Well, SB, your posts started showing up again this evening, just a little while ago. I am referring to posts found in the "posts You like" feature that I have been using as a means to communicate for the past couple years, ever since FB took away my news ticker. At any rate, for about two weeks there, whenever I checked "posts You like", all it showed was a single post from 2016. Normally, it shows a whole scroll of posts, old ones mostly but with a few mixed in from that day. For a couple years, I have checked it every day as it was my way of seeing your communications. There was almost always a new post, or several, and there was always a whole scroll of older posts. But around late June it just shut down, and that was a main part of the reason I figured you didn't wanna communicate with me anymore. FB has their stupid logarithms and programs, and I guess if you don't make enough posts, or "likes", then that feature shuts down. That's the reason they say I lost my news ticker : not enough FB friends. So I guess the "posts You like" feature shut down because you weren't liking any posts, although when it came back on tonight, I did see three posts from last week. Nothing to do with me; it was all band stuff, but anyway it looks like you did use FB, at least a little bit, last week.
I don't get it, because as I have said, I have you set first in every aspect of Facebook posting. I have you set under "see first" meaning that your posts should show up first, at the top of the news feed. But no matter what I do, it has gotten harder and harder to see your posts and to communicate, which is why I gave up about two weeks ago. It's why I stopped posting my little " :):) " songs every night, too. I just assumed you were done with me, and I figured it was because I asked perhaps too many questions about your upcoming move to Chicago.
Anyway, the whole thing kind of wiped me out emotionally. I'm not mad about it, and I don't even know if you meant it to be that way. With the stupid FB systems and the way they work (or don't work), I really don't know what is going on. All I know is that it used to be really easy to communicate, back in the days of the news ticker and multiple posts seen throughout the day. Then it got harder and harder beginning in 2015, until it finally shut down a couple weeks ago.
I still feel the same way about you, and I'm not upset about the whole thing, but I was confused by it, and I still don't know if you actually wanna communicate with me anymore. The posts feature only just came back on a couple hours ago, so maybe it's too early to tell. I guess for now I will keep writing the blog as I have been since July 1st or so, but if I am able to see enough posts beginning tomorrow, and if it looks like those posts are "communication posts", then I will assume you do want to communicate, and I will go back to writing directly to you here at the blog, and addressing you the way I usually do.
Basically, as you know, if you Are Back - as The SB (!) - I will be able to tell. Remember that our communication has always worked as part intuition and part interpretation, and I am good at both. :) Anyhow, I hope all has been going well. I hope you decide to keep posting, too, but no worries in any case. Let's just hope that if you do post, the stupid FB logarithm shows it. /////
That's all on that subject for tonight.
I'm super tired as always, and I was gonna write a little bit more about 1989, and Ann's role in it, as the first 24 hours played out. Ann is a key for me, because she was there for many of the events that comprise my first and clearest memories. I want especially to remember as clearly as possible the "morning after" at the apartment complex, because it has taken me years to come to the conclusion that it was most likely Ann as well who was present when I was almost forced (you could say "strongly urged" to sign that Non-Disclosure Oath, a secrecy oath that basically locks you into silence with the Federal government about what you have witnessed. In my case, the oath was a moot point because I was induced to have amnesia of what happened to me, via drugs and hypnosis. I didn't remember anything, so I couldn't violate an oath even if I had wanted to. Until about 1997, when I was finally able to make sense of the crazy-but-real memories that had come back to me.
But with the Non-Disclosure Oath, what happened was this : I woke up from the previous night's incident, in an empty apartment I had been placed in for "safe keeping" by a Federal agent, agency unknown but assumed to be FBI. This is for real, 100%, and not a joke. Ann was there when I was placed in the empty apartment and could testify to the truth of it. I think Lys was there, too, but not certain about it.
Anyhow, I slept on the floor of the empty apartment that night, September 1, 1989. The Federal Agent had said, to Ann, that "there were some bad guys" still out there, and it would be safer for me there at the apartment complex than at home, alone. Ann (and Lys, I think, and MSY) had attempted to take me home, but no one was there, and Ann - being a nurse - didn't think it was safe to leave me there.
Thank you, Ann.
Anyway, when I woke up in the empty apartment, I was disoriented. I was actually awakened by a woman who I now believe was the manager of the complex. I was groggy and just wanted to go home, but she explained to me that I couldn't leave, because "they" wanted to talk to me. She may have assumed I'd know who "they" were. I didn't.
It seemed like an eternity that morning. All I wanted was to go home.
Finally, I was directed to go outside, to a metal table with an umbrella above it. Two guys were there, Federal Agents. I now consider them to be a couple of cowards, because they took advantage of me when I was extremely disoriented and in a weakened state, and they basically coerced me into signing that oath. I can find the filing code number for it with a little Google searching. That was how I rediscovered it in the first place.
I have gotta make a quick disclaimer to re-state that I am as patriotic an American as you will find. Overall pro-military (for defense of the nation), and 1000% pro Constitution. But if there is one thing I hate more than anything, it is criminality or deceit under the color of authority. And those two guys who made me sign that paper, when I was basically cowering from my experiences of the previous evening, were a couple of Big Time Chicken Shits, picking on me in a diminished state. Hiding behind Federal authority, they were. If I was sitting at that table now, I would say : "F*** You. You can shove that paper up your ***".
Or more probably, I would simply say, "no, I am not gonna sign that".
And I think I said something similar, anyway. I was very skeptical of those guys, even as debilitated as I was.
And that's where Ann comes in, because I am almost sure she was there. It is 1000% certain she was with me for much of the previous night. But I had to get home after I finally was allowed to leave the apartment complex the next morning, after signing the paper for the Two Cowardly Agents.
I had to get home somehow.
And I know I didn't walk.
And I know, by the process of elimination, and after years of trying to remember how I got home, that none of my family members nor any of my friends took me home. And I certainly did not drive myself home. I didn't have a car then.
No, it was Ann who drove me home. I am 99% certain of it. She was with me the night before, and they must have called her to come back and get me the next morning.
I am also 99% certain she was there at the table when those guys made me sign that paper.
Ann could probably tell me a lot about that situation, and what happened in those first 24 hours.
I hope to talk to her one day.
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