Tired tonight, and melancholy if not outright depressed. It hurts to have someone cut you off - for whatever the reason is - after you have written to them nearly every day for five years. Just "boom", like flipping a switch, and you're gone. No reason given, no explanation, nothing. It does hurt, but I am not gonna let myself get depressed. It sucks to be in your late 50s and have nobody in your life, and to have something like this happen, but one thing you learn as you go along is that you've gotta keep going, hard as it can be at times. I guess I'm a bit of a wimp, and maybe that's part of the problem. Once, a long time ago, I heard a girl named Lys use a phrase I found puzzling at the time : "Too nice".
She had a short-term boyfriend she had broken up with, because he was "too nice".
I wondered what that meant. It seemed to make no sense. Wasn't "nice" the way people were supposed to be? How could a person be too nice?
Then it was explained to me that the phrase wasn't quite literal. It instead meant that the guy was kind of a wimp, that in Lys' case he sort of followed in her footsteps, trailing her like a puppy dog and telling her he loved her all the time. She grew tired of it, and as it was described to me, I got the picture.
For men, there is the age old question of What Do Women Want? I don't profess to know, because for one thing I am not a woman, but mainly because I don't look at women (or men or anyone) in such a generalised way. I am a nice guy, and in my heart I am romantic. That may not be an asset in this day and age, but I can't fake who I am. Say what you will about me, but I am not phoney, not putting on an act. I don't think I'm "too nice", i.e. a wimp, but maybe I am just a bit of a wimp. And they say women don't like wimps, or nice guys. The cliche is that women like edgy guys, or even outright jerks.
There is no doubt some women like guys like that, but again, I don't generalise, and in the case of the SB, she is too sophisticated for that kind of cliched baloney. SB, you are awesome. I don't know why you have shut me out, but you have done so. It hurts, but all I can do is keep going. So here I go....
Okay, enough wimpiness by me. More rock n' roll is called for.
Early rock concerts. Well, you know that my first concert was the California Jam, on April 6, 1974, ten days before I turned 14. Black Oak Arkansas, then Black Sabbath, then Deep Purple, then ELP (all for ten bucks). I was blown off the map, and my life was changed forever. I had to go to more concerts!
The next one was just a month or so later : Electric Light Orchestra at the Santa Monica Civic Auditorium, with Elvin Bishop opening. This was my first time in an actual concert hall. May of 1974. I went with my friend David B. (who I visited last year in Northern California). We had been turned on to ELO by the clerks at College Records. This was back before they went super commercial and highly produced. We were fans of the albums "ELO 2" and "On The Third Day". At Santa Monica, they were hard rockin', and if I remember correctly, the cello player smashed his cello ala Hendrix. I could be wrong about that, and have it mixed up with another concert memory, but I don't think so. I am pretty sure he did it. It was a great concert, and......(drum roll please.....) it was also the first time I "smoked" marijuana. What happened was that some older fans next to us had lit a joint, and they passed it to us 14 year old kids (David was 12). Good job, guys! Neither me nor David knew what we were doing. I took the thing as it was offered to me, and imitated what the older fans were doing. I "took a puff" but like Bill Clinton I did not inhale. Nothing happened and I did not get high. Neither did David, who played along just as I had.
The thing was - his Dad had come along to the show. He had driven us there, and had bought a ticket a few rows behind our seats. We already had tickets, we'd bought them in advance. At any rate, in the car on the way home, he told us that he'd seen what we were doing. That's when we insisted we were just playing along with the elder fans, and that we didn't get high.
David B's dad didn't get pissed. This was the 70s and it was no big deal. And, we were telling the truth. We really didn't get high, and we only each smoked one puff.
Of course, things changed for me in 1978, when I began smoking pot in earnest.
It's weird - and I mean it's really weird - because my nature is not that of a drug person. As of this month, July 2017, I have been entirely drug free for twenty years. But once I began smoking pot, I found it very hard to stop and I did not want to. I smoked it every day, pretty much, for 19 years. And I did other things, all kinds of things, things I never would have even considered if it weren't for pot opening the doorway. So, while I am not a crusader about drugs (I believe that people will do what they will), I will tell you that marijuana is definitely a gateway drug, and don't let anyone tell you any different.
Oh well, screw it. I'm getting on a soapbox now and that is something I don't wanna do. All I would say, is that - of all drugs - don't start smoking pot. Yep. It'll make you lazy and stupid, and you will waste a lot of your time.
But the ELO concert was awesome, and I am pretty sure that the guy smashed his cello.
My third concert was Rick Wakeman at The Hollywood Bowl, in September 1974, and my fourth was Camel at The Whiskey A Go-Go, two months later in November. That was my first club show, and the first time I met a rock star. But I am too tired to tell you about it tonight. My job is pretty demanding, and if I don't balance everything out during the twenty four hours of the day, I will be toast. So I'd better sign off and get some sleep.
All I can do is keep going. But it sucks being alone.
That's another thing I do not recommend.
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