Good Afternoon, my Darling,
I am home from Pearl's. Ultimately, I did get a reasonable amount of sleep last night, so I feel pretty good, and it is a gorgeous late Summer day here in the 'Ridge. Gotta run a ton of errands, though. Hikes will have to wait for the upcoming week (and my trips to Downtown L.A. cause I've gotta use my train tickets before they expire).
I see that you may be at the Taste Of Madison festival, and I know you go every year. I hope you are having a blast! Again, I want to say that I loved your post yesterday, and I have to say again also, that because You are You it makes all the difference.
I don't wanna bring up the computer issue again. I mean, I knew about it last year, so I was already.....inured, I suppose would be a good word for it. I was already inured to it after discovering it a year ago. The only difference was that back then I thought it was your folks, but even then, after some time went by I just kind of let it go. I didn't really forget about it but it went by the wayside.
This time it was a shock (even though a delayed shock) because now I know it was you.
But You are You, and You are my Sweet Baby, and I just can't be mad at you. The only thing that still confuses me is the whole technical issue : if it was a Trojan virus (and I really do know next to nothing about all that stuff), then I can't figure why you'd have sent it to me when I was using library computers, because I'd be on so many different computers at different libes and even different systems (CSUN, city libes), that I don't see how it could work. Unless it's just limited to Facebook. And at the time, you'd have had no way of knowing that I was gonna get a home PC. And I'm pretty sure it isn't a password hack, as I stated earlier.
So I can't figure it out entirely, but in the end (and this is the important part) : You are You.
You are You, Elizabeth, and I guess you had your reasons for doing it. On an intuitive level, I understand those reasons, at least I think I do :), and the way you put it in your post (of the girl with the birthday cake), it is even endearing and sincere, if such a word can be used in this case, and I think it can. :)
You are You, and You are very sincere. On my own behalf, I must say again (one last time) that I'd prefer it hadn't happened, but it has, and I've known about it for a year so the shock only came back because I now know it was you and not your folks.
As far as all the things I wrote in one of my blogs a few days ago, most of it is due to the fact that I've been by myself for a very long time now. The part about me being the age I am (which is not an old geezer by any stretch, especially because it's me we are talking about, haha), is still important, mainly because time really does seem to go by faster after you get to about 45 or so. When you are 20, 30 feels like a long way away, and it is! Time, as we talk about so often, because it's an awesome subject, really does have elastic properties, and I can remember very easily how the span between 20 and 30 felt, or even the span between 20 and 25. It feels like a long, long time. And therefore it is! (kinda awesome, in a way).
It can still feel that way in your 50s, and it's kind of a trip because when I think back to certain memories of 2012, when I met you, some of those things - concerts, picture taking expeditions, writings - feel like they happened 5 or 10 years ago instead of just 3. So time is a weird thing. I love how weird it is! :)
But when you combine time with a person's age, if that person (me) has been alone for a long time, the person can focus on just that one aspect of time.
"Man, I've been alone for a long time, and I'm 55 already"! Then you start making mental leaps : "60 is just around the corner (a five year leap), will I still be alone then"? Five years, between 55 and 60, should feel like a reasonably long time, even though age does indeed make time feel faster. But what happens is that, when you've been alone for a long time, you start asking "what if"?, and you start making those mental leaps, which span years of time: "What if I'm alone at 60? At 70? Omg, that's only 15 years away"!
Now, fifteen years should feel like a very long time, and it does, even to a person my age. But the "alone" factor brings that worry into the equation, and you just start to focus on that one thing, as far as time is concerned. "Man, I've been alone for 25 years! Will I be alone for another 25"?
And all of a sudden, your mind is spanning 50 years, you are thinking backward and forward about that One Thing, and it feels like time is going by very fast.
As for me, I have had good friends in my life, and had my parents with me for a long time, and I've been extremely fortunate in so many respects, and I never forget that.
But I don't wanna wind up as just "one of the guys", a single old guy (and when I'm 80 I suppose I will be old, or at least a little bit) with no family. I want, and hope, to get married, and I know also - I certainly realise - that I am not Your Basic Marriage Material because I don't have a career, etc.
But I've already stated my philosophy on all that stuff, i.e. how all you've gotta do to make things work in life is just get the bills paid. To me, as a creative person, that's enough : make sure the bills always get paid, and try to save as much money as you can along the way. I may not have a career, but that's my philosophy, and I must say that it's been working pretty well of late. I have been fortunate, as I say, and am beyond grateful for all the blessings in my life. It has been an unusual life, but also very fulfilling to me in the best senses of that word, spiritually fulfilling most of all.
Anyway, that's enough about me.
As for you (and You and Me), we have been doing things this way, this type of communication, for a long time now. I always said I wouldn't rush you, and I would not, and couldn't anyway because it's your life. Especially at 19 or even 22 going on 23, I would not rush you into anything, even talking to me.
All I would say is that, for best results, it would be great to at least think about a time span : i.e. when you might want to have real communication. You don't even have to tell me, but you can if you want to. But I just say, for best results for us, at least start to think about it. We used to have some pretty great conversations, you know..... ;)
Finally, you are my Sweet Baby, and I do love everything you do, just like in your post of the girl with the cake. I know you've just wanted to "keep me in check" as it says in the text. All I ask is that you keep in mind the passing time, and even just think to yourself of a small way or ways to keep things moving forward, even just a little bit. :)
I am gonna go run my errands in a little bit, so have fun at the festival and I will see you in a bit. I'll probably be taking Pearl and The 'Ster to Lake Balboa at 4:30, but will be back at home by 7ish.
I Love You! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
12:15am : Happy Late Night, Sweet Baby. That is an excellent shot you got of the guy from Starset! I had not heard of them before, but that is some far-out stage gear he is wearing. At first, I thought it represented some kind of riot-police gear, like a comment on anarchy or "police-state" culture. Then I saw their FB page, and I discovered it is a Space motif, specifically like the kind of outfits you used to see in 1950s sci-fi movies.
That is some wild looking stuff, almost like a Devo conceptual trip, except harder rock of course. You must have been up close, and you got what I would call a great "rock n' roll" shot where the action of the concert is captured in the frame. I used to love shooting at concerts myself, and I only stopped because I didn't wanna miss any songs by concentrating on my photos, but shooting rock concerts is a blast!
I hope you had a fun day overall, you probably saw at least a couple bands, probably had some good food too. I took The Gang to Lake Balboa as previously described. Then this evening Grimsley came over to go on the Official CSUN Walk with me. I should trademark it and begin offering personalised walks or even group walks....... :)
Well, tomorrow morning is church and the usual Sunday schedule. For Communion (first Sunday of every month), we are singing an appropriate anthem : "Living Bread". I will be home after choir practice, and here at Pearl's for a short while in the morn before we leave.
Sweet Dreams until then. I Love You. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
No comments:
Post a Comment