Tired

Just a few days ago it looked like Elizabeth was back, but now she seems to be gone again. Sigh...

Well, my girl, if you are out there, I hope things are going well. Maybe you are working on new music. I know you have your trip coming up, too, and it's probably a bit nerve wracking to be making your first move in a few months, away from home.

Well anyhow, I support you in everything you do, just so you know.  :)

It's Sunday night, so I am tired (of course), and I also went out to take my sister Sophie shopping directly after choir practice, so it was a non-stop day. No movie tonight, but I did watch an especially good "Rawhide" episode, and those are all like mini-movies in their attention to detail.

Right now I am listening to the full set of Nocturnes written by Frances Poulenc, played by Alexandre Tharaud. He is one from the newer generation of pianists I think is very good, though he sometimes rushes things a bit. But I was remembering when I used to listen to (and post) a lot of Nocturnes, and the ones by Poulenc came to mind as they are very beautiful.

One day I hope to have someone to share things with, but it's hard to fathom communication and bonding in the Internet Age.

Sparks Tix + Trump Vids

Super tired tonight, running on three hours sleep, but at least I got my Sparks tickets! I had to wake up at 7am to get 'em, but I have an automatic inner alarm clock for things that are important, and it worked. Even though I went to bed late, as always, I woke up at 7:03 without even trying to. Normally that would be REM Sleep Time for me, but anyhow I did manage to score tix for both the first night and the last night, so the end result was perfect, just what I had wanted. It took almost an hour, of clicking and reloading on the AXS ticket service, just because Sparks fans are all as rabid as me, as noted yesterday, and everyone wanted their own tickets, too. Thus it took forever to get through, mainly for the first night. But I did and I am going to two shows, opening and closing, so Hooray! Sparks Rule.  :)

Pearl's cleaning lady came at 9, so I wasn't able to recoup much sleep and am Therefore Toast As I Write. I have gotta start getting some Serious Sleep one of these days....

As is the case of late, I don't know if you are reading SB, but if you are I saw your post with the puppy, via James D. It even said, "I Know I Haven't Posted Lately". Another post I saw was about Paul from Megatone. That one made me smile because it reminded me of the Old Days, back in 2013 when you were recording there yourself and all kinds of new things were happening.

No movie tonight. Instead, Grim came over. He wanted to show me a lot of stuff he has taped regarding the Trump Catastrophe over the past few days. Grim is a fan of late night TV; his current favorite is Seth Myers, who apparently goes to town every night bashing this goon. Grim also recorded some Stephen Colbert as well, a segment with Michael Moore.

I've been following the headlines, of course (how can one avoid it if one is online?) and I want to be aware of all of it, though I have made it a point not to wallow in it or to engage it, which is what Trump would want. He wants to antagonise; he wants conflict. I believe you've gotta go above that. I mean, I do. I need to go above it for my own sanity. Obviously, some people are not like me and need to engage it, especially the media and the comedians. Michael Moore noted Trump's "thin skin", and said that the Comedians Of America should, en masse, be skewering him relentlessly. In Moore's view, Trump's psychoses will be so unable to deal with the pile-on that he will resign.

I hope Trump will resign, and soon, like Tomorrow. I have been following the headlines, as noted, but until I saw this coverage that Grimsley presented tonight, of recent Trumpian Events, I was not fully aware of the level of Trump's insanity.

I knew he was an SOB. I knew he was downright Evil. But I was not truly aware that he is also a Lunatic, and certifiably so. In one speech, he called himself second only to Abraham Lincoln in stature.....and was not kidding.

I am not at the point where I am worrying about America, because I know that America is much more than it's President, or even it's politics and it's stupid-ass media. America is a huge, wide open continent, jam-packed in the cities (with crime, and all other attendant problems that the media jump on to promote fear) but sparsely populated out in the open. Most of the land mass of America is fairly sparsely populated. We have enough land where many of the problems created by population-density could be alleviated. But we are allowing ourselves to be dominated and mind-controlled by the media, and the "expert" opinion shapers who dominate the political, social and scientific discourse.

Think of something for a moment.

Think of the Indian societies who lived on this continent for millennia. Not for a few hundred years as we have, but for thousands of years. How did they do it? How did they maintain such an equilibrium for their civilisation?

Well, they didn't have the media, for one. For two, they literally worshipped the land they lived on, and the Great Spirit above that land. They believed in something bigger than themselves.

I don't think most, if any, politicians believe in anything bigger than themselves. And I know that it is a tenet of science to specifically not believe in anything which cannot be sensed, by the tangible senses, or measured.

So nowdays, what you have is that Everyone Is An Expert. Everyone Is An Authority. Politicians have all the solutions, and Science can explain everything.

Egos have become gigantic as a result, because people in Western Society don't believe in anything bigger than themselves, anything more powerful, including the Earth they live on.

And the end result, for America at least, is Donald Trump. I mean, he is not the first Psychopath we have had in office. That would be LBJ, who was a stone cold mass murderer, a guy who killed the President Of The United States. Trump only wishes he had LBJ's power.

But LBJ as bad as he was, was still able to be taken down in 1968, because at that time we still had a halfway honest media (only halfway, mind you) and we still had a public that was not 100% mesmerised, by media, politics and science.

Mesmerised by Issues. To the point of arguing about them, all day every day.

Did the Indians think about Issues all day long, year in and year out?

Or did they live life according to the laws of nature, seeing these as a gift from a higher source?

Well, I shall stop my tirade for the evening cause I am tired.

But I am concerned about America, if not downright worried.

I hope we can get rid of Donald Trump very soon.

And I am glad I'm going to see Sparks in October.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :):)

Flies + "Man On A Swing" (really spooky)

Happy Late Night, Sweet Baby. I hope your day was good. I didn't see any posts today until just a little while ago, via your friend Morgin, about a photo shoot. I don't know if you meant it as a message to me, but if you did, maybe you meant that you were doing a photo shoot yourself today. If so, I know the results were good. :)

I can't remember if I mentioned it last night, but we've had a really gross fly infestation here at Pearl's. It started on Tuesday, when a plumber came to unclog the main drainage pipe at the house. At first, when I saw about a dozen flies, I thought, "oh, they came in because he had the door open". But by Tuesday night, there seemed to be more, and by Wednesday (yesterday), there were a lot, in both the kitchen and Pearl's bathroom, two places that involved the plumbing job. I don't know if the plumber uncovered a bunch of fly eggs or what, but suddenly we had a whole bunch of flies in those two places. It wasn't Totally Gross, like what might be observed in a Third World outdoor meat market, but it was Bad Enough To Not Simply Call It "A Few Flies In The House". We probably had about fifty, all told in both rooms. So I went to Home Depot and got a bunch of fly tape and glue boards, and put 'em up all over the place. As of this writing, about half the flies have been caught.

Sorry, Flies. But it wouldn't have happened had you not come into the house.

Man, there are a lot of bugs in this world. Trillions, easily, or even Quadrillions. (yeah, gross I know)

Tonight's movie was exceptionally good : "Man On A Swing" (1974), starring Cliff Robertson and Joel Grey. Robertson is the Sheriff in a suburban Connecticut town. He is investigating the murder of a young woman who has been found in her car in the parking lot of a mall. He and his officers run down the local list of suspects and give lie detector tests to one or two. But then they get a phone call from a strange man (Joel Grey of "Cabaret" fame) who claims to be clairvoyant. He gives them a lot of detailed information, supposedly psychically received, that coincides with what the police know about the murder scene. From there, the plot, and the movie, really take off.

Man, this was one creepy film. At first, when Joel Grey's character is introduced, you find yourself getting ready to cringe because the character's behavior veers all over the place. He goes from seeming to be a credible psychic to being a pretentious drama queen faking psychic ability, all in a single scene. So at first you go, "man, I hope this doesn't become ridiculous".

It doesn't. Instead, it becomes very serious as the character begins to unravel. Cliff Robertson doesn't trust him in the first place, but he needs him because, as a psychic, he has the only available info on the case. The murderer left no clues. But I must say, the way this movie plays out is really spooky and gripping. It has a different feel than most thrillers, just because Robertson's police chief drinks a lot of beer and walks through the case in an almost somnambulistic manner. He doesn't feel like the Type-A Steroidal Policeman we know of today. But you have to remember this is the 1970s, when everybody was laid back. All the cops have longish hair. But Robertson is still 100% For Real, as a Skeptical Cop, because he isn't buying Grey's act. There is also an Occult Influence at work (just like in "Child's Play," which was reviewed the other night), and Robertson, who knows nothing about the occult, has to research that aspect too. His conclusion is that it's a "crock of....." you know what.

But is it? Is Grey for real as a clairvoyant, or not?

His performance slowly begins to lose all trace of the ridiculous foppishness with which he was introduced, and in the last 40 minutes or so he takes on a truly chilling quality that is reminiscent of Anthony Perkins in "Psycho".

"Man On A Swing" is a realistic murder mystery that I found very affecting. When it ended I found myself thinking, "Whew! That was one creepy flick". It has a twist ending, and while I'll not give any spoilers, I will say that it is a precursor to "Silence Of The Lambs" in it's end result.

Cliff Robertson, though terse, is solid in his lead role. He really was an excellent actor (who also brought about the downfall of a lot of Movie Industry crooks in a scandal that took place when I was working at MGM, Google the name David Begelman. It was Robertson the actor who blew the whistle on his embezzlement, a huge scandal after which Robertson was more or less blacklisted for telling the truth), and......sorry about the digression.....Joel Grey is absolutely mesmerising in his role, which is challenging because he must walk a fine line between chewing scenery and being downright evil.

The film was directed by Frank Perry, not a household name, but who also directed other psychological classics such as "David And Lisa" and "The Swimmer", both of which I own on dvd.

I give "Man On A Swing" 5 Stars. You have to let it get going, but after about 20-25 minutes it gets going big time, in ways you will not expect. A movie that will stay with you for sure.

I've gotta get up early to try and score Sparks tickets. They are putting them on sale at 7am! Oy! Who the heck decided that ingenious move? Sparks fans are fanatical (and so are Sparks scalpers) so I'm afraid if I don't wake up in time, that all three shows will sell out in a few minutes, and I will be Toast.

So wish me luck in waking up on time. Then I will be toast anyway, running on little sleep. But at least I will be going to see Sparks.

Tomorrow I will try to write about more Metal, or something. I just wanna get rid of all the flies.  :)

See you in the morning. I Love You.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :):)  

Happy Late Night + "Separate Tables" + Metal

Happy Late Night, SB. I hope your day was a good one. I didn't see you on FB, so perhaps you are busy. Maybe preparing for your trip?  :)

A basic workday for me, but I did go to Aliso for a nice hike, and tonight I watched a great movie : "Separate Tables" (1958) with an all-star cast including David Niven, Deborah Kerr, Rita Hayworth and Burrht Lahn-cahstah. The movie was my second in a row to be based on a play (as was "Child's Play" from a few days ago). In "Separate Tables", the setting is an out of the way resort hotel in England. It is mostly empty as tourist season is over. Only a few permanent guests remain. We are first introduced to the Niven character "The Major" (for which he deservedly won an Oscar), enchanting Deborah Kerr's youthful spinster character with his tales of wartime bravado. As an aside, I must add that with these movies with mostly English voices, I really think that subtitles might help. Last week I went to see "Dunkirk", an incredible movie on every count. However, the accents were so pronounced in some cases that over the course of the movie many sentences of dialogue went right past me, unintelligible. I was even thinking as I watched, "I am gonna have to re-watch this on dvd, with subtitles". With newer movies that is not a problem, as almost all are subtitled. But with older films, like "Separate Tables", many of the dvds have no subtitles. This one did not, and I had to pause and replay about a dozen sentences of dialogue in various places, spoken by different actors.

It's a minor concern, but a brief tirade was still in order.  :)

At any rate, back at the hotel, we are then introduced to a second set of guests, the ex-married couple played by Lahn-Cahstah and Hayworth. He is a year round resident of the hotel. She shows up unexpectedly.

Meanwhile, in a local newspaper, a story is published, and read by the mother of the Deborah Kerr character, about a local court case that has just been resolved. It involves The Major. He has admitted in court to low level (by today's standards) crimes of sexual harassment, in a movie theater; sitting next to women and making unwanted advancements on them. This is described in the film in very carefully worded dialogue to demonstrate two things: 1) That The Major is indeed guilty, basically of putting his arm around women unsolicited, and 2) That in England at the time, there was an atmosphere of extreme repression and, by contrast, persecution of anyone deemed out-of-the-norm. As another aside, it should be mentioned that in those years, gays were persecuted even worse in Britain than they were here. It was a very repressive culture. The Major is not gay but he certainly is troubled, and even by today's standards his behavior is not okay, even if far from extreme. And, as he is presented to us, the viewing audience, he seems to be a good chap overall, just very awkward.

And that is because he has been living a double life. The newspaper article goes on to detail his real military career: he never was a Major, never was in combat but was instead a clerk. His whole persona is an invention. Armed with all this info, Deborah Kerr's upper-crust mother vies to get The Major kicked out of the hotel. Her real motive is to get him away from Kerr, her daughter, who is secretly in love with him. Meanwhile, the plot line with Lancaster (spelled correctly this time for reasons of brevity) and Rita Hayworth is playing out Big Time, and in fact it is the main plot of the movie.

I shall not describe or divulge any more, except to say that some very deep questions about the motivations of love and lust are examined here, in dialogue that was very up front, very forward for 1958. On one hand you have the two repressed characters, The Major and Deborah Kerr, who love each other but are dominated by societal mores and their own insecurities, and on the other hand you have the two extroverted characters, Hayworth (a wealthy man-eater) and Lancaster (of blue collar heritage) who are mismatched in their own minds, because of class distinctions and sexual power games.

All of this is just a broad description of the themes, because playwright and screenwriter Terrence Rattigan put things in such an expertly worded way that the intangibles of each emotional situation are explored and described to the fullest extent possible. Nowdays, everything is up front, but in the 1950s this wasn't the case, and especially in England. Rattigan goes deep and pulls it all up.

I was watching the movie, having trouble with the accents, especially David Niven's, and after 15 minutes or so, I was only paying 3/4 attention (and working on Jazz Chords for the other 1/4, cause I always have my guitar in hand when watching movies or tv shows, but I still pay attention to the movie, so don't worry), but anyway, in the first parts of the movie, it was not grabbing me right away. But once the plot began to develop, the lives of the characters did as well, and for the remaining 80 minutes I was hooked. Not another Jazz Chord was played during that time.

"Separate Tables" is staged like the play it originally was, though in cinematic form, in impeccable black and white. The acting is of the upper echelon, from the starring roles to those in support, played by the notables Rod Taylor, Audrey Dalton and Dame Wendy Hiller, who also won an Oscar for her role as the owner of the hotel. It is she who holds the cast together.

Well, that's basically all for tonight. I was gonna do a Top Ten List of my favorite Metal Albums, just because I read a list that Mikael Akerfeldt (of Opeth) posted today. It is hard to discern the line between Metal and Hard Rock. I have said myself that, for music to be Metal it has to go "chugga-chugga-chugga" ala Judas Priest. If it doesn't go "chugga-chugga", it's not Metal. It's probably Hard Rock.

And then there is the whole subject of Heavy Metal, which is a whole different ballgame from just plain Metal, which is a refinement of Heavy Metal.

I won't delve into it tonight, but I will give my Off The Top Of My Head list of just a few albums that would make my Top Ten list of the Greatest Metal, Heavy Metal and Hard Rock albums of all time.

1) "Screaming For Vengeance" by Judas Freakin' Priest.

2) "Burn" by Deep Purple.

3) "Sabbath Bloody Sabbath" by Sabbath Bloody Black Sabbath, which is #1 on Akerfeldt's list.

4) "Powerslave" by Iron Maiden.

5) "Straight Between The Eyes" by Rainbow.

6) "Blackout" by Der Scorpions.

7) "Ace Of Spades" by Motorhead.

That is all I will list for now. It's not set in stone, except for the first three.

Well anyway...........xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxo  :):)

Doing Stuff Is More Fun When You Have Someone To Do Stuff With

Happy Late Night, SB,

Not much  to report yet again, but I hope you had a good day. I only saw one post today, but it was the one about James trying out a new style by recording a rap song, so I think you are trying to get me with that one, lol. :) It's one of those things that's funny just because it's James who's doing it, so he is in on the joke too.

I was happy this morning because Sparks announced three shows at the El Rey Theater in Hollywood in October. I don't usually go to multiple shows by a band any more, most often just a single show of the bunch, but this time I might do two, or even all three, just because Sparks are one of my very, very favorites, and live they are second to none, and because the Brothers Mael are now 69 (Russ) and 72 (Ron), you never know how many more tours they have in them. With the Maels, I wouldn't be surprised if they played till they are 80, or even more. But you still never know, so perhaps two shows are in order at the El Rey, or maybe all three nights. The only thing that will hold me back is the Doing Everything By Myself Factor. That particular factor is not my favorite.

Wanna go with me?  :):)

Well, I am so tired I am having trouble keeping my eyes open. As always, I just looking for stuff to talk about and stuff to do.

And someone to do stuff with.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :):)

Jazz Chords

Happy Late Night, Sweet Baby,

Not much to report today, just hanging around The Tiny Apt. mostly. I had some fun with my guitar, though, because I learned some jazz chords and kept playing 'em over and over until I could play a progression that sounded pretty cool. I'm not a big jazz fan, but I have great respect for the musicians who play it, and I have been wanting to learn new ways to play chords because of the condition of my left hand, which is all messed up because of Dupuytrens. My ring finger is about 80% bent downward, so I can't really use it in playing, except for a few minor things. But the good news is that I have learned how to "ditch" the ring finger, to hide it behind the neck, and I have trained my pinkie (which is partially bent but still very mobile), to do all the work the ring finger used to do, i.e bends, sliding up a string and stuff like that. It's been a nice development because for a while there, I didn't know if I was gonna be able to play guitar anymore.

But some chords are still hard to so, mostly barre chords, so I have been looking to learn a bunch of three note voicings. So I stumbled upon this jazz chord website, and had a blast learning a lot of stuff I can play with two fingers.

You never know what will happen : I never knew I'd wind up singing in a choir, and getting good at it. And now, I never knew I'd end up relearning my guitar techniques, and learn Beatle songs and jazz chords in the process.

As for singing, that is something I wanna keep getting better at. I would love to have an opportunity to record my voice, and harmonize overdubs either with my own vocal or with another singer. Just to practice and improve. My friend Ono posted a video today of David Crosby and Graham Nash singing with David Gilmour on a Crosby, Stills & Nash song called "Find The Cost Of Freedom", and it is the epitome of harmony singing. That is my favorite kind, when the voices resonate off each other.

I could even learn some jazz vocal chords, haha.

It's just a "wish list" thing right now, because I don't have access to any recording equipment, nor do I know all the computer stuff everybody uses nowdays. And, I live in a Tiny Apt. Excuses, excuses, I know. But - the way things work in my life, is that Things Just Happen Out Of The Blue (or something like that), so I know I will get a chance to sing and record at some point. 

I did go up to Aliso for an evening walk, and then when I got back I walked over to the CSUN Parking Structure and went to the roof for some Summer Sunset shots over the Chatsworth mountains. I can't resist a cloud-strewn sunset, even though Mr. Ibach wouldn't approve.  :)

No movie tonight, but I did watch the seventh episode of "The Prisoner", the classic series from 1967 with Patrick McGoohan, which I am rerunning this Summer.

I like to do a lot of stuff every day, all kinds of stuff, as my free time permits.

One day I hope I will have somebody to do stuff with.  :):)

Sweet Babyism + Singin' + Santa Su & Smog Too + "Child's Play (1972)

Happy Late Sunday Night, Sweet Baby,

I believe I saw a Sweet Baby post earlier today, via one of your friends (Chelsea), so if that's what it was, then you are indeed back! Hooray!  :):) I also saw a post about a fashion shoot in China, which I took to mean that you were perhaps working on your own fashion shoot today. If so, I hope you had a blast. I already know the results will be excellent; no hoping needed on that part.  :)

I'm super-duper Alice Cooper mega tired, of course, this being Sunday. I was the only tenor in choir today, which was a bit of a challenge because I did not have the other voice to resonate with. I blend real well with our other tenor, and the resonance can cause the sum of our voices to be greater than the two parts. This morning's anthem was also heavy on the bass clef notes, very low stuff that is not exactly "in my wheelhouse" to use a baseball term. I can sing low, but I can't sing with power and sing low. My best power comes with mid-range to high tenor. I did my best though, and it was good practice for being the lone tenor, and it wasn't too shabby anyway. We did a one hour rehearsal afterwards, and learned a few new ones, one a Negro Spiritual called "Go Down Moses" that you can really put some soul into. So that's the Singin' Exploits for the day.

This afternoon I went out to Santa Susana for a hike to the top of The Slide. It was pretty smoggy out, so tonight I have a bit of the "shallow breathing 1960s-era smog thing", but it's not a bad case, just mild. One thing, though - for a while there, maybe ten or even fifteen years - it seemed like we had gotten rid of L.A. Smog. You never heard about it in the late 80s, or the 90s.....or maybe until the last five or ten years. So maybe we had gotten rid of it for about 20 years. But lately it is back, and that could be because of the number of cars in this joint, which are probably triple or quadruple what it was 20 to 30 years ago. The amount of cars, more than anything, are what is ruining the quality of life out here. The amount of people is tolerable, because L.A. is so spread out. But the cars are doing us in (he said, as he drove his car from place to place today). ;)

Tonight I watched a movie called "Child's Play". Not the one with Chucky, that horrible little doll, but one with the same title from 1972, directed by the great Sidney Lumet. It was based on a Broadway play and is the story of the goings-on at a Catholic Boys School in New York. The style of the film is gothic and slightly occult. This was the early 70s, the era of many popular horror movies in those genres. The boys of the school are starting to engage in acts of what looks like ritualistic violence against one another, and are also committing acts of desecration in the chapel (predating "The Exorcist" on that score). Two teachers are at the forefront : one, the kindly, encouraging Robert Preston (sporting a World Class Moustache), whom all the boys seem to love. His opposite is played by James Mason as a strict, sullen Latin teacher, who is older and on the verge of retirement. The fact of these two actors results in the main "pull" of the movie. Without them, the story might have lost it's muscle. But Preston and Mason are So Great.......and I've gotta say once again that James Mason certainly ranks as one of the greatest actors of all time.....that despite the slight weaknesses in the story, and in the translation from Play to Film, you are hooked at the beginning, simply by the two lead performances. One teacher seems to be pitted against the other, but which one is the good guy? The schoolboys all favor the nice teacher, Robert Preston (no acting slouch he, going toe to toe with Mason).

The movie looks to have been filmed in a Seminary. The color tones are all brown wood panels, red candles and earth tone yellow and beige walls. The religious backdrop is always present, and a few sub-themes are involved having to do with unpleasant innuendos of the type associated with Catholicism. However, these themes are turned on their collective head, as the accusers are shown for what they are.

It's a weird movie. I had never heard of it until I did a library search for Robert Preston, whom I had seen in something recent that caused me to see what a great actor he was and do a search for more of his movies. It's almost like a combination of later movies like "Dead Poets Society" and "The Omen", with a dose of "Goodbye Mr. Chips" as well.

For the first 45 minutes, you are absolutely riveted by the forward moving plot and the acting, and the atmosphere. Is it horror? Is it a Thriller? Lumet keeps you guessing. The film bogs down in the middle for a few minutes, but then rebounds strongly with surprises to the plot. The finish is maybe not as dramatic as it might have been on stage, and so denying you the big walloping finish you might be expecting. But I still give "Child's Play" a Thumbs Up, simply because of All The Other Stuff, the great acting, expert direction by Sidney Lumet, and a pervasive atmosphere of unease.

A 7/10 for me.

Well, that's all for tonight, SB. I will see you in the morning.

I Love You.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :):)

SB + Kobedog Photos + Aliso, Mound Country, Tall Skeletons & Ancient Peoples

Happy Late Night, SB,

I hope you had a good day. I saw a post this morning, via one of your friends, that related to Chester Bennington, not directly (I don't think his name was mentioned) but the subject was very similar to what I was talking about the other night : sensitive people and depression, etc., etc. Your friend is right that people should never internalize dark feelings, especially to the point where they start to rebound on themselves, because then the feelings can self-validate, and a person winds up thinking, "this is the only way out, no one can understand but me". The only thing that can prevent that is release, and I think with these musicians, just writing song lyrics is not enough. They are expected to keep going, never miss a show or professional commitment, keep the road machine going, and so they just suck it up, even though they are severely depressed. And on top of that they are on meds.....

Well, I didn't mean to get off on a grim topic again. I was just mentioning it in reference to your post, because it makes me think that maybe you are still reading this blog after all, or at least some of the time. I've been unsure about that for a couple of months, but if you are still reading that is great. You are always my Sweet Baby no matter what.  :):)

Today I went up to Kinko's (now known as Fed Ex but screw that, it'll always be Kinko's haha), to use the automatic photo machine to make a bunch of prints of The Kobedog. I found some good ones going back to about 2014 or so. I even have one of him wearing his little orange pumpkin vest on Halloween a few years ago. I wish I had taken more pics of him than I did, but he was always so "in motion" - it was hard to get him to hold still. He was especially a World Class Sniffer with his nose to the grindstone and his head constantly turning, at least when the camera was pointed at him. But the dozen or so photos I printed are all pretty good. He still rules, and he is even more Kobedogged Out than ever before.  :)

I went up to Aliso for a nice walk after finishing at Kinko's. I had the place to myself, and it looked very ancient as always, and I was thinking about the mounds in Ashland, Kentucky that I am reading about, and...........man, would I love to take a road trip and see those. When I go to Aliso, which is now about 100 times a year, or Santa Susana or any of my places, I always wonder whatever happened to all of the people who lived around here a long time ago.

I wind up thinking this because the land, especially at Aliso Canyon, still looks like it must have looked 500 years ago or more. Because of that look, it takes me back in time and makes me think of The People. The Indians and even going back before them.

In Ohio and Kentucky "Mound Country", the mounds are said to have been built by the Adena people, who predate American Indians. That blows my mind, because as a schoolkid, all we knew was The Pilgrims, and before them The Indians. With Columbus as The Discoverer and maybe even Leif Ericson thrown in for good measure.

But our teachers never taught us about the mounds, or the Adena. So who were these people?

There are photographs you can Google that are obviously from the 1800s, and certainly do not look like fakes or photshops, that show archaeologists from that era standing next to skeletons that look to be extremely tall, moreso than today's basketball players. The corresponding info says that they were nine feet tall. These skeletons were unearthed in mounds in Kentucky. The photos I saw were a bit spooky, just because of the Tallness. It looks like a Giant. And the photographs do not look fake.

But to get past The Spookiness (which admittedly is always kind of the fun part), I just find myself wondering "who were these people", because we never hear about them. We know a lot of Indian history, but what about the Adena? And why have these very tall skeletons never been presented, say, in the way Egyptian Mummies are presented, on tour at museums, for public display?

Could it be because, if they put those skeletons on tour and showed them to the public, it might open up a Can Of Worms?

Of course it could! You have hit the jackpot with that answer. :)

Well anyhow, I have gotta get up early for church, but Google "Ashland, Kentucky" if you want, and add to it "Mounds" and "9 foot skeletons", and you will see what I mean.

I am so tired of real human history being hidden from us by a bunch of self-appointed "experts", who do indeed know the truth of what has been found in the past, but who deny it and cover it up because it conflicts with their lame "official" histories.

Anyhow, SB, that is all for tonight. I am glad you are still with me. See you tomorrow after church.

I Love You.  :):)

Dunkirk

Happy Friday Night, SB. That was a nice picture of you in Chicago. I recognise the skyline from other shots I have seen, and I know they are very famous for their architecture, too, since we were just talking about that subject yesterday. :) Nice to see that John is using film. It reminds me that I still have to keep my commitment to shoot a few rolls of film this year myself. It was one of my New Year's resolutions, haha.

And speaking of film, today I went to the local movie theater to see "Dunkirk". It blew me away and I give it an 11 on a 10 scale. This is one of the most intense WW2 movies I have ever seen. It just throws you into the middle of the action and never lets up. There is not a second of downtime, just as there would have been none for the soldiers in real life. Because it is directed by Christopher Nolan, you know beforehand that it's gonna be of the highest technical level, and it is, with amazing aerial scenes and high-tension editing that weaves together three separate though connected stories. I won't babble on except to say that as a WW2 history buff for many years, while I had heard of Dunkirk and knew that a major story of the war had taken place there, I was never aware, until today, just what that story was.

I know that war movies aren't generally an area of female interest, and I hope I am not being sexist in saying that, but it usually seems like a guy thing, but my point was gonna be that, with Christopher Nolan, he gives you an emotional element in his movies, so that they are not just high tech and action packed, but also connect you to the human story being told.

"Dunkirk" is his best film, I think. It depicts a true story in the most honest way possible, by showing what actually happened, which is so harrowing, for such an extended period of time, that you find yourself wondering how anyone could have survived it.

It's not what you might call a "Chick Flick", but the human story is for everyone, and now that I think of it, I like a lot of Chick Flicks myself, because of the human story involved. So there you have it : "Dunkirk" is a tremendous movie, and while extremely violent and intense (but not too gory), it still has, at it's core, a great and important human story to tell. I think it will be nominated for many Academy Awards.

Last night I watched an altogether different type of movie at home on DVD, called "The Boy With Green Hair" (1948), made by director Joseph Losey (of La Crosse, Wisconsin), who was branded a Communist and blacklisted in the 50s during the era of McCarthyism and wound up moving to Europe to make films. But in 1948, he was still in the USA, and he made this film right here in the Valley, in Van Nuys at a place no longer standing called The McKinley Home For Boys. The story is a parable, about the effect war has on children. It is presented in the style of a Technicolor fantasy, almost like a play. Dean Stockwell in the title role gives one of the best performances by a child that I've seen. He went on almost 40 years later to leave an indelible mark in "Blue Velvet" by David Lynch, so his career has been long and varied.

That is my viewing for the past two days. Other than that, just Aliso hikes.

I don't really know if you read these blogs anymore, but just in case you do I will keep writing.  :):)

Great Photo + Brutalism + Chester Bennington & Suicide

That was another great photo this morning, Elizabeth. And it's also great that you are getting the fashion jobs mixed in with your music work and other stuff, and it looks like your friend Cory the designer is very up-and-coming, so that's yet again another great connection for you. You have your models well posed as always. And the soft colors of the clothing stand out well against the grey, linear bulwark of the building. I am glad you are aware of Brutalist architecture! For about 30 years, we had a Brutalist building almost right across the street from where I live : The Northridge Medical Arts Building. It was designed by Richard Neutra; I went there as a small child to see my pediatrician. However, unlike the Brutalist building in your photograph, The Northridge Medical Arts Building is no longer standing in it's original form. After the earthquake in 1994, it was unconscionably and disgustingly covered over in a beige/pink stucco facade that looks like something out of Miami Vice. Mr. Neutra must have rolled in his grave. And my late friend Mr. D was mighty pissed at the time, he being very artistic and aware of the various schools of architectural design. I had not heard of Brutalism until he mentioned it. Dave figured that the bland, conservative housewives of the Northridge Women's Club were behind the demise of the Medical Arts Building facade. I don't know why he singled them out, but perhaps he had inside info. He claimed that with all the rebuilding going on all over town after the quake, that the non-art appreciating group saw their opportunity to "make over" a building they had long considered an eyesore, the mentality of the average middle-class bourgeosie. More likely the building was sold to some dumbell who had no clue about it's history, and figured an extremely gauche refacing was in order. Regardless of the culprit (and the local Chamber Of Commerce sure didn't stand up for the building, nor did any politician), I admired Dave's attitude of outrage at the time. It was as if someone had just willy-nilly repainted and put a false front on a Frank Lloyd Wright house, or another building of that status, simply out of lowbrow ignorance.

One good thing is that the original structure is still intact, somewhere under the cheesy makeover, so maybe one day it will be restored. I am glad to see that the building in your city did not receive similar treatment.  :)

I was of course very sorry to hear about Chester Bennington. I was not a fan of his music, but I have the first Linkin Park CD, and I have had it since it came out in 2000. I played it a few times back then, and it didn't work for me, because......well, the rap and the electronica and the nu-metal and the beats. That's just not my thing. It wasn't horrible, like Limp Bizkit or other bottom-of-the-barrel rap-metal bands, and in fact - for that style - it was probably a cut above, because the songs had some melody, and also the singer was very good.

But the reason I still have it, even when I pared down my CD collection a few years ago, is because it was given to me.

The gift was from my friend Mr. D. He was a fan of Nu-Metal bands like Korn, and he was very excited about Linkin Park when they came out. In the 80s, we liked mostly the same stuff (regular metal & glam). We both were huge fans of Celtic Frost. In the late 90s, Dave moved on to Nu-Metal and I did not. But he was so enthusiastic about the Linkin Park debut that I was enthused myself when he gave me a copy. And that's why I never traded it when I pared down my CD collection. It's not just because the CD was a gift. That was part of the reason, but the main reason was Dave's enthusiasm about his latest "find".

I love it when a person is really into something. I should add as a disclaimer that it helps if the "something", and the person involved, are both on the same general wavelength as me. I mean, can't say, for instance, that I "love it" when a person is really into Kid Rock, or Rap, or Donald Trump.

But if it is a person I have a lot of respect for, and especially a friend like Mr. D, then some leeway is allowed for. He did not like Bad Music, just maybe some stuff I didn't care for.

And I kept the CD because of his enthusiasm. The guy, Chester, had a big set of pipes also.

I think we are seeing that material success in no way equates to happiness, or even being on an Even Keel. Rock Stars used to die of drug overdoses; now they commit suicide.

I know mental illness is involved, but the problem is that, in these cases, no one really knows what that is. What is mental illness when you have a wife and six kids? When you have a band, who are your musical brothers? When you have fans who look forward to everything you release?

What exactly is the mental illness?

A lot of doctors and specialists might try to prognosticate. People like me might blame prescription drugs. And there is zero doubt that all of those drugs are toxic and deadly.

But I still don't get it.

My Dad suffered through some fairly serious depression for about a decade. He drank, and was on meds. I had to fight with his doctors to get him off the toxic cocktail they had prescribed to him in the 90s, because those drugs caused him to fall down and hit his head at least a dozen times over the years.

Those drugs suck, and in my opinion, so do most doctors. I don't go to 'em.

I haven't been to a doctor in twenty years, because what can they tell me that I don't already know?

The answer is "nothing".

That is for me only. I do not advocate it for anyone else. Do as you will with the medical profession.

My Dad was Hard Core, because he was WW2 Generation. A tougher lot there has never been. He had big-time addictions, mostly to alcohol, but also to toxic prescription pills, because of the doctors who prescribed those to him. Dad didn't commit suicide though. He lived to be 88, and he lived life to the fullest, right down to the last minute, even though he suffered from depression, on and off, for a long time.

My friend Dave was not so lucky. He only made it to 47. He was drinking heavily and taking those poisonous prescription drugs also. To this day I don't know if his death was accidental or on purpose. Even though I was his best friend, his family would not tell me much.

I just wish there was a way that people wouldn't give up so easily. I don't doubt the pain of those who are suicidal, and it's fair to say that in each of our lives we have all experienced a degree of that pain.

But I think of kids, and wives, and friends, and even fans and just the world in general.

I know that the very talented are often of bipolar disposition. I am not bipolar, but have experienced what I will call Blackout Depression in years past. I have gotten past it, thank God, and it was never a constant feeling anyhow.

And yet, still, even having felt a similarity to what these guys feel, I could never in a million years have done what they have done, and especially if I had a family, and children. 

But then, I am just me. I am non-materialist. I am non-ambitious, in the societal sense. The idea of "acheivement" as it applies in corporate America makes zero sense to me. I am not, and never have been, on The Ladder Of Success. If I was, it would have killed me quicker than it killed Chester Bennington.

I am grateful to have always been connected to God, all my life, and to nature. To the World, and not to the world as defined by people. That connection has made me unbreakable, and at this stage of my life I am content and mostly happy. And I haven't taken a drug in twenty years. I don't go to doctors. I am aware of my own body and don't need them, so long as I don't break a bone or need surgery. My health is my own, as is my life.

I wish the same for everyone, especially for very sensitive people, and people under pressure. I have been there myself, and I steered clear - very, very clear of that route - a long time ago.

I just hope that more people, and especially our artistic guiding lights (whomever you're a fan of), will try hard to stabilise themselves. Mental illness is not final, and really it is being used as a "catch-all" to try and account for these tragedies which seem so inexplicable.

They aren't inexplicable.

It's just that a lot of steps need to be taken, by the suicidal, and those close to them who, even in the slightest, may suspect something is wrong. ////

Pets Rule + Festivals Do Not + Bands That Stick With You

Happy Late Wednesday Night, SB. I hope you had a nice day. I'll bet you are getting pretty excited about your upcoming trip to Iceland! If I remember correctly, that is gonna be next month? Man, that is gonna be an adventure of the first order.  :)

I did see a few posts today. Don't know if any were related to me, but one that was especially sweet was your friend's purchase of the Cat Carrier, the one that looks like a backpack with a window. I had never seen one of those before, but I think it's awesome, cause cats wanna hang out with their human pals too, just like doggies. And since you can't really take 'em on a leash like a dog, that carrier is a great alternative. And the kitty can get a fun ride that way also. I love it that there is this whole culture nowdays, of people really bonding with their pets. I mean, I am sure that has always been the case, but I think there is a sharper focus on it now, of really treating our buddies as animal soulmates.

And of course I am still thinking of The Kobedog all day long, and memories of him have also brought back memories of Alice & Trixie, my ultra-beloved mother/daughter Labs from the 90s, and also of Shemp & Ygor (pronounced Ee-gore), my Lab and Shepherd from the 80s.

The Koberdobe, now that he is on The Other Side, is facilitating all of this new interaction, which is pretty Doggone Cool Of Him.  :)

Another post I saw was of James' "Stay Home" rock festival, which was a riot.

And I have to admit that it is more of my type of festival these days, lol. I mean, as far as regular concerts go, I am still hard core in every respect. But festivals like Ozzfest and Desert Trip and stuff with Ten Million People and End Of The World Traffic and Standing On My Feet For Fourteen Bands is not my idea of a good time anymore, darn it.

Actually, I never went to a lot of festivals anyhow, over the 43 years I've been going to concerts. The main ones were California Jam and The US Festival, both of which had about 300,000 people, and which were historic and so You Had To Be There. Both of those were life changers and well worth the effort.

But with a lot of fests, like the ones in the desert nowdays with 658 bands on 24 stages, and especially the Heavy Metal Festivals, where you are getting your ears pummeled for six hours before the headliner comes on, I will pass. I mean, it's fun and all, and very exciting to see the bands you like and to be part of it, but it turns into an endurance contest at a certain point and you start to get worn down.

But having said all of that - since you are still young, if you have a festival coming up with bands you like, by all means go! The time to do it is in your 20s. Then it is still doable, and worth it.

Then many years later you can give the same advice to younger fans, haha.  :)

On another concert note, I was excited to see the posting of tour dates for Pillorian, Jon Haughm's new band as you know. I will say that I was not huge on their debut album, just because it sounded like a slight setback for him. I thought it sounded like Agalloch mixed with run of the mill black metal, but all the same he is always great live, and the music was still pretty good, if not up to Agalloch standards. I had seen you post something about Wolves In The Throne Room a few weeks ago, but I did not know until today that Pillorian was touring with them. I don't know much about Wolves, I've heard a few of their tunes but it sounded kind of like a wall of distortion to me. Maybe it will be good live. I don't really listen to a lot of Black Metal anymore. What happens with me, in any genre, from Prog to Pop to Metal to Black Metal, is that I will listen to various bands, sometimes a lot of bands, and then only a few will really stick with me. With Metal, I listened to them all in the 80s, but only Judas Priest, Iron Maiden and The Scorpions survived. Motorhead, sort of....but not really, except for the classic "Ace Of Spades".

And with First Wave Black Metal, only Celtic Frost survived. I don't listen to Venom anymore, though they were great at the time...

What happens is that some bands transcend the genre, and show that there never should be genres in the first place! There never were any in the 60s, when rock and roll first branched out all over the place.

Some bands, just a few, become big time Artists, and those are always the ones that stick with me. The ones that go beyond a category, and just make great music.

In recent Metal, or Space Rock or whatever you might call it, for me there were two bands, Alcest and Agalloch. Neige has honed Alcest into a powerhouse live act, now blowing people away. I got to see Agalloch three (or was it four?) times before they broke up, and they were equally as great each time.

So I will be excited to see John Haugham again, just because he is an artist who sticks with you.

Keep making music and taking pictures and making videos and doing everything else you do, and never stop. :)

That's all I know for tonight.  :):)  

Remember The USS Liberty

Not much to report today. Took Pearl to Golden Agers. No hike, and I guess it's been over week since the last one - I'll have to check my diary. I just haven't been in the mood, but I will try to get back in The Swing Of Things real soon.

SB, if you are there, I didn't see any posts today, but I hope you had a nice day. I know you are doing a ton of stuff this Summer, and I hope you have had a chance to work on your piano/viola duets too. They will make a great second album for you.  :)

One of the books I am currently reading is called "Remember The Liberty" by Phillip F Nelson, the guy who wrote the two definitive books about LBJ and the Kennedy assassination. I know I've mentioned him a bunch of times, so I apologise for repeating the same info. His books are so important, however, because the information that is documented (thoroughly researched and verified, zero doubt) shows that we have had incidents in our country's recent history that are every bit as terrible as those that are taught to us as schoolchildren about countries like Nazi Germany and the Soviet Union.

I mean, we all know the history of the United States, and we know about slavery, and the denial of human rights for women, black people and others, for many years. But we think that, for the most part, we have fixed the major social problems of our past. When I was a kid, we saluted the flag every morning in school, and we sang "My Country 'Tis Of Thee". We did both of those things every morning before the teacher began her lessons. I was always proud, in a little boy's way, to salute and to sing about my country. It wasn't something I thought about, once the daily ritual was over, but I am sure it instilled in me, and perhaps in a lot of other children, the idea or even certainty that we lived in a great country. The underlying message was that America was The Greatest Country On Earth. It wasn't that other countries sucked (except Nazi Germany and The Soviet Union, that much was made clear), but simply that the USA was the Land Of Freedom and equal opportunity, and therefore maybe more enlightened than any other country in the world. This is what we were taught as kids. And we were taught about slavery and the civil rights struggle and womens' suffrage and the rest, but the unspoken message was that this all happened in the past. That's why we are teaching it to you in History class. America is a great country that learns from it's past, fixes it's mistakes and moves forward, to lead the rest of the world.

As a result of my public schooling (which was always top notch when I was a kid), I grew up to love my country, after a brief fling with Far Left Stupidism in my 20s.

And I still love my country.

It is not a feeling borne of patriotism, per se, because patriotism only arises when one must rally around one's land, one's home, when a nation of people is threatened or under attack. I have never lived in a time when our nation was under a legitimate threat of attack, and so I have never felt a surge of patriotism, i.e. the idea that my country is not only the best but must crush all countries who dare take us on. That hasn't happened since World War Two, and I wasn't alive then.

And to my great horror, what I have discovered in my research and reading over the past twenty to twenty five years, is that there have been a lot of phoney-baloney false flag operations set up by high level politicians and military officials of the United States in the ensuing decades since WW2, probably starting with the Korean "conflict", but entirely proven and blatant with the Vietnam War, which was begun by fanning the flames over an incident that never happened, called The Gulf Of Tonkin Incident.

That was LBJ's doing, of course, and Robert McNamara's, the Secretary Of Defense at the time.

We all know how awful the Vietnam War was, and how needless. I was basically taught that, too, in elementary school in the late 60s. And we do have freedom of the press, to an extent, and we do have almost 100% Freedom Of Speech, as seen today in our constantly agitated society. Anyone can say anything he or she wants, right? 

Wouldn't that be great if it made a difference, and prevented truly Devilish actions like that which befell the military intelligence ship USS Liberty, which was deliberately and overwhelmingly attacked by Israel on June 8, 1967, in an attempt to sink it to the bottom of the Mediterranean Ocean with everyone on board.

When you read this book, and read the testimony of the surviving sailors, who were forced to wait fifty years to have their story told, your belief in what America is supposed to stand for is nearly shattered into a million pieces.

Devilish is the only word I can come up with to describe my opinion of what happened to the Liberty and it's men.

Not just bad, or horrible or awful.

Devilish. As in "The Devil".

Think about that. And take your time doing so.

We give Israel billions of dollars per year in aid, mostly military.

They are said to be one of our greatest allies.

Now, there is no doubt they were "encouraged" into their truly evil attack on a defenseless allied ship, one that was on their side in the Six Day War, by the American President at the time, LBJ (our Hitler).

But Israel has never had to answer for what they did to our sailors, and to that ship, in June of 1967.

And our so-called Free Press, our fake and phoney media, has never mentioned it.

If Our Lord Jesus Christ were running the press, it would be front page news (as would every other atrocity), but you might think that, in a country that has admitted the wrongs of slavery, that the sorry excuse that passes for our "press" might - at least - bring up the subject of the USS Liberty, even though it happened 50 years ago. In fact, a 50 year anniversary might be the time to come clean and tell the truth. Of course, there is that bewildering, neverending, unconditional and very costly support for Israel to be taken into account, which might explain why this story has never been told on the nightly news.

But more likely than that, the story of The Liberty has never been told because, as complicit as Israel was in the Horrific Attack That They Carried Out, on American sailors - an attack that can only be described as Devilish - the orders for the attack came from America herself, from The President Of The United States.

Orders to the Israeli military to attack and sink our own ship, The USS Liberty, so that the United States, under Lyndon Johnson, would have an excuse to bomb Egypt into the Stone Age. Because that's who they were gonna blame the attack on - Egypt..

That's how a false flag operation works. It was probably invented at the beginning of warfare, but it was used more prominently and recently in Nazi Germany.......

And it has been the USA which has perfected it.

Pure Devilry. No other word will suffice. It's The Devil, and all you have to do is read the book to understand this. And to understand that the work of The Devil has been buried, as it often is.

I love this country. I sang "My Country 'Tis Of Thee" every day in elementary school. I saluted the American Flag, and I still do, anytime the salute is presented, at ballgames or Hollywood Bowl concerts.

My Dad served in World War Two, to help defeat the worst evil the world has ever faced.

I am a 400 Year American, as per my ancestry.

And though I am not a member of the press, and therefore have little power to convey a message, I will be damned if I'm gonna be silent after reading what I've read in "Remember The Liberty".

This is America.

These truths need to be told. They have to be told, on National News, to the whole world.

We need to throw out all the no-good politicians and bums of every sort who are preventing this from happening. Of course, life being what it is, I know it is a difficult task to accomplish.

But until we do, we are nothing more than a Great Nation hiding Devilish Secrets. Think about that if you will. And read about The Liberty if you have a chance. ////

Trying To Adjust + Books To Write

Happy Late Night, SB. Don't know if you are still with me & still reading but I hope you had a nice day in any event. I'm still trying to adjust over here, and it's a slow process. I've been having some fun, however - and cheering myself up - by going back in the blogs and reading some of the Kobi oriented ones I've written over the past couple years. I keep coming back to one particular thing that I find amazing, and that is just how much activity the dude engaged in, even after he was already an old guy.

I wrote in one blog from 2014, "He's now 14, but you'd think he was 4". And he still had 3 1/2 years to go after that. Even when he had his seizure in February 2016, he still had almost a year and a half to go.

Maybe that's why they say that dogs live seven years for every year a human lives, just because it seems like they Do A Ton Of Stuff in a Relatively Short Time. Which, when you look back on it, seems like a long time. It all gets back to that Weird Time Thing that we've talked about a bunch of Times, whereby a given period of time can seem to whiz by, and yet another period of time, of the same length, can seem to stretch out forever.

I'd like to go back, when I eventually have the time, and look for all the stuff I've ever written about Kobi, whether in a blog or in my daily journal (which I've been keeping since September 1999), and see if I can put something together, like a short book.

That would make three books I want to write, two of which have been long planned. One will be called "The Meadows" and will be the in depth story of my life from 1993 to 1997. I have wanted to write this book ever since my friend Dave S. died in 2008. He shouldn't have died at 47, but he did. Dave was the opposite of Kobi in that respect, but the main thing is that he was my best friend for many years, and after he died I began to really think about the nature of those years in the mid-90s. And I thought, "nobody would have the slightest idea what I went through - what we went through - except for Dave". It was one of those "you had to be there" experiences, and even then, even if most anyone else was there, they still would probably not understand. But Dave did. He understood.

That got me to thinking about The Nature Of Friendship, and it's various depths. Friendship is a different kind of bond from love in the romantic sense. We love our friends, of course, but in a different way. But with certain friends, a bond can exist that is metaphysical in a similar way to that of a love relationship. That is the bond of understanding.

With a couple who are in love, it's easier to define (if still impossible to define in words). But with the similar bond between two friends, it is much harder to describe the nature of the bond, right down to the fine points, because it is not based on love or romance, in the way that we usually think of it. And yet we still love our friends.

Sometimes, we have a close friend, even a Best Friend, with whom we go on a life changing adventure. And when the adventure is over, the realisation sets in that the only person who will ever fully understand what has happened, is that friend.

But sometimes, the friend dies. That is what happened with Dave in October 2008. He died just a few weeks after my Dad died, and Dad had been a part of our adventure also, in the aftermath.

My book, the one I hope to write one day, called "The Meadows", will be an examination of the true nature of what friendship is. The context is The Earthquake Years, and our activities at the time, but that is only the backdrop. What I want to "pull up" - from somewhere inside me - is what was learned, what was sensed, and what was shared, without it being verbalised.

What happens when people go through a life changing experience together? Sure, they talk about it.

But what happens beneath that? What happens on The Unspoken Level?

What is Shared And Acknowledged Without Being Spoken Of?

That is what I want to get at, in part. I have never even begun to write this book, not even a single page as yet, because I know it will require the sharpest concentration I have ever mustered. It will also require a full re-immersion in the photographs, materials and memories of those years, which will - at this point in my life - call for a Herculean Effort. My writing is usually based on trying to reach emotional conclusions - "truths" - but in my case I am purposely trying to define things that can't be defined. I am not trying to do the impossible, but just trying to etch away at the nuances. I'm trying to define the doorway, the entrance of understanding to Things That Cannot Be Described.

That's what I have been trying to do, just for my own sake, since The Doberman passed away on Friday. He had the same effect on my life that Dave had.

Can a Dog do that? 

This dog did.

So I now want to one day go through all my writings that involve The 'Ster, even those that only contain a sentence or two. Because I'd like to write a book about these years, too : The Caregiver Years. This book would focus on the emotions and bondings of an entirely different kind of experience, this time involving a dog as the middle-man, the anchor of the experience, the guy who holds down The Fort.

The guy who understands The Unspoken.

I hope to have the wherewithall to do Some Serious Writing in the future. Enough so that I can focus like a laser beam, so that I can pull up from inside what I am trying to say.

These subjects, and these friends, deserve such an effort. ///

The Dog + Everything Is Far Out

Not just mega-tired tonight (which would be per usual for a Sunday night) but beyond that. Only got about three hours sleep before getting up early for church. Still all Kobestered Out. But, the singing was good and we nailed all our hymns and our anthem, despite missing our lead soprano. A one-hour practice session followed, which I always enjoy. :)

I'm entering a new paradigm - The Kobi-less Household - and it's weird for me because of the silence. I mean, in the last couple of years he didn't make much noise, but I did. As I've probably reported, I developed a habit of trying to liven up the house and provide a little stimulation for Pearl, by keeping a kind of "running commentary" with The 'Ster.

With him, as if he could carry on a conversation; to him, as if he was the boss and head of household; and maybe most prominently, about him. I would change song lyrics to be about Kobi, I would make up spontaneous "facts" about him, such as - upon waking up - "gotta make The Dog some coffee"! Because he was The Shot Caller, you know. I'd tell Pearl about Kobi's activities when we weren't home: "He teaches Good Boy classes to other dogs while you're at Golden Agers. He makes good money on the side". Kobi also had an agent who negotiated his fee for the Bischon calendars on Pearl's wall. At feeding time he was always about to yet again "break the record for eating Dog Food".

And, I'd tell Pearl that : "He keeps recommending that we try a bowl of dog food. He says it's delicious and that we'll really like it. I mean.....I don't know what to do. I don't wanna hurt his feelings, but.."

And I broke the news one time that he had just opened the world's first Dog Food Restaurant, where every item on the menu, including dessert, was made from Dog Food.

"He's certain it will be a success"! ("How could anyone not love Dog Food"?, he asked me).

So that was just a taste of the verbal interplay I had - imaginary or not (and I think "not"!) - with myself and Kobi, on behalf of Pearl and in the best interests of providing some liveliness in the household. It's not easy being a caregiver, but Kobi - just by being who he was - jump-started a stream-of-consciousness dialogue in me, whereby he became my foil, my Walter Mitty, where I could place him in any situation to tell an impromptu story.

It is pretty incredible looking back on all that non-stop dialogue. It wasn't all "up front" and loud or in anyone's face. A lot of the time I'd just be muttering away - "Koberdober this, Koberdober that"....

Or he was "The Pinsch" or "The Doberman" or "El Supremo", or about fifty other names.

The commentary, and the variety of the commentary, never ceased. Because otherwise, even with the TV on, it was too quiet in here. And at 93, Pearl needs some stimulus. This is the experience of the caregiver. And I was fortunate enough to have a Right Hand Man in the house this whole time, until two days ago.

The new paradigm, what I am hoping to get used to, is to have him still be here, but as a Spirit Kobi instead of Physical Kobester. This transition has been a big part of the heavy duty process I have been experiencing for the past 60 or so hours.

It felt like he went to church with us this morning. For real.

Yeah.....I know nobody believes that stuff. 

Metaphysical mumbo jumbo, right?

Nope. Not in this case. This is the new paradigm. Belief does not affect it. It simply "Is".

I can't have The Dog just bailing on me. I need him to stay here and remain a part of The Team.

So I am trying to get used to the new logistics, of not being able to see him, etc.

Having to "sense" him intead.

It's not easy, but it's easier for me than you might imagine.

I've been through things like The Meadows in the earthquake years, and I've been through '89, and I have a ton of psychic experience. I've got one foot in this world, and one on the Other Side.

The Dog is even more psychic than me. This stuff is a piece of cake for him, though I do think he is blowing his Dog Mind that he can still see, and run around in, this world that he supposedly left.

It's all a bit Far Out, for certain. But again, I implore you to look up in The Sky, and ask yourself, "what isn't Far Out"?

The answer is that Everything Is Far Out.

All you need to do to understand this is to Stop Watching The News, Stop Being A Participant In The Everyday Cycle, Refuse To Let Cultural Pressure Make You Feel As If You Need To Keep Up On Trivial Things (and especially Stupid Human Stuff like politics), and instead - turn around and take an Amazing Look at the Universe that you are living in. And don't just look at it; absorb it.

Take a minute, and Absorb The Universe You Are Living In. Exclude all the Human BS, but include the Human Good Stuff........and The Animal Stuff...

And then ask yourself if Everything Isn't As Far Out As I've Said It is. ////

End Of Story, for tonight.  :):) 

Grief, Love + Spirit

Happy Late Night, Sweet Baby (if you are reading),

Well, it's as you can probably imagine. I am all over the map today, in terms of alternating waves of grief and gratitude, and love. Kobi has blown my mind with his incredible spirit. The thing is, with my job as a caregiver, it was never just me and Pearl. Ever since the day I began in April 2010, it's always been the three of us. That's why I referred to them as The Crew, as in "I took The Crew to Lake Balboa" or wherever. We have always been a three way team, and Kobi's part on the team was as important as anyone's. He radiated goodness, reassurance, calm and protection, even as a Small Guy, and I always knew that because of his radiance - which you could feel, just by looking at him, especially when he was curled up in his bed by the TV - that he would protect the house, and Pearl, just by radiating his strength and calm. This is no exaggeration or wishful thinking, but very real. A person just has to tune into it and understand just how gifted their pet is.

I understood this - it was plain to see - and so I always knew Pearl was protected by Kobi's force of goodness when I wasn't here in the afternoons. When I wasn't here, he was.

It's pretty astounding to me what I am going through, just because of the size of the emotions, which are bigger than gigantic. It's mostly in the amazement of what a love bond consists of. You don't know the full extent of it until the Person (and a dog is such) passes away and becomes Pure Spirit. Then the grief hits, and it's like an explosion. Then you know the full extent of the love, reaching from this physical world into the other side, and also back the other way. The grief is both sides reaching out to each other : "Don't let go"!

So what I have tried to do is get past the "sadness" part of the grief and understand the workings of it, as it relates to the process of two beings remaining together despite the fact that they are now in two different worlds, two different physical (or non-physical) states.

It's been a roller coaster ride for the past 36 hours, full of much analysing, but then I read something a little while ago that left me feeling quite upbeat, believe it or not, because the author basically summarised everything I have been feeling and thinking since yesterday afternoon.

The article was a blog, by a lady who calls herself a Shamanistic Healer. Let me see if I can post the url of her article :  https://www.sarahpetrunoshamanism.com/blog/9-things-your-deceased-pet-wants-you-to-know/

Yep. That's it. I don't know if it will post as a clickable link, but if it doesn't, you can copy and paste it if you want. When I was reading it a couple hours ago, I thought, "Holy Smokes, you are saying everything I've been feeling and experiencing for the past day and a half". Just reading her story and that of her and her husband's dog has been very helpful to me. I already knew what she says to be true, because I've been feeling Kobi's presence, but to actually read it, written out in an articulate way, expressing the exact details of what I have been experiencing, is very healing for me.

So read it if you like, and if you have the time.

Tomorrow is church, so I'd better get to sleep pretty soon, but life is pretty awesome, eh SB?

Sometimes you go through the wringer a bit, but if you just pay attention to the Awesome, you will stay on the right track. That is the track of Eternal Life, and the pathway is Love. It's no joke, no cliche, but something very real. In fact, it's the most real thing there is.

That's all I know for tonight.

I saw the Drewsif post about people getting married, and you know my feelings on the subject.  :):)

A Man/Dog Love Affair (I Love You, Kobi)

Well, my girl, I am very sorry to report that Kobi passed away this afternoon, which you may know already if you saw my post on Facebook. I was hoping for the best, but even last night I was preparing myself because he wasn't looking good and he hadn't eaten. This morning he was very lethargic and still not eating or even drinking water, so I took him to the vet and the decision was made, not by me but by Pearl's daughter whom I had called to report on my buddy's condition. I concurred with her decision, and the veterinarian agreed that it was the best choice, because even with hospitalisation he was not going to recover, and it would only prolong the inevitable.

When we first drove to the pet hospital, the parking lot was full, and there is no street parking in the area (an L.A. trademark). So I drove around the block a couple times; still no empty spaces in the lot. Then I got an idea.

I thought, "I have gotta take him up to Northridge Park one more time". Even though we hadn't seen the vet yet, I was halfway sure it was gonna be the last time, and I just wanted him to be in the presence of that place, because there is Magic at that park. I used to take my doggies Alice and Trixie there in the 1990s, and it was also the first place I took Kobi when he was recovering from his seizure in February 2016. Back then, it wasn't certain he would recover either. He was 16, and the seizure had wiped him out. But I just knew Northridge Park would be a good place for him to try and walk a bit, and hopefully regain some strength.

And he did walk there, and he did regain quite a bit of strength, and he did recover from his seizure. And then he went on to live another year and a half.

That's partly because the guy was hard core, and it's also partly because the place has magic.

I believe in magic, as you know. I believe in all kinds of magic, and especially the indescribable magic of certain places, certain landscapes, certain grounds. I believe in the magic of Special Places because I can feel it when I go there.

And I know that Kobi could, too.

That dog was a Giant, in Spirit and in the way of some inborn knowledge that perhaps all dogs have, but which he was the Einstein of : If I think I know Magic........Well I was not in the same league as him.

Or maybe I was, I dunno. Maybe I am not giving myself enough credit. But all you had to do was just Look At The Guy, just observe him, and you knew that he understood The Magic in an all encompassing way. Even just a couple days ago, I had put him out back to go pee, and then as I was back in the kitchen doing dishes I watched him out the window, as he sat and let the breeze blow around his fur, and he listened to the birds call to one another.

The look in his eyes spoke of a complete understanding of life, and of The Magic.

A person might say, "but he was only a dog".

And I would reply, "do we even know what a dog is? Or any animal, especially those who have bonded to humans as pets".

Do we have any idea what a dog or cat understands?

Look in their eyes sometime, when they aren't aware you are doing so.

I could write volumes about my experiences with Kobi, and the subtle emotions and flickering bits of understanding that passed by when he was in my presence, which was often since 2010.

I tend to understand things from the Spirit Level, and I knew him to be Gigantic in that regard.

When he was with you, you felt that you could go anywhere, do anything. He was with me on some of my earliest trail hikes, and later, in 2015 (I think it was then), he accompanied me on trips up to the top of Oat Mountain, and through San Francisquito Canyon. Both of those drives involved either roads that were of questionable "trespassing" legality, or unknown and slightly scary countryside. I didn't have quite the courage to drive up to either location by myself, at least not on the first try, so I took The Kobedog with me.

Then I felt invincible, and I am being very serious. There was just something about his presence, and the way he curled up in the passenger seat. You could feel his vibe, and it took all fear away.

So when that happens, and when you spend more and more time with such a guy, you finally have to ask yourself, "Just what is a dog, anyway"?

What kind of creatures are these?

Among other things, they are creatures of Profound Understanding.

So are cats, if you are a cat person. I am both, though I tend to "buddy up" with dogs just a bit more.

I went through a gamut of feelings and realisations this evening, on my walk and just in general, as I was in my apartment, watching "One Step Beyond" and whatever......just sitting there.

I was kind of going through the wringer, as grief will do to you, but I was also blowing my mind.

It is not an exaggeration to say that. I know it sounds like hyperbole, but it isn't; I really do "blow my mind" (i.e. "absorb in the deepest way") the various emotions and revelations of this life. It is a gift from The Lord, I believe. And tonight I simply let these things just wash over me and go through me and into me; these bits of incredible knowledge and realisation.

All of which sprang forth from the incredible love of a dog, and the love I felt back from that dog.

"Profound" is the only word that even comes close.

It was a Man/Dog Love Affair if there ever was one, and it remains so.

I can feel him here beside me as I write.  /////

Incredible Photograph + Mound Country In The Midwest + "Jason And The Argonauts" + Kobi

Well, SB, that was a stunning photograph you posted this morning! One of your friends mentioned the colors, and that was the first thing I noticed as well. For me, it was the color scheme, the blues, whites and greys, and the way they both contrast and blend into one another. Man, that's one of your best shots ever (which is really saying something!), and not only are the overalls tones beautiful but your composition is Top Notch. I mean - I'm not just saying that. Go back and look at the picture and see for yourself.

You are now The Queen Of The Self-Portrait, taking it to new heights and in new directions.  :)

I am fascinated by my new Peter Levenda book, and in Chapter Two, just begun, he is talking about the Burial Mounds in Ohio and parts of Tennessee. It may be that they pre-date the American Indians, and so there may have been a civilisation in America even before the Indians, which is mindboggling.

Supposedly, there have been skeletons unearthed in some of these mounds that are 8 feet long. Hey SB, have you ever been to Lake Delavan? It looks to be about 80 miles from you on the Google map, and in 1927, some archaeologists dug up 18 really weird (and tall) skeletons in a Mound near the lake. I found that out because after reading the chapter I became fascinated with these mounds (some of which are huge), and I wondered if you had any in Wisconsin. And you do....but have you ever seen them?

I would love to go on a tour of Mound Country (as it is called) in the Midwest.

It's the same deal with those Amazing Cliff Dwellings in (I think) New Mexico. They say that the Anasazi Indians built them........but just take a look at those things.

Nothing against the Anasazi, I have no doubt they were very capable.

But just take a look at those cliff dwellings.

You know they didn't build 'em. Somebody else did. Just like the Egyptians didn't build the Pyramids.

Well anyhow......ahem (clears throat)........if you ever wanna do a Mound Tour, let me know.  :)

Tonight's movie was "Jason And The Argonauts" (1963), the original version with the great Ray Harryhausen special effects. If you remember I recently watched "The 7th Voyage Of Sinbad", which was also a Harryhausen spectacular, made later in 1977. These movies were part of a fantasy/adventure series based on Greek mythology. I think there are five or six movies in all, and while they aren't great art perhaps, they are a lot of fun in the Popcorn Movie sense, and they hold up really well even 50 years later. Every kid remembers seeing these either in the theater, or on TV (that's me) back in the 60s and 70s, and the stories were captivating and the special effects pretty thrilling for the time. The big scene in "Jason" is the final battle between The Argonauts and an Army Of Sword Wielding Skeletons, moving deftly in stop-motion animation. That was a big deal in those days.

A fun movie, nothing more, but also a classic in it's own way. ///

Finally, tonight I'd like to ask you to say a small prayer for Kobi, aka The Kobester, The Doberman Pinscher, et al. He is now 17 and a half, and for the last couple of days he has not been eating much.

Today, when he woke up he was trembling. I am hoping it is because of constipation, which he has suffered from in recent months. I gave him a warm bath and a doggie massage this afternoon to try and ease his discomfort. After that was when he fell asleep, and he remains so now.

At his amazing age, I know he won't be around forever.

But I am just hoping that he will recover from whatever is ailing him, just for now and maybe a while longer, maybe even a good while.

If he is still hurting tomorrow, I will take him to the vet.

So please, if you are so inclined, just say a small prayer for him.

I love him so much, so thanks.  :)

The Cascades + Practicing In Car + Great Pic

Hey Elizabeth, that was another excellent portrait that you posted this morning. It is as professional a headshot as you would find anywhere, but more artistic than most! Really good, and that kid has The Look as you pointed out. :) I hope your project with him is coming along to your expectations, and to your friend Aaron's. I'm glad to see you back on FB. I don't know if you are back as The SB or not, and of course only you know for sure, but if you are, I'm right here. :) I saw one other post today, about Steve and Sarah playing in Scotland (which is really cool!). I hope you are having a good Summer yourself.  :)

This afternoon I drove up to something called The Cascades. That's just a nickname for the entry point of the L.A. Aqueduct as it comes down the mountainside into the Valley. It is most famous as the location - the "sluice gate" if you will - that the engineer William Mulholland used in 1911 to stage the dramatic "turning on" of the Immense Water Spigot that made the possibility of the Los Angeles Metropolis into a reality. I have reported before that without that aqueduct bringing non-stop water 400 miles southward from the Owens Valley, L.A. as a big city doesn't exist. We get most of our water from up in Northern California, and it enters what you can call "Los Angeles Proper" right there at the top of Balboa Boulevard, just north of O'Melveny Park, where the water comes down the mountain at The Cascades.

I have seen The Cascades from Balboa ever since I was a kid (we all have), but I recently read a PBS post on Facebook describing how you could see it up close, so that's what I was attempting to do today. I drove all the way up Balboa (about a mile past O'Melveny), and I parked just past a driveway with a latched gate at the end, the main gate to The Cascades operational site. I wanted to take a pic or two, and I probably could have, but I chickened out because of the "No Trespassing" signs all over the place. They meant "no trespassing" past the gate, but I don't mess around with such warnings anymore, so I didn't even approach the gate.

What I did do instead was go back to my car and look for the legitimate trail further up the street that is supposed to take you even closer to The Cascades. I drove up a side street (Nicklaus St.) looking for the trail mentioned in the PBS post. I couldn't find it this time, but I did get a close up look at The Cascades coming down the mountain. On Nicklaus Street there is a little turn-out that overlooks the mountainside, and it is an awesome view of the Los Angeles water supply bubbling it's way into the city. It's very, very close, but the problem once again was "no trespassing", this time in the form of red-zone no parking paint jobs at every curbside, and the fact that the homes on Nicklaus are part of a so-called "private community". That is unofficial-speak for "don't trespass because upper-middle class people live here and also because we know you are only here because you want to see The Cascades". It's probably not strictly illegal, but I am too old to mess with that kind of stuff. What PBS fails to mention is that with a press credential you can go anywhere. They suggest that the reader try it him-or-herself, but don't mention that an ordinary person might get the cops called on them. But, they did mention another trail, so next time I go up, I will try to find it. It will be worth it to get an up close photo of The Cascades.

 On my way back, I went for a short hike at O'Melveny, too. :)

No movie tonight, but I did watch an episode each of two great shows, "Rawhide" and "One Step Beyond", so I got my Western fix and my Supernatural fix all in one night.

Latest Beatle song learned is "Let It Be". Very easy to sing and play, even with my goofy fingers. I am developing the ability to "hide" the most bent of them, my left hand ring finger, and have begun to train my pinkie to take over the index finger moves. So I can still play, it's just that chords are a bit harder.

But singing and playing at the same time is easier, just because of Doing It.

So I am also practicing a Journey song in the car, just to increase my range. It is "When The Lights Go Down In The City" (if that's the actual title), and I only decided to try it to piss Grimsley off, vicariously, because he hates Journey so much and always tirades about them. I used to hate Journey myself, back in my 20s, and while I am not a huge fan now, I can appreciate the tunefulness and certain catchiness of their hits. And because I am trying to develop my voice, I use extreme examples to try and hit notes.

You don't want to be sitting next to me in the car when I try to sing like Steve Perry.

In fact, I don't want to be sitting next to me!

But I have to attempt it.

First, to bug Grimsley, even if he isn't present.

But more importantly, to develop my range and vocal strength and sustain, which I have already been working on for a while now.

So that's the news for today. Hope to see you tomorrow. 

"Tomorrow Is Forever" + Two New Books (Levenda & Nelson)

Saw an excellent movie this evening : "Tomorrow Is Forever" (1946), starring Orson Welles, Claudette Colbert & George Brent, and also featuring a 7 year old Natalie Wood in her first major role. The story is this : The time is November 1918. The end of World War One is at hand. Colbert, an office worker at a large chemical factory in Baltimore, is thrilled because this means her husband (played by Welles) will be coming home. She is ready to celebrate, but when she gets home from work that afternoon, there is a telegram waiting in her mailbox. That dreaded telegram known to all war widows. Her husband was killed on the war's final day.

Suddenly, her life seems over, just as it was about to begin anew. She is distraught, and is also pregnant with Welles' child. Her boss at the factory, played by the always reliable & gentlemanly George Brent, takes her under his wing and has her come live with his aunt, so that she will be supported as she recovers emotionally. Needless to say, Brent falls in love with her and ultimately asks her to marry him. She accepts, and he helps to raise her newborn son as his own.

But the only problem is that her first husband did not actually die. He was missing in action but still alive, though horribly injured (wait a minute, this is all sounding like the Christian Petzold film I watched the other night....).

Twenty years pass, and we are now on the verge of World War Two. Colbert lives happily with Brent and their now grown son (the handsome Richard Long), who is ready to volunteer for the coming war. This is a major plot theme, and I shall say no more.

Then - Holy Smokes - suddenly there is a new hire at the chemical factory : an important top level scientist from Austria arrives. He is badly crippled. Factory boss Brent throws a dinner party and invites the new guest. And when Colbert sees him, she nearly faints.

The "Austrian" is Orson Welles, of course, who has little memory of his pre-war life and former marriage. After being disfigured and nearly killed, he was rescued and given a new life by an Austrian surgeon. Now he is back in America, in Baltimore, and at work in the very chemical factory where his wife once worked, and is now remarried to the owner.

Good Lordy Moses, what a set up. Even better than in the Petzold movie, and that one was great. I must now go on a Brief Tirade about screenwriting, as I often do at such a juncture....

It has got to be mentioned yet again, harped on even, about the level of talent possessed by the screenwriters of the Golden Era. Here you have a 104 minute movie,  just 14 minutes over the Ideal Motion Picture Length, and so much drama and story is crammed into that time frame that you feel as if you were watching years of their lives unfold. So much happens! Do you wanna know why, in many modern movies, a lot of car chases and explosions and stuff are substituted to fill out the time, and movies are thus even longer and often more boring? Because the screenwriters have nothing to say, that's why! But in the Golden Era, you had to really be able to write, and in this film the writing is as good as it gets. Several sub-themes are present, including an all-important one on the matter of War, and how it eats up the young. This plot features Richard Long, who is first rate in his role. Orson Welles and Claudette Colbert, two of the greatest screen actors in history, knock their roles far out of the ballpark.

"Tomorrow Is Forever" is a heavy, heavy film - emotional, almost metaphysical, and melodramatic to the core. I think it's one of the heaviest films I've ever seen, actually, especially in dealing with the age-old themes of love and death.

If you were living this movie instead of watching it, you would need to buy the Kleenex factory, or at least buy a werehouse of cartons of the stuff. But since you are just watching it and not living it, a single box should do you.

Me? I am stoic, y'know. :) I do my Kleenexing on the inside, most of the time anyway.  :)

But man oh man, What A Movie. I give it 5 Stars, two Huge Thumbs Up.

How great is Orson Welles, anyway?  ///////

I have also begun two new books :

1) "Sinister Forces - The Nine : A Grimoire Of American Political Witchcraft, Book One", written by Peter Levenda. The title is a mouthful, but to boil it down, it is the first in a three book series, written about ten years ago, that explores occult influences in American history, in the country's politics and culture. Book One begins with an in depth look at the Salem Witch trials. I am 30 pages in, and am riveted. Hey folks, there is a reason this country is so nuts and has wound up with a clown as President. The Influence Of The Masses is that reason. But who is doing the influencing?

2) The other book I am just starting is called "Remember The Liberty! : Almost Sunk By Treason On The High Seas" by Phillip F. Nelson, who also wrote two of the most important books in American history, about LBJ. Google them if you wish, or better yet, read them, as every American should. The USS Liberty was a spy ship that was stationed in the Middle East during the Six Day War in June 1967, fought between Israel and Egypt and Jordan. On the fourth day of that short war, Israel tried to sink an American ship - the Liberty - and in the process killed 34 American sailors. This incident has been buried in our history. If you wanna know why, it's because the incident was plotted to happen by Lyndon Baines Johnson, our President at the time. He was willing to use the tactic of "having your own killed" and then blaming it on someone else, in order to have a reason to get into a war.

Shades of the Reichstag Fire, orchestrated by Hitler.

Yes, folks, we have had events in American history, even recent ones, that are every bit as heinous as those of the Nazis or other nefarious regimes. And in LBJ, we had the closest thing to Our Hitler, Trump notwithstanding because he's Too Stupid To Pull Off What LBJ Pulled Off.

So, what I say is, "do your reading if you wish". I know that not everyone has the time. My "thing" is reading, and research, but I know it's not everyone's bag.

But at the very least, please be aware of What Has Really Happened In The United States Of America.

Not just the lame, half-baked stuff you see and hear on CNN or or any other media.

Don't waste your time watching that stuff. Is is a "garbage cycle", designed to get you hooked and keep you on edge without ever revealing to you the deeper issues that have caused the grevious problems we now face.

Don't watch news.

Instead, read Real History, researched by Dedicated Journalists, who really do give a Flying One about this country and the world.

That's all for tonight.

SB? Are You Back? + 1989 & Ann

Well, SB, your posts started showing up again this evening, just a little while ago. I am referring to posts found in the "posts You like" feature that I have been using as a means to communicate for the past couple years, ever since FB took away my news ticker. At any rate, for about two weeks there, whenever I checked "posts You like", all it showed was a single post from 2016. Normally, it shows a whole scroll of posts, old ones mostly but with a few mixed in from that day. For a couple years, I have checked it every day as it was my way of seeing your communications. There was almost always a new post, or several, and there was always a whole scroll of older posts. But around late June it just shut down, and that was a main part of the reason I figured you didn't wanna communicate with me anymore. FB has their stupid logarithms and programs, and I guess if you don't make enough posts, or "likes", then that feature shuts down. That's the reason they say I lost my news ticker : not enough FB friends. So I guess the "posts You like" feature shut down because you weren't liking any posts, although when it came back on tonight, I did see three posts from last week. Nothing to do with me; it was all band stuff, but anyway it looks like you did use FB, at least a little bit, last week.

I don't get it, because as I have said, I have you set first in every aspect of Facebook posting. I have you set under "see first" meaning that your posts should show up first, at the top of the news feed. But no matter what I do, it has gotten harder and harder to see your posts and to communicate, which is why I gave up about two weeks ago. It's why I stopped posting my little " :):) " songs every night, too. I just assumed you were done with me, and I figured it was because I asked perhaps too many questions about your upcoming move to Chicago.

Anyway, the whole thing kind of wiped me out emotionally. I'm not mad about it, and I don't even know if you meant it to be that way. With the stupid FB systems and the way they work (or don't work), I really don't know what is going on. All I know is that it used to be really easy to communicate, back in the days of the news ticker and multiple posts seen throughout the day. Then it got harder and harder beginning in 2015, until it finally shut down a couple weeks ago.

I still feel the same way about you, and I'm not upset about the whole thing, but I was confused by it, and I still don't know if you actually wanna communicate with me anymore. The posts feature only just came back on a couple hours ago, so maybe it's too early to tell. I guess for now I will keep writing the blog as I have been since July 1st or so, but if I am able to see enough posts beginning tomorrow, and if it looks like those posts are "communication posts", then I will assume you do want to communicate, and I will go back to writing directly to you here at the blog, and addressing you the way I usually do.

Basically, as you know, if you Are Back - as The SB (!) - I will be able to tell. Remember that our communication has always worked as part intuition and part interpretation, and I am good at both.  :) Anyhow, I hope all has been going well. I hope you decide to keep posting, too, but no worries in any case. Let's just hope that if you do post, the stupid FB logarithm shows it. /////

That's all on that subject for tonight.

I'm super tired as always, and I was gonna write a little bit more about 1989, and Ann's role in it, as the first 24 hours played out. Ann is a key for me, because she was there for many of the events that comprise my first and clearest memories. I want especially to remember as clearly as possible the "morning after" at the apartment complex, because it has taken me years to come to the conclusion that it was most likely Ann as well who was present when I was almost forced (you could say "strongly urged" to sign that Non-Disclosure Oath, a secrecy oath that basically locks you into silence with the Federal government about what you have witnessed. In my case, the oath was a moot point because I was induced to have amnesia of what happened to me, via drugs and hypnosis. I didn't remember anything, so I couldn't violate an oath even if I had wanted to. Until about 1997, when I was finally able to make sense of the crazy-but-real memories that had come back to me.

But with the Non-Disclosure Oath, what happened was this : I woke up from the previous night's incident, in an empty apartment I had been placed in for "safe keeping" by a Federal agent, agency unknown but assumed to be FBI. This is for real, 100%, and not a joke. Ann was there when I was placed in the empty apartment and could testify to the truth of it. I think Lys was there, too, but not certain about it.

Anyhow, I slept on the floor of the empty apartment that night, September 1, 1989. The Federal Agent had said, to Ann, that "there were some bad guys" still out there, and it would be safer for me there at the apartment complex than at home, alone. Ann (and Lys, I think, and MSY) had attempted to take me home, but no one was there, and Ann - being a nurse - didn't think it was safe to leave me there.

Thank you, Ann.

Anyway, when I woke up in the empty apartment, I was disoriented. I was actually awakened by a woman who I now believe was the manager of the complex. I was groggy and just wanted to go home, but she explained to me that I couldn't leave, because "they" wanted to talk to me. She may have assumed I'd know who "they" were. I didn't.

It seemed like an eternity that morning. All I wanted was to go home.

Finally, I was directed to go outside, to a metal table with an umbrella above it. Two guys were there, Federal Agents. I now consider them to be a couple of cowards, because they took advantage of me when I was extremely disoriented and in a weakened state, and they basically coerced me into signing that oath. I can find the filing code number for it with a little Google searching. That was how I rediscovered it in the first place.

I have gotta make a quick disclaimer to re-state that I am as patriotic an American as you will find. Overall pro-military (for defense of the nation), and 1000% pro Constitution. But if there is one thing I hate more than anything, it is criminality or deceit under the color of authority. And those two guys who made me sign that paper, when I was basically cowering from my experiences of the previous evening, were a couple of Big Time Chicken Shits, picking on me in a diminished state. Hiding behind Federal authority, they were. If I was sitting at that table now, I would say : "F*** You. You can shove that paper up your ***".

Or more probably, I would simply say, "no, I am not gonna sign that".

And I think I said something similar, anyway. I was very skeptical of those guys, even as debilitated as I was.

And that's where Ann comes in, because I am almost sure she was there. It is 1000% certain she was with me for much of the previous night. But I had to get home after I finally was allowed to leave the apartment complex the next morning, after signing the paper for the Two Cowardly Agents.

I had to get home somehow.

And I know I didn't walk.

And I know, by the process of elimination, and after years of trying to remember how I got home, that none of my family members nor any of my friends took me home. And I certainly did not drive myself home. I didn't have a car then.

No, it was Ann who drove me home. I am 99% certain of it. She was with me the night before, and they must have called her to come back and get me the next morning.

I am also 99% certain she was there at the table when those guys made me sign that paper.

Ann could probably tell me a lot about that situation, and what happened in those first 24 hours.

I hope to talk to her one day.