Grief, Love + Spirit

Happy Late Night, Sweet Baby (if you are reading),

Well, it's as you can probably imagine. I am all over the map today, in terms of alternating waves of grief and gratitude, and love. Kobi has blown my mind with his incredible spirit. The thing is, with my job as a caregiver, it was never just me and Pearl. Ever since the day I began in April 2010, it's always been the three of us. That's why I referred to them as The Crew, as in "I took The Crew to Lake Balboa" or wherever. We have always been a three way team, and Kobi's part on the team was as important as anyone's. He radiated goodness, reassurance, calm and protection, even as a Small Guy, and I always knew that because of his radiance - which you could feel, just by looking at him, especially when he was curled up in his bed by the TV - that he would protect the house, and Pearl, just by radiating his strength and calm. This is no exaggeration or wishful thinking, but very real. A person just has to tune into it and understand just how gifted their pet is.

I understood this - it was plain to see - and so I always knew Pearl was protected by Kobi's force of goodness when I wasn't here in the afternoons. When I wasn't here, he was.

It's pretty astounding to me what I am going through, just because of the size of the emotions, which are bigger than gigantic. It's mostly in the amazement of what a love bond consists of. You don't know the full extent of it until the Person (and a dog is such) passes away and becomes Pure Spirit. Then the grief hits, and it's like an explosion. Then you know the full extent of the love, reaching from this physical world into the other side, and also back the other way. The grief is both sides reaching out to each other : "Don't let go"!

So what I have tried to do is get past the "sadness" part of the grief and understand the workings of it, as it relates to the process of two beings remaining together despite the fact that they are now in two different worlds, two different physical (or non-physical) states.

It's been a roller coaster ride for the past 36 hours, full of much analysing, but then I read something a little while ago that left me feeling quite upbeat, believe it or not, because the author basically summarised everything I have been feeling and thinking since yesterday afternoon.

The article was a blog, by a lady who calls herself a Shamanistic Healer. Let me see if I can post the url of her article :  https://www.sarahpetrunoshamanism.com/blog/9-things-your-deceased-pet-wants-you-to-know/

Yep. That's it. I don't know if it will post as a clickable link, but if it doesn't, you can copy and paste it if you want. When I was reading it a couple hours ago, I thought, "Holy Smokes, you are saying everything I've been feeling and experiencing for the past day and a half". Just reading her story and that of her and her husband's dog has been very helpful to me. I already knew what she says to be true, because I've been feeling Kobi's presence, but to actually read it, written out in an articulate way, expressing the exact details of what I have been experiencing, is very healing for me.

So read it if you like, and if you have the time.

Tomorrow is church, so I'd better get to sleep pretty soon, but life is pretty awesome, eh SB?

Sometimes you go through the wringer a bit, but if you just pay attention to the Awesome, you will stay on the right track. That is the track of Eternal Life, and the pathway is Love. It's no joke, no cliche, but something very real. In fact, it's the most real thing there is.

That's all I know for tonight.

I saw the Drewsif post about people getting married, and you know my feelings on the subject.  :):)