It was nice to see The Von Trapped Family back on Facebook this morning. They're always a lot of fun and this time they premiered a new song called "Yes, I Have Ghosts", performed by David Gilmour and his daughter Romany. Someone asked if it means Gilmour might have an album in the works and he said "yes", which is awesome. "It'll take some time", he added, likely meaning a couple of years, but anything he does is worth the wait. In the meantime, it would be great if they made Von Trapped into a permanent thing. It's not just me - people love hanging out with this family. :)
Well let's see, where are we in the Motion Picture Scheme of Things? We're with Bert I. Gordon, that's where. Like the Gilmours, he's always good company, and tonight we watched one of his best Creature Features : "Earth vs. The Spider"(1958). This one is pure fun, a High School Horror Hop that's made for makin' out with your sweetie in the back row of the theater.
June Kenny is "Carol Flynn", a teenager with an upcoming birthday. When her Dad fails to show up for the celebration, she's at first depressed, then scared. He's not an ideal father, in truth he's a down-on-his-luck sort who's never around, but Carol knows he wouldn't miss her birthday. She asks her boyfriend Mike (Eugene Persson) to help her look for him and they trace his route along Mulholland Drive. They find his truck, which has gone off the embankment, but what's weird is that there's a rope laying across the road, as if someone stretched it tight and caused Carol's father to crash. But is it a rope? Mike's not so sure. It's not made of any fiber he's ever seen, and it's Awfully Sticky.
Dad isn't in the truck, so he might be still alive. Carol and Mike search the area and end up at Bronson Cave. Being that this is a sci-fi movie, it seems a likely place for Dad to have sought shelter, so they go in and and it turns into Carlsbad Caverns. This has never happened before, not in any of the sci-fis Mike and Carol have ever seen, but they venture in further, past stalagmites and stalactites, and come to a wide opening, which they fall through and land on a net. But is it a net? It's made of the same kind of Sticky Substance as the "rope" on the road. Now they hear a squealing sound.
OMG! There's a Giant Spider coming toward them! The net is it's web! You can bet that Steven King saw this movie and was influenced by "It"! (see what I did there?)
Mike and Carol manage to escape. They go straight to the Sheriff (Gene Roth) to tell him about the spider, but in following the Rule of the Rational Lawman, he just about laughs them out of the office. Next they try their science teacher (Ed Kemmer), who's a bit more receptive because they've brought along the "rope" they found on the highway, which they now know is spider silk. "Hmmm, I suppose it's possible", says Mr. Kingman, the teacher. "Just because no one's ever reported a Giant Spider doesn't mean they don't exist".
"But we're reporting one now"!, says Carol. "It could've killed us, and it may have captured Dad! We've got to go back to that cave, but we need help".
Mr. Kingman agrees to go, but to be on the safe side he recruits the local Pest Control Man, who brings along a truckload of DDT. At this point, the Sheriff, observing the mounting operation, decides to go too, just to keep things from getting out of hand. "You're really bringing all that bug spray"?, he asks Mr. Kingman, shaking his head. "Yes", replies the teacher. "As I say, an abnormally large spider is not an impossibility, and if we do find one, I want to be prepared".
"Okay", says the Sheriff. "Just so you don't mind me having the last laugh when we come back empty handed".
But that's not gonna happen because Carol and Mike were telling the truth. There really is a Giant Spider in Bronson Cave/Carlsbad Caverns, and not only that - Carol's Dad is in there too.....or what's left of him (this is another great make-up job by Bert Gordon. Yikes!). They find her Dad first. By now, the Sheriff has changed his tune : "You'd better get that DDT ready". They hear the spider's High Pitched Mewling and suddenly he's upon them, all eight hairy legs and bulbous body. The Terminix guy lets loose with a high pressure blast of DDT (kills humans, too!), and it works! The spider falls dead, and the group breathes a collective sigh of relief. But wait! We're only 30 minutes into the movie. Is Burt Gordon gonna end it now? I thought we had 45 minutes to go.
Maybe something is up. With the spider dead, Mr. Kingman sees a golden opportunity for science. "I'm going to take it back to the school. No one's ever had a specimen like this. It's got to be studied, to find out what caused it to grow. There could be others out there just like it. We could be in real trouble if we don't unravel it's genetics".
The spider ends up in the school gym, laying across the basketball court. The gym is locked up tight, but the rock band from music class needs a place to rehearse. They persuade the janitor (the great character actor Hank Patterson) to let them in : "What could happen? It's dead, right? And we're not gonna touch it, we promise". No sooner do they start jammin' than the doors open again. This time it's the drama students, who need a place to practice their play. Now you've got the musicians at one end of the gym, the actors at another, and the dead spider in the middle. Except it turns out he ain't dead after all.
See? I told ya something was up! There was no way Gordon was gonna shut the plot down after only half an hour. As you can imagine, all hell breaks loose and it's the janitor who pays the price. The kids come running out of the gym, but he gets trapped. Now he's spider food. The thing's really hungry, just like you or I might be after a long nap, and - as Movie Monsters always are - he's Extremely Pissed Off. That's another Ironclad Rule, that if something is Gigantic it's gotta be Bent On Total Destruction. So, after he finishes devouring the janitor, the Giant Spider busts out of the joint, smashing through the gym's brick walls and into the open. He's soon marauding around town, walking over homes as if they were only models, haha. Remember that Gordon used postcards of Chicago as backdrops in his Giant Cricket movie, so this is s step up. Actually, the special effects are pretty decent this time, rear-screen projection and model sets mixed with actual buildings.
Mr. Kingman is ashamed of his mistaken assumption that the spider was dead. "That wasn't very scientific of me". The DDT only stunned it, now it's on the verge of Destroying The Whole Town, as per the aforementioned Sci-Fi Edict. What to do? The Sheriff suggests calling out the Army, which is the usual method of dealing with Giant, Rampaging Insects, but Mr. Kingman, still feeling guilty, wants to tackle the problem himself. "I know a way to kill it for certain without bringing in the military. We can use electricity"! This is another Bert Gordon favorite, the High Voltage ending. It worked both times against the "Amazing Colossal Man".........but will it work on a Humongous Spider?
You'll have to find out for yourself. As you might guess, after the Big Guy wakes up (and after he's done eating a few people), he heads back to his pad in Bronson Cave. There are some complications involved in killing him. Mike and Carol become trapped, and Mr. Kingman has to call in an explosives team before the guy from the power company can do his thing, but it all makes for a tense ending. You'll need a large bucket of popcorn for this one. There's a Gee Whiz factor to go along with the scares and the whole thing screams "1950s". It's Bert I. Gordon at his best. I give "Earth vs. The Spider" Two Big Thumbs Up and recommend it to all fans of Giant Bug Movies. It's a classic of the genre. //////
That's all for now. I had a nice hike once again at Santa Susana, going all the way to the trailhead at Lilac Lane. As is the case of late, I raced to complete this review before deadline, lol, therefore please re-read for a corrected version tomorrow morning. See you tonight at the Usual Time.
Tons of love! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
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