Happy Halloween! (a great night and a great month)

Hey Sweet Baby,

Happy Halloween! You are probably already out and about, but I just wanted to say that your costume looks great! You are ready to Raid Some Tombs in a big way. :)

I had another awesome Halloween Hike out at Walker Ranch. Hopefully got a good pic or two; I will check later. Right now, me and The Kobester just finished carving a pumpkin, and now I will put his costume on. We should start getting some Trick Or Treaters by about 6pm. and they keep coming until about 8 or 8:30. So I will be here until then. After that I will head home to do some Trick Or Treating of my own, aka my walk, in which I will try to go by some cool haunted houses in the 'hood.

Then I'll be back at Pearl's later on. Have a blast tonight, and I will see you in a while.

I Love You!  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo (boo)

1:45am : Happy Super Duper Late Night, my Darling. In fifteen minutes, though, we'll have to remove the Duper from that greeting and just call it Happy Super Late Night, because at 2am it will be 1am, and we shall do that hour over again.

Yeah, I know I'm a goofy individual, but I'm just trying to keep track of the time, haha.

So did you have a fun Halloween? There is no doubt you did! I hope you got to go to a fun party, or even some Trick Or Treatin', because as has been known for several decades now - Halloween ain't just for kids. In fact, it's really for adults. Kids just get indoctrinated into it, and then they do it for life.  :)

We had fun handing out candy at Pearl's. We got a fair amount of kids, maybe 40 to 50 total, until 8:30. I had the TV switched between the World Series and the "Halloween" movie marathon on AMC. I also had my Halloween cape on while I was handing out the treats, and Kobi - who was helping me - had on his pumpkin harness. The Black Kitty ran back and forth between the porch and the driveway, she was excited to be a Black Kitty today.

I met Grimsley back at my place at 9pm and we went on my traditional Halloween Walk, through the darker streets of the various 'hoods in The 'Ridge. Four miles worth. We saw some pretty cool houses along the way......

Tomorrow morning is church and choir, so I will be back at the usual time of about 1pm. This sure has been a great month.

Sweet Dreams until morning. I Love You!  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxo  :):)

Halloween + Endless Summer = Fun (Dia de Los Muertos at Chicano House CSUN)

Good Afternoon, my Darling,

I'm at home and just checking in to Say Hey. I just now saw your post via Alex Harper, and she is exactly right, lol : we are having a year-round Summer. I haven't had to even put on a sweatshirt yet, and tomorrow the weatherman says it's gonna be 90 degrees for Halloween. But I love it and have no complaints. Maybe even the dreaded L.A. Cold won't make an appearance this year. We are supposed to get rains of biblical proportions (El Nino) starting in December, but they've been wrong about that, too, in the past.

I'm probably the only person who is rooting for the drought (facetiously, of course.....or sort of), but I think we are comfortable here with Endless Summer because it's what we are used to.....

I hope you are having a nice day and getting ready for Halloween. I am gonna head out in a few minutes to do part of my walk, and then also go to the store for bananas and another pumpkin for Pearl's house. We are gonna carve one tonight and one tomorrow.

I will write more in a while. Enjoy your afternoon!

I Love You!  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :):)

12:55am : Happy Super Late Night, my Darling. I had a neat experience at CSUN this eve. There is a student building on campus called the Chicano House. It's not far from my apartment, and it's been a meeting place for Latino students for over 40 years. For several years now they've been hosting a Dia de Los Muertos event, and usually it has been on the actual day of that celebration, which is November 1st, and is big in Los Angeles. This year, probably because November 1st falls on Sunday (not a school day) they did it tonight. I met Grimsley over at the Chicano House at 8pm, and we went inside - something I've never done before - and I was floored by the art, the colors, the atmosphere, and the overall reverential yet mysterious celebration of the deceased.

Dia de Los Muertos is the Mexican culture's variant of All Saint's Day, or All Souls Day if you prefer, and I had not experienced this form of art before, in such an up close and personal way. In previous years I'd only ever stopped at the vendor's tents to look at the painted ceramic skulls and other artworks.

It was really something to see, and a great lead-in to tomorrow night.

I am gonna try to go on a hike in the afternoon, as I had such a great Halloween hike last year. Maybe I will go out to Placerita again, or maybe Cave Of Munits here in the Valley. But I will be around all morning and much of the evening, and having fun.

I hope you have a great day tomorrow and an absolute blast tomorrow night.

I will check in before the Trick or Treating begins, and I wish you Sweet Dreams until then.

I Love You!  xoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :):)

Great Pictures! :) (late night love)

Hey Elizabeth,

I'm at Pearl's, just checking in to say hi, and also that I am glad to see you back on FB today and posting so many pictures! Man, you have been working like crazy, which is awesome of course! I remember your picture of Venice from last year, and I've gotta tell ya - it looks like a painting. The lighting and burnished tone of the colors makes it look like a Renaissance painting! Perfect for Venice, too.  :)

You are showing a wide range in your photographic abilities, and I'm still amazed at how well things have gone right out of the gate. Amazed, yes. Surprised? No. You've always had it in you. :)

Well, I had better get back to my duties. Tonight is of course movie night, and we will be seeing Welles' "Touch Of Evil", a classic Noir. I will write more later on, after I get back to Pearl's.

Enjoy your evening and I'll see you in a bit. I Love You!  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :):)

12:25am : Happy Late Night, my Darling. All is quiet here at Pearl's. "Touch Of Evil" was fantastic, so atmospheric & character driven. Orson Welles plays a corrupt cop in a small town on the Mexican border, Charleton Heston is a Mexican envoy attempting to bring him down. I'd seen a truncated version of this film before, and it was hard to follow and didn't make sense in places. As with many of Welles' films, it was re-edited by the studio. Imagine being the guy who made "Citizen Kane", and now all the studio bosses want to tell you how to make your films, and if you don't comply they just take the film away from you. That's what they did to Orson Welles on many of his films. He wasn't blameless, as he had a giant ego and often went overseas to work on another project before a film was finished. So it's possible the studio executives simply threw up their hands and stopped trusting him. But the end result is that many of his films were butchered by studio-hire editors who took his work and "cut it down to size" as it were. Thank goodness for the film restoration scholars and technicians of today, because the films we are seeing have been recreated - i.e. restored - to what would have been Welles' vision in the first place. Thus, a tremendous version of "Touch Of Evil" as presented tonight.

I hope your day was good, and I am guessing "yes" because it sure looks like things are going well.

I Love You and will see you in the morning.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :):)

Tuesday Evening Love (xoxo)

Good Evening, my Darling,

I am home, just relaxing and having a cup of tea. Gonna go on my walk in a little while. I was happy to see your post this morning about your upcoming film, and of course I look forward to seeing it. That is a beautiful setting you have your model in, with the trees and Autumn leaves in the diffuse light. It's nice that you had a little time to work on a personal project, and also great that you are getting so many clients for your professional work!  :)

I see a couple posts about merch, too, for Versus Me, so maybe you are involved in that as well?

I will either watch a show now, and then go for my walk, or do it the other way around, but either way I'll be back to write more later tonight at Pearl's.

I Love You!  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :):)

12:40am : Happy Super Late Night, Sweet Baby. I'm just checking in to say goodnight and wish you Sweet Dreams. Not much to report for me tonight. I hope all projects are coming along well. See you in the morning.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :):)

An Astounding Development

Hi Elizabeth,

I didn't see you on FB all day, so I hope everything is okay. I won't go into a big speech about it, but it feels to me as if something more than meets the eye is going on here, and I say that of course because of the communications ups and downs we keep having. It's just a feeling I have, but I am not upset about it, so don't worry. I just want you to not stress or worry about stuff, and if that's why you don't post sometimes, then I hope you will reconsider and try to communicate if you are worried or upset. Things seemed a little better since I made my big speech about the whole subject last week, but now it is quiet again on your end, so.......I don't know, but I always want to understand, if you want me to.

At any rate, I have something to tell you, and you will be the first person besides Grimsley that I have told this to. It is about a subject I know you don't particularly like hearing about, but for me it is something I have worked so hard on for twenty two years that I sometimes can't believe my own perseverance and determination. But I have persevered, and yesterday I had a revelation - I remembered something - that astounded me. It is something I was not aware of in the 26 years since it happened.

It would take me hours and hours of typing to describe the long process I have gone through to remember this experience, and it would be easier if I could talk it to you, but for now suffice it to say that I have been using self-hypnosis techniques, gleaned from a book recommended by Grim, written by a guy called Eldon Taylor. I read part of the book and listened to the accompanying instructional CD, and I was very quickly able to put myself into a relaxed alpha state. It's easy to do, and while it's not quite hypnosis, it is very effective for focusing and concentrating the mind. I have been doing brief sessions when I had the chance, for the last couple weeks. They would last about 45 minutes or so. I wanted to use these sessions to see if I could uncover anything new about 1989. New information stalled for me around 2008, when my Dad got sick and my life changed and I was unable to focus on my research and my writing.

For whatever reason, during my recent experimental sessions I decided to focus on a specific time period : the morning of September 2, 1989.

Very briefly I will give you some details, and even though they may not be of interest to you, please understand that I just need to write it down now, simply because of the amazing nature (for me) of what I have remembered.

I will not write about the night of September 1, 1989, because I have done that long ago, but what is important here is that - when the night was over - I was put into an empty unit in the apartment complex where the events of that night originated. It's a long story, you might have read some of it on Myspace, but all I need to say now is that it was an Unusual Night. And there were authorities present that were not police.

I only became aware of these people when I was placed in this empty apartment unit at the end of this night, which at that point seemed like a surreal nightmare. A man - some man in a suit - decided that I'd be "safer" in the empty unit than alone at home. That's what I remember.

The manager of the apartment complex opened an empty unit and I was placed in there with some pillows and a blanket and told to stay put, which I did until the next morning. Since 1996/97, when my memories began to come back, I have always remembered that a blonde lady came into the unit the next morning to wake me up and ask how I was doing. For many years, I couldn't figure who she might have been. Then, a couple years ago, it occured to me that she must have been the same manager of the complex who found the empty unit the night before.

What I always have remembered from that morning, of September 2, 1989, is that I just wanted to go home, and I always remembered her telling me, "You can't just leave. There are a couple guys who wanna talk to you first". She gave me some other details, and the words have come in vaguely over the years : "They wanna make sure you don't.....(talk to anybody?).......I was never able to remember exactly that part, and for years I never really thought about it. When trying to recall details from the event, I always just skipped over that part. "Well, let's see - the lady woke me up, and after a while I talked to some guys, and finally they let me go home". I was always more interested in remembering the traumatic events, the big ones, as it were.

But in the last couple weeks, something told me to focus on my meeting with the guy or guys (can't recall if it was one or two) that wanted to talk to me before I was going to be allowed to leave the apartment complex. So, I did focus on that time frame, and that aspect. Self-hypnosis is an astounding thing, and what came up, slowly and gradually, was that the meeting bothered me.

All I'd wanted was to go home. I'd endured a difficult evening the night before, and these guys wouldn't let me go. I began to remember how cold and businesslike they were. At first, I wondered if they'd been policemen, asking about what had happened the night before. But my memory was telling me they weren't.

"Police don't place people in empty apartment units for safe keeping". They take you to the station.

I was concentrating hard now, on my walks too, about remembering who these guys were. I had the strong feeling that the meeting with them felt heavy, as if the situation had just become A Big Deal. I'd already known that it was a very big deal, the night before, but these guys were now confirming it. Because they were Authorities, with credentials, it was now Official. The situation had just become Officially Very Serious, not something you can just walk home from. That's what I was feeling. I kept remembering a form, and a clipboard. I remembered paragraphs and line-item numbers, 1,2,3,4,5,6, etc. Each number represented a specific section on the form.

On Saturday night, I began to think of a phrase : "Non-Disclosure". That phrase just kept popping up in my head, over and over. I have long suspected that other people had been made to sign such a form, a secrecy oath, in connection to what happened.

By Saturday night, I was sure that the guys I met with, who wouldn't let me leave the apartment complex that morning, were Feds. Probably FBI, but not certain on that point.

But what I did next was to Google "FBI Non-Disclosure Form", and what came back just blew me off the map. And then my memory of the encounter, which was buried since the morning it happened 26 years ago, came back to me.

The guys at the apartment complex were indeed Federal agents, and they presented me with a form I was supposed to sign. I remember telling them that I didn't want to sign it, that I'd done nothing wrong.

It was a very serious form, and if you Google what I Googled, you will see a form that looks and reads very much like the form I was presented with, some kind of National Security Oath, with numbered paragraphs.

I can't tell you how blown away I was to see this form on the computer, and to recognise instantly it's similarity to the form I was presented with. I cannot remember just yet if I actually did sign it. I know for sure I didn't want to, but I probably did sign because of the cold pressure these men were putting on me.

"Sign it and you can go home".

Elizabeth, I know this is a bizarre story, and I assure you it's true, but please don't worry about any of it. I only relate tonight's story because I am so astounded to remember this particular set of details after a quarter century. The mind is an amazing thing, and so is the self-hypnosis alpha state technique.

But the bottom line is that I now have a real connection to the fact that Federal authorities were present early on in the ordeal, and the fact that they made me sign something is very important, because now I have a potential paper trail, at least something I can file an FOIA for. Even more importantly, it proves that the technique works, and I can use it to pull up more from my missing memory.

I was made to sign a National Security Oath on September 2, 1989. And I did not remember it until October 24, 2015.

That's all I know for tonight. I love you and hope to see you in the morning.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)

Sunday Night Love (late night love)

Good Evening, my Darling,

I'm at home, just relaxing. Facebook is running ultra-slow on me for some reason, I had to turn my computer off and reboot a couple times. FB feels like it's jamming up. Anyway, it'll probably smooth out sooner or later. I liked that photo you posted via Sylvaine, or the photog that worked with her. Now that's the kind of photo I am talking about : mysterious, a vague image of shapes and forms, not "picture perfect". That is what I prefer over slick photography. Of course I am talking about art photography. I mention this because you are also doing fashion and portrait photography (i.e. commercial work) and in those cases, especially in fashion work, a slick look may be exactly what you want. But for art photos, give me images, textures, forms, shadows.......try to change an object in relation to the camera. Let your eye see something different. Look past the object itself for something else that surrounds it, or is within........  :)

I saw your post about Stephane, too, and that is beyond cool that he works or has worked on the LHC. He must have been on an elite list of graduate students to have that opportunity, and to go to Princeton. I would love to have a chance just to see that thing in action. :)

Well, I will go on my walk in a little while. No "Walking Dead" tonight. I just finished Season Three and I am taking a week off so I don't rush through Season Four already. I'm running out of seasons, because they are currently showing Season Six on AMC, and I will be caught up before it's over. So I don't wanna run through Seasons Four and Five too fast. So I'll watch an "X-Files" instead, haha.

I'm a little sleepy because of a late night after Opeth, and then up early for church, but I'll get my second wind later on, and I'll write more at Pearl's. We sang really well in choir today. I wanna sing every day!

See you in a bit. I Love You!  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :):)

12:30am : Happy Late Night, Sweet Baby. Not much to report for the rest of the evening on my side, though I did have a nice walk, and we are still having balmy nights even at the end of October, no sweatshirt required. Not yet anyway. I know the dreaded L.A. Cold will descend soon enough, though, and I'll be ready.....

Did you have a nice weekend? Maybe you took some nature photos. Your posts seemed to suggest that, so if you did I hope you got some good ones. I will try to go on another hike this week, and then I am really hoping to for sure go on one on Halloween day. I had such good luck last Halloween, with an awesome hike at Walker Ranch, and I got many good pix, that I am hoping it will happen again, at Walker or maybe another favorite Santa Clarita/Newhall spot.

October sure has been an incredible concert month, with Van Halen, Alcest and then Opeth last night. So much is happening and right now things feel really good.

Well, I will wish you Sweet Dreams for now, and then I will see you in the morning.

I Love You.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :):)

Opeth Tonight (oh boy!) (On The Importance Of Not Missing A Note)

Good Afternoon, Sweet Baby,

I am checking in from Pearl's, just to say hi, cause I'll be leaving for the Opeth concert directly from here at 6:30. It's gonna be a Mega Show, a 25th Anniversary concert where they will play the entire "Ghost Reveries" album, and then come back for a second full set. I imagine it will be about 2 1/2 hours of music, so I am gonna need to drink a strong cup of tea before I go, haha.

The concert will be at The Orpheum, in Downtown's Theater District, so it's another old movie theater from the 1920s, and I have been there several times before. It's an easy trip on the subway and a short walk from the Pershing Square station. Just a couple blocks from where I saw Alcest, actually.

If they start on time at 8pm, or thereabouts, the show should be over by 11pm and I should be back to Pearl's by Midnight or 12:30am at the latest, and I will write more then.

I hope you are enjoying your early evening! I Love You.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :):)

12:50am : Happy Super Late Night, my Darling. Well, that was quite a show. I had a bit of an ordeal getting down there; got stuck in a horrific traffic jam on the 101 freeway - which I never take to get to the North Hollywood subway station, I always take surface streets - but this time I was dumb enough to get on the freeway, and the traffic was dead stopped. I would normally have been at the NoHo station by 7pm, had I taken my normal route, but I wound up getting there at 7:20, and the train didn't leave until 7:27. Yes, I was counting every minute by that point, because I knew that it takes between 25 and 30 minutes to get to the Pershing Square station Downtown. That meant I was gonna get there between 7:52 and 7:57. The show was scheduled to start at 8pm. Usually, at most concerts there is a little bit of leeway, maybe 10 or 15 minutes, but I was guessing this one was gonna start on time, because it was gonna be three hours long.

So I was looking at my phone the whole way down there on the train. Eleven stations between NoHo & Pershing. Me, when the train stopped at a station, checking for oncoming passengers. "Go, go, go"! Close the doors, get the doggone train going! I was stressin'......

I am one of those people who is a stickler about certain things. I won't go into a movie if it's already started. A concert is a little different, because a ticket costs a lot of money and you buy it months in advance, and a band only tours still so often. So even if you miss a song or two, you've still gotta go in. But to me, if I miss a song, even if I get to see 90% of a two hour show, the concert feels besmirched. That's how sacred it is to me. You don't miss a moment of a concert. All these people nowdays, running out to the lobby to get beers every few songs, like it was a baseball game......(some fans, eh?).

So I was sweating it out on the subway, mentally kicking myself for having gotten on the freeway to begin with. It cost me 20 minutes. But I am a good time manager and time estimator, and as I counted down the remaining stations I calculated that we'd arrive at Pershing at 7:52, and I was right on the money. Two more minutes to exit the station, walking very fast.

Then at 7:54, with a three quarter mile walk to The Orpheum, I jog-walked the five long blocks. Knowing from my nightly walks that 3/4 mile takes 11 minutes, I hoped to shave maybe two or three minutes off by hustling. In my head, I projected a thought : "C'mon Mike, just wait til 8:10. Or even 8:08".

I was making good time on the Downtown sidewalk, going down Broadway, which still has buildings standing from the 1880s. The Orpheum is at Broadway and 9th Street.

On the way down, I had sent out a silent prayer. Stuck in the traffic jam, and kicking myself for having gotten on the freeway, I thought, "Please, just let me get to the concert before the first note starts". Even missing part of the first song just kills me, and it's only happened maybe five times in 41 years of concertgoing.

So that was my prayer: "Please let me get there before the first note".

I walked up to the ticket taker at the door of The Orpheum theater at 8:03pm. (Please, Mike, just give me til 8:05!). He scanned my ticket, and just as I entered the lobby, I heard the cheering of the audience, followed immediately by the unmistakeable, abrupt drum & guitar intro to "Ghost Of Perdition", the beyond-heavy opening song on the "Ghost Reveries" album, which they were gonna play all the way through. I got to my seat less than a minute later.

So my prayer worked. I did not miss the first note of the concert, even though I wasn't actually in my seat when it was played. But I was inside the theater. I'd made it!

And it was an incredible show. Opeth is at the highest level of musicianship and dynamics, with state-of-the-art live sound, and the "Ghost Reveries" live set was alone worth the price of admission, a concert in itself. It is just something that leaves you speechless.

This was my sixth Opeth concert, starting in 2011. It was by far the longest, 3 hours 10 minutes, including a 20 minute intermission and perhaps 15 minutes overall of Mikael's storytelling and joking around, which he is known for. So, the music totaled over 2 1/2 hours.

Opeth are at the top of the heap as a live act. Their music is very complex and not easily digestible, I think they are a band people either like or don't, there probably isn't a lot of middle ground lukewarm fandom with them. But man, oh man, if you're a fan, do they deliver.

What an amazing show. I am so glad I didn't miss a note!

I hope you had a good day and a nice evening. Tomorrow is church & choir (and in fact I'd better get to sleep!), and so usual schedule for the morning.

I'll be back at about 1pm tomorrow. Sweet Dreams until then. I Love You!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :):)

Late Friday Night Love (plus Martian)

Hi, my Darling,

Happy Late Friday Night. Today I went to the movie theater for the first time in a while. Meaning commercial movie theater, as I go to the Armer at CSUN every week. I saw "The Martian", which was highly recommended by Grimsley, or I might have waited til it came out on dvd. There is certainly (and obviously) something to be said for watching movies on the big screen, and before home video it was the only way to watch them - and I suppose home video made us too comfortable at home, in a sense - but at any rate the advent of vhs and dvd also jacked up the making and releasing of films in quantity, and as a result, much of what is released is closer to "product" than an artistic achievement.

"The Martian" is neither of those, and it's of course a huge budget gigantic movie in the hands of Ridley Scott, who you know is never gonna just slash out a junk film for contractual reasons or to make money, but you also know - nowdays at least, 30-35 years past the greatness of "Alien" and "Blade Runner" - that he isn't gonna invest any higher artistic purpose in his filmmaking. So be it. You kind of know that going in.

"The Martian" was really good looking, and had some great science and extreme problem solving, but it lacked a human element, of emotion, of giving you a reason to care about the characters. It was a long movie, but it seemed to speed by because of the non-stop jargon, one problem to the next.

At any rate, it was excellent in the high-tech filmmaking sense, but lacking in the human element.

Which is why a film like "Diary Of A Country Priest" (in black and white, mind you, and made in 1951) will forever live on as one of the greatest films of all time. It's that human element, and that feeling which cannot be described.

So that was my big event of the day. I hope you had a nice day too, and a good start to your weekend. I saw your post about black and white pictures, and you know I agree 100%. Black and White, for art photography, is Pure Image, with enriching Grey Scale. Ten tones, nothing more. It is never to say that the value of color photography is lessened - in no way, shape or form. It is just to specify the instances in which black and white will increase the image value, and in which cases it is the optimum choice for a shot.

That's all I know for tonight, Sweet Baby. I will see you in the morn.

Sweet Dreams until then!

I Love You.  xoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :):)

Love Before Heading Out To The Movie (late night love)

Hi, my Darling,

I'm writing from Pearl's, just wanted to check in and say hello before I leave for the CSUN Movie. Tonight it's not actually gonna be a movie, but instead they are gonna show a compilation of TV shows that Welles was involved with in the 1950s. He did it all: radio, film, theater, television. I think we are gonna see three or four half-hour episodes of the various programs, so I should be back at about the usual time.

I think it's great that you went to the show last night. I liked the picture of you guys, and I must say that James has a classic smile. That, and his hair give him a unique look. It's fantastic that you have become their photographer!

I Love You and will see you in just a bit!  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :):)

12:30am : Happy Late Night, my Darling. All is quiet here at Pearl's, except for the soft sounds of KUSC playing in the background, my night music. I really enjoyed tonight's program at CSUN. We saw three 15 minute episodes of a 1955 BBC show called "Orson Welles' Sketchbook", which were televised monologues by him. Then we saw an episode from another short-lived series called "Around The World With Orson Welles", where he went to a famous bakery in Vienna called Demel. And he pulled it off Orson Welles-style. It is rare at my age where I am still discovering new things to be a fan of, but as of very recently I am a big fan of Orson Welles (which I've probably mentioned a few times, haha).

We also saw another TV program, really weird, called "The Fountain Of Youth" by Welles, and finally, an episode of "I Love Lucy" with Welles as the guest star.

Grimsley was there and we hung out for a few minutes afterwards.

I hope you had a nice evening and I will see you in the morn.

I Love You.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :):)

Wednesday Afternoon Love From Home (Rock 'N Roll & Rice) (late night love)

Hi, my Darling,

I am home, just taking a short break before heading out again. I think I will try for a hike, though I've gotta do some shopping, too. I saw your post just now, so maybe you are gonna go to that show tonight? I hope so, and I hope you get to photograph, too. You will really get in good with these guys, and Sevendust is a national act, so any time you get to be in that atmosphere, or even photographing from the stage, is a good thing! If you go, also make sure to have a blast. That's the most important part! :) That video I posted - man, I used to love Three Dog Night when I was about 11 or 12. They were my favorite group for a couple of years, just before I started hanging out at College Records and learning about zillions of new bands, and Progressive rock and such. Three Dog Night had a bunch of hit singles, great songs too, and their three lead singers were all fantastic......  :)

Well, I will head out in a few minutes, and I'll see what trail I wind up on.

Then I'll be back at Pearl's at 4:30pm.

I Triple-Love You!  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :):)

(back in a bit)

7:10pm : Good Evening, Sweet Baby. I saw your post a little while ago via Lee Milbrandt, so you must be at the venue, and by now the show must be underway. Which means that you are knocking it out of the park! I am glad and excited, and will be looking forward to seeing the pix as always. :)

P.S: Enjoy the concert, too!

I wound up going out to Rice Canyon, one of my favorites. I hadn't been there for several months, so it was good to go again. The place is pure magic and today was just gorgeous, about 80 degrees and October shadowy. When I got back, I figured we might as well continue to enjoy the day, so I took Pearl and The Kobester out to Lake Balboa, where we had a nice walk. Kobi got to see some Canada Geese up close, too.

I am gonna look over the day's pictures and maybe post a couple more later. Also gonna watch a "Walking Dead". I don't know if you know who The Governor is, but I don't like him, haha, and I am rooting against him in tonight's episode.......

After that I will do the rest of my walk. Probably already did about 2 1/2 in Rice Canyon, so I'm halfway done already. Have a great concert and I will write more later on at Pearl's.

I Love You!  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :):)

12:35am : Happy Late Night, my Darling. I hope you had a great concert (assuming you went), and that you got some great shots (a given). Versus Me seems to be on the upswing. I am guessing they are a relatively new band, and from your area, but it looks like they are getting a lot of good gigs, and touring too, and as you are their photographer, that is an excellent development indeed.

Not much more to report on my end. Just a very nice day overall. I love this time of year.  :)

I'll wish you Sweet Dreams for now, and then I'll see you in the morning.

I Love You.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :):)

Thoughts (more thoughts) (late night thoughts & love)

Hi Elizabeth,

I am home from picking Pearl up at Golden Agers. I saw your post before I left, Humans Of New York. The words in the post can be interpreted in a few different ways, so I am just gonna go slow here with my comments. I will write as much as I can now, and then more later. I have to leave a little earlier than usual because I've gotta return some dvds at the library, and I also wanna do part of my walk so I don't have to do it all tonight. Anyway, I'll just start with the beginning of the post.

The lady says she has had "two wonderful men" in her life. If I am supposed to take that part literally, then I suppose that would be the central issue of the post. She goes on further to say that her first husband died and eventually she got engaged to the second man. I know it has to be difficult sometimes to find a post that conveys what you want to tell me, and then you have to hope I will interpret it correctly. The literal interpretation of that first part of the post would be that you have a boyfriend; i.e. a "second wonderful man".

I have said many times that if that ever happened, all you would need to do is tell me and I would understand. I would understand because you have a great many male friends, a few of them seem very fond of you (one in particular), they know you in real life, they live close to you, and they are closer to your own age. Here's an analogy - let's say that you kind of introduced yourself to us with your Autre Temps video. I don't know if you knew Johan and Kyle and some of the other guys before that, but I am guessing "no". So when that video came out, I met you a couple months later, we hit it off real well (like magic), we communicated directly, and up until October 2012, I felt like I was your guy. In fact, at that time, I wasn't even aware that you knew all these other guys. I thought it was just Stephane, your old boyfriend, and me.

Then in late September or October 2012, I got cut off. Our direct communication simply ended with no real explanation. You even got mad at me when I asked you about it in a couple FB messages after it happened. Then your FB started to change and got real private. Long story short, everything changed from open to mostly shut. Then in 2013, as we know, I was able to discern, from your posts, that you still wanted to communicate with me. I also discovered you had reciprocal feelings for me, and here we are. Around that time, you alluded to a reason for our communication stoppage, that it had to do with your parents. That sounded believable to me, and it still does, at least initially. I figured your Mom or Dad could have discovered you were communicating with a man in his 50s, and had a fit. As you were 19 then, it was very understandable. But I always tried to be a gentleman in my writings, even so.

At any rate, things have gone along steadily since then, with some ups and downs. One of the things that happened to me was that I discovered, little by little, that I was not the only guy in the picture anymore. I have been over this aspect several times, and there is no need to rehash it except to say that there were several times when a new guy would show up (in posts or pictures) and I would get jealous. Then I'd complain. Then you'd try to explain, and I'd try to understand. I finally would understand, for instance, that a particular guy was gay, or another guy was just a musician friend, or that you & Stephane were also now just friends. I would then "absorb" each "guy situation" emotionally, so that I could move forward, but I have to admit it took some getting used to. I figured, "well, Elizabeth is just 20, she'd beautiful & popular, and she's a Sag and they are known for having a trillion friends". But I also knew I wasn't the only guy in your life anymore. "Autre Temps" had opened things up.

Still, everything felt good between us, and we dealt with the ups and downs that came as a result of non-direct communication. Things that might have been more easily understood in a telephone call or an FB message sometimes got misconstrued through symbolic communication. But we still dealt with it. And things were basically great.

Then in 2014, two things happened, both of which I've been over a bunch of times, and so I won't dwell on them either, but I will mention them : hacking and Johan. With Johan, I felt like now I had a guy who was competing with me for your attention, and I've explained what I generally do in that situation. I step back and let the girl decide. Many times, since early 2014 when he entered the picture, I have felt like Johan has been the guy you have chosen. However, you have explained - or seemed to explain - that he's just a musical partner. So I have tried to absorb that as well, even though he's still around a lot. As a quick aside, or example, lets say we were actually married. If we were married and Johan knocked on the door and said, "Hi Adam, I'm here to record a song with Elizabeth". I'd say, "Hi Johan. Come on in". And if that happened, oh, a couple or three times a year, it would be no big deal. But if Johan started knocking on the door every weekend, or even every month, saying "I'm here to record a song" or "I'm here to go to a concert with Elizabeth", then I'd start wondering what the deal was, even if nothing happened between you two and even if you said he was only a friend. You see what I am saying? Even if these guys, and especially Johan are only friends, they are still around all the time. Now, I know we aren't married, but it's still something I have to emotionally absorb. And I have tried to, and to my credit I feel I've done a pretty good job. I say to myself exactly as I said before, "well, she's 22, she's beautiful & popular, etc. etc". Let her have fun, in other words.

Young people should have fun. And I believe you that those guys are only friends, even though I know that a couple of those guys might like it to be something more.

So I have tried to absorb each situation (even though I usually write a blog or two to whine about it) and I try to keep things going along from my end. And again, I feel I've done a pretty good job.

Right now, I see that I've gotta get going to the Libe and then to Pearl's, but I promise to write more tonight, and then keep writing during late night at Pearl's, so as to finish my thoughts on the matter.

For now, thanks for reading. I Love You and I will be back in just a while.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :):)

7:25pm : Hi, Elizabeth. I am home. Gonna watch a "Walking Dead" and go on my walk in a while - aka Usual Stuff - but I'll continue with my thoughts for just a bit first, and then write more later tonight at Pearl's. First of all, I saw your posts about Versus Me and I Prevail, and I am glad not only that they are touring but that they are coming through Madison and other semi-close locations, so I know you'll be photographing shows, and that is fantastic. Those are great band names for a double bill tour, though Versus Me could be in trouble if I Prevail prevails...........or something like that, haha.  :)

Anyhow, I hope everything is okay, and I am still trying (and wanting) to correctly interpret your Humans Of New York post. I know I tend to go off on tangents when I blog about all this stuff, and that's because when I write to try and explain feelings or thoughts, I have a million thoughts and feelings going through my head and so I tend to relate them as I might do if we were having a conversation. You know how a conversation can take a bunch of twists and turns and still stay on the same topic? Or at least re-emerge on the same topic? That's because an in-person conversation is spoken, and in a spoken conversation a whole lot of ideas can be expressed and exchanged very rapidly. A spoken conversation can even take a lot of twists and turns and cover a lot of side-issues and topics, and even take unexpected turns, and then it can still come out on the original topic you began with. Unfortunately, I tend to write that way sometimes, and I wind up going on and on about something I hadn't intended to go on and on about.

What I meant to say can be summed up in a few sentences.

If your Humans Of New York post meant that you do have another guy in your life - as per the text of that post - then I understand, for reasons mentioned above.

Although I once thought I was "the only guy" in your life (and I kind of enjoyed that feeling), I came to realise, in 2013 and beyond, that I was not. I discovered that you had many male friends, some who have become close friends, as mentioned above. And although I have whined about it in several blogs, I have ultimately absorbed each situation that has presented itself, and I have come to accept your male friends and the fact that you are a very popular person.

My main issue has been communication. I have had no direct contact with you for over three years now. Most guys would have been long gone after a few weeks. I am not only still here, but I still write every day. That's because I still feel the same way. The only time I don't write is when you don't post, because I run out of things to say if I am the only one communicating.

Finally, at some point our communication has got to move forward. Otherwise this relationship cannot develop. I am sorry I got upset in my blog last night, but what I was mainly trying to say is that I am older, and I do want and need to move things forward, because I am heading toward 60 (omg, I can hardly believe it, lol, but it's true). I know you are at the other end of the spectrum, and age and time feel entirely different to you. I understand because I've been there. That's why I've only asked for the smallest increments in improved communication. I haven't asked you to come visit me or even to call me on the phone. I haven't even asked you to restart our FB direct messages. All I have asked has been one single, small step : to let me know when I might expect direct communication to resume. Will it be next year? One month from now? Six months? Longer? All I have asked for is just an estimate.

I am not mad or upset about any of it. Oh sure, I have written blogs complaining about Johan or one of the other guys, and I've complained about the lack of direct communication, but once I write about it and have my say, I tend to absorb both the emotion and the situation. That's why I say, as an analogy, that if we were married it would be okay if Johan came by, say, a few times a year. But if he was coming by every weekend, I'd begin to wonder why you married me, lol.  :)

I am at an age where, if I am to be in a relationship, I wanna lock things down. But there are levels of such a desire, and of the expectations involved. You and I are not married, so of course I understand and accept all your male friends. How could I not? Right now, I am just a guy on the Internet. Love or no love (and I know you love me and you know it's mutual), I've still never met you, nor spoken to you, nor even do we message each other. So it would be ridiculous for me to sit here and demand of a young lady I've never met, "Hey, you've gotta stop seeing all those guys"!

If we were actually married, that would become a reasonable request.

So there are variations on all these things, and I'm sure you see what I'm getting at. 

I have never had a lot of women friends, myself. That's neither here nor there, because I don't have a great many friends of either sex. I am somewhat a shy person, not that gregarious, and it's not my nature to have hundreds of friends and acquaintances. But what if I did have a whole lot of female friends, and what if I hung out with them and went to concerts and such? Would you be able to deal with it? Perhaps you would. But I'll bet if we were married, you'd want me to stop.

So, it depends how far you want to go with this. If you want to move forward, it has to start with real communication, and I repeat that all I've asked for, for starters, is just an estimate of when that might happen. Meanwhile, I not only expect you to have fun with any and all guys and gals you know, I encourage it. You are 22, you should be having a blast, and you are a Sagittarian and it is your nature to be gregarious. You are a People Person, period. I have no problem with that whatsoever.

The complicated part seems to be on my end. I have only ever had one girlfriend in my life. I am not gonna discuss our relationship except to say that we went through something at the end that was not only extremely difficult for both of us, but it was also something that has been so incredibly difficult to comprehend that it has never been fully understood to this day, at least by me.

I have spent 26 years trying to understand what happened to us, and I am talking about a series of events here, and I have only - in my estimation - little more than scratched the surface. I would say I have been able to remember about 60 to 70% of the events in the given time period, but to remember what happened and to understand it is two different things entirely.

Understanding what happened to me in 1989 is the main goal of my life. You'd have to be me to see why, but if I ever had the chance to explain in person, you'd have a better understanding yourself.

If you ever do become personally involved in my life, rather then just over the Internet, then you will have to accept that what happened to me was real, and that I must get to the bottom of it. It's what I do. I also love to do all the regular everyday things I enjoy, but understanding 1989 is at the heart of it all. Lillian was also involved in 1989, and I don't mean as any kind of bad person, but as a victim.

I have no idea what her position is on the subject, because I have not spoken with her in 20 years. Two decades ago, when I had a drug problem, I was also just recovering my memory, and I approached the subject, and Lillian and others involved, wrongly and with aggression (though no violence). I paid my price for that, stopped taking all drugs 18 years ago, and in the meantime I have learned a more methodical approach. Mostly I keep the subject to myself, but I do continue to research it, and I also write the occasional FOIA letter to the Justice Dept., the Air Force, and others. What happened to us is not a figment of my imagination, not a joke, not a hallucination, not drug induced. It was none of those things. What it was, was 100% real.

Lillian was my girlfriend at the time it happened. I will not discuss our relationship on the Internet, though I used to write a lot of blogs on Myspace, and when you met me you may have read some or many of those, I don't know. I know you have some degree of access to my computer, maybe even total access, because you have been able to see when I have sent a friend request to Lillian on FB, or even when I have searched her name on FB so that I could look at her profile (which is private anyway, all I can see is her friends list). You are able to do all that, and I have forgiven that, too. I am beginning to think that there is something more than meets the eye with this computer thing, this ability you have to see what is being searched and looked at on FB. I am hardly tech-savvy, but I am perceptive to an extremely high degree.

All I have done is looked at Lillian's FB profile once in a while, and even so, all I can see is her friends list. Her FB is privatised, just like yours.

I have accepted and absorbed the idea of you going to concerts with Johan and Kyle, and as I've said it would be completely ridiculous of me to assume I had any right otherwise. If we were living together, or married, then I would have that right. But as of now, we don't even have direct communication.

If you want to have direct communication, then we can start to move things forward and lock things down. By "lock things down" I don't mean to ever suggest I would ask you to go against your nature. I have seen relationships where one of the two people tries to restrict all friendships and keep people out of their significant other's life, and it doesn't work. All it does is cause resentment. If you were with me, you could have as many friends as you wanted. All I would expect is that the male friends would not be calling and coming over all the time. That part would have to be toned way down (except for professional relationships of course). At my age, I just want my family to come first, even if my family is just me and my wife. And I would hope my wife would want the same.

But right now, things aren't locked down. We live in two different cities. You do have a lot of male friends, some of whom you see regularly, so - even though it's okay with me, I don't mind, honest - it's not what you can call a locked-down situation. But it can be, if you want it to move forward.

To move it forward, we have to move the communication forward.

I fully understand that you are just 22, just starting what is gonna be a fantastic career, and that you are in a very exciting time in your life. I begrudge you none of it, the opposite it true, and I am willing to wait, just as I've been waiting now - and writing - for three years. All I am asking for is an estimate. That's all. And if you don't know, that's okay too. I'll still write, I'll still wait.

I have only ever asked you for two definitive answers, should the issues ever come up. One is The Boyfriend Thing. If it ever happens, please tell me right away. And the other is if you ever just plain lose interest. I say that because sometimes you just don't communicate at all for two or three days, and I think, "hmmmm, maybe her heart isn't in it". I know it is, though, because you are still here too.

Well, this has certainly been a lot more than the "few sentences" I said I could sum things up with, but you know me - once I start writing, if I have something to write about, there's no telling where I'll stop.

I guess the bottom line, for now, is that if you wanna move things forward, then let's try to do that. If it's not possible at the moment, then we can keep going along as we have been. I won't complain about your friends, or the computer attachment you have on me. For your part, please don't get upset if you see an FB search name that you don't like. If you want to lock things down, we can lock them down. But it's gotta work both ways, and it's gotta involve direct communication.

That's all for now. I Love You, Elizabeth, and I am a good person. If you knew me in real life, you could see that for certain.

I'll write more back at Pearl's. For now, no worries, okay?  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :):)

12:20am : Hi Elizabeth, and Happy Late Night. I hope it is happy. I know I went on and on in this blog, but things are okay on my end, and what I would say now, at this hour, is just don't worry about stuff. I saw your post from "Back To The Future" (loved those movies!), and I like that message : "The Future Is Now". So please, even though I wrote a lot, about a lot of stuff, just don't worry and instead, just allow things to evolve and fall into place. You can help that process along by thinking about the things I've suggested earlier in the blog. But, as always, don't stop seeing your friends, etc. Go to concerts with whomever you want.

I want you to have a blast. Really! :)

That's what early 20s is all about. And in your case, you really are taking off in your photographic career. So just please concentrate on all the awesome stuff that is happening.

And last but not least, please just try to communicate. I know you have jobs lined up and tons of people wanting your time, but what you will learn as time goes by is how to manage all of that. It's all a matter of priorities and time management. With the guys, and I am talking about the guys who like you, they will want to monopolize your time when you are with them. That's how guys are. Especially young guys, with outsized egos. So if you go to Chicago, for concerts or projects or just to hang out, just try to set aside some time to communicate. That's all I'm saying.

Just think "time management" and "priorities", and then remember that I am working too, seven days a week, many hours a day, and I still make time to communicate. Do these things if you want to, and if you feel them in your heart.

Most of all, please continue to have fun and enjoy every day, because when you are my age, you will want to look back and see how incredible your life has been. So you've gotta focus on the positive, and if you knew me in person, you'd see that's what my life is about.

That's enough for tonight. I will see you in the morning. I Love You.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :):)

Is Everything Okay? (very frustrating)

Hi Elizabeth,

I am just wondering if everything is okay, cause you haven't posted since Saturday, at least I haven't seen anything on the newsfeed, and I've been looking. I hope all is well. I am at home, watching a Japanese anthology horror movie called "Kwaidan". I am gonna go for part of my walk in a few minutes, but I will be around on my usual schedule, here and at Pearl's, all day and evening. Let me know what's going on.

I Love You.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxo  :):)

12:20am : Hi again. I saw one post from you around 6pm, of a mountain landscape, but that was all. It was a nice picture, seemed like it was one of your friends who posted it, so maybe it was just an ordinary FB "like". I don't know. I am guessing something is wrong. I know you are busy with your work, but even the busiest people still seem to be on FB, so I don't think it's just that.

Sigh.

Y'know, Elizabeth, I've written and written, and I've tried to be supportive in every way. I've done it all on a one-way basis, too, since you never respond in words to me.

I really do love and care for you, but this pattern of non-communication always reappears sooner or later. That's why I've simply stopped writing blogs on days when you don't post.

Something has got to change with this pattern. I have only ever asked for just small changes, small steps to improve our communication, such as you letting me know at what future date you might want to have direct communication once again. But even that small step has never been taken. The only steps taken seem to be these regressions, where you just stop communicating altogether. And you've got my computer hacked to boot.

I am gonna be 56 in half a year. I don't wanna fool around with all this stuff any longer. Either you want me in your life or you don't. As you know, I think it's been great the way you have taken off this year. I'm sure a lot of people are clamoring for your time. No problem. I have always been willing to write, and have never asked for anything but small advancements. And yet nothing happens, and then I get snubbed once again.

I am not gonna do this any more, after the first of the year, if things don't improve. You can decide if you want that to happen. I don't mean to put pressure on you, but then I am not sure your heart is in it anymore. It's not enough for this just to be a computer relationship. I put everything I can into this - over 800 blogs - and you have your life and friends, and many guys who like you, and I just either need to have some progress made here or I can't do it anymore. It doesn't take much to communicate every day.

Anyway, I am still here, and I still feel the same way (and I always will). But I just can't be simply a one way communicator without any response, and beyond that, it's gotta become direct by the New Year, or at the very least, some small increment of improvement. It can't just be status quo anymore.

I will hope to hear from you in the morning.

I Love You.

Late Night October Love

Happy Late Night, my Darling,

I see that you are perhaps still awake, by your recent post (Jane Love). At least it appears as recent on my news ticker. Boy, I sure hope the text in that post doesn't apply! ;) ......and of course I know it doesn't, lol. Maybe Jane Love is a model you'll be working with? I see she is from Chicago, so maybe she is a new subject for an upcoming project.
Today was a day off, though I didn't do anything remarkable. I did sleep in, and then my sister came over at 1pm for shopping, just like in the Olden Days. I hadn't seen Vickie since early August, just before she went to Spain. We had a nice time, though.

This evening, my friend Dave F. came over for a walk, as he often does on Saturday nights. After that, it was "Walking Dead" time, this time with the correct episode.......

Tomorrow morn is church and choir. I hope your day was good, and I like your new cover picture with the lightning over the trees and field. I know you took it last year, but it is a great shot and of course perfect for Halloweentime. Speaking of which, I can't believe I am gonna miss Disneyland Halloweentime again this year.........but I have no one to go with me. I may have to fly you out here.  :)

Disneyland or bust, Sweet Baby.

I Love You and will see you in the morning, before church, and then I'll be back after choir practice around 1pm.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :):)

Hangin' With The Sweet Baby + Art Photography (Zombie Tag) (super late night love)

Hey, my Darling,

I am home, on a short break before heading back to Pearl's. Today is a busy one; I already took The Kobester to Le Groomer and picked him up and took him back home. Gotta do a little shopping, too.

But I saw your post (Lee Milbrandt) and so that's what I am doing now, just hangin' with my Sweet Baby! Those are great pictures you took of Morgin, with the natural light beams. They look like they might have been done at the University? Anyway, I like the diffusion effect of the light, and I also like that you mentioned that you didn't use photoshop! Pictures created in the camera are the only way to go for art photography.

Photoshop, in my opinion, is for professional and/or technical purposes only, like retouching in fashion photography or wedding photography, or removing something from an image perhaps, in a professional shoot.

But art photography should be pure, I think, and that's just between you, your camera, and the light and image you are photographing. Light + Image = Art Photography.

On the Internet, you see way too many of what I will call "Perfect Pictures", where everything looks too slick, too glossed up, to hyper-real, too color saturated.

I call those Candy Coated Photos, like when you see a nature shot that you know has been doctored, and the sky is so blue it's almost purple, and all the reflections are glistening. Me, I don't wanna see photos like that. I just wanna see what looks natural. I would even choose a photo that's a little flawed - under or over-exposed - or even deliberately out of focus like my friend Mr. D used to shoot - over the Candy Coated computer enhanced photography that you see so much of now.

So I am glad you pointed that out, and keep shooting The Natural Way. That's art photography!

Sorry I didn't write yesterday, but you didn't seem to be around. I know you have been busy. I only saw one post, pertaining to homophobes, so I didn't know what was going on (I know you and your friends have had some trouble with jerks in the past), but anyway, I just didn't see many posts there for a couple days, and I had nothing to report other than just the Usual Stuff.

We did see a great movie last night at CSUN, "Mr. Arkadin" by Welles. Grimsley was there, too, and we both enjoyed the film very much.

Well, I am gonna go for a little bit of my walk now, then go to the store before heading back to Pearl's. After 6:30 I am off until Sunday morning, so I will be home tonight and I can Hang With The Sweet Baby again. I will definitely write more later, too.

Enjoy your Friday afternoon. I Love You!  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :):)

10:55pm : Hey, Sweet Baby, I am just getting back from my walk. Super humid out there, but cooler. I saw your post just now (Jenni Ultrea), and I think that sounds like a blast, literally haha. Which reminds me of a classic Grade Z sci-fi flick in the late 70s called "Laserblast". Look it up on IMDB. :) But I digress - I was gonna say it sounds like fun to have a game of laser tag updated for Halloween. Is that what that is? Haunted Laser Tag w/Zombies and stuff? Man, I would love to do that.  :)

"The Walking Dead" is so popular that a game like that would be huge. Speaking of the show, I almost screwed up tonight. You know I make a point not to read any spoilers about it, because I am a latecomer and am catching up, now on Season Three. So, no message boards about it, no IMDB (because it shows how many episodes each actor is in, which is how I found out the "Shane" charater was gonna die). No, I do what I did with "Breaking Bad", which is just avoid all talk of it, to avoid spoilers.

But tonight I was gonna watch another episode, so I put the dvd in and hit play. Things looked out of kilter, like a span of time had passed since the last episode I watched. It seemed like I was missing a good bit of the plot, like the story had jumped forward. So I stopped the dvd and checked the episode numbers, and I realised I'd ordered the wrong one. I should've been on Season Three Disc Three, but I had mistakenly ordered #4. So I almost blew it! I'll just have to forget what I saw, which was about 7 or 8 minutes worth. I'm a stickler against spoilers.......  :)

But I love the show, and I am hooked. Instead of "Walking Dead" then tonight, I watched a classic from the 70s called "The Legend Of Hell House". I'd forgotten how creepy that one is, which is great because I can think of it later on and scare myself, haha.

Well, right now I am gonna have something to eat, and browse Amazon a little bit, and then I will come back and write some more at the usual late night time of about 12:15 or so. See you then if you're still awake.

I Love You!  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :):)

1am : Happy Super Late Night, my Darling. I hope you had a good day and a good start to your weekend. I saw a photo posted by James of Versus Me, about an endorsement for some in-ear mikes. The pic was of their drummer and it looked like it was taken on a festival stage, so I was wondering if you shot it? He  usually credits you on FB when it's your photo. Anyhow, if it is, then that's another good aspect to what is happening - product endorsement. If it is your shot, make sure he adds your name.  :)

I am sorry to see that your friend Morgin moved away. You only recently met her. But you can stay in touch (much easier to do nowdays), and who knows, you will probably see her again in the future.

I am trying to cram as much reading, movie watching, thinking, writing & pondering as possible into my time off, so I will read a few pages of my Hoagland book before I go to bed, and then I will sleep in and see you in the late-ish morning, 9:30 or 10.

Ancient Cities on Mars, just imagine..........or look at the pictures......

Sweet Dreams, Elizabeth. I Love You.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxooxo  :):)

Totally Pro (plus problem w/FB) (weird weather)

Good Evening, my Darling,

It was another long day at Pearl's, but I am home now. The grouting job wound up taking the whole day instead of the few hours I'd predicted, so I had to stick around. I saw your photo this morn, the Versus Me outtake. Another great shot! You arranged the guys well, got great expressions, and the doggie is too cute. He should be in the band, haha. I'll tell ya, girl - you are a total professional now. Wow, indeed!

Something is funny with Facebook today, starting last night actually. It keeps freezing up on me, on both my Chromebooks too, both here and at Pearl's. What happens is that I'll turn one of the computers on, and I'll scroll FB for a couple minutes, then the scrolling will start sticking and getting jumpy instead of smooth, and finally it'll just freeze. Then I have to close the window, open a new one, and go to FB all over again. Then after about 2 or 3 minutes the same thing happens and I have to close that window too.

Over and over again, all day long, on both computers. I wanted to do an experiment, to see if it was just FB, or perhaps a Chromebook issue instead, but as I type this blog, everything seems to be smooth. The text is not stalling or jumping forward. So I think the issue has gotta be with FB, and besides, it's happening both here and at Pearl's. I know nothing about computers of course, but surely that means that each computer is running over a different line, which would be too much of a coincidence for them both to have the same problem. So it's gotta be Facebook, though I haven't heard anyone else mention it.

Anyhow, I will just deal with it tonight and hope it clears up soon, but if you see me going on and off FB, that's the reason. I hope you had a nice day. I will be on the usual schedule........

I Love You and am glad everything is going so well!  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :):)

(back later at Pearl's)

12:35am : Happy Super Late Night, Sweet Baby. Finally relaxing after a long day. The Facebook Freeze seems to have resolved itself, at least for the moment. It got better back at home after I came back from my walk, and now it's doing okay here. No freeze ups thus far, fingers crossed. I liked the Northwoods photo you posted earlier. Are you guys getting color like that already, with the leaves turning? It's beautiful. We of course don't get such colors, though we do get a rustic version, but right now we are still doing Summer (about 90 today), and what's more, the humidity has been heavy - 78% today. Now I know how the folks in Georgia feel. They say we are gearing up for a monster El Nino, and I suppose all this heat and humidity is an indication. It's really weird to have both, this late in the year. We will probably get pouring rains, starting in late December or early January, and it could be mega, from what they are predicting. An El Nino can last all the way till April.  I know we need the water, but I'm still not looking forward to it, lol.

Flash lightning in the hills tonight, on my walk.

I hope your day was great, and I will see you in the morn. I Love You.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxo  :):)

Love From Home

Good Evening, my Darling,

I am finally home. I was at Pearl's all day today, except for a short half hour to stop here after dropping her off at Golden Agers this morning. The tile guys were at the house putting the new floor in the playroom, so somebody had to be there. I hung out with the Kobedog and read my Travis Walton book. And, the tile guys were very efficient. They got all the tiles in place. Tomorrow they will come back to grout the whole floor and then they'll be done. Probably just a few hours tomorrow.

Congrats on the photo shoot today! I saw James' post, and that's gotta be you doing the pics. :) In fact, you are probably already done, so I'll bet they came out great.

Right now I am halfway paying attention to the debate. I am supporting Hillary. I know Bernie Sanders is the fashionable candidate, and he is well spoken, but he would get crushed in the general election against any Republican. Hillary, on the other hand, will win a general election. And we'll get Bill back, too. So it's win/win.

Usual schedule for me. I am all out of "Walking Dead" episodes at the moment (waiting on the Libe for my next disc), so I will watch one of the few remaining "X-Files".......and go for my walk. Enjoy the rest of your evening! I will be back at Pearl's at the usual time.

I Love You!  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :):)

Good Work! :)

Good Evening, my Darling,

Great job on the Austaras video! Your use of macro, with a tight focus at the center/softer at the sides, is very effective, ditto your use of lighting techniques , as in the reflections off the cymbal and the backlighting through the curtains silhouetting Johan. Very dramatic, and fitting to the music.

I am guessing you have a few videos coming up, cause it seems like today was a business day, staying in touch with bands that are clients? Betty Rise, James from Versus Me, Austaras. What about the other guy, Tristan? Is he a client, too? He's quite a character, lol........  ;)

So my guess is that you've got a bunch of releases coming up, and then you will have hit the jackpot! Because then your name will be all over the place.  :) What a year, eh?

I am gonna relax for a few, then watch yet another "Walking Dead", then go for my walk. I'll write more back at Pearl's at the usual time. Enjoy the rest of your evening!

I Love You.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :):)

CS Lewis Late Night

Hi, Sweet Baby,

Happy Super Duper Late Night. Not the easiest night for me, Pearl doesn't wanna sleep and is probably gonna stay up all night again sitting on the couch. Right now, her hours are turned around backwards - sleep all day, awake all night - so we've gotta get it back on track, hopefully tomorrow.

Just a normal Sunday otherwise. Good singin' in church. Dave F. came over for an Orange Grove walk this eve.

I saw your C.S. Lewis post just a little while ago, and that is a very interesting quote indeed, because things do change incrementally and it is good to try to notice the small changes as they are happening. Always remember that it's the mundane that seems to never change. The drudgery of life - daily stuff, washing clothes, driving from place to place, tying shoes, doing dishes, etc.....that stuff is constant, and because it takes so much time each day, it gets in the way of noticing all the mental and spiritual stuff that is also a part of your everyday life. In fact, the main part.

Most of your life is mental and spiritual. But because you are in a physical body, and you physically do many of the same things everyday, it seems like things don't change.

But then, as you (and CS Lewis) say, all of a sudden you look at your life, and the progress you have made, and it is pretty amazing.

Sweet Baby - that is the Intent I am always harping on. Intent is your inner voice, talking to your Spirit, your Spirit talking to Your Self, Your Self talking to God........

Those are the Inner and never ending conversations of progress, conducted by those Voices I have just mentioned. Those voices - Your Self, Your Spirit, God - are all very subtle. Thus the noticeable progress is subtle.

But as you can see, when you turn around (figuratively speaking) and look back at a period in your life, you will see from that vantage point - up high - where you were, and where you are now.

And you will see how your Intention has worked to make the desired progress in your life.

It works every time.

And that is because it is between You, Your Self, and God. And God wants for you what you want.

That's all I know for tonight! I Love You.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxxooxo  :):)

See you in the late morn..... 

A Fun Day At The Field Lab (Field Lab Caves Wanna See)

Hi my Darling,

I am at home, just looking at some of the pamphlets and stuff they gave us at our tour of the Field Lab today. They even gave us all official Santa Susana Field Lab baseball caps with the Boeing logo stitched on the back. Pretty cool! The tour itself was a blast. I had already seen the Alpha Rocket Stand on previous tours, but this time I got to take pics, and I will post more later on.

I hope your day was good, and I liked your post about guitarists!  :):)

'Twas super hot again today, 100+, and it hasn't cooled off much tonight. I will go on my walk in a few, then come back and take another look at my pictures before I head back to Pearl's. And I will write more after I get there and get situated.

Enjoy the rest of your evening! I Love You!  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :):)

12:20am : Happy Late Night, Sweet Baby. Well, it was a busy day and a lot of fun. We got a mini-course on rocket science, lol. In a coincidence, it was also JPL's Open House today, you know - Jet Propulsion Laboratory, the guys who put the rovers on Mars. I would have loved to have been at that, too, but from what I heard it was jam packed, just like the Point Mugu Air Show was a couple weeks ago. So it's okay if I missed it. I am interested in the "behind-the-scenes" info about Mars, anyway, and at the Open House they are only gonna tell ya the stuff deemed acceptable for public consumption.

That's why I like the tours up at the Field Lab. It's almost like a little secret, because the only people who go are just a single busload of maybe 40 people. 40 versus 20-60,000 at the other events.

One of the last things our tour guide mentioned was the painted Chumash caves that are on site up there. The ones with the millennia old paintings. They used to think there were just the few that had been known to exist for the many decades by the Air Force, which took over the property in 1947. But recently, they went over the property with some of the remaining Indian ancestors in the area, and now they have identified over 100 Indian artifact sites, including other caves.

Man, would I love to see some of those! I even wrote such in the comment section of a survey they gave us at the end of the tour.

Well, that's all I know for today. Tomorrow is church & choir, so I will be here till 9:30am, then back around 1pm.

Sweet Dreams! I Love You.   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)

Success! (Late Night Love & Field Lab tomorrow)

Good Evening, my Darling,

Well, girl, there's some success right there! No sooner said than done, haha. That is a beautiful picture of you in front of the old stone building with the red door. Is that a storage building of some type from bygone days? I can see it's locked up, but it would be great if you could use it as a location and go inside. I am guessing it's way out in the country, and your Mom wants to see it too. She's gotta be pretty cool if she has an interest in old places like that.  :)

Also, that is a positively great stage shot of the guitarist from Versus Me. Fantastic shot, Elizabeth, once again totally capturing the live-ness, the feeling of being onstage, the power of the concert. Really, really good indeed. So there's some success for ya!  :)

I had a minor success too. I went out to Corriganville to look for spooky Halloween shots. It was 107 degrees today, so you know I was feelin' fine. :) I didn't do a strenuous hike - Corriganville is flat terrain - but I still put in about 2 miles, and I got a couple good shots of one of my favorite subjects, you've probably seen him before, that old Devil-lookin' tree, with the dark arms sticking out. He's always reliable as a subject, so I took a couple pics......

I will go for the rest of my walk in a few, then come back and watch a "Walking Dead" episode.

And, I will write more later on at Pearl's. Enjoy your evening!

I Love You!  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :):)

12:20am : Happy Late Night, my Darling. I hope you had a nice evening and that all projects are coming along well. I don't know what all you've got going at the moment, but you seem to be getting a lot of work, so that's fantastic. I am looking forward to tomorrow, because it's the day of the tour for the Santa Susana Field Lab, and this time we get to bring our cameras! It's almost funny - and ironic - because, well, I've been on three previous tours and they never allowed cams. It was, after all, a NASA rocket facility. Understandable, then. But the funny part is that, before I knew much about the place, I hiked up there in Summer 2006. Man, I can hardly believe that was nine years ago already. Anyhow, my friend Ryan (aka The Prime Minister) was living in a trailer park on the same mountain as the Field Lab. His place was located on the same road, about two miles down the hill. The Lab is at the top, and covers a huge area up there in the Santa Susana Mountains. Anyway, that Summer I was housesitting for him for a weekend, and I had my videocam with me (an old-but-new-at-the-time mini-dvd model), and one afternoon I thought, "why don't I walk up there and check out the rocket facility"......

So I did. A steep walk, in the heat. But that's my specialty. When I got to the top, I was stoked. "Wow! This is where they tested all those rocket engines in the '60s". You used to be able to hear the roar, miles away down in the Valley neighborhoods. So I was standing on the little road outside the main gate, and I started to take video of a big water tank that had the Boeing logo painted on the side. Boeing now runs the site, which was made famous by Rocketdyne in the 1960s.

So I'm standing there, just shooting a few seconds of this Boeing water tank, and all of a sudden this security truck is hauling you-know-what in my direction, coming through the gate. Two guys get out and want to confiscate my camera! I explain - "all I was doing was shooting the water tank. There aren't any signs prohibiting photography".

The guys : "Well, this is a protected site, National Security blah-blah-blah.....".

I was ultimately allowed to keep my camera after explaining that I was not a spy but merely a NASA and Apollo rocket buff (Gemini & Mercury too), and so that's the irony.....that I once got in trouble for photographing a water tank outside the property.........

..........but tomorrow, nine years later, I get to go inside and photograph with Boeing's blessing.

Too cool.

It should be another Hot One up there, however. Tonight it never cooled off and was one of the warmest nights in recent memory. This is my fourth tour, so I know what to expect, but I am still excited.

The tour is from 1 to 4pm. I will leave at Noon to get there a little early, cause you have to sign a waiver before going in, and show ID and stuff. But I will be around at Pearl's before then, and I will be back in time for my usual 4:30pm shift.

See you in the morning, Sweet Baby! I Love You.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxo  :):)

Late Afternoon Love (success and other stuff, and love)

Hi, my Darling,

Happy Late Afternoon. I am at Pearl's, and just wanted to check in and say hi because tonight is movie night, and so I won't be back until the usual late night time. Tonight's film is Welles' "Othello", so more Shakespeare! "Macbeth" was awesome last week, so I'm sure this one will be too.

I hope you are enjoying your day.  :)

I saw your Alcest post, and yeah, that was the venue and crowd at last night's show. If you look at where Neige is, I am about three people back from the stage, maybe two feet to the right of his microphone. A super mellow crowd, no moshing thank goodness. Mostly Mexican Goth fans, who wear Goth makeup and such. We have a lot of those in L.A. Man, it was a great show.  :)

I hope all your projects are going well, and I have no doubt they are. I will be here at Pearl's until 6:30 as usual, then to the movie and back here. I will write more later tonight. Have a great evening. :)

I Love You!  xoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :):)

12:15am : Happy Late Night, Sweet Baby. All is quiet here at Pearl's. "Othello" was tremendous. I thought "Macbeth" last week was really good, but this one was exceptional. Another one to get on dvd! Welles can do no wrong, as far as I'm concerned. :)

I saw your post about photographers and success. Now, I should add that when I clicked the link to read it myself, the first thing I saw was a photo of a hand with a ring on it.....  :):)

So maybe that was intended, or if not, then you were channeling that picture.  :)

I Love You, Elizabeth. You are an awesome lady.

As for being a successful photographer, I read a few of the comments and of course they vary from photog to photog. Some see it as getting published or getting their work shown at a gallery. Some consider it from the financial aspect. For me - and I am not a pro of course, but I did study art photography in high school - success is just plain Getting An Awesome Shot. When I do that, I literally get a "high" out of it, and I can't wait to see what it looks like on screen (I should say "on paper", too, and I've gotta get back to printing all my good shots).

Because I am not making a living at it, I have the luxury of considering that as my definition of success. But I think it really starts there for all photographers, or any artist really. Just knowing that you really captured something is a great feeling, and feeling great is the very basis of success. Everything else is gravy, as they say. I don't know how you'd define your idea of success, but in my book you already are successful, and you were as soon as you decided to make art your vocation in life, and by art I of course mean all of your endeavors, and especially your chosen professional ones.

You are a success because you are doing what you love. That's the basis of success. You could make a million bucks, but if you hated the job that earned you that money, then you would not be a success.

So there you have it.  :)

Remember to always be your own biggest fan, and then - right there - it just comes down to you and the camera. Then, when you get a great shot or video segment, or some great lighting or anything, right away you have created some excitement and good feeling for yourself. It sounds obvious, right? But you'd be surprised how many creative people can do something really good, but carry the defeatist attitude of "aw, nobody's gonna like it so it must not be any good", and then they themselves don't like it. I know you certainly don't have that attitude, but take it all the way in the other direction and be your own biggest fan, in a quietly confident way that we always talk about.

Your art is between you and God and the Universe and the Spiritual World. That is where it is created. After that, everyone and everything else (money, fans, etc) is extra. That part is the payoff, but the success is the first part. Success and payoff are two different things.....

Anyhow, you know all of that. I am just reinforcing you (which I like to do), and I hope your beer commercial shoot went well, and everything else that is going on, too. I thought your "Straight Out Of Middleton" post was pretty funny, too. Those guys in the pic look like real OGs, for sure.  :)

My ears are still ringing a little bit from the concert. Those guys really cranked it, maybe more than I was expecting, but they have turned into a powerhouse live band. They even crack me up a little bit because you've got these two big dudes up front, Neige and Zero, and Zero looks like he oughta be in "Lord Of The Rings", lol, and Neige sometimes gets this kind of friendly grin on his face, like "hey, this is all pretty cool, eh"? Like he's still kind of surprised at his success, even though he has busted his butt through touring for several years. So those two guys are like the two big Gaul rock stars (Neige is a total Gaul), and then you've got the two smaller dudes of the rhythm section, but those guys are driving the band, really pushing it. That's what happens when you play live, night after night for years. That's how Van Halen did it, and it has been a great Concert Week for me. And I've still got Opeth coming up in two weeks, so it ain't over yet.

Tomorrow I am gonna try for a hike. I can't guarantee it because there is always so much stuff to do these days, but I am sure gonna try. Fridays are usually pretty reliable, plus it's gonna be 100 degrees. So I will try to make a go of it. Saturday is the biggie, though, my tour of the Santa Susana Field Laboratory. I've been there three times before, but this is the first time they are allowing cameras. So that's a success right there, and I am stoked.

I will see you in the morning, my Baby. Sweet Dreams until then......

I Love You!  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :):)

Just Sayin' Hi :) (Alcest)

Hi Elizabeth,

I am home from Pearl's, just checking in because I saw your post (Chris Cornell) and I see what you are saying. At least I think I do. You are saying, "it's just work, it's just my job", etc. If that is what you meant by that post, I understand, and it's what I already thought before I wrote any of the stuff in the last couple blogs. I know that you and Johan have a working musical relationship.

Sigh.......

In analysing the situation, which is always good for me to do, I think that it all goes back to 2013/14 and Johan's relentlessness on the "like" button. (said with a smile and good humor). I think that's what got my radar up, lol, because you had (and have) been working with a lot of different musicians, many of them guys, but back then, it was "likelikelikelikelikelikelikelikelike" from Johan, like he had a speed dial on the "like" button, as fast as he could post it. And I guess that's what got me thinking, "Hmmmmmmm"........

Anyway, it's just something I have to process. It would've helped a little bit had you posted something on those two weekends you were gone, and maybe you did, I don't know. The news feed is sketchy sometimes. But I didn't see anything, until I saw your picture on Monday morning, of the hands playing the synth. And then I thought, "oh boy, Johan again"........well, I've already written enough about all of that. I will take your word for it, that it's just a working relationship. I was still gonna write anyway, so no worries.  :)

I am looking forward to the Alcest show tonight. I will take the subway to Downtown L.A., as always. I think The Regent is just a few blocks from the Pershing Square station. I should be back at Pearl's by Midnight or 12:30, and I will write more then. For now, I will be around til about 3:30, then a couple errands, then back to Pearl's at 4:30.

Have a great afternoon!

I Love You.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :):)

1:40am : Hey, Elizabeth - I am back from the show. Got back about 15 minutes ago. It was later than I thought because there was an extra band, and also they didn't start the concert until 8:45. It said 8pm on the ticket. Anyhow, the first band came on, and they had a girl singer, and they were playing some really dark, twisted music, so I thought they were Emma Ruth Rundle (Emma & band). I didn't know anything about her, so I watched the whole set and I thought, wow, she's pretty good. Really spooky music, like from a David Lynch movie. But then the band finished, and the stage crew were setting up for the next act, and twenty minutes later out comes a lone female singer, holding a guitar. I had been expecting Alcest to come on next, but now this really was Emma Ruth Rundle. Boy, she's pretty intense, eh? Very emotional music, nervous or even tormented perhaps. She was good, though, and somebody said it was her birthday. Neige came out to play guitar on one of her songs.

After she finished, there was an overly long set-up time for Alcest. It wasn't their fault; the venue just wanted to sell more drinks. It's tough for me at general admission shows, if I have to stand in place for several hours, cause my feet and legs really start to hurt. It would have been a piece of cake years ago, but not nowdays. :)

I was up close, though, about five feet from the stage, and Alcest finally came on at 10:45pm. Man, what a set. One song I was surprised to hear was (and I had to Google the spelling) "Sur L'Ocean Coleur de Fer". The live version they pulled off, mesmerising with twin chiming guitars and slow blending harmonies, really shows more than anything how far those guys have come as a live band, and I really think it's all that touring that has done it, just hundreds of shows in the last four years, since they became an international act. Zero especially, has become an MVP, right on the money with powerful tenor vocals and guitar accompaniment. Now it's this huge double vocal sound with him and Neige, high notes riding above the guitar parts.

They played 90 minutes, their longest set so far in the three times I have seen them. This time being their first headline show (at least since I've been seeing them starting in October 2011). The theater was pretty full, several hundred people.

When it ended, I walked quickly back to the subway station. It was only three blocks away. I would've liked to hang out, but it was already much later than I thought it'd be. But, once I got on the subway, it only took me 50 minutes total to make it back to Pearl's from Downtown L.A. Not too shabby. :)

So, all in all a great show and a nice evening. I hope you had a nice evening, too.

I see your Eva Cassidy post just now, and I know she is your favorite singer.  :)

It was super loud tonight, and I am half-deaf but happy. I will get to sleep pretty soon here, and then I will see you in the morning.

I Love You.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :):)

My Take On Things

Hi Elizabeth,

Happy Late Night. I hope you had a good day, and I am thinking of you. I saw your post about Alcest (from Fursy), and I am excited to be going tomorrow night.

It just takes me time to process stuff, you know? Just to process all the Johan stuff. I just kind of want to know where everything is going, and at the same time I know that's not an easy question for you to answer. It's just that, well, I look at things from a guy's perspective, and right from the beginning I looked at the Johan situation from his perspective. I described to you how I saw him pop up all of a sudden, in early 2013. Before that, in much of 2012, I had been having actual conversations with you, via FB messages. But then in 2013, all of a sudden there was this new guy, and he was hitting the "like" button on your posts as if he was sitting there waiting to do so.

I've explained all this before, but that was my introduction to Johan, and I had been - up to that point (or just prior) - the guy who was having conversations with you. Now, all of a sudden, here was some new guy, going wild on the "like" button (he seems to have tailed off somewhat, which is good because he probably would've calloused his index finger over)........

I looked at it from a guy's perspective, saw that Johan really liked you, and here we are today.

Sigh.......

Please take this statement with a smile from me, and a little bit of weary good humor, but I'm a little bit worn out.  :)

At this point I don't care if Johan is your boyfriend. He certainly wants to be. I mean, I feel ridiculous even typing these things, because again, here I am on Facebook and Blogger, typing to you in computerland, and while I know you read what I write, and I know you respond by your posts on FB, it is still a far cry from knowing you in real life as Johan does.

Elizabeth, I am sorry to be so blunt about the situation but here goes : for you, it may be just about music, or it may be more. I don't know. You seem to be an honest person, and yet you hacked my computer. But even then, I know (sort of) why you did it, and it seems to have come from the heart. Anyone else, and I'd have (maybe) called the FBI on 'em, but with you?.......well, I have always thought that You Are You. You are Elizabeth, so how could I stay mad about it? And so, in that sense, I think you are indeed an honest person, and you come from the heart. I haven't actually heard you weigh in on the Johan situation, not fully. You have said he is your musical partner, but you have also spent two straight weekends in Chicago with him.

Again, I feel so stupid.........so,so stupid......at my age, sitting here typing on the Internet about two young people whom I've never met, though you and I have had this unusual, symbolic and powerful communication and connection for 3 years or so now. But still, I feel stupid. I am an intelligent man, with a lot of things to think about, in a life that has been complicated, and here I am sitting and typing about a guy I have never met who is less than half my age who likes a girl I know from the Internet. It makes me feel just a little bit ridiculous, not because I don't have real feelings for you, but because I am literally communicating from a computer screen for all this time.

I know I just got sidetracked there, and I know I tend to do that, but I was trying to say that, bottom line, I know you are an honest person because I can feel it. And you have indicated (sort of, but perhaps not definitively) that Johan is merely your musical collaborator. That's fine.

The problem for me is that, being a guy, I can see things from Johan's perspective. I am a very perceptive person, but even if I wasn't, it doesn't take much perception to see that Johan would have no problem if your relationship with him became more than a musical collaboration. He. Likes. You.   :)    ....A Lot.

It's the truth, and again - who the heck am I to even comment on it, much less complain about it?

I feel stupid, because I am a guy twice your guys (you and Johan) ages, and I have never met either of you, nor spoken to, and here I am typing a blog about it, complaining about the poor guy. I feel almost absurd, to be honest, like an absurd person.

It would be different if I thought you were ever gonna talk to me, but right now, there just doesn't seem to be any sign that that is ever gonna happen. Meanwhile........there's Johan. I get the feeling he's kind of a quiet guy, maybe a tad shy with you, but he's persistent, and he's just waiting for the chance to be your boyfriend.

So, Elizabeth, that's why I am kind of resigned to it happening. I am still here, and I am still gonna write, but the thing is, that what you get out of a situation is what you put into it. You know, if you ever wanted to actually talk to me, you could get so much more from our conversations than I could ever give you in a blog, even a lengthy one. But you've gotta want to talk, or eventually the whole thing runs out of gas. And if Johan is waiting in the wings, well.........

That's the way I see it.

I have written, written and written, over 800 blogs now, many of them tedious with nothing to say, but I can't make any progress unless you are willing to.

Meanwhile, I am not gonna compete with Johan, who is your age and who lives near you, and who is relentless (in a gentlemanly way) in his pursuit of you.

I'm just too old for all of it. I have so much to think about in my life........so much......so much to think and wonder about, and to contemplate.......that I don't need the added worry of "is that guy pursuing Elizabeth"?

So you know what? I don't worry about it. I just let the chips fall where they may. I am still here; I will still write. I have complained in this manner for a couple of years now, have asked you to communicate with me directly. But now, Johan is in the picture more than ever, and that makes it even more difficult to not have direct communication.

So I am still here, I will still write, and by tomorrow (or at most a couple days), I probably won't even be upset anymore and things will be back to normal. That's my Aries Mars-In-Pisces nature.

What happens, though, it that when patterns continue, things erode.

Just please remember that what you put in to a situation, you get out.

God Bless whatever happens, and I am still on your side, and still with you in every way. But when I am dealing with a situation in which another guy likes the same girl as me.......well, I don't play those games. I am too old for that stuff, I have too many other things to be thinking about.

I don't trust guys.That's really the bottom line. Guys wanna make moves. And women are succeptible to moves, if the guy just hangs in long enough, and makes the right moves.

Soooo.....now that I've gotten all that ridiculous stuff out of the way (man, I feel like a ridiculous person), I will wish you Sweet Dreams.

I do love you, Elizabeth, and I will see you in the morning. I'll be back tomorrow.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoox  :):)