My Take On Things

Hi Elizabeth,

Happy Late Night. I hope you had a good day, and I am thinking of you. I saw your post about Alcest (from Fursy), and I am excited to be going tomorrow night.

It just takes me time to process stuff, you know? Just to process all the Johan stuff. I just kind of want to know where everything is going, and at the same time I know that's not an easy question for you to answer. It's just that, well, I look at things from a guy's perspective, and right from the beginning I looked at the Johan situation from his perspective. I described to you how I saw him pop up all of a sudden, in early 2013. Before that, in much of 2012, I had been having actual conversations with you, via FB messages. But then in 2013, all of a sudden there was this new guy, and he was hitting the "like" button on your posts as if he was sitting there waiting to do so.

I've explained all this before, but that was my introduction to Johan, and I had been - up to that point (or just prior) - the guy who was having conversations with you. Now, all of a sudden, here was some new guy, going wild on the "like" button (he seems to have tailed off somewhat, which is good because he probably would've calloused his index finger over)........

I looked at it from a guy's perspective, saw that Johan really liked you, and here we are today.

Sigh.......

Please take this statement with a smile from me, and a little bit of weary good humor, but I'm a little bit worn out.  :)

At this point I don't care if Johan is your boyfriend. He certainly wants to be. I mean, I feel ridiculous even typing these things, because again, here I am on Facebook and Blogger, typing to you in computerland, and while I know you read what I write, and I know you respond by your posts on FB, it is still a far cry from knowing you in real life as Johan does.

Elizabeth, I am sorry to be so blunt about the situation but here goes : for you, it may be just about music, or it may be more. I don't know. You seem to be an honest person, and yet you hacked my computer. But even then, I know (sort of) why you did it, and it seems to have come from the heart. Anyone else, and I'd have (maybe) called the FBI on 'em, but with you?.......well, I have always thought that You Are You. You are Elizabeth, so how could I stay mad about it? And so, in that sense, I think you are indeed an honest person, and you come from the heart. I haven't actually heard you weigh in on the Johan situation, not fully. You have said he is your musical partner, but you have also spent two straight weekends in Chicago with him.

Again, I feel so stupid.........so,so stupid......at my age, sitting here typing on the Internet about two young people whom I've never met, though you and I have had this unusual, symbolic and powerful communication and connection for 3 years or so now. But still, I feel stupid. I am an intelligent man, with a lot of things to think about, in a life that has been complicated, and here I am sitting and typing about a guy I have never met who is less than half my age who likes a girl I know from the Internet. It makes me feel just a little bit ridiculous, not because I don't have real feelings for you, but because I am literally communicating from a computer screen for all this time.

I know I just got sidetracked there, and I know I tend to do that, but I was trying to say that, bottom line, I know you are an honest person because I can feel it. And you have indicated (sort of, but perhaps not definitively) that Johan is merely your musical collaborator. That's fine.

The problem for me is that, being a guy, I can see things from Johan's perspective. I am a very perceptive person, but even if I wasn't, it doesn't take much perception to see that Johan would have no problem if your relationship with him became more than a musical collaboration. He. Likes. You.   :)    ....A Lot.

It's the truth, and again - who the heck am I to even comment on it, much less complain about it?

I feel stupid, because I am a guy twice your guys (you and Johan) ages, and I have never met either of you, nor spoken to, and here I am typing a blog about it, complaining about the poor guy. I feel almost absurd, to be honest, like an absurd person.

It would be different if I thought you were ever gonna talk to me, but right now, there just doesn't seem to be any sign that that is ever gonna happen. Meanwhile........there's Johan. I get the feeling he's kind of a quiet guy, maybe a tad shy with you, but he's persistent, and he's just waiting for the chance to be your boyfriend.

So, Elizabeth, that's why I am kind of resigned to it happening. I am still here, and I am still gonna write, but the thing is, that what you get out of a situation is what you put into it. You know, if you ever wanted to actually talk to me, you could get so much more from our conversations than I could ever give you in a blog, even a lengthy one. But you've gotta want to talk, or eventually the whole thing runs out of gas. And if Johan is waiting in the wings, well.........

That's the way I see it.

I have written, written and written, over 800 blogs now, many of them tedious with nothing to say, but I can't make any progress unless you are willing to.

Meanwhile, I am not gonna compete with Johan, who is your age and who lives near you, and who is relentless (in a gentlemanly way) in his pursuit of you.

I'm just too old for all of it. I have so much to think about in my life........so much......so much to think and wonder about, and to contemplate.......that I don't need the added worry of "is that guy pursuing Elizabeth"?

So you know what? I don't worry about it. I just let the chips fall where they may. I am still here; I will still write. I have complained in this manner for a couple of years now, have asked you to communicate with me directly. But now, Johan is in the picture more than ever, and that makes it even more difficult to not have direct communication.

So I am still here, I will still write, and by tomorrow (or at most a couple days), I probably won't even be upset anymore and things will be back to normal. That's my Aries Mars-In-Pisces nature.

What happens, though, it that when patterns continue, things erode.

Just please remember that what you put in to a situation, you get out.

God Bless whatever happens, and I am still on your side, and still with you in every way. But when I am dealing with a situation in which another guy likes the same girl as me.......well, I don't play those games. I am too old for that stuff, I have too many other things to be thinking about.

I don't trust guys.That's really the bottom line. Guys wanna make moves. And women are succeptible to moves, if the guy just hangs in long enough, and makes the right moves.

Soooo.....now that I've gotten all that ridiculous stuff out of the way (man, I feel like a ridiculous person), I will wish you Sweet Dreams.

I do love you, Elizabeth, and I will see you in the morning. I'll be back tomorrow.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoox  :):)