No movie tonight. Instead, Grimsley came over. He wanted to play me a cassette tape of a comedy album he had bought. I've told you that Grim is Old School. He loves tape, be it VHS or cassette. I don't know if he bought this particular comedy tape recently (because cassettes are once again available in used record stores), or if he's had it for a long time, but he wanted me to hear it. I've also told you that Grim's thing is comedy. He loves comedy and comedians, whereas I enjoy comedy but it's not usually the first thing I seek out for entertainment. Maybe I am Too Damn Serious, I dunno. I hope I don't come off that way, or even worse, as Pretentious.
I was reading back last night's blog about guitar solos, and I worried that I sounded pretentious.
Then I realised that it's probably even more pretentious to worry if you are sounding pretentious, because then you are doubly focused on Your Own Importance. I'd better quit this line of reasoning right now, before I dig myself a hole I can't get out of. :)
Back to Grimsley, he wouldn't tell me who it was he wanted me to hear. All he said was, "you'll never guess who it is".
What happened then was that I blurted out the first name that came to me. I didn't think about it, just said it.
I said "Bill Cosby".
And Grim looked at me funny and said, "How the hell did you know that"?
I said, "I didn't know it, I just said it".
I'm psychic, and before you call me on the pretentiousness of saying that about myself (it's like saying you've been abducted by Aliens), I declare that everyone has the potential to be psychic because everyone has a Sixth Sense. It's just that it's a dormant sense for most of us who aren't natural psychics, and most folks aren't interested in developing their psychic ability, usually because they have no interest in "outside" phenomena.
I do have an interest, though. Weirdness has been a major focus of my life, and I have put a lot of effort into training my own psychic ability, mostly through meditation, self-hypnosis, and more than anything just paying close attention to my inner voice and to everything from bird sounds to clouds in the sky and the overall presence of God.
So I said "Bill Cosby", and I got it right. I know Bill Cosby is in the news because of his trial, but that's not why I said his name. There was no "why"; it just came out. And there were probably a couple dozen other comedians I could have mentioned, who are either out of fashion or obscure who would have been more to Grimsley's preference and who would have seemed more probable as his mystery comic.
I mention this anecdote because my correct guess, coming spontaneously on the first try, gives me hope that my intuition is intact regarding much more important matters that have been very difficult to penetrate. I am sure you can guess what I am referring to, and you won't even need to develop your intuition to do so. :)
I have two "matters of importance" in my life that supersede everything else, and I don't like to emphasize them because it makes me sound like I am coming from a place of desperation. That is not the correct term in my case, because I am a practicing stoic on these two matters (and Stoics never despair.....yeah right) and also because I have a lot of other interests to keep me busy, and of course my job, which takes up the majority of my day, every day.
But the two Matters Of Importance are always "right there", presenting themselves, because time is going by.
Matter #1 is that I don't want to be single anymore. I haven't ever wanted to, really, but I have been Stoic about it, and that stoicism has sufficed me until now. Now, it is really sucking to be single. I am only two years from 60, and twelve from 70, and years go by pretty quick these days. Also, I've been single for 28 years running, and though I've had an exciting life, here and there in the meantime, I have never been a guy who wants to go it alone. And I don't want to get old alone. Not much frightens me, but that prospect does.
The problem with Matter #1 is that I can't just go to a dating service an "marry someone".
For one thing, I am shy, and more importantly, I am way too psychic and tuned in to my feelings and the feelings of others, and I can't fake a relationship. So no dating service for me. That's Matter #1.
Matter #2 is all about learning the complete truth about what happened in 1989. Again, this matter is becoming more urgent because, though I am not ancient, I don't want to go to my grave never knowing what that life changing event was all about. If that were to happen, it might affect my soul and my passage into the next world. 1989 changed my life, period, and in the most profound way imaginable. Unlike other people involved, I am unable to ignore it or to pretend that it never happened.
I liken my problem to the plight of family members of missing persons, who never in their lifetime find out what happened to their loved ones. I cannot think of a more terrible tragedy, again because to carry such a burden of endless wondering to one's grave must surely affect the passage of the soul.
This is why I always emphasize how profoundly wrong it is to withhold important personal information from someone who is respectfully and honestly seeking it, because even though the person may be stoic, their soul has a need to know. And the soul can perish in desperation if that need is never fulfilled.
I will shut up now.
I've also been watching videos on Youtube by the band "Hell", which was Andy Sneap's group before he recently joined Judas Priest. If the year was 1986, I might have been a big fan of Hell. Watching them now, I am definitely entertained, and I suggest you Youtube them and watch at least one song. You will see why when you do so.
See you in the morn. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
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