Hi Elizabeth,
I am home from Pearl's. I saw your posts earlier, though I had to go through the "posts Elizabeth likes" search feature to see them. For some reason, sometimes your posts and likes don't show up in the FB ticker. I saw the one post, from berlin-artparasite, about "nothing changes until a pattern is broken". I assume you meant that for me. Am I right about that? I further assume it has something to do with what I put into my FB search window.
Elizabeth, we have a real problem here and I hope we can fix it. I know I said the other day that the fact that you've hacked me doesn't really bother me, but I am noticing today that the realisation of the hacking is having a delayed effect on me, much like it did last year when I first discovered it. What I mean is that, if it had been some stranger who had hacked me, I would have obviously been instantly shocked and outraged and motivated to do something about it. We don't know what strangers are capable of, after all, and anybody who has been anonymously hacked would be very shocked because it's akin to having your house burgled or your wallet stolen. It's an invasion, pure and simple.
But because it was you who did it, I was at first very quickly ready to forgive and move on, especially since you tipped your hand and sort of admitted it by getting upset that I had FB searched Lillian, or that last year I had sent her a friend request. At first I thought it was your parents, or maybe a techie friend who had done it for you, but the more I thought about it, those examples didn't make sense. This time, you have pretty much admitted to it, and you then made an FB post that alluded to "fear of losing" someone, which I took to mean me, as a way of explaining why you hacked me in the first place. Okay, I can try to understand all of that, so far.
I can try to understand it. But "try" doesn't go all the way, and I certainly can't condone it. Because of that, I don't know what to do here. Maybe you can think of something, because we need solutions.
I am not familiar with the workings of computers, as you know, but I've heard of some of the terminology, and over the past couple of days, the phrase "Trojan Horse" came to mind. I did some Googling and discovered that a Trojan Horse virus can basically give complete access to a person's computer to a hacker at another location. I also learned that a Trojan virus can be inserted into a file, such as an e-mail or an mp3 of a song. The person who receives it clicks on it, and then the Trojan virus which has been inserted into the file gets into that person's computer. Now, the hacker who has sent the Trojan-infected file can have complete access to the recipient's computer, with the ability to see everything that person does.
Elizabeth, you have basically admitted to me that you can see what I do on Facebook. You can see my people searches, whom I've sent a friend request to. I have wondered how you've been able to do this, but I always discounted that you may have simply guessed my password, because it's too random and idiosyncratic, and I've changed it a bunch of times anyway. But now it seems that you may have sent me a Trojan Horse virus, which - if that is the case - has allowed you to access my entire computer. On a side note, I have also Googled about Chromebooks, and everything I read tells me that Chrome is supposed to be virtually virus proof, but I know nothing about firewalls, don't know how they work, I know nothing about checking for viruses, etc.
Here is the part I really can't figure out, however : I did not have my Acer Chromebooks until June and November 2013, respectively. One at home, one at Pearl's. You had stopped talking to me directly and therefore stopped sending me song samples long before that. Our FB chats ended in September 2012. Now, when I got my first Acer, I believe I did download the mp3 of one of your song samples from our FB chats, onto the hard drive of the Acer. But the thing is, in your favor, how could you have known I would eventually get those Chromebooks for home use? After all, for the first 14 months I knew you, I used library computers. So why would you load a Trojan virus into an mp3 to send me on FB, when it would only go into a random Oviatt library computer used by dozens of students? And the library system would probably defeat the virus anyway? So, it doesn't make a lot of sense that you would have done that. I did download a song sample when I did get the first Chromebook a year later, but you had no way of knowing I would ever buy a home computer.
The only other thing I can figure is that it has something to do with my e-mail address. I remember that, at some point during our FB chats in 2012, you asked me for my e-mail address. You gave me some reason involving privacy, and it may have had something to do with your folks looking at your FB, I don't recall exactly. But I did give you my e-mail, and we communicated through e-mails for a little while while you were working on the Agalloch cover song. You may have sent me samples through my e-mail, and if so, if any of them had a Trojan virus, I supposed it could have later opened up in my Chromebooks after I purchased them. Those are all just guesses, and they are all I can think of with my limited computer knowledge.
The bottom line, however, is that you do have access to my computer. So far, you have only ever showed evidence of it on Facebook, and I wouldn't even have known it if you hadn't made it known, when you tipped your hand over my friend request to Lillian. But Elizabeth, because I know almost nothing about computers or viruses, or hacking, I have no choice but to assume the worst here; i.e. that you did indeed send me some kind of Trojan Horse virus and that you do indeed have access to both my Chromebooks.
I say "both" because you seem to know when I have put Lillian's name into the FB search, and I have sometimes done that on my Chromebook at Pearl's. The point is, though so far, you have only shown that you can get into my Facebook at will, I have to assume that you can get into my whole computer, and indeed both of them, both Chromebooks.
The question is what are we gonna do about this, Elizabeth?
I said at the beginning of this blog that at first, when you tipped your hand a few days ago, I wasn't really that upset, and that is 100% true. I wasn't happy about it, but I wasn't tremendously upset, either, as I would be if a stranger has hacked me.
But just like last year, it has had a delayed effect, and as the last few days have worn on, I have found myself becoming very frustrated and dismayed about the hacking, if not outright pissed.
It depresses me, because it is a huge deception, a violation of my trust. I really hope you can see that, but I have to say, I am not sure that you can, because after we went through this last year, I asked that the hacking be stopped (under the assumption that it was your parents). But the fact is that it has not stopped, and it turns out that it has been you who is doing it. You can see that it is wrong, can't you? I hope you can.
I've said that this latest realisation, that I've been hacked, has had a delayed effect, and Elizabeth, that is in your favor. Had this been a stranger, not only would I have been immediately outraged, but I would have contacted Facebook and Chrome to see what could be done about it, and if I'd discovered the stranger's identity, I'd have reported that person immediately. Anybody would do the same. I'm sure you would do the same.
But Elizabeth, because it has been you, I have done nothing. My problem, our problem, is what do I/we do now? I have to ask you - and I am gonna need an answer - how far does this hack go?
Do you have access to everything I do? To my banking information? My various passwords?
As I say, I have no choice but to assume the worst, and if it is the worst, I just have to say that if any action involved my other computer sites, like my banking or my Yahoo or any site that I use, I'd have no choice but to report it. Anyone would do the same. You would do the same. Please ask yourself how you would feel if someone hacked you. What would you do? How would you feel if I hacked you? Would you be as forgiving, as lenient as I have been?
So I really have to know if this hack is limited to FB, or if it is a full-on Trojan Horse full computer access of my Chromebooks.
And even if you tell me, I still don't know what to do. I don't wanna say "I don't trust you any more", because that isn't the case, but I really don't know if I should just trash my two Chromebooks and start over, or what?
That is why I need your help in finding a solution to this. Elizabeth, you felt confident enough to trust that I would not get really pissed off when you tipped your hand that you'd hacked me. Perhaps you felt it was legitimate because I had put Lillian's name into the FB search box.
Let me tell you something, even though I am not really pissed about it, nothing justifies your hacking of me. Nothing. I can understand that you have some trust issues because of what your family has been through, and that's a whole other subject, and very understandable and something I certainly have compassion for. But it gives you no right whatsoever to abuse my trust by putting a virus into my computer, or whatever you have done here. You might as well have broken into my apartment, or read my diary. The violation of privacy is the same.
The irony is that I have been pretty open with you about my life. I have never met you; never spoken with you; you don't even message me directly for three years now, and yet I have written, and - when the spirit moves me - I have tried to convey my innermost thoughts and feelings to you. When I've said "I Love You", I have meant it every single time.
You made an FB post earlier this afternoon, berlin-artparasite - that said "nothing changes until a pattern is broken", which obviously means "I've busted you again, Adam"! as far as whose name I put into the FB search box. But there is no justifying what you are doing.
You are still friends with Stephane, your own ex-boyfriend, and you have many other male friends, Johan for instance, who care a great deal for you, and who see you on at least somewhat of a regular basis.
I, on the other hand, have not seen nor talked to Lillian (minus unpleasant situations like court dates) since 1992, before you were born. All I've done is looked at her FB, which is mostly privatized anyway.
Elizabeth, I really do love and care for you, and I really have been thrilled to watch you grow into your career - which is gonna be successful and fantastic - and you have meant so much to me in so may ways .
And you still do, even with everything I have just written.
But I just don't know what to do here, and I am going to need your help if there is to be any kind of solution. I need to know to what extent this hacking has gone. Do I need to toss my Chromebooks and get new ones? My trust has been violated to the extent that I am not sure I'll ever be certain again that I'm not being hacked. I have been through so much major-league stuff in my life that I just don't need any more.
What I need and want is trust, honesty and love.
I hope we can repair this situation, but I am gonna need your help to do so.
I will be right here, of course, and on usual schedules, as usual. Please don't wait if you wanna fix this.
I know you are busy with your videos, and rightly so, and just to reassure you, I am genuinely not mad at you, just upset and perturbed at the situation, which absolutely cannot continue.
Let's fix it?
Adam
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