Escorpion, all the different trails in Santa Susana, and finally today the summit. Devil's Slide. So that was awesome.
When I was a kid, 9 years old in the Summer of 1969, I went to YMCA camp. It was a day camp and the kids went home at night, but there were a couple weekends where we stayed overnight on the lawn at Chatsworth Park, which is located at the base of the mountains in my pictures. We had the Santa Susanas all around us and we slept under the stars in sleeping bags, something they probably wouldn't let kids do today. But it was awesome and a little eerie, because the camp counselors, who were mostly teenagers, would tell us scary stories about witches and monsters who lived up in the hills. They liked to scare the kids, haha, but they also told us about the Indians who'd lived there. So when I think about it, it may be some residual effect from my childhood campout days that drew me back there.
Whatever it is, I sure had fun this week. Now that I know where the Slide is, I can make it a recurring hike, every so often.
And one day not too long from now, you can come with me.
I Love You, my Darling! Tomorrow I am back at work, but we will head into a nice weekend and the rest of an awesome Summer, a Summer to remember for certain. Sweet Dreams and I will see you in the morning.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
12:30pm : A late night P.S. : I just saw your post about the photographer Krit. He is using locations in our near vicinity. The photo with the guy with his arm raised, wearing all white, is interesting because it looks like it was shot at one of the dry lake beds just north of the Valley, when you are getting near the Mojave desert. The other photo that strikes me, and maybe the one you meant most prominently, is the one with bodies in white amongst sandstone formations, with a pile of rocks in the background. That also looks to be in our vicinity - he says his locations were in L.A. - and my guess once again is that he shot it in the Lancaster area, just over the North end of the Valley. Check it on Google maps if you want to.
I read his interview with Interview mag, in the post, and it's interesting, yet so true, that L.A. is a place of nature. We have this urban and suburban sprawl, but we are surrounded by nature. I am glad he noticed it!
Going out to Lancaster, and especially the Pearblossom Highway, is another one on my list. That is a trip you are definitely coming on!
You rule, my Baby. I Love You! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox :):)
Are you there? I just wanted to say that I have another day off today. Pearl's daughter decided to stay an extra day, so I don't have to be back until tomorrow morning. So, I am gonna do the usual and stay out of the mid-day heat, then head out later just for another short trip, looking for photos to take.
I'm sorry I had to write so much and bring all that stuff up last night, but I really needed to explain the situation. I still have a little more that I want to add, but I will do that later. I hope you are okay, and I am thinking about you and I Love You. Hope to hear from you. :)
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
3:10pm : Just checking in to say that I saw your two posts. I didn't know what to make of them, other than smiling faces (and perhaps the word "yay"!), so I guess, and I am hoping, that you are happy. I am happy and I don't care about those guys or any of the stuff I wrote about last night. They bothered me at the time, and I had to write about them to describe what happened, but I don't care now. Water under the bridge.
I still have to write a little more, and I will do so when I get back. I am gonna do the usual and head back over to Stagecoach. I love it there; it makes me feel like I am back in the 1800s, or even further back in Indian times, thousands of years ago, lol. So, I am gonna drive over there, wander around til late afternoon and then head back. I may stop at Aliso, too, but I will be back no later than 8pm, tops. And I will write more then. I Love You, Elizabeth, and that's something you can always count on.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
7pm : Good Evening, my Darling. I am back, and as you can see (if you saw FB a few minutes ago), I finally found The Devil's Slide, just like I vowed to. It's not all that hard to find, once you get on the correct trail. Anyhow, I found it and I walked all the way to the top of the mountain, and to the trailhead on the other side at a road called Lilac Lane. It was my best hike yet! A total blast, relatively easy, and only about an hour each way. I sure don't know how a stagecoach ever made it down that road, though! They probably didn't have too many repeat customers, lol.
I saw your posts when I got back, and it seems like everything is okay again, so I am happy. France is for sure one of our destinations, and definitely a hike........anywhere!
The one last thing I wanted to bring up (when I said I was gonna write a little more on the subject) is the question of how the whole thing materialised. I mean, it was making me a little nervous because I couldn't and can't figure it out. How did Lillian's name come up, or more to the point, if I am correct that your recent posts (and Tina's post) of Lily Pads, and "Water Lillies" referred to Lillian, then the only possible reason I can think of that you were upset was because of my friend request. In fact, it is the only possible reason because I have had no contact with her. The only thing resembling contact was my friend request, which she never accepted. Hence she is not on my FB "friends" list, so my question is how did her name come up?
You couldn't have seen her on my friends list because she is not on it, and you can't see a friend "request" on FB that is sent by another person. You can only see your own friend requests.
So what I haven't been able to figure out is how you became aware of it? It's freaking me out just a little bit because I thought "What? Did Elizabeth have contact with Lillian? Contact from her"? And then I thought, "that doesn't make any sense at all". Neither one of you would have any reason to contact the other, and in Lillian's case, she is not the type of person who would interfere in my business in that way. At least I can't imagine she would. She has too much else to do with her job. All of my FB posts are limited to "friends", so even if she looked at my profile, all she would see is "lists" (movies, music, etc.) and my photos. Those are the only things I have set to "public". So she wouldn't even be aware of you and I, and I haven't seen her since 1995, so I am sure she would have zero interest in me or my life. She's not out to get me, in other words (and there's nothing to "get" anyway because I am a good guy), so she would have no reason in the world to contact you, and she's just not the kind of person who gets involved in things like that. Not to my knowledge, anyway. And I know you would have no reason to contact her.
So I can't figure it out. If you and Tina (in helping you) both posted "Lillies", which meant that Lillian was the problem, and if she could only have been the problem due to my FB friend request, and if you can't see other people's friend requests on FB, and finally, if it seems extremely unlikely that either you or she would try to make contact with the other (and in her case probably not even aware of you and I), then how did her name come up? How did you become aware of my friend request to her? That's the only thing even resembling contact that I have initiated.
It's no major deal, and I am very glad everything seems okay again, but I am just curious because I can't figure it out, and it seems like intrigue or something. Weird stuff. Anyway, whatever it is you can tell me, even if for some crazy reason she did contact you or vice-versa. You can tell me if you want to, but the main thing is that I am happy everything is good.
I will do the rest of my walk in a little while, then come back and write some more at the usual time.
I Love You, Elizabeth! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
10:30pm : Ah, so it's magic, is it? ;) I'm just teasing, saying that because of your post. Whatever the case, it's all good now I take it. All I know for sure is that I Love You and You are my Sweet Baby. And I know you love me, too. :):)
Well, I am all hiked out after three straight days on the trails. I think I'm turning into a Chumash Indian! It's funny, too, because never in my life was I really a "nature" kind of guy. I mean, I always loved being outdoors, and when we were kids and Dad took us to the beach, desert or mountains, we always had fun and enjoyed it, but as an adult it was never anything I sought out. I love going for walks, at CSUN or in my neighborhood, but this trail thing is new to me. It started when somebody posted a photo last Fall, on FB, of the Garden Of The Gods film site at the old Iverson Ranch in Santa Susana Pass. I thought, "wow, I've never even heard of that place and it's just five miles away". I thought it would be good for some photos, so I went there, and the rest is history : Corriganville, Placerita Canyon, El Escorpion, all the different trails in Santa Susana, and finally today the summit. Devil's Slide. So that was awesome.
When I was a kid, 9 years old in the Summer of 1969, I went to YMCA camp. It was a day camp and the kids went home at night, but there were a couple weekends where we stayed overnight on the lawn at Chatsworth Park, which is located at the base of the mountains in my pictures. We had the Santa Susanas all around us and we slept under the stars in sleeping bags, something they probably wouldn't let kids do today. But it was awesome and a little eerie, because the camp counselors, who were mostly teenagers, would tell us scary stories about witches and monsters who lived up in the hills. They liked to scare the kids, haha, but they also told us about the Indians who'd lived there. So when I think about it, it may be some residual effect from my childhood campout days that drew me back there.
Whatever it is, I sure had fun this week. Now that I know where the Slide is, I can make it a recurring hike, every so often.
And one day not too long from now, you can come with me.
I Love You, my Darling! Tomorrow I am back at work, but we will head into a nice weekend and the rest of an awesome Summer, a Summer to remember for certain. Sweet Dreams and I will see you in the morning.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
12:30pm : A late night P.S. : I just saw your post about the photographer Krit. He is using locations in our near vicinity. The photo with the guy with his arm raised, wearing all white, is interesting because it looks like it was shot at one of the dry lake beds just north of the Valley, when you are getting near the Mojave desert. The other photo that strikes me, and maybe the one you meant most prominently, is the one with bodies in white amongst sandstone formations, with a pile of rocks in the background. That also looks to be in our vicinity - he says his locations were in L.A. - and my guess once again is that he shot it in the Lancaster area, just over the North end of the Valley. Check it on Google maps if you want to.
I read his interview with Interview mag, in the post, and it's interesting, yet so true, that L.A. is a place of nature. We have this urban and suburban sprawl, but we are surrounded by nature. I am glad he noticed it!
Going out to Lancaster, and especially the Pearblossom Highway, is another one on my list. That is a trip you are definitely coming on!
You rule, my Baby. I Love You! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox :):)
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
Good Morning (please read) (I'm back) (my thoughts) (the story)
Good Morning, Elizabeth,
I am just waking up, gonna have my morning coffee. I see that there are still zero page views since Monday, so I guess you didn't see my comments from last night. I hope all is well but it just feels like something funny is going on, in looking at some of your most recent posts. Everything seemed great, but as soon as I got a few days off it seems like you stopped reading.
Anyway, again I say that I hope all is well, but if it's not would you please let me know what is happening? It is hot and humid outside once again, so I am gonna hang around here til the afternoon. I sure hope to hear from you.
I Love You Always. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
2:35pm : I'm just checking in to see if you're there. Still no page views as of now. I have a feeling I know what's going on but I just wanna know if you're out there before I say anything. If it's what I think it is, all I can tell you is that you've got it wrong, and you're not in a country music video, either. I will be here for a little while if you wanna post anything, probably til 3:15 or 3:30, then I am gonna go back out to Chatsworth just for something to do. It's my last full day off. Sigh......I hope you read this, Elizabeth. I Love You. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
8:20pm : I am back. I went out to Stagecoach again, and then Grimsley called while I was out there and wanted to meet me at Aliso, so I did that too. A double trail day. Anyway, I see a couple page views so I guess you finally read again. I hope so anyway. If you feel like posting anything, I will be here for the rest of the evening. I hope we can clear things up, if indeed there has been a problem, and if it's what I think it is. I hope you are feeling okay and anything you feel like posting will be a big help to me. I will be back later to write more.
I Love You, Elizabeth. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxo
10pm : I will write a little bit now, just to try and get some communication started. All I can do for starters is just tell you what I've observed for the past few days, and from that, what I think the problem is. It may take awhile for me to type it all, though I don't want to get into a long-winded and overblown explanation, or one that is overwrought, either. I think it will help if we both communicate, just so we can clear the air, and so I will write a bit now, then post. I hope you read it, and if you do and then feel like posting something yourself, that will help me as I said earlier.
Well, here I go, and I will start at the beginning, going back a little over a week ago, maybe around the 4th of July or just after that. As you know, I am a person who notices the details of things. It's not because I'm suspicious or anything like that. I am not a cynical or ironic person and I think you know that about me. Rather, the reason I notice things (at least I think the reason) is more like a right-brain thing, like an intuitive noticing of patterns. We have patterns in our communication; everybody does, but we do especially because part of our communication is symbolic. I have learned to interpret your posts and because we think alike and because you are so creative and intelligent, most of your posts are easy to interpret. And it's precisely because they are usually easy to interpret that I notice when one seems a little different.
So, around July 5th or 6th, you posted a "like" of somebody's picture who was moving to Japan. The reason I noticed it was because of phonetics. That's what I mean when I say my brain picks up on patterns. It's like it is always trying to translate stuff. So, in the post, the person was moving to (and I will try to get the name and spelling as close as I can remember it) "Fukuoka, Japan".
Here's why I noticed it. First, it was kind of an unusual "like" for you. "Likes" that you post on FB are often as not meant for me to see - messages to me - and I could not, at first, figure out why you would have posted a "like" of someone moving to Japan. I checked and from what I could see, you were not on the person's "mutual friends" list, and I had never seen you use this person in your posts before. It didn't appear that you knew the person. So it seemed really random. But I thought, "well, usually Elizabeth means her posts for me".
The other thing I noticed was the phonetics. "Fukuoka, Japan". In other words, "F. You", Japan. One thing I know about my Elizabeth is that she is super-smart, super creative and she knows that I get stuff. But still, I couldn't understand that particular post, and I wrote off the phonetics explanation because at that time, we were celebrating two years of loving each other and things had been just beautiful. So I thought, "well, it's gotta just be a post of somebody I don't know and I don't understand the meaning. Or maybe Elizabeth is saying she'd love to visit Japan". So I dismissed the phonetics, and I think I referred to visiting Japan in my blog that evening. I chalked it up to "Elizabeth is saying 'let's go to Japan' " and I wrote in my blog that I would love to.
Okay, then some time went by, and some of your posts were about us, directed at me, some were of photos you liked, there was some World Cup stuff. That was over the ten days (or so) period since the Japan post. I just now checked on FB, and it was just a few days ago, July 12th to be exact (which would be last Saturday), that you posted a "like" of the beautiful picture of the Middle Eastern woman and her baby. I responded in my blog by saying "this time I'm your Baby"! (because very often the picture is of you as my Baby). At any rate, that would have been last Saturday and everything seemed fine, just wonderful in fact. Then came Sunday and World Cup. Germany won, everything seemed fine.
Then came Monday, two days ago. It was a day off for me, I slept in, and when I woke up I saw two pictures posted. Two "likes" by you, of the hot air balloon, and the dragonflies. They were a little different from some photos you post, but both were nice shots, and at first I just thought the balloon post was your way of saying, "let's go ballooning"! An adventure for us, because we talk about adventures from time to time, like last Summer when I mentioned going to Puma Punku and places like that. An adventure. The dragonflies post was by Wisconsin Wildlife Photographers, and they do excellent work and I know you like and have posted their stuff before. So I just figured, well, those posts are a little different, but not too different. One's an adventure and the other is a pretty Summer picture. We've been talking about Summer a lot, and I just figured, "dragonflies are a Summer thing, and there's two of them......they're us"! And that's what I wrote in my blog that day.
Then I was gonna go see The Beatles movie that night in Hollywood, with Grimsley, and I wanted to let you know, so I wrote it in my blog. And I checked after that and there were no page views. I think there were still none when I left for the movie, but I just figured, well, Elizabeth must be out with friends or doing something. I know you don't just sit around waiting for me to post. :)
But when I got back from the movie, at about 10pm, there were still no page views. There was a post from you on FB, though, of the guy with his friends. I thought, "hmmm, I don't think that one has to do with me, it's just a friend of Elizabeth's. Maybe she talked to him today".
Right now I am gonna take a short break and post this. Hopefully you will read if you are still awake. If you feel like posting anything on FB, please do. If not, or if you can't find anything to fit what you want to say, that's okay too. I will write more in a few minutes, but I just wanna eat something first.
Back in a few. :):)
11:50pm : I don't think I will be able to entirely finish what I want to say tonight, as it is late, and by the time I type and post this part you may be asleep anyway, but in checking back just now, I see a page view and that is good. Remember way back, my girl, when I used to say "communication is everything"? Well it still is, and as long as you are reading, then I have at least communicated my end of things.
I will pick up where I left off and go as far as I can for this evening. Well, by this time it was yesterday, and I was heading out to Chatsworth to the trail, and things still felt off. There were little to no page views on the blog for a couple days, and posts by you that either didn't seem to apply to me or just didn't feel right for some reason. And then yesterday - I don't recall if it was before I left for Stagecoach or after I got back - but there was a "like" by you of your friend Tina's post. The picture of the painting.
"Looks like a Monet", was your comment.
I go by feeling, my whole life is that way, just inputting and intuiting stuff. I analyze too, using logic, but what I always notice first, on the periphery, is the intuitive stuff. I think you know that because you know me pretty well by now, and you are also super-intuitive. We think alike, you and I.
I also retain memory, so even if I had put aside something that didn't feel right to me - just "wrote it off", say - if something else comes along that doesn't feel right, then I will go back and pull the first thing out of the old memory bank, because it means I am seeing a pattern.
So I saw your post of Tina's picture, and by now I know something is off. For a little while, I thought she herself had painted the picture. I know some of your friends are artists, and because you said "looks like" a Monet, I thought you were complimenting her on her ability to duplicate a style.
I was trying to enjoy my days off, and I was going on my hikes, and yesterday I even went almost all the way to the top of that part of the Santa Susanas, and there was nobody back there but me, and I was kind of blowing my mind because you can really feel the energy of those old rocks and hills, way back in the corner of the Valley and way up high. And the best part is that it's a relatively easy hike, because you ascend gradually.
So I was loving being back there all by myself, but at the same time I knew something was wrong.
Monet. "Water Lillies".
Dragonflies on lily pads from the day before.
All the other stuff I have mentioned, the Japan post.
A very long time ago, going way back to early 2013, you posted something having to do with a "lily", perhaps in a painting or something. The exact post I don't remember. But I know I figured it out, and then later, maybe in Spring 2013, you posted the "pavane" by Ravel, and I was at first nonplussed. Then I figured that out too.
So this time, it took me a couple of days, because I am out of practice, but with the help of Tina's picture and the dragonflies, I finally understood your reference.
I don't have the time or energy to finish writing tonight, because I still have a lot to say, but I will say that I think I know why you are making references to "lily". I mean, if those two posts (dragonflies and Monet) are a coincidence, then I'll be a monkey's uncle.
Elizabeth, you are referring to Lillian, are you not? And if you are, you must have noticed that I sent her a friend request on Facebook.
Here is where things can get touchy if we don't trust one another, and so I am offering my trust by being honest with you, even though you haven't posted in a while now and thus I have had no input from you on this matter.
Everything I have written in this blog leads up to that - you have noticed that I had sent Lillian a friend request. Is that what the problem is? That's my guess, because of "F. You" (Japan), and then later, "A Man Of The Hot Air Balloon" (i.e. "A Man Who Is Full Of Hot Air") and then on the same morning, dragonflies on "lily" pads. And then Monet. And then finally, Tina's comment about you being in a country music video (cheatin' hearts, et al). In fact, now that I thnk of it, there was also a post of yours, a "like" of Simone L.'s post, in which she won an award for a play called "Crimes Of The Heart". So maybe you meant that one for me, too. Or maybe it was coincidental. But I know the others were meant for me.
So now I am going to tell you what happened. I will have to give you the brief version now, because it is late and I have been writing a lot. But I promise to finish in the morning or early afternoon tomorrow. And at some point, I am going to need your help. Communication takes two, and you will see what I mean as we continue.
Elizabeth, yes I did send Lillian a friend request on Facebook. She is not, as far as I am aware, a person who uses social media very much, if at all. I was surprised to even see that she had an FB account. I looked her name up a while back, maybe six months ago, and that was that.
Here is what has been difficult for me, though I have learned to deal with it. I have mentioned it before, so it will be no surprise. You are very social, and you have quite a few male friends. Don't get me wrong, I know you, and I know that you love me, and I know that your friends are just friends. Still, because I am not all that social, except with close friends, and because I don't have a lot of female friends, it is something I have had to learn to deal with. You are social, it is your personality, I don't want to change it (nor can I or should I) because who you are is a beautiful person.
What I do have, because I am older, is a little bit of perspective, and as I have said when I have complained (or whined, if you prefer, lol) about one guy or another : in some cases, I can see the guy coming a mile away. When you have been around a while, you can see these things.
Elizabeth, do not take any of the following the wrong way, because all of what I am about to say is past history, and it's water under the bridge, and it's no big deal now, and wasn't really that big a deal when it was happening, but : you know that, since I have known you, there have been a few guys with whom I have felt I had to compete for your attention. Maybe I was right in feeling those feelings, and maybe I was wrong, but the feelings were there all the same, and at the time I expressed them, because I have always felt we should communicate.
Last Summer it was the French guy, Aurelien. For a while, it seemed he was always around. Now, he doesn't seem to be so much, but at the time I complained, and I said something like "it's hard for me because he can talk to you directly and I can't".
The other thing was that he was crazy about you, Elizabeth. You may see it as "just friends", but the guy doesn't see it that way. I mean, some guys do, guys that are just "nice guys" or Joe Schmoe or whatever, but with that particular guy there was no doubt. He was a guy who collects girls. How do I know that? Because I have been around the block. He is a kid, and I can see him coming from a mile away.
But I also know - and knew at the time - that you love me, so his attentions, and your communication with him, was something I could let pass, and in the end it proved to be no big deal.
Keep in mind the important part : that all along, I have not been able to talk to you directly. So if a guy like Aurelien was in the picture, posting and posting, with you responding to some extent, all I could do was sit there and watch, or complain in my blog. And then, it felt like I was a fifth wheel, whining off to the side. He could talk to you directly; he was a girl collector; I am an older guy and can see him coming.
Not fun for me, but it didn't last, and then he seemed to be gone.
Most of the other guys have been fans. Easy to tell a fan, they are appreciative, make a few posts, no big deal.
But then - and you probably know what I am gonna say now - then came the other guy. Johan.
He came along about last Fall or so, at least on FB. Maybe you have known him in real life for a long time, I don't know. But from the gist of what I could see on FB, your friendship was fairly recent.
He went from not being there at all, to posting "like" so fast on every post you made, that you'd have thought his FB was hooked up directly to his brain. I complained about him, too. I thought he lived in Germany, so it didn't bother me too much, but then on your birthday last year I saw some post about drinking in a bar or something........and I thought, "whoa".
Who is this guy?
Then I saw that he didn't live in Germany. He lived in Chicago. And he just posted "like" after "like", very rapidly, and I thought, "It's another Aurelien, except tenfold".
Elizabeth, that guy is crazy about you. Again, you may not see it that way, but I am coming from the perspective of age, and more that that - from being a guy.
I can tell who's who, every time. I don't know this guy, and he doesn't seem to be around at the moment. I haven't seen him post in a while. I am making no judgement on the guy, and I am sure he's a superb guy. But he likes you a lot. Just sayin.
And so here was I, sitting off to the side again, just like with Aurelien. I am sitting 2000 miles away, unable to talk to you directly, and what happened?
Around Memorial Day weekend (or whenever school got out), I see that the guy has travelled to Madison to record music with you. Music he could easily have recorded at home in Chicago. And I knew he had come to Madison specifically because of you. Now, there is no doubt he came because he wanted to use your vocals. I was one of the first to encourage you to keep singing and develop your voice, and I remember the special feeling of hearing you sing on the demo to "Not Unlike The Waves", so you know your vocals are special to me, and he knew it, too.
But the way I saw it, he also came to Madison because he likes you a lot, and there was also absolutely no doubt of that. Just as I get a feel for other stuff, I get a feel for that kind of thing, too. So Johan likes you, a lot, and when he posted the photos you took of him, and then he commented that you had also recorded music together, I thought "oh no, she's his girlfriend now".
As you may remember, there was a four or five day period when I didn't blog or post anything because of that. Elizabeth, it came out of the blue, you didn't mention it beforehand, nothing. It was just all of a sudden : "we recorded music in Madison", and there's the guy's photograph, and I'm thinking, "well, the guy got what he wanted. He's been posting and posting and posting since last Fall. He's the first guy to like every post Elizabeth makes, and now he's got what he wants, he's her boyfriend.
That's what I thought, because it came out of the blue. I had been dealing with one guy or another who liked you for a long time at that point, and mostly I was able to blow it off, even with Aurelien who finally went away.
But this time I couldn't blow it off. It hurt, even if I had it wrong. You see, a guy can have it "half wrong", because I know now that you are not his girlfriend. But I still had it "half right" because he would like you to be, or at least he would have liked it to be that way at the time, a couple months ago.
And here I was sitting two thousand miles away, having no direct communication for a year and a half now, and I was watching this guy do his thing, and I just said, "the heck with it".
And I sent Lillian a friend request on Facebook.
I sent it knowing that never in a million years would she accept it. But you know all these guys, and I have only ever known one other lady, and I was hurting.
So, to end for the evening, yes, I did send Lillian a friend request on Facebook, for the aforementioned reasons. I knew when I sent it that she was not gonna accept it. I only sent it because that guy was in my face and I was hurting.
If you are wondering if I have had any contact with Lillian, the answer is no.
I will write some more tomorrow, but I hope you will also post because communication takes two, and there are still some things that need to be cleared up.
For me, the Johan thing is in the past. I get over things quickly, especially once I understand them. But that's what happened at the time. Tomorrow I will finish my end of the story.
I hope you will post, too.
I Love You, Elizabeth. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
I am just waking up, gonna have my morning coffee. I see that there are still zero page views since Monday, so I guess you didn't see my comments from last night. I hope all is well but it just feels like something funny is going on, in looking at some of your most recent posts. Everything seemed great, but as soon as I got a few days off it seems like you stopped reading.
Anyway, again I say that I hope all is well, but if it's not would you please let me know what is happening? It is hot and humid outside once again, so I am gonna hang around here til the afternoon. I sure hope to hear from you.
I Love You Always. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
2:35pm : I'm just checking in to see if you're there. Still no page views as of now. I have a feeling I know what's going on but I just wanna know if you're out there before I say anything. If it's what I think it is, all I can tell you is that you've got it wrong, and you're not in a country music video, either. I will be here for a little while if you wanna post anything, probably til 3:15 or 3:30, then I am gonna go back out to Chatsworth just for something to do. It's my last full day off. Sigh......I hope you read this, Elizabeth. I Love You. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
8:20pm : I am back. I went out to Stagecoach again, and then Grimsley called while I was out there and wanted to meet me at Aliso, so I did that too. A double trail day. Anyway, I see a couple page views so I guess you finally read again. I hope so anyway. If you feel like posting anything, I will be here for the rest of the evening. I hope we can clear things up, if indeed there has been a problem, and if it's what I think it is. I hope you are feeling okay and anything you feel like posting will be a big help to me. I will be back later to write more.
I Love You, Elizabeth. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxo
10pm : I will write a little bit now, just to try and get some communication started. All I can do for starters is just tell you what I've observed for the past few days, and from that, what I think the problem is. It may take awhile for me to type it all, though I don't want to get into a long-winded and overblown explanation, or one that is overwrought, either. I think it will help if we both communicate, just so we can clear the air, and so I will write a bit now, then post. I hope you read it, and if you do and then feel like posting something yourself, that will help me as I said earlier.
Well, here I go, and I will start at the beginning, going back a little over a week ago, maybe around the 4th of July or just after that. As you know, I am a person who notices the details of things. It's not because I'm suspicious or anything like that. I am not a cynical or ironic person and I think you know that about me. Rather, the reason I notice things (at least I think the reason) is more like a right-brain thing, like an intuitive noticing of patterns. We have patterns in our communication; everybody does, but we do especially because part of our communication is symbolic. I have learned to interpret your posts and because we think alike and because you are so creative and intelligent, most of your posts are easy to interpret. And it's precisely because they are usually easy to interpret that I notice when one seems a little different.
So, around July 5th or 6th, you posted a "like" of somebody's picture who was moving to Japan. The reason I noticed it was because of phonetics. That's what I mean when I say my brain picks up on patterns. It's like it is always trying to translate stuff. So, in the post, the person was moving to (and I will try to get the name and spelling as close as I can remember it) "Fukuoka, Japan".
Here's why I noticed it. First, it was kind of an unusual "like" for you. "Likes" that you post on FB are often as not meant for me to see - messages to me - and I could not, at first, figure out why you would have posted a "like" of someone moving to Japan. I checked and from what I could see, you were not on the person's "mutual friends" list, and I had never seen you use this person in your posts before. It didn't appear that you knew the person. So it seemed really random. But I thought, "well, usually Elizabeth means her posts for me".
The other thing I noticed was the phonetics. "Fukuoka, Japan". In other words, "F. You", Japan. One thing I know about my Elizabeth is that she is super-smart, super creative and she knows that I get stuff. But still, I couldn't understand that particular post, and I wrote off the phonetics explanation because at that time, we were celebrating two years of loving each other and things had been just beautiful. So I thought, "well, it's gotta just be a post of somebody I don't know and I don't understand the meaning. Or maybe Elizabeth is saying she'd love to visit Japan". So I dismissed the phonetics, and I think I referred to visiting Japan in my blog that evening. I chalked it up to "Elizabeth is saying 'let's go to Japan' " and I wrote in my blog that I would love to.
Okay, then some time went by, and some of your posts were about us, directed at me, some were of photos you liked, there was some World Cup stuff. That was over the ten days (or so) period since the Japan post. I just now checked on FB, and it was just a few days ago, July 12th to be exact (which would be last Saturday), that you posted a "like" of the beautiful picture of the Middle Eastern woman and her baby. I responded in my blog by saying "this time I'm your Baby"! (because very often the picture is of you as my Baby). At any rate, that would have been last Saturday and everything seemed fine, just wonderful in fact. Then came Sunday and World Cup. Germany won, everything seemed fine.
Then came Monday, two days ago. It was a day off for me, I slept in, and when I woke up I saw two pictures posted. Two "likes" by you, of the hot air balloon, and the dragonflies. They were a little different from some photos you post, but both were nice shots, and at first I just thought the balloon post was your way of saying, "let's go ballooning"! An adventure for us, because we talk about adventures from time to time, like last Summer when I mentioned going to Puma Punku and places like that. An adventure. The dragonflies post was by Wisconsin Wildlife Photographers, and they do excellent work and I know you like and have posted their stuff before. So I just figured, well, those posts are a little different, but not too different. One's an adventure and the other is a pretty Summer picture. We've been talking about Summer a lot, and I just figured, "dragonflies are a Summer thing, and there's two of them......they're us"! And that's what I wrote in my blog that day.
Then I was gonna go see The Beatles movie that night in Hollywood, with Grimsley, and I wanted to let you know, so I wrote it in my blog. And I checked after that and there were no page views. I think there were still none when I left for the movie, but I just figured, well, Elizabeth must be out with friends or doing something. I know you don't just sit around waiting for me to post. :)
But when I got back from the movie, at about 10pm, there were still no page views. There was a post from you on FB, though, of the guy with his friends. I thought, "hmmm, I don't think that one has to do with me, it's just a friend of Elizabeth's. Maybe she talked to him today".
Right now I am gonna take a short break and post this. Hopefully you will read if you are still awake. If you feel like posting anything on FB, please do. If not, or if you can't find anything to fit what you want to say, that's okay too. I will write more in a few minutes, but I just wanna eat something first.
Back in a few. :):)
11:50pm : I don't think I will be able to entirely finish what I want to say tonight, as it is late, and by the time I type and post this part you may be asleep anyway, but in checking back just now, I see a page view and that is good. Remember way back, my girl, when I used to say "communication is everything"? Well it still is, and as long as you are reading, then I have at least communicated my end of things.
I will pick up where I left off and go as far as I can for this evening. Well, by this time it was yesterday, and I was heading out to Chatsworth to the trail, and things still felt off. There were little to no page views on the blog for a couple days, and posts by you that either didn't seem to apply to me or just didn't feel right for some reason. And then yesterday - I don't recall if it was before I left for Stagecoach or after I got back - but there was a "like" by you of your friend Tina's post. The picture of the painting.
"Looks like a Monet", was your comment.
I go by feeling, my whole life is that way, just inputting and intuiting stuff. I analyze too, using logic, but what I always notice first, on the periphery, is the intuitive stuff. I think you know that because you know me pretty well by now, and you are also super-intuitive. We think alike, you and I.
I also retain memory, so even if I had put aside something that didn't feel right to me - just "wrote it off", say - if something else comes along that doesn't feel right, then I will go back and pull the first thing out of the old memory bank, because it means I am seeing a pattern.
So I saw your post of Tina's picture, and by now I know something is off. For a little while, I thought she herself had painted the picture. I know some of your friends are artists, and because you said "looks like" a Monet, I thought you were complimenting her on her ability to duplicate a style.
I was trying to enjoy my days off, and I was going on my hikes, and yesterday I even went almost all the way to the top of that part of the Santa Susanas, and there was nobody back there but me, and I was kind of blowing my mind because you can really feel the energy of those old rocks and hills, way back in the corner of the Valley and way up high. And the best part is that it's a relatively easy hike, because you ascend gradually.
So I was loving being back there all by myself, but at the same time I knew something was wrong.
Monet. "Water Lillies".
Dragonflies on lily pads from the day before.
All the other stuff I have mentioned, the Japan post.
A very long time ago, going way back to early 2013, you posted something having to do with a "lily", perhaps in a painting or something. The exact post I don't remember. But I know I figured it out, and then later, maybe in Spring 2013, you posted the "pavane" by Ravel, and I was at first nonplussed. Then I figured that out too.
So this time, it took me a couple of days, because I am out of practice, but with the help of Tina's picture and the dragonflies, I finally understood your reference.
I don't have the time or energy to finish writing tonight, because I still have a lot to say, but I will say that I think I know why you are making references to "lily". I mean, if those two posts (dragonflies and Monet) are a coincidence, then I'll be a monkey's uncle.
Elizabeth, you are referring to Lillian, are you not? And if you are, you must have noticed that I sent her a friend request on Facebook.
Here is where things can get touchy if we don't trust one another, and so I am offering my trust by being honest with you, even though you haven't posted in a while now and thus I have had no input from you on this matter.
Everything I have written in this blog leads up to that - you have noticed that I had sent Lillian a friend request. Is that what the problem is? That's my guess, because of "F. You" (Japan), and then later, "A Man Of The Hot Air Balloon" (i.e. "A Man Who Is Full Of Hot Air") and then on the same morning, dragonflies on "lily" pads. And then Monet. And then finally, Tina's comment about you being in a country music video (cheatin' hearts, et al). In fact, now that I thnk of it, there was also a post of yours, a "like" of Simone L.'s post, in which she won an award for a play called "Crimes Of The Heart". So maybe you meant that one for me, too. Or maybe it was coincidental. But I know the others were meant for me.
So now I am going to tell you what happened. I will have to give you the brief version now, because it is late and I have been writing a lot. But I promise to finish in the morning or early afternoon tomorrow. And at some point, I am going to need your help. Communication takes two, and you will see what I mean as we continue.
Elizabeth, yes I did send Lillian a friend request on Facebook. She is not, as far as I am aware, a person who uses social media very much, if at all. I was surprised to even see that she had an FB account. I looked her name up a while back, maybe six months ago, and that was that.
Here is what has been difficult for me, though I have learned to deal with it. I have mentioned it before, so it will be no surprise. You are very social, and you have quite a few male friends. Don't get me wrong, I know you, and I know that you love me, and I know that your friends are just friends. Still, because I am not all that social, except with close friends, and because I don't have a lot of female friends, it is something I have had to learn to deal with. You are social, it is your personality, I don't want to change it (nor can I or should I) because who you are is a beautiful person.
What I do have, because I am older, is a little bit of perspective, and as I have said when I have complained (or whined, if you prefer, lol) about one guy or another : in some cases, I can see the guy coming a mile away. When you have been around a while, you can see these things.
Elizabeth, do not take any of the following the wrong way, because all of what I am about to say is past history, and it's water under the bridge, and it's no big deal now, and wasn't really that big a deal when it was happening, but : you know that, since I have known you, there have been a few guys with whom I have felt I had to compete for your attention. Maybe I was right in feeling those feelings, and maybe I was wrong, but the feelings were there all the same, and at the time I expressed them, because I have always felt we should communicate.
Last Summer it was the French guy, Aurelien. For a while, it seemed he was always around. Now, he doesn't seem to be so much, but at the time I complained, and I said something like "it's hard for me because he can talk to you directly and I can't".
The other thing was that he was crazy about you, Elizabeth. You may see it as "just friends", but the guy doesn't see it that way. I mean, some guys do, guys that are just "nice guys" or Joe Schmoe or whatever, but with that particular guy there was no doubt. He was a guy who collects girls. How do I know that? Because I have been around the block. He is a kid, and I can see him coming from a mile away.
But I also know - and knew at the time - that you love me, so his attentions, and your communication with him, was something I could let pass, and in the end it proved to be no big deal.
Keep in mind the important part : that all along, I have not been able to talk to you directly. So if a guy like Aurelien was in the picture, posting and posting, with you responding to some extent, all I could do was sit there and watch, or complain in my blog. And then, it felt like I was a fifth wheel, whining off to the side. He could talk to you directly; he was a girl collector; I am an older guy and can see him coming.
Not fun for me, but it didn't last, and then he seemed to be gone.
Most of the other guys have been fans. Easy to tell a fan, they are appreciative, make a few posts, no big deal.
But then - and you probably know what I am gonna say now - then came the other guy. Johan.
He came along about last Fall or so, at least on FB. Maybe you have known him in real life for a long time, I don't know. But from the gist of what I could see on FB, your friendship was fairly recent.
He went from not being there at all, to posting "like" so fast on every post you made, that you'd have thought his FB was hooked up directly to his brain. I complained about him, too. I thought he lived in Germany, so it didn't bother me too much, but then on your birthday last year I saw some post about drinking in a bar or something........and I thought, "whoa".
Who is this guy?
Then I saw that he didn't live in Germany. He lived in Chicago. And he just posted "like" after "like", very rapidly, and I thought, "It's another Aurelien, except tenfold".
Elizabeth, that guy is crazy about you. Again, you may not see it that way, but I am coming from the perspective of age, and more that that - from being a guy.
I can tell who's who, every time. I don't know this guy, and he doesn't seem to be around at the moment. I haven't seen him post in a while. I am making no judgement on the guy, and I am sure he's a superb guy. But he likes you a lot. Just sayin.
And so here was I, sitting off to the side again, just like with Aurelien. I am sitting 2000 miles away, unable to talk to you directly, and what happened?
Around Memorial Day weekend (or whenever school got out), I see that the guy has travelled to Madison to record music with you. Music he could easily have recorded at home in Chicago. And I knew he had come to Madison specifically because of you. Now, there is no doubt he came because he wanted to use your vocals. I was one of the first to encourage you to keep singing and develop your voice, and I remember the special feeling of hearing you sing on the demo to "Not Unlike The Waves", so you know your vocals are special to me, and he knew it, too.
But the way I saw it, he also came to Madison because he likes you a lot, and there was also absolutely no doubt of that. Just as I get a feel for other stuff, I get a feel for that kind of thing, too. So Johan likes you, a lot, and when he posted the photos you took of him, and then he commented that you had also recorded music together, I thought "oh no, she's his girlfriend now".
As you may remember, there was a four or five day period when I didn't blog or post anything because of that. Elizabeth, it came out of the blue, you didn't mention it beforehand, nothing. It was just all of a sudden : "we recorded music in Madison", and there's the guy's photograph, and I'm thinking, "well, the guy got what he wanted. He's been posting and posting and posting since last Fall. He's the first guy to like every post Elizabeth makes, and now he's got what he wants, he's her boyfriend.
That's what I thought, because it came out of the blue. I had been dealing with one guy or another who liked you for a long time at that point, and mostly I was able to blow it off, even with Aurelien who finally went away.
But this time I couldn't blow it off. It hurt, even if I had it wrong. You see, a guy can have it "half wrong", because I know now that you are not his girlfriend. But I still had it "half right" because he would like you to be, or at least he would have liked it to be that way at the time, a couple months ago.
And here I was sitting two thousand miles away, having no direct communication for a year and a half now, and I was watching this guy do his thing, and I just said, "the heck with it".
And I sent Lillian a friend request on Facebook.
I sent it knowing that never in a million years would she accept it. But you know all these guys, and I have only ever known one other lady, and I was hurting.
So, to end for the evening, yes, I did send Lillian a friend request on Facebook, for the aforementioned reasons. I knew when I sent it that she was not gonna accept it. I only sent it because that guy was in my face and I was hurting.
If you are wondering if I have had any contact with Lillian, the answer is no.
I will write some more tomorrow, but I hope you will also post because communication takes two, and there are still some things that need to be cleared up.
For me, the Johan thing is in the past. I get over things quickly, especially once I understand them. But that's what happened at the time. Tomorrow I will finish my end of the story.
I hope you will post, too.
I Love You, Elizabeth. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
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