Tonight I will try to write in shorter sentences, in order to state my thoughts as clearly as possible and avoid tangents. I'm a bit of a mess these past few days, so please excuse any unclear paragraphs or unfinished thoughts. At a time like this I have so much I want to say that it can get tangled up in places.
The first thing I want to say is that I hope you had a nice day, Elizabeth.
This morning I listened to "The Ocean" on Instagram (I am "koberdee" over there, in honor of Kobi the dog). I listened again to the lyrics, and re-read your comment about the song. You described it as "dealing with intense feelings", so I guess at the time you were writing the lyrics, you doing just that - coping with strong emotions. I hope it's okay if I quote some of your words. You sing about going separate ways with an unnamed person ("admit it was a mistake"), and then comes the key phrase, "cause I'm full of heart". That's the line that hit me when I first heard the song because it's so true. You have an incredible depth of feeling and it shows in everything you create. I know in this case, of the lyrics to your song, that those words are meant on a very personal level. You then continue by singing, "and it's like a tidal wave, when it washes over me". I don't know who the song is about (it sounds like it's about a person), but it's clear that the emotions you're describing were very strong and probably not easy to deal with. From your comment, it sounds like you were dealing with those emotions at the time you wrote the song, because you said it cheered you up to write and sing about it.
I don't know the details of the lyrics, who they're about or what situation, but just the fact that they describe intense feelings, as you say, tells me that you were going through something difficult at the time. It's a beautiful song by the way, and I like the way you use the metaphor of the shore versus the ocean, safety versus turbulence, then you observe that "starting over is the hardest part". You did an excellent job of lining up the words and syllables in a rhythmic sense, and your imagery in a lyrical sense. But I mention "The Ocean" because I'm trying to understand what you're feeling, even though you wrote it a few months ago and you may have processed those feelings by now.
But then, also on Instagram, I saw a photo - a spectacular Red Dress picture! - that was taken at Rocky Mountain National Park. In the comment you included some lines of poetry that sound very passionate and romantic, "soul stirring" to paraphrase the writer (was it you?). That picture was posted in February, about a month before you recorded "The Ocean". Then there is one other Red Dress photo taken in Iceland, that you posted in January of this year. That pic also has a line of poetry that refers to "two flames growing closer". Those captions sound more.......hopeful is the best word I can come up with at the moment. Romantic for sure. In other words, in January you used the words "two flames growing closer" to caption the photo, but in March - in "The Ocean" - you included the lyric "go our separate ways".
I don't want to guess or speculate on what any of those captions referred to, but it sounds overall like it describes a relationship.
Then finally, in the clip from your new song, that I heard last week, I remember a line that went "the only time I feel found is under your canopy". That was from, in your words, "a love song not to a human", which is why I guessed it was to a tree or just Nature in general. But again, as in "The Ocean", the lyrics are more vulnerable.
Elizabeth, I hope it's okay that I am examining your words, because I'm trying to understand how you've been feeling this year, maybe dealing with some heavy duty ups and downs. I'm also trying to understand why you ended up blocking me, and if the two things are related.
I wondered if you went through a relationship difficulty early this year, but then I thought "why would that lead to me getting blocked"? I've been your FB friend for 8 years, and all I do is press "like". But those poems and song lyrics describe something that, it seems to me, is very personal to you, something intense that you've been going through, and it also seems like I got blocked due to something I wrote in the blog or for something having to do with me in general.
Please know, Elizabeth, that all I'm trying to do is understand you, and what you are feeling. I just want to say a few more things tonight, and then tomorrow I will continue. I hope you are reading and will keep doing so. Please read between the lines as well, and keep in mind what I've said in the other blogs. What I'm going to say now is just me wearing my heart on my sleeve, as I tend to do, but it's a good heart. And I don't presume to speak for you with these thoughts, so I'm just saying "if". But it's good to try and understand someone you care about with all your heart and soul, and it's good to open your heart to that person, and so I'm gonna do that by just saying if :
If I knew you cared for me, you'd never have to wonder how much I care for you. You'd know it all the time.
If I knew you needed me, I would be there for you every hour of every day, in every way, to help, to listen, or just to be present.
You have no idea how much I've needed you, so now I'm telling you.
If you needed me to stand aside and give you space, I'd do that too, at any time.
If you were mine and I was yours, there'd never be anyone else (and there isn't now). I'd only have eyes for you.
If you loved me you'd know I love you. You'd have no doubt, ever.
Then we'd be free. Free from worry, free from fear. Free to be ourselves, each to each other, individuals but together............. In Art and Life.
If I knew what you feel.
xoxoxoxoxo :):)
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