Happy Sunday Morning, my Darling! Afternoon already for you. Ahh, the pleasures of sleeping in, balancing the Alpha Waves (are those the brain waves that make you feel rested?). Anyway, I do indeed feel rested! I didn't just now get up, I have actually been awake since 9:30, but I wanted to wish you a great day. It is gonna be another hot one here. Today is the kind of day we would get in the car and go down to Venice Beach or Santa Monica, go for a nice walk on the sand or the boardwalk, then have lunch at a beachside restaurant, and watch and listen to the ocean waves.
I am gonna hang around the apartment for a while, and then maybe venture out in the afternoon to get a new pair of shoes. I do so much walking, I wear 'em out pretty quickly. I will check in again in a little while.
I Love You! :):)
2:45: Now that's my idea of a great road trip! L.A. to Middleton (no need to stop), we are together. I get to see your beautiful town and state. Then we drive back to L.A. and you can see things here. I'm coming to get you, my Beautiful Baby!! Seriously, that is a road trip I would make any time, and all I would have to do is make a few preparations. My sister has already volunteered to sub for me at Pearl's, if ever the need arose. So, with maybe a couple weeks notice, I could drive to Middleton any time. But however it works out, my Sweet Girl, we are gonna be together, see each other's towns, the whole works. I have to reiterate that I think about you non-stop, and I think of all the things we can do together. Right now, I am just saving money and keeping my focus, and it's on you and me and good times. I Love You So Much, Elizabeth!! :):)
(and if you ever need me to come to Middleton, for any reason, even for just a hug, all you have to do is say the word and I'm there )
3:05 : Popping in again to remind you that anywhere you want to go, we are going. For real!
10:35pm : This eve, I brought my camera along on my walk, took a few shots of the older parts of town at dusk. I only got a couple I liked and out 'em up at Flickr, but I will keep shooting and posting to give you an idea of what Northridge looks like. Really what I am trying to document is the history of the town, the parts that are still standing. If Northridge was established in 1910, like the sign says, than I have been here for almost half it's existence. So much has changed over the years, so I like to find what hasn't changed, or what has changed very little, and photograph it.
Well, I sure enjoyed my day off, sleeping in, playing guitar, reading, getting my new shoes, taking pictures. But what I enjoyed most of all was sharing thoughts with you. When I walked down to the local Big 5 to get my shoes, I walked through campus and it was very quiet. Late afternoon on a hot summer day, but the air had cooled a bit by that time. But there was no one around, and I could just do what I love to do in that situation, which is to look to the Northeast, over the San Gabriel mountains, and think of you, Elizabeth, and think of the happy travels we will have in the future, all the things we will do together. When the vibe is just right like that, and you can feel when it is!, I just know you are receiving my thoughts and energy as I am sending them to you. It's like the distance is meaningless.
So, it was a great afternoon. It's really true that the more we have practiced thinking about each other, and sending thoughts to one another, the better we have gotten at it. It's also true that the more we focus on our intention, as Dr. Wayne Dyer calls it, the closer we bring it to reality. I focus on you and I, and good things for us - whatever we decide they may be - and the means to make those things happen (money, etc.), and closeness to God, and our harmony in the world. And I know that will happen, as long as we focus our intent. It is belief, but it's even bigger than that - it's knowing. Always know that there is something special ahead, because there is, if you know it!
I guess that covers it for today, except for the most important part......
I Love You, Elizabeth! It is quiet; I am with you, we are together, we can feel it.
We can feel it, my Darling. :):)
(goodnight kiss)
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Saturday, June 29, 2013
Hot Stuff! (a little more added)
Hey my Sweet Baby! Sorry for not checking in earler. I'm writing a bit later tonight because this afternoon began the first of three days off for me, and - despite the heat - I did a lot of shopping with my sister, then spent the early eve playing my guitar. Boy, this is one of those Valley days where you feel like you're in a furnace. 105 degrees. June is really early for that kind of heat, but then you never know what you are gonna get these days, I suppose. Good news about the Myspace blogs, or at least "fingers crossed". People have been complaining non-stop since they changed the format without warning, and many have even said things like they lost one-of-a-kind family photos, the only copies of which were stored at Myspace. Hundreds and hundreds of complaints, and even a couple web articles about it. Well, after almost three weeks, the administrators over there finally answered everyone. They sent a message out that nothing has been permanently deleted, and that they are discussing ways to give everyone access to their old blogs, photos, etc., so users can download their stuff and store it elsewhere. I was able to save about 25 blogs through Google cache, but now - if Myspace keeps their word - I will eventually be able to get them all back. They are very important to me, as they document our love.
I am just getting back from my walk, so I am gonna eat something real quick, and then I will be back in a while. I can stay up a little later tonight, because I am off tomorrow. Three sleep-ins coming my way, hooray!!
(I am thinking of something right now, can you guess what it is?..............
If you guessed "I Love You", then you have just read my mind! :):)
(back in a bit)
11:30pm : Not much more to report for this evening. I just watched an episode of Boris Karloff's "Thriller" that was gruesome even by my standards, and I love horror. That means it was really good! I won't try to describe it, but it was called "The Incredible Doktor Markesan". That series was particularly effective in it's gothic art direction and ultra-grim story lines. I don't know what happened to me....when I was a kid, I always had a night light in my bedroom. I even remember asking my Mom & Dad to leave my door open at night. I believed in The Boogeyman. When I was about six, my Dad took me to the Hollywood Wax Museum, and when we got to Dracula, I started crying and ran for the exit...........but then something happened, and I became, over the years, a huge fan of all things horror. Must have been all those late night monster movies on TV!
That's all I know for tonight. I hope you are having a good weekend!
I Love You. :):)
I am just getting back from my walk, so I am gonna eat something real quick, and then I will be back in a while. I can stay up a little later tonight, because I am off tomorrow. Three sleep-ins coming my way, hooray!!
(I am thinking of something right now, can you guess what it is?..............
If you guessed "I Love You", then you have just read my mind! :):)
(back in a bit)
11:30pm : Not much more to report for this evening. I just watched an episode of Boris Karloff's "Thriller" that was gruesome even by my standards, and I love horror. That means it was really good! I won't try to describe it, but it was called "The Incredible Doktor Markesan". That series was particularly effective in it's gothic art direction and ultra-grim story lines. I don't know what happened to me....when I was a kid, I always had a night light in my bedroom. I even remember asking my Mom & Dad to leave my door open at night. I believed in The Boogeyman. When I was about six, my Dad took me to the Hollywood Wax Museum, and when we got to Dracula, I started crying and ran for the exit...........but then something happened, and I became, over the years, a huge fan of all things horror. Must have been all those late night monster movies on TV!
That's all I know for tonight. I hope you are having a good weekend!
I Love You. :):)
Friday, June 28, 2013
Home (more added)
Hey my Darling! I am back from Pearl's, a long hot day here, but now the temp is beginning to drop a bit. I hope you had a good day, and that you got your Alcest ticket (I am sure you did!). I am gonna unwind for a little while, and then go for my walk at sunset, but I wanted to let you know I was home. "Home" is really a state of mind now, and when I think of that word it means you and I together. I Love You! :):)
(back in a while.....)
10:30 : I am back, writing later than usual because Grimsley called. He can usually talk quite a bit and this time was no exception. He wanted to tell me about the Neil Young book he is reading. His tastes run more toward American music - Grateful Dead, Jam bands, blues - and mine is much more Eurocentric, although I like all kinds of stuff really, but we do like many of the same groups and I have known the guy since I was 14 and he was 21.
I stayed in all day because of the heat, reading my book, mostly. I am very interested in esoteric knowledge, stuff that has been kept out of the mainstream, because I believe there is much more to human history than has been taught on a conventional level. I find it interesting that the calendar of the whole modern human race is based on the birth of Christ, and not from a religious standpoint but by the fact that it only goes back 2000 years. When you think about it, that's a mere 100 generations. That's just 100 "grandpas" ago that the era of Christ was experienced (if you believe it), and going back before that, to Sumer, you are then talking about another 5000 years, and that is still really the blink of an eye as far as geological time goes.
The idea that human history is only 7000 years old is something I am not sure I buy, so I like to read all I can about it, books about Sumerian history, Egyptian history, the so-called myths that have been passed down.
I could go on and on about the subject because it fascinates me, but tonight it is late, so I will wish you sweet dreams (even though you are probably asleep), but just in case you are not, I will send you a good night kiss, and imagine us in each other's arms at this moment.......
I Love You, Elizabeth. Sleep well, my Darling. :):)
(back in a while.....)
10:30 : I am back, writing later than usual because Grimsley called. He can usually talk quite a bit and this time was no exception. He wanted to tell me about the Neil Young book he is reading. His tastes run more toward American music - Grateful Dead, Jam bands, blues - and mine is much more Eurocentric, although I like all kinds of stuff really, but we do like many of the same groups and I have known the guy since I was 14 and he was 21.
I stayed in all day because of the heat, reading my book, mostly. I am very interested in esoteric knowledge, stuff that has been kept out of the mainstream, because I believe there is much more to human history than has been taught on a conventional level. I find it interesting that the calendar of the whole modern human race is based on the birth of Christ, and not from a religious standpoint but by the fact that it only goes back 2000 years. When you think about it, that's a mere 100 generations. That's just 100 "grandpas" ago that the era of Christ was experienced (if you believe it), and going back before that, to Sumer, you are then talking about another 5000 years, and that is still really the blink of an eye as far as geological time goes.
The idea that human history is only 7000 years old is something I am not sure I buy, so I like to read all I can about it, books about Sumerian history, Egyptian history, the so-called myths that have been passed down.
I could go on and on about the subject because it fascinates me, but tonight it is late, so I will wish you sweet dreams (even though you are probably asleep), but just in case you are not, I will send you a good night kiss, and imagine us in each other's arms at this moment.......
I Love You, Elizabeth. Sleep well, my Darling. :):)
Thursday, June 27, 2013
Happy Thursday Afternoon (more added) (and more)
Hey my Baby,
Lots of driving around today, taking Kobi to Le Groomer (the actual name of the business), and Pearl to the hairdresser. Everybody is getting their hair done. I have been getting mine cut about every 9 or ten weeks, but this time I am gonna let it grow a while, and then, when I do have it cut, just get the ends cut. As long as I can keep it from getting too brittle I will keep growing it, and I am also gonna get some of those hair vitamins that are supposed to make your hair stronger. I have always had pretty good hair, but over the years it has gotten a bit drier, so I will see if I can remedy that.
So, I am about to head to Pearl's, and I will be back tonight. I hope you are having a great day. Things are heating up in The 'Ridge, upper 90s today (not bad), but heading for a week of 100+ temps. But that's why we love Summer. One reason, anyway.
I Love You!! :):)
(back later....)
9:10pm : Back from my walk. It's a warm one out there tonight! Big crowd over on the lawn at the Oviatt, watching an outdoor movie. I like seeing stuff like that, even if I don't go myself, because it's all part of the laid-back atmosphere of Summer, people having fun, warm nights, etc.
And, you bet I am going to Alcest! :) I think I know why you asked, though, and it's a beautiful thing. I am still embarrassed about last week (blushing). I am only human. I also see that your friend is a writer, and not just some dude. Anyway, to sum up: embarrassed, only human, but still me. I Love You, it was beautiful what you did tonight, that's what I think. :):)
I also love the picture you just posted, of the fields in Latvia. That is awesome. I am trying to get some very naturalistic looking night shots myself, and I just posted one at Flickr, in fact. It's not necessarily a pretty shot, but I am just going for anything that says "nighttime". Any subject matter at all. And I love black and white. Yeah, that's an awesome shot she took. Very reminiscent, in fact, of the type of cinematography I was talking about yesterday. Eastern Europe, the Baltic states and Russia have an awesome landscape, and I have seen some great films recently that depict it, like "Ivan's Childhood" and especially a film called "Letter Never Sent" which I think I mentioned a couple months ago. That's another one from Criterion that has all-time great B&W cinematography.
I will be back in a few minutes, but I wanted to post this now to tell you how awesome you are. :):)
10:25pm : Getting back to Alcest, hopefully they are considered co-headliners on this tour, even if they open for Anathema. They are listed side by side in the flyer. If it's a co-headline show, they will get at least an hour, which will be a 20 minute increase from 2011. Maybe even 75 minutes. Because they have many long songs that continue to develop over the course of the song, they need that extra time to set the mood of the show for full impact. At the Troubadour show, they were great, but they were just getting warmed up when their set was over. At that show, they were so new to American audiences that, as far as I could tell, they did a lot of their own set-up. When it ended, Neige and Zero were helping to carry off some of the gear. Then Neige went out the back door and was gone. But he had to be in Mexico City the next day. It will be cool to watch the crowd reaction this time, because Alcest have had a lot more exposure by now, and have been very successful in Europe. Also, the sound should be a lot better at the El Rey than it was at the Troubadour, which is not ideal for loud shows. I will get my ticket tomorrow morning, and you will have yours in a few minutes! Another good thing is that, because (according to their FB post) the album will not have been released as of the tour dates, that means they will likely come back and do another leg after the album comes out. That's how they did it last time. I've mentioned it several times, but it still trips me out how it happened - I went to the Triptykon show (also at the El Rey) in October 2010, stayed to see 1349 only because one of my buddies at the King's X board said the drummer was amazing. Because of that, it led me to check out the whole phenomenon of Black Metal, and I bought CDs by bands like Marduk and Carpathian Forest, stuff I don't listen to anymore. But because of all that, I went on a Black Metal binge in 2011 that led to Alcest popping up repeatedly in the "recommended for you" sidebar on Youtube. You know how something hits you about a band? In the old days, in a record store, it might have been an album cover: "Oh, this looks cool, I think I'll buy it and check them out". What hit me on Youtube, seeing them keep popping up in the recommended list (because I don't usually check out recommendations on Youtube), was the name. Alcest. When I saw that they were from France, I thought it was a French word, but then Neige said it was just a made up word to describe the music. So, it worked perfectly. The word got me interested enough to click the link and hear the music, which I listened to all that year continuously. Then came the October 2011 concert with Enslaved, then waiting for the new album, and then your video.
And here we are.
So it all goes back to all we have talked about concerning the awareness of the unconscious mind and the role of destiny in life. The two are tied together, you know? Your unconscious mind has an awareness, a connection with your destiny, because it is closer to God (God meaning whatever you believe God to be). Your unconscious mind dwells in a realm outside the workings of the everyday. But you can still tune into it to a remarkable degree, especially with practice. That is what I meant in a blog a few weeks ago, when I said that you and I were dwelling in both worlds at once, the physical and the spiritual. Now, everybody is doing that.........but hardly anyone is aware of it, much less actively experiencing it .
We are.
I Love You, Elizabeth! You should have your ticket by the time you read this, and I am sending you a goodnight hug and kiss and so much love as well. This has been an excellent day.
Sweet Dreams, my Love. :):)
Lots of driving around today, taking Kobi to Le Groomer (the actual name of the business), and Pearl to the hairdresser. Everybody is getting their hair done. I have been getting mine cut about every 9 or ten weeks, but this time I am gonna let it grow a while, and then, when I do have it cut, just get the ends cut. As long as I can keep it from getting too brittle I will keep growing it, and I am also gonna get some of those hair vitamins that are supposed to make your hair stronger. I have always had pretty good hair, but over the years it has gotten a bit drier, so I will see if I can remedy that.
So, I am about to head to Pearl's, and I will be back tonight. I hope you are having a great day. Things are heating up in The 'Ridge, upper 90s today (not bad), but heading for a week of 100+ temps. But that's why we love Summer. One reason, anyway.
I Love You!! :):)
(back later....)
9:10pm : Back from my walk. It's a warm one out there tonight! Big crowd over on the lawn at the Oviatt, watching an outdoor movie. I like seeing stuff like that, even if I don't go myself, because it's all part of the laid-back atmosphere of Summer, people having fun, warm nights, etc.
And, you bet I am going to Alcest! :) I think I know why you asked, though, and it's a beautiful thing. I am still embarrassed about last week (blushing). I am only human. I also see that your friend is a writer, and not just some dude. Anyway, to sum up: embarrassed, only human, but still me. I Love You, it was beautiful what you did tonight, that's what I think. :):)
I also love the picture you just posted, of the fields in Latvia. That is awesome. I am trying to get some very naturalistic looking night shots myself, and I just posted one at Flickr, in fact. It's not necessarily a pretty shot, but I am just going for anything that says "nighttime". Any subject matter at all. And I love black and white. Yeah, that's an awesome shot she took. Very reminiscent, in fact, of the type of cinematography I was talking about yesterday. Eastern Europe, the Baltic states and Russia have an awesome landscape, and I have seen some great films recently that depict it, like "Ivan's Childhood" and especially a film called "Letter Never Sent" which I think I mentioned a couple months ago. That's another one from Criterion that has all-time great B&W cinematography.
I will be back in a few minutes, but I wanted to post this now to tell you how awesome you are. :):)
10:25pm : Getting back to Alcest, hopefully they are considered co-headliners on this tour, even if they open for Anathema. They are listed side by side in the flyer. If it's a co-headline show, they will get at least an hour, which will be a 20 minute increase from 2011. Maybe even 75 minutes. Because they have many long songs that continue to develop over the course of the song, they need that extra time to set the mood of the show for full impact. At the Troubadour show, they were great, but they were just getting warmed up when their set was over. At that show, they were so new to American audiences that, as far as I could tell, they did a lot of their own set-up. When it ended, Neige and Zero were helping to carry off some of the gear. Then Neige went out the back door and was gone. But he had to be in Mexico City the next day. It will be cool to watch the crowd reaction this time, because Alcest have had a lot more exposure by now, and have been very successful in Europe. Also, the sound should be a lot better at the El Rey than it was at the Troubadour, which is not ideal for loud shows. I will get my ticket tomorrow morning, and you will have yours in a few minutes! Another good thing is that, because (according to their FB post) the album will not have been released as of the tour dates, that means they will likely come back and do another leg after the album comes out. That's how they did it last time. I've mentioned it several times, but it still trips me out how it happened - I went to the Triptykon show (also at the El Rey) in October 2010, stayed to see 1349 only because one of my buddies at the King's X board said the drummer was amazing. Because of that, it led me to check out the whole phenomenon of Black Metal, and I bought CDs by bands like Marduk and Carpathian Forest, stuff I don't listen to anymore. But because of all that, I went on a Black Metal binge in 2011 that led to Alcest popping up repeatedly in the "recommended for you" sidebar on Youtube. You know how something hits you about a band? In the old days, in a record store, it might have been an album cover: "Oh, this looks cool, I think I'll buy it and check them out". What hit me on Youtube, seeing them keep popping up in the recommended list (because I don't usually check out recommendations on Youtube), was the name. Alcest. When I saw that they were from France, I thought it was a French word, but then Neige said it was just a made up word to describe the music. So, it worked perfectly. The word got me interested enough to click the link and hear the music, which I listened to all that year continuously. Then came the October 2011 concert with Enslaved, then waiting for the new album, and then your video.
And here we are.
So it all goes back to all we have talked about concerning the awareness of the unconscious mind and the role of destiny in life. The two are tied together, you know? Your unconscious mind has an awareness, a connection with your destiny, because it is closer to God (God meaning whatever you believe God to be). Your unconscious mind dwells in a realm outside the workings of the everyday. But you can still tune into it to a remarkable degree, especially with practice. That is what I meant in a blog a few weeks ago, when I said that you and I were dwelling in both worlds at once, the physical and the spiritual. Now, everybody is doing that.........but hardly anyone is aware of it, much less actively experiencing it .
We are.
I Love You, Elizabeth! You should have your ticket by the time you read this, and I am sending you a goodnight hug and kiss and so much love as well. This has been an excellent day.
Sweet Dreams, my Love. :):)
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Special (more added)
What a Special Day........
When I got to Pearl's, I saw that picture. Such a beautiful - absolutely beautiful - representation of love and caring. My heart melted, Elizabeth. That picture really represents us, and that is what I want to do always - love you and care for you and take care of you, understand you, listen to you, laugh with you.....
My Goodness, what a fantastic way to start the day! I have to tell you I wish you were in my arms at this very moment. But I know you will be before too long. And we have so much joy to come. So, my Beautiful Girl, I wanted to say Good Morning, and to wish you a great day, and to say thanks.......
What a beautiful, beautiful picture to post, Elizabeth. My Beloved Angel. :):)
(back in a little while.......)
3:30pm : News flash! You may have already seen it, but Alcest is coming your way on September 21, in Chicago. They will also be playing Minneapolis, so whichever is closer, or both. They are touring with Anathema. They will be in L.A. two weeks later, on October 3rd at the El Rey, which is a bit bigger venue than The Troubadour club, where I saw them in October 2011. So, great news Bay-Bee! I am gonna head to Pearl's in just a few, but I'll be back this eve as always. I Love, Love, Love You!! :):)
9:50pm : Well, my Darling, it was a great day, beginning with that wonderful picture and including the news of the Alcest tour. Next tour after this one, we will see them together. It was really hot today, so in between Pearl shifts I stayed in and watched a movie, "Ivan's Childhood" by Andrei Tarkovsky. It was his first film and I had never seen it before, but it was tremendous. It's easily his most acessable film, the pacing is more standard, there is more of a conventional story, but still - it's Tarkovsky, so it is Poetic Cinema. This film is about a little Russian boy whose parents have been killed in WW2, so, with nowhere else to go, he becomes a spy for the Russian army. Unlike most WW2 epics, though, this is a small film that focuses on just a few characters, and shows the war from a child's viewpoint. The cinematography is off the charts, in black and white. Tarkovsky was always known for incredible camerawork, but this is possibly his best.
So that was really all for today. I am looking forward to three days off beginning Saturday, and then enjoying Fourth of July next week, another holiday I can't wait to spend with you.
To be with you is my greatest expectation, I have not stopped thinking of you since we met. This morning's picture says it all.
My Love, My Elizabeth.......My Darling.
Sweet Dreams.
I Will Always Love You.........
Forever. :):)
When I got to Pearl's, I saw that picture. Such a beautiful - absolutely beautiful - representation of love and caring. My heart melted, Elizabeth. That picture really represents us, and that is what I want to do always - love you and care for you and take care of you, understand you, listen to you, laugh with you.....
My Goodness, what a fantastic way to start the day! I have to tell you I wish you were in my arms at this very moment. But I know you will be before too long. And we have so much joy to come. So, my Beautiful Girl, I wanted to say Good Morning, and to wish you a great day, and to say thanks.......
What a beautiful, beautiful picture to post, Elizabeth. My Beloved Angel. :):)
(back in a little while.......)
3:30pm : News flash! You may have already seen it, but Alcest is coming your way on September 21, in Chicago. They will also be playing Minneapolis, so whichever is closer, or both. They are touring with Anathema. They will be in L.A. two weeks later, on October 3rd at the El Rey, which is a bit bigger venue than The Troubadour club, where I saw them in October 2011. So, great news Bay-Bee! I am gonna head to Pearl's in just a few, but I'll be back this eve as always. I Love, Love, Love You!! :):)
9:50pm : Well, my Darling, it was a great day, beginning with that wonderful picture and including the news of the Alcest tour. Next tour after this one, we will see them together. It was really hot today, so in between Pearl shifts I stayed in and watched a movie, "Ivan's Childhood" by Andrei Tarkovsky. It was his first film and I had never seen it before, but it was tremendous. It's easily his most acessable film, the pacing is more standard, there is more of a conventional story, but still - it's Tarkovsky, so it is Poetic Cinema. This film is about a little Russian boy whose parents have been killed in WW2, so, with nowhere else to go, he becomes a spy for the Russian army. Unlike most WW2 epics, though, this is a small film that focuses on just a few characters, and shows the war from a child's viewpoint. The cinematography is off the charts, in black and white. Tarkovsky was always known for incredible camerawork, but this is possibly his best.
So that was really all for today. I am looking forward to three days off beginning Saturday, and then enjoying Fourth of July next week, another holiday I can't wait to spend with you.
To be with you is my greatest expectation, I have not stopped thinking of you since we met. This morning's picture says it all.
My Love, My Elizabeth.......My Darling.
Sweet Dreams.
I Will Always Love You.........
Forever. :):)
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Crackers (more added) (more added again) (and again)
Good Evening, my Darling :
I'm just getting home from Pearl's, it was a bit of a long day driving back and forth to her Golden Agers meeting, and having to wait around a while because they were having a potluck. Now I am home, though, and I can relax, and be with my Angel. I will go for my walk later on.
Your post about unknowingly telling a Mormon joke to a Mormon reminds me of something that happened to me in the local supermarket about ten years ago. This is definitely not PC, but it just happened - total coincidence. I was in the store with my Mom, and we were in the cracker section. When I was a kid, they used to make a product called Cheese Nips. There are two major commercial bakeries, Sunshine and Nabisco, that are like Pepsi and Coke. One made Cheese-Its and the other made Cheese Nips. Now, everybody knows that's a derogatory term for Japanese people, left over from World War Two. During the war, newspapers would regularly use the word "Jap" in their headlines, but of course it was a terrible time and there was a lot of anger and predjudice, and America and Japan were enemies. But you know kids; kids think funny sounding words and caricatures are a riot. I still have one of the very first photos I ever took, of my little seven year old Jewish friend dressed up as Hitler. We were copying a fake advertisement we'd seen in Mad magazine about an anti-smoking campaign. A guy who looks like Hitler is warning against cigarettes, because "they kill even more people than I did". Well, that was Mad magazine for ya, and little kids and teenagers thought it was a riot. So my little friend Joe, who liked to antagonise his Mom, thought it would be funny if he dressed up as Hitler, and he wanted me to take a picture of it. So, we combed his hair sideways, and I drew a little square moustache on him with a marker. And we made him a sign with notebook paper that said, "Hi, I'm Adolph Hitler". I took his picture in the same pose as the picture in Mad. This is two seven year olds who thought of this.
Well, we got the roll of film back, developed, and we thought the picture was a riot, and of course Joe wanted to show it to his Mom. She was a nice Jewish lady who had sent Joe to Hebrew school and the whole bit. So of course she had a fit. But seven year olds think that kind of thing is funny.
Anyway, when I was a kid, they also made Cheese Nips, and of course we thought those were a riot, too. So my Mom and I were in the store about ten years ago, and we were in the cracker aisle, and we passed the boxes of Cheese-Its, and there were Cheese Nips right next to them. And I picked up a box and said, "I can't believe they still make these".
And I put the box down, and turned to keep going down the aisle, and lo and behold...........
There was an Asian lady standing right behind me.
She might have been Japanese, or maybe Korean.
But instead of going about her shopping, she spoke to me.
"Still make what"?............
I did a double take, and then realized she had been watching me pick up the box. She had a look on her face like she was determined to make me say the name.
Instead, I just said, "Um........those crackers". But she persisted.
"Which crackers do you mean"? Now she was trying to hold back a smile, but she still wanted me to say the name. But I wasn't gonna do it. I was turning red from embarrassment by now.
It was one of those moments where a second feels like a minute. But instead of saying the name, I just pointed to the Cheese Nips. "Uh........those ones right there". I thought that would end the matter.
But it didn't.
Now the lady could not hold back her smile, but it was a little sly, like "now I've really gotcha".
"Why can't you believe they are still making them"?, she asked me. She saw I was blushing, and kind of wanted me to know she was in on the joke, but she still wanted me to say the name - Cheese Nips - and I just wasn't gonna do it. So, thinking quickly, I said - "Well, you know Cheese-Its are by far the more popular brand. I thought the other crackers would have stopped selling by now".
And with that, I nodded at her, like, "Have a nice day", and Mom and I went to the checkout and got the heck out of there. I don't know if they still make Cheese Nips, but I don't think I'll go checking for them anytime soon!
I will be back later to write more, but the Mormon joke post reminded me of that, so I had to tell you. I hope your day has been a good one. I will be back in a while, after my walk. I Love You, Funny Lady! :):)
9:15pm. I just got back from my walk. I won't cut my hair, I promise! (I still might color it though). ;)
9:55pm : Women do indeed get shit done; you'll get no argument from me on that one!
10:10 : I do have the right take on the Senator Davis photo.............(I hope?) :)
11pm : Still hoping I got the photo right.........only because she (Senator Davis) has her arms crossed in the pic........and I hope I'm not still in the dog house. :)
Seriously, though, I want you to know that I will always do my best to look my best for you. I was wondering today, in fact, "short hair or long hair"? Which looks better, you know? I mean, a guy can have his own opinion about the way he looks with certain hair styles, but I would want to know what you think. My hair has changed in that it is a lot curlier than it was in my 20s. I don't know where I got it from, both my Mom and Dad had very straight hair, as do my brother and sisters. So now, my hair - when it gets long, tends to curl up rather than hang. Still, if I were to just let it grow...........
But you can tell me how you like it, and such it will be. I've had it super long, super short, medium......when a guy is by himself, he of course wants to look good, but he has no feedback.
In other ways, I will always take care of myself because that is my nature. In my 20s, my weight fluctuated, but now - because of the No Fun Diet and my excercise and such, I have maintained a steady weight for almost 15 years. I am doing my dumbell excercises again (because I am a dumbell!) and also because it is important to maintain muscle, maintain agility, bone strength, joint health, etc.
So, that's me. You can count on me to always be as fit as I can be. But as far as the hair goes, you tell me. :):)
I am gonna read my book for a little while and then go to sleep. I love to think about our life together, Elizabeth. I hope you do too.
I Love You! (Sweet Dreams). :):)
11:30pm : I am checking back in because I just now - this minute - saw your post of the hand on paper : "I hated God for a long time". Is everything okay? I ask only to be sure I understand. If you are still awake and see this, and want to post again, I will be awake until midnight my time. I am really, really hoping everything is okay. I am right here, as always, and I am grateful for you, and I Love You.
You are the Love Of My Life, Elizabeth, and you can always count on me, in every way, at any time. Life is about taking care of each other. I will always take care of you, love you and cherish you. There could never be anything more important, nor that I could more desire to do.
It's what's in my heart. Love, Adam :):)
I'm just getting home from Pearl's, it was a bit of a long day driving back and forth to her Golden Agers meeting, and having to wait around a while because they were having a potluck. Now I am home, though, and I can relax, and be with my Angel. I will go for my walk later on.
Your post about unknowingly telling a Mormon joke to a Mormon reminds me of something that happened to me in the local supermarket about ten years ago. This is definitely not PC, but it just happened - total coincidence. I was in the store with my Mom, and we were in the cracker section. When I was a kid, they used to make a product called Cheese Nips. There are two major commercial bakeries, Sunshine and Nabisco, that are like Pepsi and Coke. One made Cheese-Its and the other made Cheese Nips. Now, everybody knows that's a derogatory term for Japanese people, left over from World War Two. During the war, newspapers would regularly use the word "Jap" in their headlines, but of course it was a terrible time and there was a lot of anger and predjudice, and America and Japan were enemies. But you know kids; kids think funny sounding words and caricatures are a riot. I still have one of the very first photos I ever took, of my little seven year old Jewish friend dressed up as Hitler. We were copying a fake advertisement we'd seen in Mad magazine about an anti-smoking campaign. A guy who looks like Hitler is warning against cigarettes, because "they kill even more people than I did". Well, that was Mad magazine for ya, and little kids and teenagers thought it was a riot. So my little friend Joe, who liked to antagonise his Mom, thought it would be funny if he dressed up as Hitler, and he wanted me to take a picture of it. So, we combed his hair sideways, and I drew a little square moustache on him with a marker. And we made him a sign with notebook paper that said, "Hi, I'm Adolph Hitler". I took his picture in the same pose as the picture in Mad. This is two seven year olds who thought of this.
Well, we got the roll of film back, developed, and we thought the picture was a riot, and of course Joe wanted to show it to his Mom. She was a nice Jewish lady who had sent Joe to Hebrew school and the whole bit. So of course she had a fit. But seven year olds think that kind of thing is funny.
Anyway, when I was a kid, they also made Cheese Nips, and of course we thought those were a riot, too. So my Mom and I were in the store about ten years ago, and we were in the cracker aisle, and we passed the boxes of Cheese-Its, and there were Cheese Nips right next to them. And I picked up a box and said, "I can't believe they still make these".
And I put the box down, and turned to keep going down the aisle, and lo and behold...........
There was an Asian lady standing right behind me.
She might have been Japanese, or maybe Korean.
But instead of going about her shopping, she spoke to me.
"Still make what"?............
I did a double take, and then realized she had been watching me pick up the box. She had a look on her face like she was determined to make me say the name.
Instead, I just said, "Um........those crackers". But she persisted.
"Which crackers do you mean"? Now she was trying to hold back a smile, but she still wanted me to say the name. But I wasn't gonna do it. I was turning red from embarrassment by now.
It was one of those moments where a second feels like a minute. But instead of saying the name, I just pointed to the Cheese Nips. "Uh........those ones right there". I thought that would end the matter.
But it didn't.
Now the lady could not hold back her smile, but it was a little sly, like "now I've really gotcha".
"Why can't you believe they are still making them"?, she asked me. She saw I was blushing, and kind of wanted me to know she was in on the joke, but she still wanted me to say the name - Cheese Nips - and I just wasn't gonna do it. So, thinking quickly, I said - "Well, you know Cheese-Its are by far the more popular brand. I thought the other crackers would have stopped selling by now".
And with that, I nodded at her, like, "Have a nice day", and Mom and I went to the checkout and got the heck out of there. I don't know if they still make Cheese Nips, but I don't think I'll go checking for them anytime soon!
I will be back later to write more, but the Mormon joke post reminded me of that, so I had to tell you. I hope your day has been a good one. I will be back in a while, after my walk. I Love You, Funny Lady! :):)
9:15pm. I just got back from my walk. I won't cut my hair, I promise! (I still might color it though). ;)
9:55pm : Women do indeed get shit done; you'll get no argument from me on that one!
10:10 : I do have the right take on the Senator Davis photo.............(I hope?) :)
11pm : Still hoping I got the photo right.........only because she (Senator Davis) has her arms crossed in the pic........and I hope I'm not still in the dog house. :)
Seriously, though, I want you to know that I will always do my best to look my best for you. I was wondering today, in fact, "short hair or long hair"? Which looks better, you know? I mean, a guy can have his own opinion about the way he looks with certain hair styles, but I would want to know what you think. My hair has changed in that it is a lot curlier than it was in my 20s. I don't know where I got it from, both my Mom and Dad had very straight hair, as do my brother and sisters. So now, my hair - when it gets long, tends to curl up rather than hang. Still, if I were to just let it grow...........
But you can tell me how you like it, and such it will be. I've had it super long, super short, medium......when a guy is by himself, he of course wants to look good, but he has no feedback.
In other ways, I will always take care of myself because that is my nature. In my 20s, my weight fluctuated, but now - because of the No Fun Diet and my excercise and such, I have maintained a steady weight for almost 15 years. I am doing my dumbell excercises again (because I am a dumbell!) and also because it is important to maintain muscle, maintain agility, bone strength, joint health, etc.
So, that's me. You can count on me to always be as fit as I can be. But as far as the hair goes, you tell me. :):)
I am gonna read my book for a little while and then go to sleep. I love to think about our life together, Elizabeth. I hope you do too.
I Love You! (Sweet Dreams). :):)
11:30pm : I am checking back in because I just now - this minute - saw your post of the hand on paper : "I hated God for a long time". Is everything okay? I ask only to be sure I understand. If you are still awake and see this, and want to post again, I will be awake until midnight my time. I am really, really hoping everything is okay. I am right here, as always, and I am grateful for you, and I Love You.
You are the Love Of My Life, Elizabeth, and you can always count on me, in every way, at any time. Life is about taking care of each other. I will always take care of you, love you and cherish you. There could never be anything more important, nor that I could more desire to do.
It's what's in my heart. Love, Adam :):)
Monday, June 24, 2013
Monday Afternoon Check-In (I Love You) (more added)
Hi, my Darling. I am home a little later in the afternoon than usual, because I was at Pearl's from 1 to 3:30pm waiting for a man to come install drapes. So, I am gonna go back to her place at 5 or so, and I wanted to check in as I have been. Of course it goes without saying that I've been worried, and wondering how you've been feeling, but now I see your post of the Snarky Face, so maybe that's just you acknowledging that I'm a dumb old opinionated Aries knucklehead caveman. If so, I agree. :)
I really do hope everything's okay. Truth be told, I've been worried sick, but I'm really glad to see your post. I Love You more than anything in the world, and I will be back after Pearl's. I always have the computer on over at her place, too. Back in a while, my Angel. I Love You So Much. :):)
9:30pm : Yeah, those iMacs were cute, all the colors they came in. Talk about retro, Pearl still has a rotary phone. When I was a kid, the first thing I learned to play records on was one of those plastic box record players with a lid. You opened it up, and there was the turntable and needle, and there was a tiny little speaker on the side. I love retro stuff myself - but mostly for collector purposes, and cause it usually looks cooler than new stuff. But nowdays, the turnover in technology is so fast that something is retro almost as soon as you get it out of the box. I bought a Sony mini-disc camcorder in 2006 for 600 bucks. I loved it, it was really easy to use, and you could pop the discs straight from your cam into your dvd player......but then the very next year began all the HD cams, and iPhones with movie cams, and every device suddenly had a movie camera in it, and my Sony was already obsolete. I think you can still get mini-discs, but I haven't seen 'em in stores like I used to. And, I have video capability on my little point-and-shoot Panasonic, but I haven't tried it yet. It's a trip with the technology. For so long it barely changed. I remember when transistor radios first came in, in the early 1960s. That was the first portable sound system, and they even had an earphone jack. The sound was pure tin, but you could listen to Top 40 at the beach, or wherever. Before transistor, everything had tubes. TVs, radios, all tubes, and you could take your tubes out of your TV and take 'em to a tube tester at the drug store to see if they were still good. With old tubes, they took forever to heat up and put the picture on the screen.
But other than transistors for radios and TV ( aka Solid State), that was it for technological developments until the microwave oven came along in the late 60s/early70s. Back then, they cost a fortune so only a few families had one. I remember before color TV, too. It was a big deal for me when "Batman" became one of the first TV shows to be broadcast in color. But I had to go to my friend's house to watch it because we didn't have a color set. I also remember when portable reel-to-reel tape decks were a big deal. You were really cool if you had one of those, and you could get a suction microphone to put on the back of your home phone so you and your friends could record prank phone calls. Those were, of course, a riot. Big fun when you were 8 years old! Then came portable cassette players with built in mics. Cassettes were the thing for about 15 years, and then came CDs in 1982, but they took a few years to catch on. I still love CDs and DVDs, and discs have lasted 30 years now. And vinyl has made a comeback, so there is a place for retro technology. New or well-cared for vinyl, on an awesome stereo system, sounds incredible because it breathes. One day, I want to get some old-school Pioneer or Marantz equipment, like a 200 watt amp and a nice turntable and speakers. That was how we always listened to music, before the digital age.
I am so glad that things are better today, and I hope I have it right that they are. I just misconstrued things and again I am sorry, but I suppose I've said enough about it. I will keep trying to do my best, and to always understand, because that is what is important. I always want you to know how grateful I am for you, and so I tell you now. I Love You, Elizabeth. Thank you for loving me, it is the greatest blessing I could ever know.
Sweet Dreams, my Angel. I will see you in the morning. :):)
I really do hope everything's okay. Truth be told, I've been worried sick, but I'm really glad to see your post. I Love You more than anything in the world, and I will be back after Pearl's. I always have the computer on over at her place, too. Back in a while, my Angel. I Love You So Much. :):)
9:30pm : Yeah, those iMacs were cute, all the colors they came in. Talk about retro, Pearl still has a rotary phone. When I was a kid, the first thing I learned to play records on was one of those plastic box record players with a lid. You opened it up, and there was the turntable and needle, and there was a tiny little speaker on the side. I love retro stuff myself - but mostly for collector purposes, and cause it usually looks cooler than new stuff. But nowdays, the turnover in technology is so fast that something is retro almost as soon as you get it out of the box. I bought a Sony mini-disc camcorder in 2006 for 600 bucks. I loved it, it was really easy to use, and you could pop the discs straight from your cam into your dvd player......but then the very next year began all the HD cams, and iPhones with movie cams, and every device suddenly had a movie camera in it, and my Sony was already obsolete. I think you can still get mini-discs, but I haven't seen 'em in stores like I used to. And, I have video capability on my little point-and-shoot Panasonic, but I haven't tried it yet. It's a trip with the technology. For so long it barely changed. I remember when transistor radios first came in, in the early 1960s. That was the first portable sound system, and they even had an earphone jack. The sound was pure tin, but you could listen to Top 40 at the beach, or wherever. Before transistor, everything had tubes. TVs, radios, all tubes, and you could take your tubes out of your TV and take 'em to a tube tester at the drug store to see if they were still good. With old tubes, they took forever to heat up and put the picture on the screen.
But other than transistors for radios and TV ( aka Solid State), that was it for technological developments until the microwave oven came along in the late 60s/early70s. Back then, they cost a fortune so only a few families had one. I remember before color TV, too. It was a big deal for me when "Batman" became one of the first TV shows to be broadcast in color. But I had to go to my friend's house to watch it because we didn't have a color set. I also remember when portable reel-to-reel tape decks were a big deal. You were really cool if you had one of those, and you could get a suction microphone to put on the back of your home phone so you and your friends could record prank phone calls. Those were, of course, a riot. Big fun when you were 8 years old! Then came portable cassette players with built in mics. Cassettes were the thing for about 15 years, and then came CDs in 1982, but they took a few years to catch on. I still love CDs and DVDs, and discs have lasted 30 years now. And vinyl has made a comeback, so there is a place for retro technology. New or well-cared for vinyl, on an awesome stereo system, sounds incredible because it breathes. One day, I want to get some old-school Pioneer or Marantz equipment, like a 200 watt amp and a nice turntable and speakers. That was how we always listened to music, before the digital age.
I am so glad that things are better today, and I hope I have it right that they are. I just misconstrued things and again I am sorry, but I suppose I've said enough about it. I will keep trying to do my best, and to always understand, because that is what is important. I always want you to know how grateful I am for you, and so I tell you now. I Love You, Elizabeth. Thank you for loving me, it is the greatest blessing I could ever know.
Sweet Dreams, my Angel. I will see you in the morning. :):)
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Awesome Full Moon Tonight (more added)
Hi, my Angel. I hope you are enjoying your afternoon. I have been doing the usual Sunday thing, taking Pearl back & forth to church and choir practice, and taking Kobi up to CSUN for a dogwalk. Also some shopping, since I didn't do that yesterday. So, I wanted to check in before I went to Pearl's for my evening shift. There is supposed to be an awesome full moon tonight, so I hope you have nice clear skies to see it. It's actually a little overcast here at the moment, but maybe it will open up for the Moon later on. I will be back later, of course, but for now I just wanted to see how you are doing, and say I Love You. :):)
9:30pm : The moon wasn't up yet when I went on my walk a little while ago, but now I can see it out my window. It is very beautiful and makes me think of another full moon from a year ago when we both posted about it at almost the exact same time. I remember feeling so happy, because of the coincidence, that I went out and took some pictures of that moon with my camera which I had just bought. It began a wonderful summer.
I am really sorry about the other day, Elizabeth. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I am not perfect (hardly), and I make mistakes like anybody else. I tried to explain why I wrote what I did, and why I was feeling the way I felt, but maybe I did a lousy job of explaining it, I don't know. Anyway, I will be up for a while and I sure would love to hear from you. I'll check back in before I go to bed, too, to say goodnight. You are everything to me. :):)
11:25pm : It's almost time for me to turn in, so I will say goodnight. I Love You, Elizabeth.
9:30pm : The moon wasn't up yet when I went on my walk a little while ago, but now I can see it out my window. It is very beautiful and makes me think of another full moon from a year ago when we both posted about it at almost the exact same time. I remember feeling so happy, because of the coincidence, that I went out and took some pictures of that moon with my camera which I had just bought. It began a wonderful summer.
I am really sorry about the other day, Elizabeth. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I am not perfect (hardly), and I make mistakes like anybody else. I tried to explain why I wrote what I did, and why I was feeling the way I felt, but maybe I did a lousy job of explaining it, I don't know. Anyway, I will be up for a while and I sure would love to hear from you. I'll check back in before I go to bed, too, to say goodnight. You are everything to me. :):)
11:25pm : It's almost time for me to turn in, so I will say goodnight. I Love You, Elizabeth.
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Saturday Evening Hello (a little more added) (more added again)
Hi my Angel,
I just got home from Pearl's, so I am just checking in to see how you are doing. I hope you had a nice day. My sister did not come over like she usually does on Saturdays, so I stayed home to do some cleaning and laundry (oh boy!). I guess I will go for my walk a bit later as it's still pretty warm out right now. So, for now I just wanted to say Hi, and I will write more later this evening. I Love You! :):)
9:45pm : I'm back from my walk, there was a beautiful moon out, almost full. I want to say again that I didn't mean any harm on Thursday, and I hope I was able to explain things yesterday. It was just me with my dumb old heart on my sleeve again. Anyway, I will be up for a while, until Midnight my time as usual, and I will check in before I go to sleep to say goodnight. :):)
11:15pm : I saw your post earlier of your film picture from that incredible place in the woods that you visited earlier this month, and it just made me think that, when we are together, we will visit such places, and we will have the greatest built-in rapport that two people could have, because of the bond we have already created. Think about it - even apart, we have established such an understanding about life. Any communication problems we have had - just a few, out of the multitude of blogs, FB posts, etc - have been due to the limitations of Internet communication. And Elizabeth, even within those limitations, look at what we have built. It is extraordinary when you think of it, and when we go back to the roots of it, last summer and Fall when we were briefly separated, we know it is due to our soul connection. And part of that is a psychic bond that is extraordinary. So when I look at your picture from the woods with the sideways trees, I know that we could walk there together, and even if we didn't say a word, we would have such understanding.
We would walk together and understand, because of what we have already absorbed together.
That is what I am thinking about right now. Just three days ago, we both felt immense joy over thoughts of marriage, and those feelings were very powerful. That's our bond, it's important to remember how extraordinary it is, in the way it was created and the way it became so powerful. A lot of words have been involved, but also a lot of psychic communication and a constant connection. That's the presence we both can feel, each other's presence, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, for over fourteen months now.
There's a reason we have this bond, and it's Love, but when you consider how extraordinary it is, it's pretty amazing. I have never heard of two people who have communicated in the way we do, who have fallen in love to an infinite, spiritual level, who have shared the thoughts we've shared (both written and spiritually communicated). It's easy to become accustomed to it, because we've become adept at it, but tonight I hope we can step back just for a moment and look at how truly astounding it has been. The measure of that is the sheer joy we shared on Wednesday, the knowledge , shared through FB posts, that we will be married. This is the love we have created, by extraordinary means of communication. That's why I am always talking about how special it is.
Though it is not possible to be perfect in any type of communication, even direct one-to-one, we come pretty close. Even at FB, with our special method of talking to each other, it's (excuse my language) freakin' amazing the love we have created. It has been monumental , and I know you have felt it just the same way I have, because we have shared the feeling, too.
So, when we do visit special places, like your spot in the woods, or any other place, think of what we will feel together. We will have a wonderful understanding of life, whether spoken or silent.
We even get most everything right on the Interent, even though we are not always using words to articulate. Sometimes, there is a mistake, or misinterpretation, and again, I hope I was able to explain. But if you are still awake, I ask you to just take a moment and think about everything we have gotten right, and the amazing love we have created.
When we are together, and we sit back and think about how we met and built such a love, and such a silently acknowledged understanding of that love, and of life, it will be quite a moment. "We did it"!
I Love You, Elizabeth, and I will forever try to improve my communication skills. I hope they are already pretty good, but I will never stop trying to make them better and better.
I will talk to you in the morning, and I send you all my love, all night. :):)
I just got home from Pearl's, so I am just checking in to see how you are doing. I hope you had a nice day. My sister did not come over like she usually does on Saturdays, so I stayed home to do some cleaning and laundry (oh boy!). I guess I will go for my walk a bit later as it's still pretty warm out right now. So, for now I just wanted to say Hi, and I will write more later this evening. I Love You! :):)
9:45pm : I'm back from my walk, there was a beautiful moon out, almost full. I want to say again that I didn't mean any harm on Thursday, and I hope I was able to explain things yesterday. It was just me with my dumb old heart on my sleeve again. Anyway, I will be up for a while, until Midnight my time as usual, and I will check in before I go to sleep to say goodnight. :):)
11:15pm : I saw your post earlier of your film picture from that incredible place in the woods that you visited earlier this month, and it just made me think that, when we are together, we will visit such places, and we will have the greatest built-in rapport that two people could have, because of the bond we have already created. Think about it - even apart, we have established such an understanding about life. Any communication problems we have had - just a few, out of the multitude of blogs, FB posts, etc - have been due to the limitations of Internet communication. And Elizabeth, even within those limitations, look at what we have built. It is extraordinary when you think of it, and when we go back to the roots of it, last summer and Fall when we were briefly separated, we know it is due to our soul connection. And part of that is a psychic bond that is extraordinary. So when I look at your picture from the woods with the sideways trees, I know that we could walk there together, and even if we didn't say a word, we would have such understanding.
We would walk together and understand, because of what we have already absorbed together.
That is what I am thinking about right now. Just three days ago, we both felt immense joy over thoughts of marriage, and those feelings were very powerful. That's our bond, it's important to remember how extraordinary it is, in the way it was created and the way it became so powerful. A lot of words have been involved, but also a lot of psychic communication and a constant connection. That's the presence we both can feel, each other's presence, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, for over fourteen months now.
There's a reason we have this bond, and it's Love, but when you consider how extraordinary it is, it's pretty amazing. I have never heard of two people who have communicated in the way we do, who have fallen in love to an infinite, spiritual level, who have shared the thoughts we've shared (both written and spiritually communicated). It's easy to become accustomed to it, because we've become adept at it, but tonight I hope we can step back just for a moment and look at how truly astounding it has been. The measure of that is the sheer joy we shared on Wednesday, the knowledge , shared through FB posts, that we will be married. This is the love we have created, by extraordinary means of communication. That's why I am always talking about how special it is.
Though it is not possible to be perfect in any type of communication, even direct one-to-one, we come pretty close. Even at FB, with our special method of talking to each other, it's (excuse my language) freakin' amazing the love we have created. It has been monumental , and I know you have felt it just the same way I have, because we have shared the feeling, too.
So, when we do visit special places, like your spot in the woods, or any other place, think of what we will feel together. We will have a wonderful understanding of life, whether spoken or silent.
We even get most everything right on the Interent, even though we are not always using words to articulate. Sometimes, there is a mistake, or misinterpretation, and again, I hope I was able to explain. But if you are still awake, I ask you to just take a moment and think about everything we have gotten right, and the amazing love we have created.
When we are together, and we sit back and think about how we met and built such a love, and such a silently acknowledged understanding of that love, and of life, it will be quite a moment. "We did it"!
I Love You, Elizabeth, and I will forever try to improve my communication skills. I hope they are already pretty good, but I will never stop trying to make them better and better.
I will talk to you in the morning, and I send you all my love, all night. :):)
Friday, June 21, 2013
Happy Summer (more added) (and more, too) (and Goodnight, too)
Good Morning, Elizabeth, and Happy Summer. I hope your day is off to a good start. I don't know if you saw my Blogger post from last night, but my guess is that you did because you posted on FB just a few minutes afterwards. I had asked at the end of my blog for "any response, even if you think I am being silly". I don't know if that was what you meant by your FB post of Caroline's dinosaurs, but maybe so. I hope it didn't mean you think I'm a dinosaur, lol. ;) Anyway, I am just hanging out today, chilling at home, no errands to run or appointments for Pearl. I'll check in later to see how things are going. I Love You.
3:30pm : Hi again. I thought I'd write a little bit before heading to Pearl's. I hope everything is okay, and I want you to know that I didn't mean you did anything wrong by making that post. I wasn't being critical, but was just explaining how it made me feel. As I said, I had an emotional reaction to it, but your intent in posting it was probably entirely unrelated to it's effect on me. I realise that, and I realised it when I wrote my blog last night. I just felt the need to write about it, because as I have written in other blogs, stuffing feelings is never a good way to go. Even more than that, you and I have had, I think, an excellent way of communicating with each other. We have always expressed all feelings, as a method of using honesty to break down barriers of tension. We have also always used gentle, or certainly non-blunt, non-hurtful honesty, to analyse feelings rather than make accusations or to lash out. And that's all I was trying to do last night. I have thought it best to always make immediate efforts to communicate whenever either of us feels hurt, or feels down, for any reason. Because in talking, we analyse, and we can look at the situation and see what caused it, and the important thing is that whatever the cause, it doesn't mean there was harmful intent. I know you love me, Elizabeth. I don't doubt that for a second. It's just that I went through an extraordinary situation with you-know-who. There is no need for me to recount it; you know the details. I was alone for a very long time after that. Part of it is because I am shy, but another part is because I was wary, and I just wanted someone to be with forever so I would never have to hurt like that again.
You know the story - I prayed and prayed and you came into my life. It's a true story, and an amazing story, and it's why, besides being the Love Of My Life, you are also my Miracle.
So, in trying to analyse my own reaction to your post, I would say that timing had a lot to do with it. I know you didn't mean it that way (or if you did please tell me, but I don't think you did), but that post came right on the heels of the most loving posts you have ever made for me, one in particular about "do you remember what question you answered five years ago", and the guy who posted it originally meant it for his wife, that he was reminding her it was the five year anniversary of his proposal to her. When I saw that post, I was over the moon. It is my dream to marry you, but I don't want it to be just a dream, I want it to be reality. :)
So when I saw that post, and then your post of the couple dancing the tango, I was in Heaven. I haven't had a lot of girlfriends in my life, just you and you-know-who. Everything with her happened so long ago that it seems like it was in another lifetime. And yet, that wariness I developed can still pop up from time to time, because of the severity of what caused it. So, in this case, the timing was a big part of it, and again, I know you didn't mean for it to be. I have to leave for Pearl's in a couple minutes, but I wanted to check in before I left, just to say "I hope you are having a good afternoon", and of course that I Love You. Communication has been such a strong point for us, don't you think? I will be back tonight, right after my shift at Pearl's, and I will write some more.
All I really know, Elizabeth, is that I Love You. That's the perfect foundation underneath everything else, and what communication does is break through to that foundation, so we can get back to it every single time.
I hope you feel the same way. I'll be back later at 6:30, but will also have the computer on at Pearl's. :):)
6:50pm : I'm home from Pearl's, and I saw your post while I was there. I waited until now to respond because her computer crashes too much to type a lot and then have it all disappear. But in the Summer Solstice photo, I see what you mean, and I also saw it when I was writing last night's blog. That's what I want to make sure you know, that I was aware of the dichotomy involved. I knew, on the one hand, what you meant by the post because, like tonight's Summer Solstice photo, I know you like photographs representing or depicting harmony with nature, or the spirituality of nature. But on the other hand, I was dealing with my own emotional reaction, which I talked about earlier when I wrote my 4pm update in this blog. Just to explain a little further, to get at the fine points, I will recount just a little bit from the past, even though I am pretty sure you already know all of this. I used to have a "friend", a guy I had known since grade school. When you-know-who and I were together, we would go over to his place, because it was the hangout for many of our friends. This particular guy was the kind of guy who liked to "chat up" other guy's girlfriends, meaning more than just nice, casual conversation. The way I was raised, despite my family's problems, you just didn't do stuff like that. Not only that, it's not in my personality. I have friends who have gotten married, and when I have been in their presence I would always be myself, good natured, but would never dream of making a remark about the wife's appearance - "oh, that dress looks great on you" for example, or even and especially the kind of racier comments that many people nowdays seem to think is okay, or even amusing, or "edgy". I would never do that because it's a friend and his wife, and it's not right.
But this particular "friend" used to try and sweet-talk "you know who" all the time, pretty much every time we went over to his place. He was also my friend (or so I thought) - and he was really kind of lame, to be honest - so I didn't make too much out of it, and it went on for several years. Lots of "innocent" flirtation, every time we went over to his place. Now, he was a good-looking guy, and that is part of it. I'm just trying to relate and analyse all the details (it's the amateur psychologist in me, lol). Looks are of course part of it; there are all kinds of "looks" in the world. Some people are very good looking, some average, some less-so, and it does all depend on taste, but by and large, you can get a general consensus from men or women on whom the good-looking people are, it's dishonest to say otherwise. So, had my "friend" been a big, overweight guy with bad acne and unfortunate features, he could have flirted all he wanted, and it still would have been rude, but it wouldn't have been as big a deal. No red flags would have gone up.
Then, of course, you have the other side of the coin, the participation of the person who is being flirted with. I am just analyising all angles here, like I used to do in old blogs, so please bear with me :). Let's look at a great (I think) Hollywood couple. You may or may not agree, but I think Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie (regardless of the movies they've been in, some good, some bad) are a great Hollywood couple. Why are they great? Because they are Them. They are Brangelina. Of course, they have security everywhere they go, but they have still both had to deal with hundreds and thousands of people in their lives, and during the course of their marriage, and they are both good-looking people, and yet they seem to have avoided all the temptations of a town like Hollywood, where so much cheating goes on, and so many power-plays. But there's Brangelina, totally there for each other, always together in each and every way, and they have a great family, too. I think they are great, even if I don't like all their movies. They are able to have the strongest marriage, even amidst Hollywood society. That is the resistence to temptation provided by good upbringing, and also by the morals and personalities of the couple themselves.
So, to get back to the other side of the coin : the participation of the person who is being flirted with, well, that person could always decline to participate, decline to return the flirtation. That will usually shut down the flirter, too. But you-know-who did not do that. I don't mean to demonise her, she was a good person in many ways, but she liked to flirt with this guy, my "friend". And I always chalked it up to "hey, we're all friends here", or "hey, he's my friend but he's also pretty lame", but after a couple years of it, it began to bug me because I could tell there was a mutual physical attraction. It's pretty easy to tell, just by body language. But I never said anything, because I didn't want to seem "uncool", or "out of it" (unhip), or -shudder - jealous. As I have remarked, I grew up in an era when jealousy was considered passe, "love the one you're with", and all that Hippie Free Love b.s. So I never said anything about all the flirting, and just stuffed my feelings, and..........you know the story.
So, to wrap up, even though I knew, from an intellectual standpoint, your intent when you posted Aurelien's photo, I still could not help what I was feeling. We feel what we feel, you know? Of course, we must analyse our feelings from time to time (which is what we are doing here) to see if they make sense or not. In my case, they both did not make sense, and they did make sense. You may think they entirely did not make sense, and that is fair from your viewpoint, but let me explain. My feelings did not make sense, because what happened to me happened a long time ago. Also, I know that you are in no way similar to Lillian and are not a flirtatious person. I've never hung out with you personally, but I don't get that feeling from you, and I know you very well by now. I trust you, in other words. But even there, my feelings did not make sense because this guy lives in Europe, very far away, but even if he lived next door, I would still trust you. I don't trust a lot of guys in that regard, but that is another story, and is no reflection on your friend, whom I do not know.
But many guys will try to hit on beautiful women, whether or not they have a boyfriend or husband. I am sure the reverse is true, too, and that there are many women who will hit on handsome men, regardless of their marital status. There are many people with no scruples. I do not now what it is like to be "hit on" on a regular basis, because, even though I don't resemble Quasimodo, and might have been considered a good looking guy when I was younger, I was never one to attract a lot of attention, and I think that is because of my reserved personality. Also, I was never the "one-liner" kind of guy, trying to look "cool" to girls at a party. I was just always "me", and could never pretend to be a fake personality, and I have seen so many of those in my life, both male and female, and in my case, my experience with the "harmless" flirting of Lillian and my "friend" ended in disaster.
I came out of it a much stronger person, however, because I still had the character I was raised with. Still, in many ways we see that my feelings did not make sense.
But in examining them, they also did make sense in some ways, though not concerning your intent for that post. You just saw it as a nice photo of your friend. But for me, there was the timing involved (due to the marriage theme of recent posts). But most importantly, I reacted because an old emotional scar was opened up. Now, I have seen Aurelein around for a long time, at least a year. He doesn't comment on everything you post, or "like" everything, but he is around a lot. And I never thought much of it, because you have many friends from the Alcest crowd. But lately, he had been commenting or "liking" a lot of your posts. Then I saw the "beautiful one" comment, and the old wound began to open. I thought, "oh, he's a good-looking guy" (just like my "friend"), and "he's flirtatious" (just like my "friend"). But even then, I tried to make sense of it by saying, "well, he's just on Facebook and he lives in Europe, and beyond that, Elizabeth loves me", and I was successful and it didn't bother me, because I knew all of that was the truth. And that was a couple weeks ago now.
But then came the photos of him, and the timing of the last one yesterday, and my old emotional wound got the better of my intellectual side. So even though I knew your intent, and I hope I did convey that in last night's blog, I still could not help the way I was feeling : "Good-looking guy is flirting with my girlfriend, she is responding (by posting his photos)". From my brain, I knew your intent; after all, you had just posted the most beautiful sentiments to me the day before. But from my emotions, the old wound was open, and it was another guy flirting with my girl, and I think that was why I went and deleted my picture from 1989, now that I think about it. I deleted it because, in the heat of the moment, I thought, "well, if she's got a picture of him that she likes, she doesn't need mine". But in thinking about the subliminal aspect, it was also a picture from 1989, the year all that stuff happened to me. I will put that picture back up on Flickr. I put it up for you and it was stupid for me to delete it. I also deleted the picture of me and my friends and Randy Rhoads, because I was (possibly) a handsome guy in that one, too, and it looked like it had a few views. I will put both photos back up, though I will have to wait until Monday when I can use the Oviatt computers. My little Chromebook does not take photo discs.
So the whole thing was irrational and yet rational, it made no sense in some ways but did make sense in others. I hope I was able to explain it here, and again, a lot of it is because I am going by symbols, and I don't always get everything right. But as always, I try. And as always, I Love You, Elizabeth.
I will check in a little later to say goodnight. :):)
10:50pm : Well, it is getting late, so I will say goodnight now. I don't know if you've had a chance to read what I wrote this evening, earlier in this blog, but if you did I hope you do not think poorly of me. I'm just a guy who loves his girlfriend more than anything in the world, and wants to marry her so he can live his life with her. You've probably heard the saying, "keep your eyes on the prize", and that's what I am doing, and I am 100% focused. I think it is important to remember that, for the most part, this week has been very wonderful - celebrating proposals and marriage. I have never been married, but I know in my heart how truly blessed the happily married people of this world are. I know it because I can feel it, and I can feel it because I want it so bad, and because you have indicated you can feel it too. It is all I want, and I can't wait to meet you so that we can feel it together, and never again be apart. It's all I want in the whole world.
I Love You, Elizabeth. When I tell you in person, it will be the best day ever. Sweet Dreams, my Angel. :):)
3:30pm : Hi again. I thought I'd write a little bit before heading to Pearl's. I hope everything is okay, and I want you to know that I didn't mean you did anything wrong by making that post. I wasn't being critical, but was just explaining how it made me feel. As I said, I had an emotional reaction to it, but your intent in posting it was probably entirely unrelated to it's effect on me. I realise that, and I realised it when I wrote my blog last night. I just felt the need to write about it, because as I have written in other blogs, stuffing feelings is never a good way to go. Even more than that, you and I have had, I think, an excellent way of communicating with each other. We have always expressed all feelings, as a method of using honesty to break down barriers of tension. We have also always used gentle, or certainly non-blunt, non-hurtful honesty, to analyse feelings rather than make accusations or to lash out. And that's all I was trying to do last night. I have thought it best to always make immediate efforts to communicate whenever either of us feels hurt, or feels down, for any reason. Because in talking, we analyse, and we can look at the situation and see what caused it, and the important thing is that whatever the cause, it doesn't mean there was harmful intent. I know you love me, Elizabeth. I don't doubt that for a second. It's just that I went through an extraordinary situation with you-know-who. There is no need for me to recount it; you know the details. I was alone for a very long time after that. Part of it is because I am shy, but another part is because I was wary, and I just wanted someone to be with forever so I would never have to hurt like that again.
You know the story - I prayed and prayed and you came into my life. It's a true story, and an amazing story, and it's why, besides being the Love Of My Life, you are also my Miracle.
So, in trying to analyse my own reaction to your post, I would say that timing had a lot to do with it. I know you didn't mean it that way (or if you did please tell me, but I don't think you did), but that post came right on the heels of the most loving posts you have ever made for me, one in particular about "do you remember what question you answered five years ago", and the guy who posted it originally meant it for his wife, that he was reminding her it was the five year anniversary of his proposal to her. When I saw that post, I was over the moon. It is my dream to marry you, but I don't want it to be just a dream, I want it to be reality. :)
So when I saw that post, and then your post of the couple dancing the tango, I was in Heaven. I haven't had a lot of girlfriends in my life, just you and you-know-who. Everything with her happened so long ago that it seems like it was in another lifetime. And yet, that wariness I developed can still pop up from time to time, because of the severity of what caused it. So, in this case, the timing was a big part of it, and again, I know you didn't mean for it to be. I have to leave for Pearl's in a couple minutes, but I wanted to check in before I left, just to say "I hope you are having a good afternoon", and of course that I Love You. Communication has been such a strong point for us, don't you think? I will be back tonight, right after my shift at Pearl's, and I will write some more.
All I really know, Elizabeth, is that I Love You. That's the perfect foundation underneath everything else, and what communication does is break through to that foundation, so we can get back to it every single time.
I hope you feel the same way. I'll be back later at 6:30, but will also have the computer on at Pearl's. :):)
6:50pm : I'm home from Pearl's, and I saw your post while I was there. I waited until now to respond because her computer crashes too much to type a lot and then have it all disappear. But in the Summer Solstice photo, I see what you mean, and I also saw it when I was writing last night's blog. That's what I want to make sure you know, that I was aware of the dichotomy involved. I knew, on the one hand, what you meant by the post because, like tonight's Summer Solstice photo, I know you like photographs representing or depicting harmony with nature, or the spirituality of nature. But on the other hand, I was dealing with my own emotional reaction, which I talked about earlier when I wrote my 4pm update in this blog. Just to explain a little further, to get at the fine points, I will recount just a little bit from the past, even though I am pretty sure you already know all of this. I used to have a "friend", a guy I had known since grade school. When you-know-who and I were together, we would go over to his place, because it was the hangout for many of our friends. This particular guy was the kind of guy who liked to "chat up" other guy's girlfriends, meaning more than just nice, casual conversation. The way I was raised, despite my family's problems, you just didn't do stuff like that. Not only that, it's not in my personality. I have friends who have gotten married, and when I have been in their presence I would always be myself, good natured, but would never dream of making a remark about the wife's appearance - "oh, that dress looks great on you" for example, or even and especially the kind of racier comments that many people nowdays seem to think is okay, or even amusing, or "edgy". I would never do that because it's a friend and his wife, and it's not right.
But this particular "friend" used to try and sweet-talk "you know who" all the time, pretty much every time we went over to his place. He was also my friend (or so I thought) - and he was really kind of lame, to be honest - so I didn't make too much out of it, and it went on for several years. Lots of "innocent" flirtation, every time we went over to his place. Now, he was a good-looking guy, and that is part of it. I'm just trying to relate and analyse all the details (it's the amateur psychologist in me, lol). Looks are of course part of it; there are all kinds of "looks" in the world. Some people are very good looking, some average, some less-so, and it does all depend on taste, but by and large, you can get a general consensus from men or women on whom the good-looking people are, it's dishonest to say otherwise. So, had my "friend" been a big, overweight guy with bad acne and unfortunate features, he could have flirted all he wanted, and it still would have been rude, but it wouldn't have been as big a deal. No red flags would have gone up.
Then, of course, you have the other side of the coin, the participation of the person who is being flirted with. I am just analyising all angles here, like I used to do in old blogs, so please bear with me :). Let's look at a great (I think) Hollywood couple. You may or may not agree, but I think Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie (regardless of the movies they've been in, some good, some bad) are a great Hollywood couple. Why are they great? Because they are Them. They are Brangelina. Of course, they have security everywhere they go, but they have still both had to deal with hundreds and thousands of people in their lives, and during the course of their marriage, and they are both good-looking people, and yet they seem to have avoided all the temptations of a town like Hollywood, where so much cheating goes on, and so many power-plays. But there's Brangelina, totally there for each other, always together in each and every way, and they have a great family, too. I think they are great, even if I don't like all their movies. They are able to have the strongest marriage, even amidst Hollywood society. That is the resistence to temptation provided by good upbringing, and also by the morals and personalities of the couple themselves.
So, to get back to the other side of the coin : the participation of the person who is being flirted with, well, that person could always decline to participate, decline to return the flirtation. That will usually shut down the flirter, too. But you-know-who did not do that. I don't mean to demonise her, she was a good person in many ways, but she liked to flirt with this guy, my "friend". And I always chalked it up to "hey, we're all friends here", or "hey, he's my friend but he's also pretty lame", but after a couple years of it, it began to bug me because I could tell there was a mutual physical attraction. It's pretty easy to tell, just by body language. But I never said anything, because I didn't want to seem "uncool", or "out of it" (unhip), or -shudder - jealous. As I have remarked, I grew up in an era when jealousy was considered passe, "love the one you're with", and all that Hippie Free Love b.s. So I never said anything about all the flirting, and just stuffed my feelings, and..........you know the story.
So, to wrap up, even though I knew, from an intellectual standpoint, your intent when you posted Aurelien's photo, I still could not help what I was feeling. We feel what we feel, you know? Of course, we must analyse our feelings from time to time (which is what we are doing here) to see if they make sense or not. In my case, they both did not make sense, and they did make sense. You may think they entirely did not make sense, and that is fair from your viewpoint, but let me explain. My feelings did not make sense, because what happened to me happened a long time ago. Also, I know that you are in no way similar to Lillian and are not a flirtatious person. I've never hung out with you personally, but I don't get that feeling from you, and I know you very well by now. I trust you, in other words. But even there, my feelings did not make sense because this guy lives in Europe, very far away, but even if he lived next door, I would still trust you. I don't trust a lot of guys in that regard, but that is another story, and is no reflection on your friend, whom I do not know.
But many guys will try to hit on beautiful women, whether or not they have a boyfriend or husband. I am sure the reverse is true, too, and that there are many women who will hit on handsome men, regardless of their marital status. There are many people with no scruples. I do not now what it is like to be "hit on" on a regular basis, because, even though I don't resemble Quasimodo, and might have been considered a good looking guy when I was younger, I was never one to attract a lot of attention, and I think that is because of my reserved personality. Also, I was never the "one-liner" kind of guy, trying to look "cool" to girls at a party. I was just always "me", and could never pretend to be a fake personality, and I have seen so many of those in my life, both male and female, and in my case, my experience with the "harmless" flirting of Lillian and my "friend" ended in disaster.
I came out of it a much stronger person, however, because I still had the character I was raised with. Still, in many ways we see that my feelings did not make sense.
But in examining them, they also did make sense in some ways, though not concerning your intent for that post. You just saw it as a nice photo of your friend. But for me, there was the timing involved (due to the marriage theme of recent posts). But most importantly, I reacted because an old emotional scar was opened up. Now, I have seen Aurelein around for a long time, at least a year. He doesn't comment on everything you post, or "like" everything, but he is around a lot. And I never thought much of it, because you have many friends from the Alcest crowd. But lately, he had been commenting or "liking" a lot of your posts. Then I saw the "beautiful one" comment, and the old wound began to open. I thought, "oh, he's a good-looking guy" (just like my "friend"), and "he's flirtatious" (just like my "friend"). But even then, I tried to make sense of it by saying, "well, he's just on Facebook and he lives in Europe, and beyond that, Elizabeth loves me", and I was successful and it didn't bother me, because I knew all of that was the truth. And that was a couple weeks ago now.
But then came the photos of him, and the timing of the last one yesterday, and my old emotional wound got the better of my intellectual side. So even though I knew your intent, and I hope I did convey that in last night's blog, I still could not help the way I was feeling : "Good-looking guy is flirting with my girlfriend, she is responding (by posting his photos)". From my brain, I knew your intent; after all, you had just posted the most beautiful sentiments to me the day before. But from my emotions, the old wound was open, and it was another guy flirting with my girl, and I think that was why I went and deleted my picture from 1989, now that I think about it. I deleted it because, in the heat of the moment, I thought, "well, if she's got a picture of him that she likes, she doesn't need mine". But in thinking about the subliminal aspect, it was also a picture from 1989, the year all that stuff happened to me. I will put that picture back up on Flickr. I put it up for you and it was stupid for me to delete it. I also deleted the picture of me and my friends and Randy Rhoads, because I was (possibly) a handsome guy in that one, too, and it looked like it had a few views. I will put both photos back up, though I will have to wait until Monday when I can use the Oviatt computers. My little Chromebook does not take photo discs.
So the whole thing was irrational and yet rational, it made no sense in some ways but did make sense in others. I hope I was able to explain it here, and again, a lot of it is because I am going by symbols, and I don't always get everything right. But as always, I try. And as always, I Love You, Elizabeth.
I will check in a little later to say goodnight. :):)
10:50pm : Well, it is getting late, so I will say goodnight now. I don't know if you've had a chance to read what I wrote this evening, earlier in this blog, but if you did I hope you do not think poorly of me. I'm just a guy who loves his girlfriend more than anything in the world, and wants to marry her so he can live his life with her. You've probably heard the saying, "keep your eyes on the prize", and that's what I am doing, and I am 100% focused. I think it is important to remember that, for the most part, this week has been very wonderful - celebrating proposals and marriage. I have never been married, but I know in my heart how truly blessed the happily married people of this world are. I know it because I can feel it, and I can feel it because I want it so bad, and because you have indicated you can feel it too. It is all I want, and I can't wait to meet you so that we can feel it together, and never again be apart. It's all I want in the whole world.
I Love You, Elizabeth. When I tell you in person, it will be the best day ever. Sweet Dreams, my Angel. :):)
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Feelings
Hi Elizabeth. I am sorry I didn't post on Facebook today. I wanted to, but my heart wasn't in it, and it wasn't because I don't love you; read any blog going back to February, and especially those from the past couple days - you are my life. I didn't post because I was sad, and once again confused. I wasn't going to post here either, just because I feel kind of washed out, but then I thought that communication is always the best option, and I have always been the one to promote that idea, so I am writing to communicate my thoughts.
I am wondering about this guy Aurelien? I ask because I see that he comments on many of your posts. has for a long time, and recently, when you posted that gorgeous photo of you by Kathryn Pearcy, he commented by calling you "beautiful one". Okay, I told myself, I know you have a lot of admirers, many from the Alcest fan base due to your video. Some have become your FB friends, that's cool. This particular guy certainly likes you, he has made that clear. Again, no big deal. But recently, you have responded by posting two "liked" photos of him, out in nature settings. Today you posted one such photo. I waited around to see if you might post something else, but now it is 10:30pm your time, and nothing. That has been your only post for the day.
On one hand, I feel stupid for even writing all of this, but then on the other hand, I have been walking around sad all day because I have been writing about you and I getting married. The title of my blog two nights ago was "I Love My Wife". Last night I pondered what cities we could visit. I am totally in love with you, Elizabeth, and I am making real-life plans to be with you. But then, on the afternoon following those two blogs, and following some very powerful symbolism by you (bride & groom dancing the tango, etc.), what do I see but a photo of a guy who has made it clear he likes you very much............that hurts.
Again I will say that all I have to go by is symbolism, and because of that, I connect emotionally with the symbols. If it is lighthearted, like a cartoon of Calvin & Hobbes, I laugh, the same if we are talking about shredders and then you post a photo of a Guitar Hero game. If it is a romantic symbol, I take it very seriously, and it is in large part because of those symbols that I have come to feel that you love me. However, when you post a couple photos of a handsome guy who likes you very much, and you post one of them right after my blogs about us getting married, I can't help but wonder if you are trying to tell me something. I even went over to Flickr and deleted my own photo that I posted, of me from 1989. Maybe it was stupid for me to do so, but I felt silly for having posted it. I wanted it to be special, but then there's this Aurelien guy again, in his picture that you posted, and I didn't feel my photo was so special after all.
Please remember that Lillian put me through the wringer, and one of the ways she did so, at least toward the end of our relationship, was to keep me guessing, to make me feel as if I had to compete with other guys for her attention. Then she pulled the rug out from under me, and it was a very painful experience to say the least. I realise this is the Internet, but my goodness, I have thought for a long time now that you and I are the Real Thing. Every word I have ever written to you has been from the bottom of my heart, and I have taken your symbols to heart. When we have talked about marriage, that is as serious as it gets, though of course I know there is some waiting involved, and I will gladly wait, as I have always said. I will do anything for you, Elizabeth.
Reading this, you may be thinking, "boy, is he making a big deal out of nothing", and I have thought that maybe I am, too. But then I can't ignore the way I felt all afternoon either. I felt like I just wanted to go to sleep. Rememeber, the symbols are very powerful. I have hoped that one day soon we might be able to resume regular communication, but I have also said that even if we cannot - for whatever reason - that is okay, too. And that's because I love you, and even if you were stranded on a desert island somewhere, and all we had were messages in bottles, I'd wait and wait for every message you sent, because that's what love is, and what it does. It bonds two people soul to soul.
But what we have right now are symbols, and when I write about you and I getting married, and then you post Aurelien's photo - well, to me that's a symbol, and especially because today it was accompanied by no other posts. I felt silly for having written what I wrote, even though I meant every word, because it made me feel like "just another guy who likes you". The symbols are like traffic lights; when I see all your wonderful romantic posts, they are like green lights that say: "keep going toward your destiny". But when I see a post like Aurelien's photo, it's like a red light for me. It "stops" me and confuses me, because I thought we had all green lights.
Again, I know you have a lot of FB friends and admirers, and I also know that you may see this entirely different from the way I see it, that he is just your friend. But again, I have to be honest and say that it hurts. I don't expect for one minute that you should give up any friend, but I will say that, when people do eventually get married, you don't often see the husband with serious female friends or the wife with serious male friends. They might have friends of either sex who are mutual friends of both husband and wife, but those are their "together" friends. What you do see is the couple really bond into a family: man & wife, and children if there are any. That's what I've been trying to write about, that bonding. If I have been overwriting - overestimating the situation - as always I ask you to tell me. I have just been writing based on what I feel, and I have felt great love from you.
But tonight I had to write because of how I felt today, because today's feeling was real too, even if I have things all wrong. Nothing has changed, of course. You know I love you, always and with all my heart, but those kind of things have an effect on me, because of my experience with Lillian, and with this particular guy, it is clear he likes you.
But I will write again tomorrow, as always, and I will be on FB, too. I am certainly not mad about it, it just made me sad. If you are still awake, and want to respond, I will be awake till about midnight my time. Any response is fine, even if you think I'm being silly. :)
I Love You, Elizabeth. That's always the bottom line. :):)
I am wondering about this guy Aurelien? I ask because I see that he comments on many of your posts. has for a long time, and recently, when you posted that gorgeous photo of you by Kathryn Pearcy, he commented by calling you "beautiful one". Okay, I told myself, I know you have a lot of admirers, many from the Alcest fan base due to your video. Some have become your FB friends, that's cool. This particular guy certainly likes you, he has made that clear. Again, no big deal. But recently, you have responded by posting two "liked" photos of him, out in nature settings. Today you posted one such photo. I waited around to see if you might post something else, but now it is 10:30pm your time, and nothing. That has been your only post for the day.
On one hand, I feel stupid for even writing all of this, but then on the other hand, I have been walking around sad all day because I have been writing about you and I getting married. The title of my blog two nights ago was "I Love My Wife". Last night I pondered what cities we could visit. I am totally in love with you, Elizabeth, and I am making real-life plans to be with you. But then, on the afternoon following those two blogs, and following some very powerful symbolism by you (bride & groom dancing the tango, etc.), what do I see but a photo of a guy who has made it clear he likes you very much............that hurts.
Again I will say that all I have to go by is symbolism, and because of that, I connect emotionally with the symbols. If it is lighthearted, like a cartoon of Calvin & Hobbes, I laugh, the same if we are talking about shredders and then you post a photo of a Guitar Hero game. If it is a romantic symbol, I take it very seriously, and it is in large part because of those symbols that I have come to feel that you love me. However, when you post a couple photos of a handsome guy who likes you very much, and you post one of them right after my blogs about us getting married, I can't help but wonder if you are trying to tell me something. I even went over to Flickr and deleted my own photo that I posted, of me from 1989. Maybe it was stupid for me to do so, but I felt silly for having posted it. I wanted it to be special, but then there's this Aurelien guy again, in his picture that you posted, and I didn't feel my photo was so special after all.
Please remember that Lillian put me through the wringer, and one of the ways she did so, at least toward the end of our relationship, was to keep me guessing, to make me feel as if I had to compete with other guys for her attention. Then she pulled the rug out from under me, and it was a very painful experience to say the least. I realise this is the Internet, but my goodness, I have thought for a long time now that you and I are the Real Thing. Every word I have ever written to you has been from the bottom of my heart, and I have taken your symbols to heart. When we have talked about marriage, that is as serious as it gets, though of course I know there is some waiting involved, and I will gladly wait, as I have always said. I will do anything for you, Elizabeth.
Reading this, you may be thinking, "boy, is he making a big deal out of nothing", and I have thought that maybe I am, too. But then I can't ignore the way I felt all afternoon either. I felt like I just wanted to go to sleep. Rememeber, the symbols are very powerful. I have hoped that one day soon we might be able to resume regular communication, but I have also said that even if we cannot - for whatever reason - that is okay, too. And that's because I love you, and even if you were stranded on a desert island somewhere, and all we had were messages in bottles, I'd wait and wait for every message you sent, because that's what love is, and what it does. It bonds two people soul to soul.
But what we have right now are symbols, and when I write about you and I getting married, and then you post Aurelien's photo - well, to me that's a symbol, and especially because today it was accompanied by no other posts. I felt silly for having written what I wrote, even though I meant every word, because it made me feel like "just another guy who likes you". The symbols are like traffic lights; when I see all your wonderful romantic posts, they are like green lights that say: "keep going toward your destiny". But when I see a post like Aurelien's photo, it's like a red light for me. It "stops" me and confuses me, because I thought we had all green lights.
Again, I know you have a lot of FB friends and admirers, and I also know that you may see this entirely different from the way I see it, that he is just your friend. But again, I have to be honest and say that it hurts. I don't expect for one minute that you should give up any friend, but I will say that, when people do eventually get married, you don't often see the husband with serious female friends or the wife with serious male friends. They might have friends of either sex who are mutual friends of both husband and wife, but those are their "together" friends. What you do see is the couple really bond into a family: man & wife, and children if there are any. That's what I've been trying to write about, that bonding. If I have been overwriting - overestimating the situation - as always I ask you to tell me. I have just been writing based on what I feel, and I have felt great love from you.
But tonight I had to write because of how I felt today, because today's feeling was real too, even if I have things all wrong. Nothing has changed, of course. You know I love you, always and with all my heart, but those kind of things have an effect on me, because of my experience with Lillian, and with this particular guy, it is clear he likes you.
But I will write again tomorrow, as always, and I will be on FB, too. I am certainly not mad about it, it just made me sad. If you are still awake, and want to respond, I will be awake till about midnight my time. Any response is fine, even if you think I'm being silly. :)
I Love You, Elizabeth. That's always the bottom line. :):)
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Where Should We Go? (more added)
Hey my Baby,
I am having fun with GeoGuessr, too! Thanks for posting it. :) My best score was my first one, 9049 points. I don't know if that's any good, but all my scores since have been in the 7-8000 range, so it was good for me. I do pretty well when there is some architecture to reference, or a road sign. If it's in Cyrillic, that always narrows it down. But when it's an open road running through green mountains, it's hard to tell if it's Australia or Hawaii, or somewhere in Canada or the Pacific Northwest. But yeah, it is an addictive site!
So, where should we go? If you were gonna pick a city, or just a place, anywhere in the world, where would it be? I have never really traveled, so I always pick one of the major European cities like Paris (of course), or Rome or London. But I would also love to see a place like St. Petersburg (L'Hermitage), or Prague, which is supposed to be very "old world" beautiful. I would also love to see the Egyptian Pyramids, because I am fascinated by ancient civilizations. It would be a tough decision! Which place would you pick? Name it and we'll go! We can also do fun and easy trips, like to the Grand Canyon or Hawaii, Las Vegas too. But choose a dream trip, too. I am gonna write more, but I am gonna finish my walk first. June evenings are just perfect, so you are coming with me. Ready? Let's go!
(we'll both be back in a little while. We are doing everything together these days...... :):)....)
10:30pm : Thinking about travel has me thinking of romantic movies that take place in other cities/countries. Some of my favorites are "Il Postino", "The Umbrellas Of Cherbourg" - which you have to see, because all the dialogue is sung, in French! It is a really unique film with great art direction & color schemes. Thinking of it, though, reminds me that so many great love stories in movies have tragic elements, and that is true in both "Postino" and "Cherbourg". "Wuthering Heights" is one of the all timers in both categories; love and tragedy. Same with "Love Story". I am always searching for love songs, movie music, etc. with no tragic elements, lol.
"Dr. Zhivago" is a classic, "Sayonara" with Marlon Brando. But all of these involve some form of departure. I guess the movie executives figure that tearjerkers make the couple watching feel relieved and even more in love, and it works! I don't mind admitting that I like cinematic love stories. A lot of guys will never admit that, that's why they call 'em "chick flicks". But I love 'em!
Well, my Love, I am just going to keep saving my money, so that we have a nice little nest egg to work with. If you remember the things we talked about early this year, maybe in my February/March blogs, that money is really the only "practical matter" in a marriage, when two people basically see eye to eye to begin with. We have all the compatibility, and none of the issues many couples have (psychological & "practical"), and so as long as we have the money, we can live life the way we want to. My goodness, I know so many couples where status is important (and becomes an issue), or materialism (having a need for bigger and better "stuff"). For us, it is all about intelligence & a responsible attitude toward paying the bills. That's how you avoid getting bogged down in life. Every couple I know who thought they had the world by the tail, in the corporate American sense of living that kind of "traditional" life in this day and age, wound up in trouble, and most split up. But we have a different view. We have foresight, intelligence, and responsibility, and, we have our priorities straight. This is Life! We know what it's about.
And so, I will continue to save my money as we move forward. We will have a nice combination of launch pad/safety net. But one thing we will definitely do is take a nice trip. For real. The money will be available. So, think of where you might like to go, and we will go there. And we will go as soon as you want to, as soon as you can, as soon as you say so.
I Love You, Elizabeth!
Sweet Dreams, I will see you in the morning, and we will continue to prepare for the future! :):)
I am having fun with GeoGuessr, too! Thanks for posting it. :) My best score was my first one, 9049 points. I don't know if that's any good, but all my scores since have been in the 7-8000 range, so it was good for me. I do pretty well when there is some architecture to reference, or a road sign. If it's in Cyrillic, that always narrows it down. But when it's an open road running through green mountains, it's hard to tell if it's Australia or Hawaii, or somewhere in Canada or the Pacific Northwest. But yeah, it is an addictive site!
So, where should we go? If you were gonna pick a city, or just a place, anywhere in the world, where would it be? I have never really traveled, so I always pick one of the major European cities like Paris (of course), or Rome or London. But I would also love to see a place like St. Petersburg (L'Hermitage), or Prague, which is supposed to be very "old world" beautiful. I would also love to see the Egyptian Pyramids, because I am fascinated by ancient civilizations. It would be a tough decision! Which place would you pick? Name it and we'll go! We can also do fun and easy trips, like to the Grand Canyon or Hawaii, Las Vegas too. But choose a dream trip, too. I am gonna write more, but I am gonna finish my walk first. June evenings are just perfect, so you are coming with me. Ready? Let's go!
(we'll both be back in a little while. We are doing everything together these days...... :):)....)
10:30pm : Thinking about travel has me thinking of romantic movies that take place in other cities/countries. Some of my favorites are "Il Postino", "The Umbrellas Of Cherbourg" - which you have to see, because all the dialogue is sung, in French! It is a really unique film with great art direction & color schemes. Thinking of it, though, reminds me that so many great love stories in movies have tragic elements, and that is true in both "Postino" and "Cherbourg". "Wuthering Heights" is one of the all timers in both categories; love and tragedy. Same with "Love Story". I am always searching for love songs, movie music, etc. with no tragic elements, lol.
"Dr. Zhivago" is a classic, "Sayonara" with Marlon Brando. But all of these involve some form of departure. I guess the movie executives figure that tearjerkers make the couple watching feel relieved and even more in love, and it works! I don't mind admitting that I like cinematic love stories. A lot of guys will never admit that, that's why they call 'em "chick flicks". But I love 'em!
Well, my Love, I am just going to keep saving my money, so that we have a nice little nest egg to work with. If you remember the things we talked about early this year, maybe in my February/March blogs, that money is really the only "practical matter" in a marriage, when two people basically see eye to eye to begin with. We have all the compatibility, and none of the issues many couples have (psychological & "practical"), and so as long as we have the money, we can live life the way we want to. My goodness, I know so many couples where status is important (and becomes an issue), or materialism (having a need for bigger and better "stuff"). For us, it is all about intelligence & a responsible attitude toward paying the bills. That's how you avoid getting bogged down in life. Every couple I know who thought they had the world by the tail, in the corporate American sense of living that kind of "traditional" life in this day and age, wound up in trouble, and most split up. But we have a different view. We have foresight, intelligence, and responsibility, and, we have our priorities straight. This is Life! We know what it's about.
And so, I will continue to save my money as we move forward. We will have a nice combination of launch pad/safety net. But one thing we will definitely do is take a nice trip. For real. The money will be available. So, think of where you might like to go, and we will go there. And we will go as soon as you want to, as soon as you can, as soon as you say so.
I Love You, Elizabeth!
Sweet Dreams, I will see you in the morning, and we will continue to prepare for the future! :):)
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
I Love My Wife :):)
My Beautiful Elizabeth,
That was such a wonderful message you posted earlier this evening. There can be no greater blessing than sharing life with your soulmate, and from Day One, I think we both were aware that something very special was happening. You must have had a feeling about me in the same way I have described having a feeling about you, like an advance knowledge. Because it's been a direct route to this point, and even the temporary communication break last Fall seems like a small bump in the road now. Nothing was ever going to stop us! We are going to have a great marriage, too, because we will always support each other, talk to each other, listen to each other, be gentle with each other, be strong for each other, have fun with each other, share interests with each other, and we will never put pressures on each other, or be thoughtless or unkind.
Too many people have all these preconceived notions of what a marriage is, or should be, and all too often those notions are related to pressures that one party places on another, or that the couple place on themselves. This will not be true for you and I. We have talked so much about life already, and it's mysteries, and the experience we have been sharing ever since we met, and for us, that is what our marriage will be about, sharing the experienced of life, bonded together in love.
Wed.
That's what I thing Being Wed is. Of course, everybody knows about the practical matters of marriage, but again, too many people in the modern era place a heavy burden on themselves by placing all or most of the emphasis on those matters. And in doing so, they forget about the experience of sharing life.
That's the gentle part of marriage, I think. The kindness in sharing, talking, listening.
The strength part is in the cooperation, trust and responsibility.
The fun part is in the continuing wonder, the discovery, the anticipation of experiences to come.
And when you add all those parts together, they don't add up to pressure but to love.
There are indeed couples who say the things the couple in your post said. That they are thankful, that they know they are blessed, that they are in it for life.
That is the way we will be. We will live life the way we have always talked about it: simply, but with great awareness of the magic. Simply put, we will enjoy our life together, because as we already know, there is so much to enjoy. You and I are fortunate, because we see beauty and magic in almost everything.
I will follow your lead in the days to come, as you finish school, etc. I will be with you and support you every day, and in every way, and in that respect it will be as if we are already married. In our minds and hearts, we are. But I will follow your lead also, until the time comes to make if official. And the same will hold true for starting a family. If you like children, if you want children, we will have children, when the time is right, and entirely without pressure. If you want to have it be just the two of us, then we will be our own family, the two of us for each other.
What we will always have, my Beloved Elizabeth, is a knowledge of what a blessing we have been given, and we will always know that, because it is a blessing - our destiny of having met and fallen in love - that it is only and ever a Good Thing. Our being together is only Good. I will always honor my vows, and when you think about it, those vows really are the foundation of a lifelong marriage. The Vows are the promises, and that is what Being Wed is all about, the Fulfilled Promise of The Blessing, the initial Blessing from God of having been brought together in the first place.
It is to our great advantage that we see Life as Art, and living as a continuing work of art, and it is to our advantage that we have talked so much about it, and found it of mutual interest. You and I are fascinated by life's myriad details, from the extravagant to the everyday. So we will have much to share as we go down life's path together, day by beautiful day.
I Love You So Much, my Darling Elizabeth. Because of you, I live a Miracle every day.
I am sending you the biggest hug and kiss right now, and I will tuck you in and wish you Sweet Dreams.
I am so happy! I will see you in the morning, My Love. :):)
That was such a wonderful message you posted earlier this evening. There can be no greater blessing than sharing life with your soulmate, and from Day One, I think we both were aware that something very special was happening. You must have had a feeling about me in the same way I have described having a feeling about you, like an advance knowledge. Because it's been a direct route to this point, and even the temporary communication break last Fall seems like a small bump in the road now. Nothing was ever going to stop us! We are going to have a great marriage, too, because we will always support each other, talk to each other, listen to each other, be gentle with each other, be strong for each other, have fun with each other, share interests with each other, and we will never put pressures on each other, or be thoughtless or unkind.
Too many people have all these preconceived notions of what a marriage is, or should be, and all too often those notions are related to pressures that one party places on another, or that the couple place on themselves. This will not be true for you and I. We have talked so much about life already, and it's mysteries, and the experience we have been sharing ever since we met, and for us, that is what our marriage will be about, sharing the experienced of life, bonded together in love.
Wed.
That's what I thing Being Wed is. Of course, everybody knows about the practical matters of marriage, but again, too many people in the modern era place a heavy burden on themselves by placing all or most of the emphasis on those matters. And in doing so, they forget about the experience of sharing life.
That's the gentle part of marriage, I think. The kindness in sharing, talking, listening.
The strength part is in the cooperation, trust and responsibility.
The fun part is in the continuing wonder, the discovery, the anticipation of experiences to come.
And when you add all those parts together, they don't add up to pressure but to love.
There are indeed couples who say the things the couple in your post said. That they are thankful, that they know they are blessed, that they are in it for life.
That is the way we will be. We will live life the way we have always talked about it: simply, but with great awareness of the magic. Simply put, we will enjoy our life together, because as we already know, there is so much to enjoy. You and I are fortunate, because we see beauty and magic in almost everything.
I will follow your lead in the days to come, as you finish school, etc. I will be with you and support you every day, and in every way, and in that respect it will be as if we are already married. In our minds and hearts, we are. But I will follow your lead also, until the time comes to make if official. And the same will hold true for starting a family. If you like children, if you want children, we will have children, when the time is right, and entirely without pressure. If you want to have it be just the two of us, then we will be our own family, the two of us for each other.
What we will always have, my Beloved Elizabeth, is a knowledge of what a blessing we have been given, and we will always know that, because it is a blessing - our destiny of having met and fallen in love - that it is only and ever a Good Thing. Our being together is only Good. I will always honor my vows, and when you think about it, those vows really are the foundation of a lifelong marriage. The Vows are the promises, and that is what Being Wed is all about, the Fulfilled Promise of The Blessing, the initial Blessing from God of having been brought together in the first place.
It is to our great advantage that we see Life as Art, and living as a continuing work of art, and it is to our advantage that we have talked so much about it, and found it of mutual interest. You and I are fascinated by life's myriad details, from the extravagant to the everyday. So we will have much to share as we go down life's path together, day by beautiful day.
I Love You So Much, my Darling Elizabeth. Because of you, I live a Miracle every day.
I am sending you the biggest hug and kiss right now, and I will tuck you in and wish you Sweet Dreams.
I am so happy! I will see you in the morning, My Love. :):)
Monday, June 17, 2013
Early Evening Love (more added)
I love you so much, Elizabeth, and I wanted to tell you that right away. Right when I got home I saw your first post, and then just now I saw your second one. Let me tell you something, my love - that is going to be us, very soon. We will be together and smiling, and so much in love. Enjoy these days, and these moments, and the sense of anticipation, because that's part of it, too. It's all part of our destiny, our Miracle. I wanted to say that right this second, and I will be back later with more after I finish my walk. <3:):)<3
9:30pm : I am looking at Amazon for more movies. I want to find something in the same vein as "Beehive", but the problem is the same with music. The more you see or listen to, the more you have to search to find something new. What kind of movies do you like? I started out liking war movies as a kid, Clint Eastwood movies, all kinds of horror movies, action movies, disaster movies. Then when I was about 17 my friends and I began to go to see art house movies, and my perspective opened up a little bit. Later on, when dvds first came out, I started to watch all kinds of stuff, even musicals. One of my favorite movies of all time is "Meet Me In St. Louis" with Judy Garland, who is also one of my favorite actresses and singers (all-around performer would best describe her). So dvds opened me up to the whole world of film, because then you could see all these films from the past that had been restored, and it was a treasure trove. Another genre I love is film noir from the 1940s & 50s. But right now I am looking for some of the more offbeat Criterion stuff. It would be a blast to watch movies with you. I am also especially enjoying foreign films lately, but whatever you like we can watch (so long as it doesn't have Adam Sandler, Arnold Schwarzenegger or Danny DeVito, haha). "Beehive" had an incredible performance by the lead child actress, and it made me think of another amazing performance by a child in a similar vein. I had to look it up because I couldn't remember the title, and it is called "Ponette". My Mom and I saw it about 10 years ago. It is a French film about a little girl who withdraws to an inner world after her mother dies, and in that respect it is similar to the withdrawn child in "Beehive", except in "Ponette" I believe the little girl who played the role was only about 3 or 4 years old. How she was able to take direction I don't know, but it was an exceptional performance and a great movie, despite the depressing sounding subject matter.
But I like all kinds of stuff, and if I had to list my favorite directors, off hand I'd say (in no particular order) Antonioni, Bergman, Tarkovsky, Lynch, Miyazaki, Spielberg, F.W.Murnau, Marcel Carne, Carl Theodor Dreyer, Robert Bresson, Fritz Lang and Kieslowski. But there are so many more. Anyhow, I like to mention a few films, just for the heck of it. Tonight I am thinking of ordering a dvd of a French serial called "Les Vampires". In the silent film era and the early days of sound pictures, they used to make "serials", which were short, episodic movies maybe 30-40 minutes long, that they would show on a bill with a feature length film. The idea with a serial was to get the audience to return each week to see the next episode. Movies were a dime back then, but they still made a fortune. And in that era, crime films were all the rage. In Europe, they took that premise of the Criminal Mastermind to existential limits in films like "The Testament Of Dr, Mabuse" by Fritz Lang. In the German Expressionist style, it was really a portrayal of the philosophy of anarchy, which was brought on by the collapse of the Weimar Republic. If you ever wanna check out an artistic culture, look into Weimar Germany in the 1920s. But it collapsed because of the coming of World War 2, and films like "Mabuse" predicted the chaos, which arrived in the form of Hitler.
So, I think "Les Vampires" looks like it's in the same vein, so maybe I will order it.
The history of film is an amazing thing, and I don't know how into movies you are, but because you are a photographer (among other talents! :) ), I mention these different types of films as a general subject at least for their value in imagery.
But boy would I love to watch movies with you! :):) << That's us on the couch, watching a movie.......
.......and snuggling.
Well, that's all for tonight. The birds sure were chirping this morn on Hatton Street. I knew it was gonna be a beautiful day.
I Love You, my Angel, and I can't wait until your arms are around me (and vice versa), just like in the picture you posted. We are thinking about it, and in doing so, we are making it happen.
A hug and goodnight kiss from me, and Sweet Dreams too. I will see you in the morning. :):)
9:30pm : I am looking at Amazon for more movies. I want to find something in the same vein as "Beehive", but the problem is the same with music. The more you see or listen to, the more you have to search to find something new. What kind of movies do you like? I started out liking war movies as a kid, Clint Eastwood movies, all kinds of horror movies, action movies, disaster movies. Then when I was about 17 my friends and I began to go to see art house movies, and my perspective opened up a little bit. Later on, when dvds first came out, I started to watch all kinds of stuff, even musicals. One of my favorite movies of all time is "Meet Me In St. Louis" with Judy Garland, who is also one of my favorite actresses and singers (all-around performer would best describe her). So dvds opened me up to the whole world of film, because then you could see all these films from the past that had been restored, and it was a treasure trove. Another genre I love is film noir from the 1940s & 50s. But right now I am looking for some of the more offbeat Criterion stuff. It would be a blast to watch movies with you. I am also especially enjoying foreign films lately, but whatever you like we can watch (so long as it doesn't have Adam Sandler, Arnold Schwarzenegger or Danny DeVito, haha). "Beehive" had an incredible performance by the lead child actress, and it made me think of another amazing performance by a child in a similar vein. I had to look it up because I couldn't remember the title, and it is called "Ponette". My Mom and I saw it about 10 years ago. It is a French film about a little girl who withdraws to an inner world after her mother dies, and in that respect it is similar to the withdrawn child in "Beehive", except in "Ponette" I believe the little girl who played the role was only about 3 or 4 years old. How she was able to take direction I don't know, but it was an exceptional performance and a great movie, despite the depressing sounding subject matter.
But I like all kinds of stuff, and if I had to list my favorite directors, off hand I'd say (in no particular order) Antonioni, Bergman, Tarkovsky, Lynch, Miyazaki, Spielberg, F.W.Murnau, Marcel Carne, Carl Theodor Dreyer, Robert Bresson, Fritz Lang and Kieslowski. But there are so many more. Anyhow, I like to mention a few films, just for the heck of it. Tonight I am thinking of ordering a dvd of a French serial called "Les Vampires". In the silent film era and the early days of sound pictures, they used to make "serials", which were short, episodic movies maybe 30-40 minutes long, that they would show on a bill with a feature length film. The idea with a serial was to get the audience to return each week to see the next episode. Movies were a dime back then, but they still made a fortune. And in that era, crime films were all the rage. In Europe, they took that premise of the Criminal Mastermind to existential limits in films like "The Testament Of Dr, Mabuse" by Fritz Lang. In the German Expressionist style, it was really a portrayal of the philosophy of anarchy, which was brought on by the collapse of the Weimar Republic. If you ever wanna check out an artistic culture, look into Weimar Germany in the 1920s. But it collapsed because of the coming of World War 2, and films like "Mabuse" predicted the chaos, which arrived in the form of Hitler.
So, I think "Les Vampires" looks like it's in the same vein, so maybe I will order it.
The history of film is an amazing thing, and I don't know how into movies you are, but because you are a photographer (among other talents! :) ), I mention these different types of films as a general subject at least for their value in imagery.
But boy would I love to watch movies with you! :):) << That's us on the couch, watching a movie.......
.......and snuggling.
Well, that's all for tonight. The birds sure were chirping this morn on Hatton Street. I knew it was gonna be a beautiful day.
I Love You, my Angel, and I can't wait until your arms are around me (and vice versa), just like in the picture you posted. We are thinking about it, and in doing so, we are making it happen.
A hug and goodnight kiss from me, and Sweet Dreams too. I will see you in the morning. :):)
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Pure Cinema
Happy Sunday Evening to My Baby! I'm just chillin' at my pad. I took The Kobester on a super long CSUN walk this morn, so I am gonna count that as 2/3rds of my milage for the day. I will finish up in a little while. This afternoon I watched a movie called "Spirit Of The Beehive". They were having a sale at Amazon on Criterion Collection films, and this one was in my "recommended for you" list, so I ordered it. It's a movie in which there is no plot, and only the barest bones of a story, but as we have been talking about art, this filmmaker (Victor Erice) succeeded by creating pure cinema, where the effectiveness of the film is dependent almost entirely on the imagery. I like meditative, poetic films, and "Beehive" is one of the most extreme examples of it's kind that I have seen. It's ostensibly about two little girls, sisters, who watch a screening of the original "Frankenstein", in a rural village in post-Civil War Spain in 1940. The film has a psychological effect on the younger sister, who then goes in search of the real Frankenstein. But when you watch the movie, that's only a sketch of what happens. Instead, the filmmaker uses a series of vignettes to draw you into the story on a different, subliminal level. He shows the father - a beekeeper - at work. Shows the mother writing a letter, the girls hunting for mushrooms in the woods, exploring an old barn. It's all very deliberative. But the cinematography and lighting is gorgeous, the editing and pacing are slow and hypnotic, and it's all about the images and the script dialogue, much of which is philosophical.
I don't know how you feel about arthouse films, but it's the kind of movie where you kind of go "huh"?, when it's over, and then about half an hour later it hits you how great it is.
I love it when any artist - in this case a filmmaker - just puts out what's in his head, but does so with such skill that it doesn't matter that it's unconventional. I also like the way one art form can influence another. You can watch a movie like this, and because it influenced your state of mind, that will in turn influence your guitar playing afterward. The film sets a mood, and the mood translates to the music. Or you could read a poem, and make a film solely on how the poem makes you feel.
It's all about the conviction you put into it. You could film a dream if the dream had an effect on you, and if you believed that the imagery would have the same effect on the audience. So long as you had that conviction, it would translate. Skill would be neccessary too, of course - to choose the right images, pacing, soundtrack, etc. - but pure cinema is all about the idea that a film doesn't have to be about anything, at least not overtly. And come to think of it, art photography is like that, too, except the idea is conveyed with a single image. You can literally photograph anything, and as long as your conviction is strong, and the picture is skillfully shot, the mood of the photograph will translate to the viewer.
Anyway, if you do like arthouse cinema, "Spirit Of The Beehive" is a good one, though it is an extreme example of cinema as poetry.
I got a kick out of your Calvin & Hobbes cartoon. So your bike is an enemy combatant, eh? :) I was always okay on a bike, but for me it was jogging. When I used to jog, I would regularly trip over something, an upraised part of the sidewalk, a misjudged curb, an unseen tree root. So I came home with skinned knees on more than a few occassions, but hey - it's part of being a kid!.......um, I mean an adult! :) I haven't ridden a bike in a while, but in Junior High I liked to do wheelies on my 10speed, lol.
Well, beautiful lady, that is all for tonight. I hope you had a nice day. I will see you in the morning and we will have a great week coming up.
I Love You! :):)
I don't know how you feel about arthouse films, but it's the kind of movie where you kind of go "huh"?, when it's over, and then about half an hour later it hits you how great it is.
I love it when any artist - in this case a filmmaker - just puts out what's in his head, but does so with such skill that it doesn't matter that it's unconventional. I also like the way one art form can influence another. You can watch a movie like this, and because it influenced your state of mind, that will in turn influence your guitar playing afterward. The film sets a mood, and the mood translates to the music. Or you could read a poem, and make a film solely on how the poem makes you feel.
It's all about the conviction you put into it. You could film a dream if the dream had an effect on you, and if you believed that the imagery would have the same effect on the audience. So long as you had that conviction, it would translate. Skill would be neccessary too, of course - to choose the right images, pacing, soundtrack, etc. - but pure cinema is all about the idea that a film doesn't have to be about anything, at least not overtly. And come to think of it, art photography is like that, too, except the idea is conveyed with a single image. You can literally photograph anything, and as long as your conviction is strong, and the picture is skillfully shot, the mood of the photograph will translate to the viewer.
Anyway, if you do like arthouse cinema, "Spirit Of The Beehive" is a good one, though it is an extreme example of cinema as poetry.
I got a kick out of your Calvin & Hobbes cartoon. So your bike is an enemy combatant, eh? :) I was always okay on a bike, but for me it was jogging. When I used to jog, I would regularly trip over something, an upraised part of the sidewalk, a misjudged curb, an unseen tree root. So I came home with skinned knees on more than a few occassions, but hey - it's part of being a kid!.......um, I mean an adult! :) I haven't ridden a bike in a while, but in Junior High I liked to do wheelies on my 10speed, lol.
Well, beautiful lady, that is all for tonight. I hope you had a nice day. I will see you in the morning and we will have a great week coming up.
I Love You! :):)
Saturday, June 15, 2013
MacArthur Park (more added, and a goodnight hug and kiss too.)
Good Evening, my Beautiful Darling! I am writing from Pearl's to check in a little early, because at 6:30 when I get off, I am gonna take the subway down to Los Angeles to see a guy named Jimmy Webb. He is a songwriter who was very famous in the late 1960s, for writing a song called "MacArthur Park". It was a very dramatic song, and kind of strange in a way because of it's lyrics. It had a famous line, "someone left the cake out in the rain". And instead of a singer, they hired an actor named Richard Harris to recite it. The result was a one-of-a-kind song that became legendary, even though a lot of people hate it, lol. I actually had the single as a kid. :) Jimmy Webb also wrote another hit single for the pop-country star Glenn Campbell that was called "Witchita Lineman". But his claim to fame has always been "MacArthur Park".
My brother FB'd me yesterday to tell me that Jimmy Webb is gonna sing "MacArthur Park" in MacArthur Park. Yeah, the song is named after a park in downtown Los Angeles. Webb is not normally a performer, but they have a free concert series in the park during the Summer, and somebody got the idea to have Jimmy Webb there, because he has never actually sung his song in the park.
It's free, so I am gonna go, just for the heck of it, and to see my brother. I haven't seen him since Christmas 2011. Then today he tells me he just had gall bladder surgery on Thursday! But he's okay. So, I am gonna meet him at the park around 8pm, watch the concert - which I am guessing will last between an hour and 90 minutes, and then I am gonna get back on the subway and head home. So, I should be back home around 11:15 to 11:30, and I will check back in to say goodnight. I loved your Brooke Shaden post this morn, and I am so much loving this feeling we are sharing. These are great days, Elizabeth. I hope you had a nice afternoon, and I will be back later tonight. I Love You, my Sweet Angel. :):)
11:45pm : I just got back a few minutes ago, and the first thing I want to say is thank you for that beautiful message you posted at 6pm. I was at Pearl's, finishing up before I was going to leave for the concert, and I saw your post, and the words in the text made me feel so good that I practically floated downtown. There was not a lot of traffic on the road, and the sky was clear, I had a good view of the mountains, and on my way to the subway station I was able to reflect on how wonderful you had just made me feel. Lately I am glad I have no one riding with me to shows, because then I can be with you, Elizabeth. It is very real when I say that I bring you along to shows with me - I know you know the feeling! And I had fun, although what I suspected might happen did happen. I never met up with my brother. I guess he got there late. I was up front (of course) and he was somewhere in the back. So I got to see Jimmy Webb play many of his famous songs, including "Up,Up and Away", which I did not know he wrote. He played piano and sang, and I was glad I was by myself because I was actually with you, and we had no distractions. Some of the things we have talked about lately have really had an effect on me, and I am talking about things you have posted about what it means to be an artist, and finding something you love and giving yourself permission to do it, and I so love your passion for this whole way of being. And so I feel so special in this world when I can use the powers of mind that we know about to bring us together. I don't mind being alone, then, because I am not alone.
I am with you all the time, and you are with me.
So we are creating our own reality, now and for the future. I want your days to be special and beautiful, and I want you to feel all of this just as I do, this feeling of expectancy, of being in control of your destiny yet always aware of the wonder, the knowledge that something special is in store.
I write about these sensations all the time because, ever since I met you, I feel them all the time.
I Love You, Elizabeth, and I am loving these days and these feelings, and I send it all back to you tonight.
You are an Artist, that is your life, and I will live it with you.
Sweet Dreams, I will see you in the morning. :):)
My brother FB'd me yesterday to tell me that Jimmy Webb is gonna sing "MacArthur Park" in MacArthur Park. Yeah, the song is named after a park in downtown Los Angeles. Webb is not normally a performer, but they have a free concert series in the park during the Summer, and somebody got the idea to have Jimmy Webb there, because he has never actually sung his song in the park.
It's free, so I am gonna go, just for the heck of it, and to see my brother. I haven't seen him since Christmas 2011. Then today he tells me he just had gall bladder surgery on Thursday! But he's okay. So, I am gonna meet him at the park around 8pm, watch the concert - which I am guessing will last between an hour and 90 minutes, and then I am gonna get back on the subway and head home. So, I should be back home around 11:15 to 11:30, and I will check back in to say goodnight. I loved your Brooke Shaden post this morn, and I am so much loving this feeling we are sharing. These are great days, Elizabeth. I hope you had a nice afternoon, and I will be back later tonight. I Love You, my Sweet Angel. :):)
11:45pm : I just got back a few minutes ago, and the first thing I want to say is thank you for that beautiful message you posted at 6pm. I was at Pearl's, finishing up before I was going to leave for the concert, and I saw your post, and the words in the text made me feel so good that I practically floated downtown. There was not a lot of traffic on the road, and the sky was clear, I had a good view of the mountains, and on my way to the subway station I was able to reflect on how wonderful you had just made me feel. Lately I am glad I have no one riding with me to shows, because then I can be with you, Elizabeth. It is very real when I say that I bring you along to shows with me - I know you know the feeling! And I had fun, although what I suspected might happen did happen. I never met up with my brother. I guess he got there late. I was up front (of course) and he was somewhere in the back. So I got to see Jimmy Webb play many of his famous songs, including "Up,Up and Away", which I did not know he wrote. He played piano and sang, and I was glad I was by myself because I was actually with you, and we had no distractions. Some of the things we have talked about lately have really had an effect on me, and I am talking about things you have posted about what it means to be an artist, and finding something you love and giving yourself permission to do it, and I so love your passion for this whole way of being. And so I feel so special in this world when I can use the powers of mind that we know about to bring us together. I don't mind being alone, then, because I am not alone.
I am with you all the time, and you are with me.
So we are creating our own reality, now and for the future. I want your days to be special and beautiful, and I want you to feel all of this just as I do, this feeling of expectancy, of being in control of your destiny yet always aware of the wonder, the knowledge that something special is in store.
I write about these sensations all the time because, ever since I met you, I feel them all the time.
I Love You, Elizabeth, and I am loving these days and these feelings, and I send it all back to you tonight.
You are an Artist, that is your life, and I will live it with you.
Sweet Dreams, I will see you in the morning. :):)
Friday, June 14, 2013
Happy Friday Night (more added)
Hey my Baby,
Happy Friday evening. Not a lot to report today, except for one bit of good news. My neighbor - he of the Perpetual Rap-a-thon, seems to have moved out. It began yesterday. I came home to see him carrying a microwave down the stairs, but I didn't allow myself to get my hopes up because I thought maybe he was just buying a new one. But then this morning, a lady who looked like she might be his Mom was helping him carry a matress out, so it was confirmed and I said a silent hooray. Now I will say a prayer that a nice quiet person moves in. There have really been a lot of changes recently, with me getting my Chromebook and in turn becoming more home-based in my off hours. Then the Myspace thing. Now my noisy neighbor is gone. I just really wanna focus in on what is important now, and the quiet will help me do that.
I hope your day was good. It always takes me a day or two to readjust to getting up early, so I am a little tired tonight. I already finished my walk, so I'm gonna read for a little bit, then I will come back and say goodnight. I Love You! :):)
11:30pm : Just for the heck of it, here is one of the Myspace blogs I was able to retrieve. I wrote it in early December, when I had begun to get a sense that you might still have been thinking about me, after the events of early Fall. You had made a reference or two by December, and I had picked up on those references, as I detailed back in (I think) March, in another Myspace blog. At any rate, I went from being crushed to hopeful, and as Fall was changing to Winter I wrote this blog, about living life as an art. Because I was not sure how you felt about me just yet, I tried to keep some of my cards close to the vest, as you can see by some of my phrasing, in the way I address parts of the blog to a "general You", rather than "You specifically". Back then, I felt I should play it safe and not assume too much. But by the middle of the blog, you can tell I had given up that approach. Everything I wrote was clearly intended for you. All that was missing was "I Love You, Elizabeth", which I didn't think I should say at the time. But it was in my heart all the same, elated as I was by the sense that you were coming back.......
Here is the blog, it is called "Live Artistically". Hope the text is not too small to be legible. :):)
I Love You, and send you a goodnight hug and kiss!
Happy Friday evening. Not a lot to report today, except for one bit of good news. My neighbor - he of the Perpetual Rap-a-thon, seems to have moved out. It began yesterday. I came home to see him carrying a microwave down the stairs, but I didn't allow myself to get my hopes up because I thought maybe he was just buying a new one. But then this morning, a lady who looked like she might be his Mom was helping him carry a matress out, so it was confirmed and I said a silent hooray. Now I will say a prayer that a nice quiet person moves in. There have really been a lot of changes recently, with me getting my Chromebook and in turn becoming more home-based in my off hours. Then the Myspace thing. Now my noisy neighbor is gone. I just really wanna focus in on what is important now, and the quiet will help me do that.
I hope your day was good. It always takes me a day or two to readjust to getting up early, so I am a little tired tonight. I already finished my walk, so I'm gonna read for a little bit, then I will come back and say goodnight. I Love You! :):)
11:30pm : Just for the heck of it, here is one of the Myspace blogs I was able to retrieve. I wrote it in early December, when I had begun to get a sense that you might still have been thinking about me, after the events of early Fall. You had made a reference or two by December, and I had picked up on those references, as I detailed back in (I think) March, in another Myspace blog. At any rate, I went from being crushed to hopeful, and as Fall was changing to Winter I wrote this blog, about living life as an art. Because I was not sure how you felt about me just yet, I tried to keep some of my cards close to the vest, as you can see by some of my phrasing, in the way I address parts of the blog to a "general You", rather than "You specifically". Back then, I felt I should play it safe and not assume too much. But by the middle of the blog, you can tell I had given up that approach. Everything I wrote was clearly intended for you. All that was missing was "I Love You, Elizabeth", which I didn't think I should say at the time. But it was in my heart all the same, elated as I was by the sense that you were coming back.......
Here is the blog, it is called "Live Artistically". Hope the text is not too small to be legible. :):)
I Love You, and send you a goodnight hug and kiss!
Sorry about not having written for a while. I can write more regularly when I have a story to tell, or am excited about something. But when it's just me and my thoughts, I sometimes get bogged down. Chalk it up to my Mars in Pisces. I tend to daydream a bit, to let my mind wander - as Paul McCartney sings in "Fixing A Hole" - "where it will go". And when I let it go, the thoughts it gathers can be hard to put into words. But I'll try. In fact, I am gonna try and write every day for the next three days, Monday thru Wednesday (Thursday is my Cinematheque night), just to get all of these random thoughts out of my head. Since they are random, I will just list them in no particular order. And if I get bored with listing them, or simply forget, then they will all run together, which is kinda the way they exist in my brain anyway. But here they are, read them at your own risk, they might sound like mumbo-jumbo, or they might make total sense. Either way, don't say I didn't warn ya!
1) I want you to send thoughts to me, and I will send them to you, and in this way we will communicate as human beings did before the advent of speech. Before speech (and eventually, language), it is likely that thought transfer was highly developed in humans, meaning that it could be used to communicate in more specific detail than could be achieved by grunting and/or pointing, which were the only direct communication tools the caveman had at his disposal. But if he was able to transfer his entire thought, in all it's complexity - which he was unable to articulate in words - to the mind of his fellow tribesman or his mate, then ideas could be exchanged, jobs could be performed, progress could be made and humans could move forward. It is not stone-age life I am interested in now, however, but the notion that the ability to transfer thought is still present within us, though dormant. Yet with practice, I find that it can be awakened and used at will, through everyday application. I think that thought transfer - while it is not easy to interpret for modern man because of all the "noise" in the world - may be the most pure form of communication there is: The communication of The Spirit. And so, when you communicate in this way with another person, you are "talking" with them spirit-to-spirit, and while you are using language (the same aural "language" with which you hear your own thoughts), you are also feeling (i.e. intuiting) the response of the other person. And in that way you are having a more accurate conversation than can be had with words alone, because words can be misconstrued, and misinterpreted, and at a distance, words can be put up on a screen with no inflection of the voice, thus their meaning can be obscured even further.
At any rate, I am not suggesting you forgo normal voice communication with others. The world might come to a standstill if we all did that. And I am not suggesting either that you try thought transfer communication with everyone you know, because many if not most people will not be receptive and/or responsive to it. But try it on someone who is likely to be responsive. Try it on me. Believe me, you will know if it is working. And you may already know.
2) Try and live your life artistically. No matter what you do for a living, but especially if you are a spiritually inclined person. Be part of the Everyday World - take care of daily business, etc. - but do not dwell in it. The world is yours to create, so surround yourself with what is beautiful to you, and eliminate that which is not. Try to identify which is which, and this is very important because a lot of nuance is involved in the identification of what brings happiness into a person's life, and conversely, what is causing distraction or pain. Many people fail to identify what makes themtruly happy (and not just momentarily satiated), and thus suffer the ups-and-downs of mood swings and emotional roller-coaster rides more than those who do make the identifications. For instance, using my own life as an example, I was able - very early on - to identify what would make me very unhappy - miserable even - if I had to spend my life doing it, and that was of course "doing the expected" and becoming a 9 to 5 person, working at an ordinary "job job" and living a basic "consumer lifestyle". I had an almost primordial dread of this, even coming out of high school: "oh my God! Everybody is now supposed to 'choose what they are going to do', and I have no idea"! Something at core level told me that I didn't fit in to any of it - and it wasn't a matter of having no qualifications for certain careers, or the right training or anything else. I just felt outside all of that. Even though I was well aware that we live in a society in which one must earn a living.
But my point is that, even in my anxiety of the time, something positive was at work, because right away, at the age of eighteen, I had identified, without a doubt, something that would have caused me tremendous unhappiness had I "signed on" to that kind of lifestyle. The thought of driving down a freeway to a cubicle brought on bouts of existential terror, because I would think: "wait a minute.....this is my life we are talking about"! My life, you know? Not just "what I do for a living" but me, myself! I felt like I was going to be sentenced to a lifetime of spiritual jail, a loss of freedom I could never get back. But I never felt guilty about not fitting in, because I knew it just was NOT right for me. Now, at that point in my life, I still had no idea what I would do to earn a living, so I had not yet "identified" that aspect of the situation. And thus it was still a problem. But, having positively identified something that would basically have been a soul-killer for me, I avoided it like the plague. And my life kind of played out from there. It wasn't a piece of cake, but life never is. Still, my life evolved on it's own, and along the way I have continued to identify and add that which makes me happy, and conversely I have continued to identify and eliminatethat which makes me unhappy. And do you know what? As it turns out, I am certain - I have Zero Doubt - that this is the way my life was meant to play out all along. I mean, I just am 100% certain of that. And that is because I have come to learn so much about myself, through identifying with my spirit and it's desires, that I know now how I am supposed to fit into the world, which was something I worried about for many years in my teens. Once I made that decision, however - the decision not to become part of 9 to 5 Consumer America, most of my angst went away. Because I knew I had escaped what would have been, for me, a fate worse than death. Instead, here I am, having interesting days, knowing interesting people, and being involved in situations and quests for which I am optimally suited. And at no time has this been more true than now, in the present year. So, by identifying and avoiding the wrong path many years ago, I find myself on the path that is exactly right for me. I've been there all along, and I didn't even know it.
Please note that I am in no way putting down anyone who pulls a 9 to 5 job, or leads a "normal" American life. Heck no. Those folks are heroic in their own way, and if they have families to provide for, they have little choice in the matter. And I work seven days a week myself anyway, but in my case the job sort of evolved around me rather than the other way around. Another example I can give is my friend who is a long-distance runner. I have known him since I was 13 and he was 23. He worked at the legendary College Records, where I spent so many after-school afternoons learning about rock music. Anyway, he ran many miles, every day. It is what he does. Most folks, if you ask them "what do you do"?, they tell you what their job is. I always thought that was a stupid thing to ask someone: "So, what do you do"?. Well, I do all kinds of things........but I am NOT my job, you idiot. But anyway, my friend was and is a runner; that was his Main Thing in life. He hasn't missed a day of running in over 40 years! Two other things he loves are music and writing, and on his business cards there is his name and then his motto: "Write Run Rock". Now, he was kind of the same way as me but even more extreme; any job he had was gonna have to conform around his running schedule. If it didn't? Goodbye job. He figured he could always find another one. In other words, he had identified what would make him happy in life - writing, running, rocking - and everything else had to take a back seat. So he is another example of living your life artistically.
Ideally, you can find a way to combine your artistic life with your need to pay your bills, and it helps to know other people who live their lives this way, to observe how they do it.
But whatever you do, and I mean that it is of utmost importance! - identify (to a precise degree, and make sure you are being honest with yourself) what will make you truly content throughout your lifetime. And vice-versa (maybe even more important), identify what will certainly lead to a lifetime of misery, and then make a vow to yourself not to take that road. I know too many people who have been stuck doing something that they hated, for years and years, and they feel forced, I presume, to lie about it and say, "well, it's not so bad". I say - and this is especially true for those of artistic temperment - do nothing to jeopardise your Spirit. This is Your Life. Live it your way. Surround yourself with beauty (for me: music, art, interesting books, and of course Weird Stuff!), and find like minded people. If you know me, you have already found one.
I will write some more this evening, and hopefully all through Wednesday, so either check back on this blog or I will start a new one. Meanwhile, have an absolutely fantastic day.
7pm: I'm back. I'll just continue on this blog tonight and then start another one tomorrow. One thing to know is that we are living in a time when something big is happening in the world, and you are part of it. Now, I don't mean that everyone is part of it, or that everyone knows of it, but you know in your own mind that you are part of it, and that is because you are living a special life. Keep in mind that "special" does not mean that your life is of greater value than anyone else's, or that you are a better (or worse) person as a result. Special should not be a cause for conceit nor self-conscious modesty. It just means that you are aware of what is happening, and it is your awareness that makes you a participant. There are very few people in this category, and this scarcity of awareness is what makes you special. You are Aware, most are not; ergo you are Special. What is happening is that a release of information is taking place, and what we are discovering is that much of what we thought we knew about our world was either wrong or deliberately misleading. In America, people of my generation have had good reason to doubt "the official story" (from news organisations, government officials, etc.) ever since the assassination of John F. Kennedy. Those of us who doubt "official stories" are called "conspiracy theorists", and if you read my blogs you know I harp on that aspect from time to time. Tonight, however, I don't want to talk about the deceptive nature of politics or the media, but rather the deceptions that are taking place in the worlds of academia, science and space exploration. Take NASA, for instance.
Have you ever heard of a moon called Iapetus? I never had until the other day. Iapetus is one of Saturn's three moons. It also bears a striking resemblance to the Death Star of "Star Wars" fame. That George Lucas used Iapetus as a model for his planet-busting omni-weapon is of some consequence, because there is ample pictorial and geographical evidence that Iapetus is NOT a naturally occuring planetary sattelite in the sense that we understand them. If you go tohttp://www.enterprisemission.com/moon1.htm, you can read Richard Hoagland's research essay on Iapetus, from which much of this new information is obtained, but in case you don't wish to read it, I will just tell you that Iapetus has a ridge and trench running the circumference of it's equator that very much resembles a seam. Yes, a seam, as if this "moon" was not a real moon at all, but rather an artificial sattelite that was put together and then "parked" into orbit by someone with an astounding technological capability. That George Lucas would use it as a model for the Death Star suggests, however subtly, that he was privvy to a release of information as far back as 1975 or 76, when he began working on "Star Wars". Co-incidentally, this would be at around the same time his good friend Steven Spielberg was working on his epic "Close Encounters Of The Third Kind", the first major film to deal with the concept of Alien Abduction.
What all of this adds up to, is that there is an elite group of people in the world who have been aware, for quite some time, that we are not alone in the universe. And they have sat on that information and suppressed it, except for the release, in small fictionalised increments, of various details in movies like "Star Wars" or "Close Encounters". But the bigger picture is this: what if there was, at one time long ago, a civilization with the technological capacity toconstruct a 900 mile wide "planet"? It boggles the mind, does it not? This is the type of subject matter I read about in Joseph Farrell's books, and right now I am reading his "Genes, Giants, Monsters and Men". I have only finished the first 70 pages, but so far the theme of the book is uncovering the origins of Mankind, or at least the origins of civilization. Farrell is certainly no amateur "conspiracy theorist" but a PhD from Oxford. In England, of course, there are Megalithic structures like Stonehenge, which therefore brings up the question of how such a structure was built, and for what purpose. For more than a century, the orthodox world of academia has been unable to come to a conclusion about this topic, and that is because they cling to ideas like Darwinism (which has only been around for less than two centuries yet is accepted by all of science as the Gospel Truth of human history). But a man like Farrell, or the visionary Richard Hoagland, refuse to look away at the obvious - that structures like Stonehenge, or the Great Pyramid at Giza, or the giant heads at Easter Island, all point to evidence of a building technology that should not have existed to ordinary Stone Age man, or early civilisations like the one in Egypt. Archeologists would have us believe that the Pyramids were constructed by thusands of slaves dragging megaton blocks of stone up ramps, stones that were cut with such precision that a piece of paper cannot be wedged between them. Now that's what I call a convoluted theory. You might as well say that skyscarpers were constructed the same way. They don't consider the possibility that technology and machines could have been part of the construction, because they do not see any evidence of such technology or machinery. But what if the machinery was taken away by those who brought it? The obvious answer, much more plausible than the "thousands of slaves dragging enormous blocks of stone" theory - is one that science ignores because it refuses to accept that much of what is called "mythology" could actually represent real historical happenings. It is that, at some point in the distant past, what we call "human beings", who were in a primative state of their development, had help from an outside source in becoming civilized. And this help came from another civilization, one with an astounding technological capability that most likely exceeds ours in the present day. And this highly advanced civilization may have lived on Earth for a time, hence stories in the Bible and in other mythology suggesting Giants and "Gods" that were present on the Earth ("Gods" meaning physical beings with technology that left man in awe of them). And when they were done helping man become civilized, they went back to wherever they had come from.
It is highly unlikely that humankind went from centuries of hunting and gathering to an almost overnight development into civilized beings with organized and standardized systems of weight and measurement with which to conduct commerce, which led to trade over a wide area of the globe, which led to the world economic system we have today. You'd have to read Farrell to get the whole picture, and I realize that his type of subject matter may not be everyone's cup of tea.
But the greater point, why I am writing about it tonight, is that the research of highly accomplished men like Farrell and Hoagland leads to a conclusion that flies in the face of what anthropology has taught us, and that is that the Sumerians were likely not the first civilization on Earth, nor did they or the civilizations preceding them simply "pop up out of nowhere". Orthodox academia would probably refer to researchers like Joseph Farrell and Richard Hoagland as "renegades" or practitioners of "junk science", but to those of us who can see the obvious, what they are doing is exposing the truth about our world, and that truth (not the Whole Truth but merely One Truth Of Many) is that Human Beings had outside help in Becoming Civilised.
And that help came from a Highly Advanced Civilization that most likely came here from somewhere else. The evidence for this is pretty overwhelming, and one day in the not too distant future, it will come to be accepted as fact, and what is now considered fact, like Darwinism - the idea that we "became ourselves" after starting out as one-celled amoebae in the Primordial Soup, will be discarded like the fallacy it is.
Now, this next part is important. I say all of this not to interest you in the subjects Farrell writes about, which are specialized and possibly not of interest. But I say it to promote to you the importance of keeping your mind wide open, and not accepting as Gospel that which you are taught or which you see on TV, or are told by our national and world leaders.Keep your mind open, and create your art, and live your life through the filter of your Spirit, because that is where you will find your fulfillment. We, as humans, are finding out more and more about our true origins, and more and more we are discovering that the systems we live under in the present day have been imposed on us by an Elite that would like to keep us down, and suppress the knowledge of our origins, and thereby suppress what we are capable of as individuals.And THAT is why I am constantly promoting things like development of your Sixth Sense, and the use of thought transfer, and Visualization, in which you are constantly visualising your life before it happens, to ensure that it blossoms into what you want it to become. I am constantly encouraging you to work on the facilities of your being that most people would ignore, but you are not to ignore them because you are special, and the development of your Spirit is as important for your life as the development of an athlete's body is important to his. Your Spirit is not just some ephemeral thing, wispy and intangible: No, that's not what it is at all. It is instead the main component of Who You Are. It is your body that is ephemeral and transcendent; your Spirit is the only part of you that will never decay. It is your Essence, and it has many faculties that most people do not work on and develop, because they have been taught to stay away from that aspect of themselves, and to live their lives in three dimensions, as if they were only a "person" in a physical body.But you are more than that, because you are special and aware. You are essentially a Spirit, with all of a Spirit's capabilities. Think of those capabilities as being very real, and incredibly powerful, because they are. Never downplay these spiritual capabilities. Use them, develop them, bring them to the forefront of your life and live by them.
They will help you to live as a human being. They are also why you are special.
That's all I wanted to say tonight. I will be back tomorrow night for sure, in another blog.
Thanks for reading.
1) I want you to send thoughts to me, and I will send them to you, and in this way we will communicate as human beings did before the advent of speech. Before speech (and eventually, language), it is likely that thought transfer was highly developed in humans, meaning that it could be used to communicate in more specific detail than could be achieved by grunting and/or pointing, which were the only direct communication tools the caveman had at his disposal. But if he was able to transfer his entire thought, in all it's complexity - which he was unable to articulate in words - to the mind of his fellow tribesman or his mate, then ideas could be exchanged, jobs could be performed, progress could be made and humans could move forward. It is not stone-age life I am interested in now, however, but the notion that the ability to transfer thought is still present within us, though dormant. Yet with practice, I find that it can be awakened and used at will, through everyday application. I think that thought transfer - while it is not easy to interpret for modern man because of all the "noise" in the world - may be the most pure form of communication there is: The communication of The Spirit. And so, when you communicate in this way with another person, you are "talking" with them spirit-to-spirit, and while you are using language (the same aural "language" with which you hear your own thoughts), you are also feeling (i.e. intuiting) the response of the other person. And in that way you are having a more accurate conversation than can be had with words alone, because words can be misconstrued, and misinterpreted, and at a distance, words can be put up on a screen with no inflection of the voice, thus their meaning can be obscured even further.
At any rate, I am not suggesting you forgo normal voice communication with others. The world might come to a standstill if we all did that. And I am not suggesting either that you try thought transfer communication with everyone you know, because many if not most people will not be receptive and/or responsive to it. But try it on someone who is likely to be responsive. Try it on me. Believe me, you will know if it is working. And you may already know.
2) Try and live your life artistically. No matter what you do for a living, but especially if you are a spiritually inclined person. Be part of the Everyday World - take care of daily business, etc. - but do not dwell in it. The world is yours to create, so surround yourself with what is beautiful to you, and eliminate that which is not. Try to identify which is which, and this is very important because a lot of nuance is involved in the identification of what brings happiness into a person's life, and conversely, what is causing distraction or pain. Many people fail to identify what makes themtruly happy (and not just momentarily satiated), and thus suffer the ups-and-downs of mood swings and emotional roller-coaster rides more than those who do make the identifications. For instance, using my own life as an example, I was able - very early on - to identify what would make me very unhappy - miserable even - if I had to spend my life doing it, and that was of course "doing the expected" and becoming a 9 to 5 person, working at an ordinary "job job" and living a basic "consumer lifestyle". I had an almost primordial dread of this, even coming out of high school: "oh my God! Everybody is now supposed to 'choose what they are going to do', and I have no idea"! Something at core level told me that I didn't fit in to any of it - and it wasn't a matter of having no qualifications for certain careers, or the right training or anything else. I just felt outside all of that. Even though I was well aware that we live in a society in which one must earn a living.But my point is that, even in my anxiety of the time, something positive was at work, because right away, at the age of eighteen, I had identified, without a doubt, something that would have caused me tremendous unhappiness had I "signed on" to that kind of lifestyle. The thought of driving down a freeway to a cubicle brought on bouts of existential terror, because I would think: "wait a minute.....this is my life we are talking about"! My life, you know? Not just "what I do for a living" but me, myself! I felt like I was going to be sentenced to a lifetime of spiritual jail, a loss of freedom I could never get back. But I never felt guilty about not fitting in, because I knew it just was NOT right for me. Now, at that point in my life, I still had no idea what I would do to earn a living, so I had not yet "identified" that aspect of the situation. And thus it was still a problem. But, having positively identified something that would basically have been a soul-killer for me, I avoided it like the plague. And my life kind of played out from there. It wasn't a piece of cake, but life never is. Still, my life evolved on it's own, and along the way I have continued to identify and add that which makes me happy, and conversely I have continued to identify and eliminatethat which makes me unhappy. And do you know what? As it turns out, I am certain - I have Zero Doubt - that this is the way my life was meant to play out all along. I mean, I just am 100% certain of that. And that is because I have come to learn so much about myself, through identifying with my spirit and it's desires, that I know now how I am supposed to fit into the world, which was something I worried about for many years in my teens. Once I made that decision, however - the decision not to become part of 9 to 5 Consumer America, most of my angst went away. Because I knew I had escaped what would have been, for me, a fate worse than death. Instead, here I am, having interesting days, knowing interesting people, and being involved in situations and quests for which I am optimally suited. And at no time has this been more true than now, in the present year. So, by identifying and avoiding the wrong path many years ago, I find myself on the path that is exactly right for me. I've been there all along, and I didn't even know it.
Please note that I am in no way putting down anyone who pulls a 9 to 5 job, or leads a "normal" American life. Heck no. Those folks are heroic in their own way, and if they have families to provide for, they have little choice in the matter. And I work seven days a week myself anyway, but in my case the job sort of evolved around me rather than the other way around. Another example I can give is my friend who is a long-distance runner. I have known him since I was 13 and he was 23. He worked at the legendary College Records, where I spent so many after-school afternoons learning about rock music. Anyway, he ran many miles, every day. It is what he does. Most folks, if you ask them "what do you do"?, they tell you what their job is. I always thought that was a stupid thing to ask someone: "So, what do you do"?. Well, I do all kinds of things........but I am NOT my job, you idiot. But anyway, my friend was and is a runner; that was his Main Thing in life. He hasn't missed a day of running in over 40 years! Two other things he loves are music and writing, and on his business cards there is his name and then his motto: "Write Run Rock". Now, he was kind of the same way as me but even more extreme; any job he had was gonna have to conform around his running schedule. If it didn't? Goodbye job. He figured he could always find another one. In other words, he had identified what would make him happy in life - writing, running, rocking - and everything else had to take a back seat. So he is another example of living your life artistically.
Ideally, you can find a way to combine your artistic life with your need to pay your bills, and it helps to know other people who live their lives this way, to observe how they do it.
But whatever you do, and I mean that it is of utmost importance! - identify (to a precise degree, and make sure you are being honest with yourself) what will make you truly content throughout your lifetime. And vice-versa (maybe even more important), identify what will certainly lead to a lifetime of misery, and then make a vow to yourself not to take that road. I know too many people who have been stuck doing something that they hated, for years and years, and they feel forced, I presume, to lie about it and say, "well, it's not so bad". I say - and this is especially true for those of artistic temperment - do nothing to jeopardise your Spirit. This is Your Life. Live it your way. Surround yourself with beauty (for me: music, art, interesting books, and of course Weird Stuff!), and find like minded people. If you know me, you have already found one.
I will write some more this evening, and hopefully all through Wednesday, so either check back on this blog or I will start a new one. Meanwhile, have an absolutely fantastic day.
7pm: I'm back. I'll just continue on this blog tonight and then start another one tomorrow. One thing to know is that we are living in a time when something big is happening in the world, and you are part of it. Now, I don't mean that everyone is part of it, or that everyone knows of it, but you know in your own mind that you are part of it, and that is because you are living a special life. Keep in mind that "special" does not mean that your life is of greater value than anyone else's, or that you are a better (or worse) person as a result. Special should not be a cause for conceit nor self-conscious modesty. It just means that you are aware of what is happening, and it is your awareness that makes you a participant. There are very few people in this category, and this scarcity of awareness is what makes you special. You are Aware, most are not; ergo you are Special. What is happening is that a release of information is taking place, and what we are discovering is that much of what we thought we knew about our world was either wrong or deliberately misleading. In America, people of my generation have had good reason to doubt "the official story" (from news organisations, government officials, etc.) ever since the assassination of John F. Kennedy. Those of us who doubt "official stories" are called "conspiracy theorists", and if you read my blogs you know I harp on that aspect from time to time. Tonight, however, I don't want to talk about the deceptive nature of politics or the media, but rather the deceptions that are taking place in the worlds of academia, science and space exploration. Take NASA, for instance.
Have you ever heard of a moon called Iapetus? I never had until the other day. Iapetus is one of Saturn's three moons. It also bears a striking resemblance to the Death Star of "Star Wars" fame. That George Lucas used Iapetus as a model for his planet-busting omni-weapon is of some consequence, because there is ample pictorial and geographical evidence that Iapetus is NOT a naturally occuring planetary sattelite in the sense that we understand them. If you go tohttp://www.enterprisemission.com/moon1.htm, you can read Richard Hoagland's research essay on Iapetus, from which much of this new information is obtained, but in case you don't wish to read it, I will just tell you that Iapetus has a ridge and trench running the circumference of it's equator that very much resembles a seam. Yes, a seam, as if this "moon" was not a real moon at all, but rather an artificial sattelite that was put together and then "parked" into orbit by someone with an astounding technological capability. That George Lucas would use it as a model for the Death Star suggests, however subtly, that he was privvy to a release of information as far back as 1975 or 76, when he began working on "Star Wars". Co-incidentally, this would be at around the same time his good friend Steven Spielberg was working on his epic "Close Encounters Of The Third Kind", the first major film to deal with the concept of Alien Abduction.
What all of this adds up to, is that there is an elite group of people in the world who have been aware, for quite some time, that we are not alone in the universe. And they have sat on that information and suppressed it, except for the release, in small fictionalised increments, of various details in movies like "Star Wars" or "Close Encounters". But the bigger picture is this: what if there was, at one time long ago, a civilization with the technological capacity toconstruct a 900 mile wide "planet"? It boggles the mind, does it not? This is the type of subject matter I read about in Joseph Farrell's books, and right now I am reading his "Genes, Giants, Monsters and Men". I have only finished the first 70 pages, but so far the theme of the book is uncovering the origins of Mankind, or at least the origins of civilization. Farrell is certainly no amateur "conspiracy theorist" but a PhD from Oxford. In England, of course, there are Megalithic structures like Stonehenge, which therefore brings up the question of how such a structure was built, and for what purpose. For more than a century, the orthodox world of academia has been unable to come to a conclusion about this topic, and that is because they cling to ideas like Darwinism (which has only been around for less than two centuries yet is accepted by all of science as the Gospel Truth of human history). But a man like Farrell, or the visionary Richard Hoagland, refuse to look away at the obvious - that structures like Stonehenge, or the Great Pyramid at Giza, or the giant heads at Easter Island, all point to evidence of a building technology that should not have existed to ordinary Stone Age man, or early civilisations like the one in Egypt. Archeologists would have us believe that the Pyramids were constructed by thusands of slaves dragging megaton blocks of stone up ramps, stones that were cut with such precision that a piece of paper cannot be wedged between them. Now that's what I call a convoluted theory. You might as well say that skyscarpers were constructed the same way. They don't consider the possibility that technology and machines could have been part of the construction, because they do not see any evidence of such technology or machinery. But what if the machinery was taken away by those who brought it? The obvious answer, much more plausible than the "thousands of slaves dragging enormous blocks of stone" theory - is one that science ignores because it refuses to accept that much of what is called "mythology" could actually represent real historical happenings. It is that, at some point in the distant past, what we call "human beings", who were in a primative state of their development, had help from an outside source in becoming civilized. And this help came from another civilization, one with an astounding technological capability that most likely exceeds ours in the present day. And this highly advanced civilization may have lived on Earth for a time, hence stories in the Bible and in other mythology suggesting Giants and "Gods" that were present on the Earth ("Gods" meaning physical beings with technology that left man in awe of them). And when they were done helping man become civilized, they went back to wherever they had come from.
It is highly unlikely that humankind went from centuries of hunting and gathering to an almost overnight development into civilized beings with organized and standardized systems of weight and measurement with which to conduct commerce, which led to trade over a wide area of the globe, which led to the world economic system we have today. You'd have to read Farrell to get the whole picture, and I realize that his type of subject matter may not be everyone's cup of tea.
But the greater point, why I am writing about it tonight, is that the research of highly accomplished men like Farrell and Hoagland leads to a conclusion that flies in the face of what anthropology has taught us, and that is that the Sumerians were likely not the first civilization on Earth, nor did they or the civilizations preceding them simply "pop up out of nowhere". Orthodox academia would probably refer to researchers like Joseph Farrell and Richard Hoagland as "renegades" or practitioners of "junk science", but to those of us who can see the obvious, what they are doing is exposing the truth about our world, and that truth (not the Whole Truth but merely One Truth Of Many) is that Human Beings had outside help in Becoming Civilised.
And that help came from a Highly Advanced Civilization that most likely came here from somewhere else. The evidence for this is pretty overwhelming, and one day in the not too distant future, it will come to be accepted as fact, and what is now considered fact, like Darwinism - the idea that we "became ourselves" after starting out as one-celled amoebae in the Primordial Soup, will be discarded like the fallacy it is.
Now, this next part is important. I say all of this not to interest you in the subjects Farrell writes about, which are specialized and possibly not of interest. But I say it to promote to you the importance of keeping your mind wide open, and not accepting as Gospel that which you are taught or which you see on TV, or are told by our national and world leaders.Keep your mind open, and create your art, and live your life through the filter of your Spirit, because that is where you will find your fulfillment. We, as humans, are finding out more and more about our true origins, and more and more we are discovering that the systems we live under in the present day have been imposed on us by an Elite that would like to keep us down, and suppress the knowledge of our origins, and thereby suppress what we are capable of as individuals.And THAT is why I am constantly promoting things like development of your Sixth Sense, and the use of thought transfer, and Visualization, in which you are constantly visualising your life before it happens, to ensure that it blossoms into what you want it to become. I am constantly encouraging you to work on the facilities of your being that most people would ignore, but you are not to ignore them because you are special, and the development of your Spirit is as important for your life as the development of an athlete's body is important to his. Your Spirit is not just some ephemeral thing, wispy and intangible: No, that's not what it is at all. It is instead the main component of Who You Are. It is your body that is ephemeral and transcendent; your Spirit is the only part of you that will never decay. It is your Essence, and it has many faculties that most people do not work on and develop, because they have been taught to stay away from that aspect of themselves, and to live their lives in three dimensions, as if they were only a "person" in a physical body.But you are more than that, because you are special and aware. You are essentially a Spirit, with all of a Spirit's capabilities. Think of those capabilities as being very real, and incredibly powerful, because they are. Never downplay these spiritual capabilities. Use them, develop them, bring them to the forefront of your life and live by them.
They will help you to live as a human being. They are also why you are special.
That's all I wanted to say tonight. I will be back tomorrow night for sure, in another blog.
Thanks for reading.
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