Me, and Where I Stand (it's not too bad so don't worry) :)

Hi Elizabeth,

I was glad to see you back on FB today. Sorry I didn't write the past couple days, but as you know my daily existence is kind of repetitive to report on and it is easier for me to write when there is a "conversational" aspect to it.

I was a little confused by the first post of yours that I saw, just because of the overall circumstances. You had not posted much since about 4th of July, or even before that, and for the past few days not at all (at least not anything I could see), and then when I did see your post today, the text had a wording like "the more I work with you the less I like you". It had to do with a Sony camera product of one kind or another, but in the past, when our two-way conversation was ongoing and more direct than it is nowdays, that is the kind of textual comment you would have used if you were upset about something. So maybe you simply meant it about the Sony product, I don't know, but I just found it unusual that, after not posting much at all for a week, and nothing over the weekend, that that would be your first post. I was thinking, "what in the world did I do now"?, lol.

Anyhow, I saw a few other posts, including the one with the cute kitty, so I hope all is well. The thing is, is just that I have to really maintain an equlibrium nowdays. My job is much tougher than it was even a year ago, and I have to really make sure I stay on top of stuff. Also, as I mentioned a week or two ago, I am finding myself at 56 all of a sudden (it snuck up on me, haha), and everything I do, or nearly everything, I do by myself. I don't want my life to be this way forever, and it is scary to me that I could be 66 in ten years, which go by fast when you are this age, and that I could be getting close to 70 and still be all by myself.

That is not something I want to happen - it terrifies me to be honest - and because I have been around a lot of older people and disabled people, I have seen what happens to people who are all alone.

I don't mean to burden you with a lot of this stuff, but suffice it to say that I am at a point in my life where I really want to move forward, even if it's just a little bit forward.

I have two major things I want to happen in my life.

I want to get married, and I want to find out what happened to me in 1989.

Neither one has to happen immediately, but I am just hoping for some small increment of forward progress, because years go by fast at my age.

I certainly do not wanna be One Of The Boys my whole life, and the reason I "do my own thing" so much of the time is because I simply don't know anybody to go hiking with, or who likes the stuff I like.

The last thing in the world I wanna do these days is "shoot the s**t" with The Boys.

I want someone to go to the opera with, and to the museum, and to parks, and on road trips, and just all kinds of stuff. There is so much to do, and to talk about, so many interesting things.

All a person needs is someone like-minded.

Anyhow, I just say all of this because I have been writing to you now for many years, and while it is true that our online "conversation" is not as direct as it was, because you are focused on your work, and rightly so, I suppose I still want to know if you want me to write to you on a day to day basis. You know I love to write. But as it happened this weekend, the faucet can reduce to a drip or nothing at all if there is no conversation going on. I have written over 1000 blogs now, so it's not as if I'm slackin'......  :)

It's just, as always, that I'd rather know where I stand, and if I am just a guy on FB, that is okay too.

But at this point, because of the way things are with my job, and the fact that it is getting to be frustrating to do everything I do by myself, I am really hoping that something good will happen for me, so that I won't be alone anymore. I certainly want to continue to write, and I hope you want me to, but it's just harder when you disappear for days on end, and then I wonder what I am doing it for. That's why I didn't write for the past two days.

Anyhow, today was a good day, with good singing. I hope your day was good, too.

I will see you in the morning. I Love You.   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :):)