Well, my girl, I am very sorry to report that Kobi passed away this afternoon, which you may know already if you saw my post on Facebook. I was hoping for the best, but even last night I was preparing myself because he wasn't looking good and he hadn't eaten. This morning he was very lethargic and still not eating or even drinking water, so I took him to the vet and the decision was made, not by me but by Pearl's daughter whom I had called to report on my buddy's condition. I concurred with her decision, and the veterinarian agreed that it was the best choice, because even with hospitalisation he was not going to recover, and it would only prolong the inevitable.
When we first drove to the pet hospital, the parking lot was full, and there is no street parking in the area (an L.A. trademark). So I drove around the block a couple times; still no empty spaces in the lot. Then I got an idea.
I thought, "I have gotta take him up to Northridge Park one more time". Even though we hadn't seen the vet yet, I was halfway sure it was gonna be the last time, and I just wanted him to be in the presence of that place, because there is Magic at that park. I used to take my doggies Alice and Trixie there in the 1990s, and it was also the first place I took Kobi when he was recovering from his seizure in February 2016. Back then, it wasn't certain he would recover either. He was 16, and the seizure had wiped him out. But I just knew Northridge Park would be a good place for him to try and walk a bit, and hopefully regain some strength.
And he did walk there, and he did regain quite a bit of strength, and he did recover from his seizure. And then he went on to live another year and a half.
That's partly because the guy was hard core, and it's also partly because the place has magic.
I believe in magic, as you know. I believe in all kinds of magic, and especially the indescribable magic of certain places, certain landscapes, certain grounds. I believe in the magic of Special Places because I can feel it when I go there.
And I know that Kobi could, too.
That dog was a Giant, in Spirit and in the way of some inborn knowledge that perhaps all dogs have, but which he was the Einstein of : If I think I know Magic........Well I was not in the same league as him.
Or maybe I was, I dunno. Maybe I am not giving myself enough credit. But all you had to do was just Look At The Guy, just observe him, and you knew that he understood The Magic in an all encompassing way. Even just a couple days ago, I had put him out back to go pee, and then as I was back in the kitchen doing dishes I watched him out the window, as he sat and let the breeze blow around his fur, and he listened to the birds call to one another.
The look in his eyes spoke of a complete understanding of life, and of The Magic.
A person might say, "but he was only a dog".
And I would reply, "do we even know what a dog is? Or any animal, especially those who have bonded to humans as pets".
Do we have any idea what a dog or cat understands?
Look in their eyes sometime, when they aren't aware you are doing so.
I could write volumes about my experiences with Kobi, and the subtle emotions and flickering bits of understanding that passed by when he was in my presence, which was often since 2010.
I tend to understand things from the Spirit Level, and I knew him to be Gigantic in that regard.
When he was with you, you felt that you could go anywhere, do anything. He was with me on some of my earliest trail hikes, and later, in 2015 (I think it was then), he accompanied me on trips up to the top of Oat Mountain, and through San Francisquito Canyon. Both of those drives involved either roads that were of questionable "trespassing" legality, or unknown and slightly scary countryside. I didn't have quite the courage to drive up to either location by myself, at least not on the first try, so I took The Kobedog with me.
Then I felt invincible, and I am being very serious. There was just something about his presence, and the way he curled up in the passenger seat. You could feel his vibe, and it took all fear away.
So when that happens, and when you spend more and more time with such a guy, you finally have to ask yourself, "Just what is a dog, anyway"?
What kind of creatures are these?
Among other things, they are creatures of Profound Understanding.
So are cats, if you are a cat person. I am both, though I tend to "buddy up" with dogs just a bit more.
I went through a gamut of feelings and realisations this evening, on my walk and just in general, as I was in my apartment, watching "One Step Beyond" and whatever......just sitting there.
I was kind of going through the wringer, as grief will do to you, but I was also blowing my mind.
It is not an exaggeration to say that. I know it sounds like hyperbole, but it isn't; I really do "blow my mind" (i.e. "absorb in the deepest way") the various emotions and revelations of this life. It is a gift from The Lord, I believe. And tonight I simply let these things just wash over me and go through me and into me; these bits of incredible knowledge and realisation.
All of which sprang forth from the incredible love of a dog, and the love I felt back from that dog.
"Profound" is the only word that even comes close.
It was a Man/Dog Love Affair if there ever was one, and it remains so.
I can feel him here beside me as I write. /////
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