For Elizabeth

Dear Elizabeth,

It looks like you have blocked me on Facebook. I'm guessing blocked rather than unfriended because according to FB, if you'd unfriended me I'd still be able to see your profile picture, which I can't. I also ruled out that you'd deactivated or deleted your account, because when I signed out of FB and searched your name, your profile did come up and I could see it.. But when I'm signed in I get nothing. So from what I can tell, you blocked me.

Can I ask why? I mean, it came out of nowhere and has really knocked me for a loop.

To me, blocking would signify you're upset about something. I know that sometimes, when people want to pare down their friends list, maybe to include only the folks they know "in person", they might unfriend a lot of others. To block, though, is a whole different thing. I've been your friend for over eight years, and I've tried to be as unobtrusive as I can be. I only ever press "like", I refrain from commenting directly on FB, and I've kept everything else here at the blog. I can only think of two reasons why a person would block someone. Either the blockee is worrisome, i.e. a nutcase to whatever degree, or else he or she is a friend or acquaintance who's upset the blocker in some way. You've known me long enough to know I'm not the former, so all I can think of is that you're mad at me. Blocking indicates feelings are involved. If I've done something to make you angry at me, I wish you'd say so. I'd give anything for a chance to fix it.

I've wracked my brain this afternoon to try and figure out what happened. As far as Facebook is concerned, I can't see how the trouble came from there. As I say, all I've ever done, at least for several years, is just to press "like" when you post, and that's because I do like your music, your photos, your art, etc. I only stopped posting comments because in 2012, you got upset with me. Today I wondered, "do I come off as too enthusiastic", like an overeager fanboy? But then I thought, if that were the case, you'd have blocked me years ago. And anyway, the whole point of posting something on FB is for people to see and/or hear it, to give them a chance to like it. "Like" is the whole point of a Facebook response, to say "I like what you do"! What's not to like about a "like", right? And from me it's from the heart, every time. You're a wonderful artist in every respect, as I've always said. What you create hits me in my soul, I am an intuitive person and connect to what you are doing on that level, and I love your love of nature, your emotional feel in music, and just the way you express yourself in the world.

So, I can't understand how the blocking was generated by anything I do on Facebook, on your page or mine. On yours, I only ever press "like" and on mine, I only ever post photos, music and the occasional goofy item, like a David Lynch video. I never post politics or the kind of stuff that usually causes someone to unfriend another person. But again, this appears to be a block rather than an unfriend.

So if it's not any action on Facebook (or if it is please tell me), then the only other place of origin must be here at the blog. And again, I just don't understand what it could be. I only ever write movie reviews, with the occasional comment about a book or a brief sentence about Trump, which I know wouldn't offend you. It's true that when you post, I comment about it here rather than on FB, but I've been doing that for years. When I do it, I put your name in the blog title so you'll know it's for you. To be honest, for a long time now I've never been sure if you do read this blog anymore. Back in 2013-15, it was easier to tell, because you'd respond on FB in a certain way, by posting something that would correlate. For instance, one time I wrote "life is magic" and an hour later I saw a "like" by you of a Calvin & Hobbes cartoon that said the same thing. That type of "back and forth" evolved into what I assumed was a new form of communication, and it worked like a charm (or seemed to) for several years, until Facebook did away with their news ticker. But I kept using the blog to communicate because, back in those days, I was pretty certain you were reading it. And, I've been using it ever since, to write back to you whenever you post.

I know that from 2013 to about 2015, my blogs to you were very personal, but again, from our "back and forth" communication on Facebook, I thought there was at least something mutual, and I always tried to write as a gentleman. My goodness, if you were gonna block me for coming on too strong, I would think you'd have done it back then. But the thing is, I didn't come on too strong, because anything I wrote was right here on my own page. The only way you could've read it would be if you had wanted to. I just wanted you to know my feelings, and I think if you'd read those blogs and been repulsed, you'd have blocked or unfriended me years ago. But the bottom line is that I wrote them here, where the only way you would see them was if you chose to. Also, everything I wrote I tried to express from the highest point of honor. I never, ever, wrote anything cheap or trashy concerning you and me, not only because I am not a trashy person and didn't feel those things, but because of the exact opposite, because meeting you was one in a million for me. There is no one like you, Elizabeth. Moreover I kept things utterly respectful; respecting our age difference and the physical distance between us. Though my feelings were true, I tried to keep it discreet because it was written online. That's why I kept it on my own page, my own blog, where you could read it or ignore it at your discretion. This blog was started for you.

Then, around 2015 or maybe 2016, I gave up altogether, the reason being that I thought you were in a relationship with John. I thought, "well, I guess I'd better step out of the way", and if you go back and look at those blogs you'll see I did so. At that point, the blog began to turn into movie reviews and general commentary. Ever since then, I only wrote to you when you posted something on FB, or when I had something to relate that I thought you might like. I used to sometimes start the blog "Hey Elizabeth"! That was after I toned things down. Before that, I always called you "my darling" or "sweet baby", but I kept my feelings restricted to the blog, so the only way you'd ever see them was if you wanted to. In short, you'd have to come here to read them, otherwise you'd never see them. And I think you must have seen those blogs.

Had John not been in the picture, I'd have kept writing that way, because a) I assumed you were reading, and b) they were my true feelings, and c) I thought you didn't mind. Once you and he were apparently involved, I stopped using those endearments. But they, too, were from the heart and I meant them in the best way. For the record, my feelings have never changed. I've just kept them to myself out of respect and to be unobtrusive, but I think you know that already.

All of this is meant to say that I can't imagine my personal feelings have caused you to block me after all this time, out of the blue. Just the other day, you seemed really happy. You posted the clip from your new song, then you posted the pic of the prairie. All I did was press "like" on both, and the next thing I know, I'm blocked (though it took me a couple days to figure out that was the case).

So all I can gather is that, whatever the cause, it must have come from the blog. I know I wrote a bunch of "weird stuff" recently, like my Darwin jokes and my story about "Matthew", but that's just my stupid sense of humor and my weird imagination. I've gone over every recent blog and I can't for the life of me figure out what I wrote that would cause you to block me. Yet blocking someone indicates anger, it's an impulsive action. "You jerk! That's it, I'm blocking you". So it's gotta be something I wrote.

Elizabeth, I wouldn't have taken the time to say all of this if it were anyone but you. You mean the world to me, and again I have to stress that anything I express is meant in the best way. You know me well enough to know 100% that I am not some weirdo sitting at the other end of an internet connection. I'm just me, and you wouldn't be here reading this if you didn't know that for certain. But even more than that - and this has got to be stressed most importantly - you have meant so much to me, just as Elizabeth the person, just doing what you do - making music, taking photos, loving nature, painting, etc. Just being who you are, you have brought so much joy to my life I can't begin to tell you. It's not superficial, it's for real. I'm an Alzheimer's caregiver as you know, and in my workaday life I don't always have a lot of joy. That's why when I see one of your posts, of a beautiful new song or photograph, and the words you write to accompany it, I light up. Because it makes my day.

You make my day.

I've felt a kinship with you ever since we met, because we like the same things. But the thing is, Elizabeth, that if it were any other person posting the same things, it wouldn't be the same.

It's because it's You. It's because you're the Artist with a Capital A, as I've always said. I've been with you since Autre Temps, and I've been on your side all the time, every single day. But even more than that, you're a very special person, a special lady and a beautiful spirit. You're also extremely intelligent, and I think you know all the things I am saying in this blog are true. Knowing you has been a wonderful thing for me, such a blessing and more than I can express in words.

I just want to ask if you'd consider unblocking me, or at least let me know why you blocked me? If you unblocked me, I could send you another friend request. I see I am not blocked on your Instagram. Would it be okay to message you there? I only ask because it hurts not to know why this has happened. The truth is that it makes me feel like crying. It has meant so much to me to be your friend for the past eight years, and to just have it taken away with no reason..........it hurts a lot.

All of this is what I'm feeling, but what about you? You must be feeling something also. Whatever it is, won't you tell me? Communication is the great problem solver in life. We're living in stressful enough times as it is. Your lyrics in "The Ocean" show an incredible depth of feeling on your part, whatever they may pertain to specifically. If I did something to hurt you, wrote something, whatever the case, it would kill me not to know what it was. If I know, I can at least understand it and fix the problem. I am hurting tonight, because I don't know what happened, and it would also kill me to think you don't consider me your friend because of something I have done.

Anyway, I've probably written a lot in this blog. I did so because of you, Elizabeth. You must've known that blocking me would come as a huge shock to me, and you must have done it for a specific reason. If you'll consider unblocking me, I'd like another chance to be your friend. You matter to me and your feelings matter to me. I want to know what you are thinking and feeling also, so I can understand why this happened.

I hope you read this, and thanks for reading if you do. If you came here to read it, it shows you care, and I care about you too. You are the absolute best, Elizabeth. 

 Love,  Adam.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :):)