Hi (my life)

Hi, Elizabeth,

I saw your post, of I Prevail. I don't know if it has to do with me, but because you made it at around the same time as I posted "Tales From The Crypt" for my brother, and because of the expression on the guy's face in the I Prevail post, I thought maybe it was a reaction to my post. Don't know if I am right or not.

Your post, as so often happens, did not appear in my newsfeed, and I only saw it because I searched "posts Elizabeth likes". I don't know why that happens; I even have you on "close friends" with every possible "alert" button clicked to show your posts above all others, but still they often don't appear. It could be because of your own very strict privacy settings, but again, I don't know.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I saw your I Prevail post, and if it was in response to me, that is good. Please know that I am not mad at you, and I will write more later tonight.

We do need to find a solution to the present problems, and I hope we can do that, and I think we can, if you want to.

Today is a little difficult for me because it marks 26 years of the night I nearly lost my life. That part doesn't bother me, believe it or not. It's the fact that it's never been acknowledged, and that is of course because that event was only part of something much larger, and it's the larger part that is the real reason for the secrecy. I will write a little bit about my feelings on the issue later on as well. Just please know for now that it's hard for me.

Perhaps because of my family experiences as an adolescent, or perhaps simply because of my personality, or maybe both of those things, I am a "fixer". I am a person who is always looking to mend things rather than throw them out. I am also an Aries, and thus incapable of holding a grudge. Read up on your astrology for more on that subject.

At any rate, I repeat that I am not mad, though I also must repeat that we need to find some solutions here, and as always with me, none of it needs to be a big overwrought emotional deal. When I get upset about something - which isn't often - my underlying feelings remain the same. I am not one of those people who attempt to "force" a false emotional shift inside myself, as in "so-and-so did such-and-such to me and now I hate them"! The best example I can give is my parents, who were very difficult to live with for many years. But beneath all the difficulty was love, and as I have said before, as a "fixer" I always prayed and wished for healing in my family, and in the last decade of their lives my prayers were answered, and I got my Real Parents back. The love that was always the bedrock of our family was as strong as ever, and was by then no longer overlaid with layers of emotional distortions. My folks were both sober and, even though they were separated by then, everyone was friendly and healthy and they became my best friends, whom I hung out with all the time.

So that's me, the fixer. I always want to fix things, and I can't hold a grudge because I'm an Aries. But sometimes I still need to find solutions to problems. That's how you fix things, after all.

I will write more later tonight.

:):)

12:05am : I am back. You don'tseem to be around this evening, but I'll write anyway, just a few random but hopefully cohesive thoughts.

The first thing is that, right now, I am dealing with two very stressful situations. I have been working for Pearl for 5 1/2 years, and up until last November it was fairly easy, and the daytime part still is. But nighttime is another story, and that is because Pearl, like many people who have some degree of dementia, has basically become nocturnal. For all intents and purposes, she'd prefer to stay awake at night and sleep during the daytime. It takes a lot of convincing even to get her to go to her bedroom at night, and when she does, it is most often reluctantly. Then, she tends to come back out to the living room every hour or two, and turn the lights and tv on. Each time I have to get up and attempt to restore the situation. If I am lucky, she sleeps all the way through the night perhaps twice a week. I'd say the average, though, is about once. Since last November, I probably average between 4 - 6 hours of sleep a night, and the only time I get a full night's sleep is on that one night per week when Pearl actually sleeps all night, or when I have days off and can sleep at home.

Okay, so the job is difficult at night, and I am long-term sleep deprived. Still, I can deal with it.

But things add up.

I have also been dealing, for 26 years now, with a situation that makes me wonder what my life is supposed to mean. I have never in my life heard of any situation, any story, that simply cannot be discussed. But it seems that What Happened In Northridge is indeed The Story That Cannot Be Discussed, or even acknowledged, and I just don't understand it. Even the most bizarre sounding Alien stories have been rumored, or mentioned outright.

For me, no such luck.

After I was kidnapped by my neighbor, which was only one of a series of events that occured overall, I was finally rescued by some men who were not police officers. I recently told as much to AFOSI, the Air Force Office of Special Investigations, in an FOIA request I sent to them in June. The men were not police officers or SWAT team, as one might expect in such a situation. There was a man in a suit, and there were a few who seemed to be soldiers, though not in traditional uniforms.

The man who kidnapped me was dealt with harshly.

After it was over, I was taken away in a helicopter.

Sounds totally crazy, right?

Except it isn't.

I was taken to a facility that is nowdays called a D.U.M.B., a deep underground military base. If you Google it, you will see that there are indeed such facilities. I believe the D.U.M.B. was at Edwards North Base, as it is called.

There are myriad details involved in this part of the story, which is just one event of many overall.  But that is why I wrote to AFOSI after all these years, because of the military involvement in my rescue, and because of the D.U.M.B.

The man in the suit turned out to be a very famous and important man, and you already know who he is.

Sounds totally crazy, right? I must be either a nutcase or someone making up a story for some self-aggrandizing reason.

Except I'm not.

This is just something that happened to me. I have tried to make sense of it, and have spent years doing so. I wrote a rough draft of a book that is 800 pages long.

But no matter what I have done, no matter what agency I have written to, I get nothing. Even Roswell got a few mentions in the newspaper. What I got was my memory taken from me.

When my memories came back, beginning in 1993 and continuing through 1997, I was The Boy Who Kicked The Hornet's Nest. First I was disingenuously called crazy. Then people who know better just plain clammed up. This story scares the living shit out of them.

If you look at my reading list on FB, you will see a lot of "alternative" books on what are called all kinds of "conspiracy theories", as if such a thing - some evil plan - could never happen in the good old U.S of A. That kind of stuff only happens in Nazi Germany or the Soviet Union.

There are no such things as Underground Military Bases here in America.

Except that there are.

And for some reason, I was taken to one, in a helicopter after I was kidnapped by a man I didn't know. To this day I don't really understand who he was nor why he did what he did. It almost seems like it was some kind of experiment, because of the military aspect.

But then there is the question of the famous man involved, and the fact that it was all covered up, memories erased, and kept secret now for 26 years and counting. And seemingly unspeakable, unacknowledgeable.

Even Roswell was acknowledged. But not What Happened In Northridge.

I am the only person who has ever spoken of it, and I have done so at length, but no one will respond.

The government won't respond, and it makes me feel as if my life doesn't matter. It's as if I have been thrown in the trash. It's a horrible feeling.

I cannot be dismissed as a typical tin-foil hat "conspiracy theorist" because I am too articulate, and I have been telling the same exceedingly lengthy story, in exact detail, for 18 years now. I have even figured a great deal of it out, at least as to participation and motives of others.

I can tell a story that is not easy to ridicule. That is why no one will respond to me.

And so this is something that is also very stressful in my life, because again, it causes me to wonder what my life is supposed to mean.

What is this thing that happened in 1989? Why did it happen to me, or at least with me at the center?

No one will tell me, and not only that, no one has ever even said, "yes, Adam, this did indeed happen to you". No one has ever even said that. And so I have to live with it, alone, every single day of my life.

Once, in a phone call in late 1994, Lillian alluded to "soldiers", as a way - I believe - of giving me a hint and perhaps trying to jump start my memory. But then, shortly afterward, she turned on me and has not spoken to me since. I do not rule out that she herself - and possibly other participants - were threatened, or perhaps even made to sign non-disclosure security oaths.

They have such things, you know. Just ask AFOSI.

There are monsters in this world, people who are capable of just about anything, and some of them might be in a war against each other. They might even think of themselves as "good guys" and "bad guys", but from where I stand, I am not sure I can tell the difference. What I can tell you is that there are Secret Keepers here in the United States, and they are the people who are really running things. They are Federal, and Military, and they have technologies that you would see in a science-fiction movie.

For some reason, in September 1989 they involved me in a situation - or maybe just rescued me from that situation - and my life has never been the same since. Because I don't know why it happened.

And no one will tell me or even acknowledge to me that it happened, though many people know it did. ///

And so, Elizabeth, my Darling (and you are that), this is my life. I would like for it to be simple, and it can be. 

You know how much I love simple things, like going on hikes, watching movies, reading books, just plain having fun.

But I don't have a lot of friends, and many things I do, I do by myself. Some of my friends were involved in What Happened In Northridge, and they will not talk about it. They just want to make small talk, and I have no interest in that.

I want to talk about reality, and this is not going to go away. The very fact that it is Federal and Military and top secret testifies to that fact. But I bear it on my shoulders alone, and it is extremely difficult.

Sometimes, I think I won't make it much further if something good doesn't happen. I have thought I won't make it to 60, because of the stress.

Other times, I feel as though I can live to 100 and beyond. That is because I am an optimistic Aries, and I have a great reserve of healing.

But this thing is not gonna go away until it's dealt with.

The Truth Has Got To Be Told, In It's Entirety.

Read "The Princess and The Pea" for an example of how an unpleasant truth can be deferred temporarlity.

The thing is, Elizabeth, this is my life, crazy as it sounds, and it is true, improbable as that sounds, and I am 55 and I wanna know in what direction my life is headed. When you get to be this age, time goes by much faster, and before I know it I'll be 65, and then 70. The people who have covered up what happened in 1989 aren't gonna help me, and I have no one but myself to rely on. But it gets lonely being me. I want to get married and I want to get married to someone who really wants to be with me.

I have never met someone who really wanted to be with me, all the time (minus the natural wanting to spend time outside a relationship with friends, ala "girls night out" or "guys night" or whatever).

For me, because my life has been what it has been, I could be with my wife and family nearly all the time, without the need for a lot of "small talk time" with friends and aquaintances.

I am 55, and I just wanna lock things down, and have a family, even if it's just me and my wife. And then I wanna spend time with my family, even if it's just me and my wife.

I don't have a lot of time anymore for small talk, or acquaintances, or especially dumb stuff.

I want to spend the remainder of my life in happy times, which can consist of doing almost anything (except Adam Sandler movies), and for me personally, in trying to learn about and understand what happened to me, and other people (including my Mom and Dad) in 1989. The Monsters cannot be allowed to win.

If you post "I Prevail", then that is apt; in the end, I will prevail, because this is my life. No one will cover it up or throw it in the trash.

I just need someone who really wants to be with me, is all.

Thanks for reading.

:):)