Happy New Year! Elizabeth, if you are reading I hope you had a nice New Year's Eve. I am at Pearl's, of course, and I watched the ball drop in Times Square like I have for the past several years. Also listened to mass fireworks going off. It was so loud here in the neighborhood that you have to wonder what people are thinking, especially since it is the same neighbors who lit their palm tree on fire last 4th of July and could have burned their house down. But, for some folks, too much is never enough.
At any rate, the noise has subsided by now, thank goodness.
Sorry I didn't write last night, but yesterday was a bit of a fiasco. My sister Vickie came over and we went shopping. Vickie was just back from Hawaii, where she spent Christmas on vacation with her husband. I had not seen Vickie since August, so we were having fun shopping and talking. I don't wanna go into a big tirade about what happened, but I'll just give a few details.
I took Pearl's car to meet Vickie and do the shopping. My own car is currently parked at my apt. building. It is ancient and in need of a water pump, and probably won't pass smog anyway, and so I am probably gonna have to junk it in a couple months and look for a new (used) car. So anyway, when I left in Pearl's car to go shopping, the driveway was empty.
Pearl has a neighbor who..........."means well"............but is a busybody.
Do you get the general picture?
A person who is genial on the outside but who minds other people's business on the inside. I have had some trouble with this person in the past, but have let it go. I am a very good caregiver who has not missed one single day of work in eight years of caring for Pearl. But around 2012 or so, this person would on occasion call Pearl's daughter, who lives in San Francisco, to say things like "Adam's car has been gone for several hours now. I am really worried about your Mom".
My car would have been "gone for several hours" because my work schedule at the time called for me to be at Pearl's from 7:30 to 9:30 in the morning and from 4:30 to 6:30 in the evening.
So you can see what kind of person I was dealing with. A person who looks out their window, or down the sidewalk, or into a neighbor's driveway, to see what they are doing.
There is also the fact that I am a White Guy, 57 years old, slightly long hair, old car, dress in jeans and black t-shirts.........in other words, I don't look like your typical young female Filipino or Hispanic caregiver, and not only that, though I am shy and keep to myself, I am a person who is very sure of myself.
All of these factors push buttons in a Nosy Neighbor. I have tried to tell this lady that I was born into the house around the corner from Pearl, in 1960, at least 25 years before she and her husband came to the neighborhood, and that my family has known her family since 1953. Almost 65 years.
But in my experience, there are just some people in life who fixate on another person - like my former neighbor Jared Rappaport for instance - and because such a person is mentally or emotionally disturbed, they can cause great havoc in the life of the person on whom they fixate.
This neighbor lady has not caused great havoc in my life, but I have had that experience with Mr. Rappaport, and so I am wary of people who poke their nose into my life, especially for no reason.
This lady has made "behind-the back" calls to Pearl's daughter in years past, mostly about the same thing I've reported. "Adam's car has been gone for hours. I'm really worried about your Mom".
This is another way of saying, "I don't trust that Adam. Now, I don't really know him, but he has long hair, and he drives an old car, and he's a middle aged man. What's he doing as a caregiver, anyway"?
I freak nosy people out, because I am not like them. For one thing, nosy people are closed-minded. They have a small world view, which is why they have to mind other folks' business. Secondly, I am not materialistic. While I like nice clothes, and would like to have a new car, I have been focused on my work for the past eight years. Nosy closed minded people focus on things like appearance, and while I admit that appearance can be a factor, if - say - a person had the look of a psycho, or a decrepit person who looks irresponsible or incapable - I think it is safe to say in my case that I don't look like such a person. You can ask anyone who knows me, and you can ask people in my church, of which I am a member of the choir for the past three years.
The neighbor lady does not seem know any of this, nor does she realise that I take care of a 93 year old woman with dementia. Nor would she know what that type of caregiving entails.
All she sees is the jeans-and-t shirt older white guy rock n' roller who drives an old car.
And, there is one other thing that bugs busybodies, and that's when they know that you are actually not a fuck-up, but are in fact more intelligent than they are by several exponents.
That sends 'em over the top.
So to cut to the freakin' chase, what happened yesterday was that I was out shopping with my sister. I was using Pearl's car. My own car, which is usually parked at Pearl's, was at my place due to a broken water pump.
So the lady next door, who apparently focuses on Pearl's house, noticed that there were no cars in the driveway, and she completely freaked out.
And she sent Pearl's daughter, who lives 350 miles away in San Francisco, a text message. She sent this text message with no context, no explanation, no preceding message or query. And the message was "Should I send my condolences"?
Needless to say, receiving such a message, out of the blue with no explanation, freaked Pearl's daughter out big time.
The neighbor lady just assumed, because there were no cars in our driveway here at Pearl's, that Pearl had died. And without any preceding query or contextual information whatsoever, she sent an insinuating, out of the blue text message to Pearl's daughter, that suggested that Pearl had passed away.
Imagine being Pearl's daughter and getting such a text message, out of the blue, with no other information, just the words "should I send my condolences"?
Well, that text message sent off a flurry of phone calls. Pearl's daughter called the neighbor lady, who was apparently so choked up with tears that she couldn't finish a sentence. Keep in mind what I have told you about this lady.
Then, while shopping with Vickie, I got two phone calls. First, from the neighbor lady. I calmly explained to her that Pearl was okay, and that I was at the market. But inside I was fuming, because I have had to deal with this woman occasinally butting into my work for several years. And I have known from Day One that she doesn't like me, even though I've never said boo to her.
I am just a caregiver who is very good at my job, who took care of my Mom when she had Stage Four cancer (and I was trained to do so by Kaiser Nursing Staff), and who now takes care of Pearl who is 93 years old and who has fairly severe dementia. I am on the job 16 hours a day, though part of that is sleep, but I am at the house, inside the house, for 16 hours a day.
And I haven't missed a day in eight years of doing this job.
But unfortunately for me, there is a neighbor lady who seems to know better than I do....
Well, when Pearl's daughter called me to ask me what was going on, while I was still shopping with my sister and trying to enjoy a few hours off on the holiday weekend, I hit the ceiling.
I didn't yell or even raise my voice, but I very definitely explained that I have had it up to my ears with this neighbor. And that if this neighbor buts her nose into my work one more time, that I am all done.
Of course, I would not abandon Pearl for any reason, but I was just trying to make a plea to her daughter to get this woman off my back.
I would do it myself, but then there would be a very unpleasant confrontation, because I would basically ask her in no uncertain terms : "Excuse me, but who the fuck are you"?
My job is stressful as it is, but I am proud of the job I do, and I know I am very good at it.
But yesterday was massively stressful because of this nutty woman. Imagine sending someone a text with no explanation insinuating their mother had died. And all because of an empty driveway.
And that was the fiasco that happened yesterday, which was why I didn't write. I was just too stressed.
Today was much better, however, with good singing in church, and now I am looking forward to a Happy New Year with all kinds of good stuff happening.
See you in the morning. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
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