My Angel Elizabeth,
I want to sit with you under the stars, and know the galaxies inside your heart. I want to know and make sense of all that you are, and hope you will want to make sense of me, too.
It's all I want to do in the whole world. Honest.
I Love You More Than Words Can Say, and I'd give anything to be with you at this moment.
Love, Adam xoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
10:45am : I'm back. I hope you are feeling okay. I hadn't heard much from you since you went to the concert on Saturday, and I just figured you had homework and other stuff to do. Then on Monday I wrote that story. As I said, I felt compelled to write it because the newspaper article didn't tell the whole story. As for the details about my own life, I knew that bringing them up wasn't the most pleasant thing to write about, but I figured you knew most of those things anyway, at least in general if not the specifics. I hope you are not mad at me for telling that story, and I hope you don't think I'm a weird or creepy person. I'm not, you know. I'm the same guy you already know. There's only one Me. :)
I have always said that you can tell me anything, if you want to. If you ever feel stressed, frustrated or depressed about anything, I understand all those feelings and will always listen to you and bear any burden with you and for you. If you ever feel unsure or vague about life, or the future, I know those feelings too. You are never alone, not even for a second. If, on a few nights, I have ever only written a brief "goodnight" message, it was only because I had nothing very interesting to report on my end, and was not able to make conversation because I didn't hear from you. If I don't hear from you for a few days, I don't always know what to say, how to respond. At first, I usually just figure you are busy, but I always wonder if everything is okay, too, meaning okay at home, okay at school and work, etc. I hardly ever write such a long story about my life in the past, or people I knew, but when I do - because the details are often a bit unusual - I wonder if you are okay about me, too. If you will think poorly of me. All I can say is that my life has been what it has been, and I'm here now, and you know me now. I have told you about my life, because it was already up there on Myspace, and more importantly because I love you. So you should know about my life. Mostly, though, what I am, what my life has been, has been exceedingly normal. I'm an even-keel, normal guy.
I do like to write, though. I like all things creative, and since I met you, my desire to be creative has really come to life. Creative people like us, because we think and feel things deeply, can sometimes have anxieties about life, sometimes vague feelings about life's direction. What I have learned, and I think I said this to you a while back, is that life - when you really think about it - is merely a series of days and hours. When looked at that way - life as ongoing compartments of time - it can help you to "live in the now" (as they say), and not worry about the past or future. When you think of life as days and hours, you can say, "man, this is a beautiful afternoon", or "this piece of music is fantastic", or "boy, the birds are really making a racket this morning". You can pick out little things, isolated things that make a day or an hour special. That's what life is.
Best of all, when you love someone, and when you are loved, you can say to yourself (if you are me, for instance), "I wonder what Elizabeth is doing right now? Probably in class or working. It's so great to have her in my heart, because no matter where I am, she is with me too".
I want to be with you in real life, so that we can share these days and hours together. But in the meantime, we can share everything in the way we have been. But the main thing to know is that we are both strong, happy people. When I write a story like I just wrote, it doesn't mean I am re-living it, or re-living the emotions. You could say I was channelling them, in this case through Steve, because he got left out of the story about the baseball movie. But once I wrote it, it's written, and I'm the same Me that you always know.
It's like if a musician plays a sorrowful tune in concert, then after the show he goes home and has a normal evening with his family. Or if an actor plays a sad scene on a movie set, then goes and has lunch with the crew. Same deal here. I know that, as an Artist, you understand that feeling. You can be inspired to write a very moving piano piece, and be completely immersed in the mood of the music while writing it, and then when you are done, or even in between on a break, you can go for a happy walk in the sun, and listen to the birds sing.
The difference with us is that We Are Strong. Some artists, some friends, some people in general, aren't as strong. Some of my friends didn't make it this far in life, and I think about them and hold them in my heart and in my memory. But I am different, and for that I am grateful. I have always had an optimism about life, because I don't see life in terms of society and expectations and pressures and artificially created psychological systems. I have always seen it as days and hours, and what an amazing and beautiful world we live in.
That vision is what I have always tried to share with you. Of course, you know I have a practical and responsible side, as well. But that side is automatic. Where I actually live is in the Days and Hours Side.
Life is magic, Elizabeth. The more you go on, the more you will see just how true that is. I don't mean all the "stuff" going on everywhere, I just mean Life.
You are never alone, you have me everywhere you go, all the time. I know you, and you are a strong and happy and optimistic person like me. But I am always here to listen, and to be with you, in any case.
You changed my life, you are my Miracle, I thank you, and I Love You. xoxoxoxoxo :):)
(I've gotta pick Pearl up at 1pm, but will be around before and after that)....... :)
2:15pm : That's us! We're flute players, we can survive anything. :):) And the thing is, 99% of the time we do it effortlessly, because we can see the magic. There is something interesting, I have found, about being sensitive to the magic, and it's that there is a promise behind it. I guess what I mean is that perhaps an "average" person (even though there is no such thing, but you get the idea of what I mean) just sees the ordinary stuff in life. For an average person, life is mostly about the practical and tangible; jobs, promotions, bills, cable packages, home improvements, savings, retirement. And that's all fine. Nothing wrong with that. That's what people are trained to do, to operate in a societal way, as part of a society. I've written about all of this before, and you know that I accept the parts of that way of life that are necessary; getting the bills paid, taking care of business and all.
But for people who are not average, who don't think of life in just the material or societal sense, but think of something much, much bigger, there is this feeling that we get from constantly pulling back the curtain to see what's on the other side. We get the persistent feeling of incredible promise, that if we just keep following the path we are on - a path that can meander, we don't always know it's direction - that there will be something there, many things actually, that will be amazing. The promise is Mystery; Curiosity and Mystery are the carrot and the stick. We who are sensitive (emotionally & psychically, sensitive in all ways really) live behind the scenes, behind the everyday goings-on. We are constantly pulling the curtains back, being curious, seeking mystery. And as we go along, we sense the growing feeling of incredible Promise.
It's awesome, really. It's what the Magic is, that unknown Promise. Along the way, we see all the amazing stuff, and more importantly we feel it. I can be at Corriganville, or you can be at one of your Special Places, and all we have to see is a shadow move a certain way, or feel the coolness of the air in a sudden temperature drop in a group of trees. We feel those things and we are transported, straight into the Magic.
A lot of folks might be in such a place and have a nice day.
You and I experience Enchantment. It's no exaggeration. We don't force it, or try to feel it. It just happens.
Along the way, because we are sensitive and because life is life, there are periods when the mood can change color, darken a little bit. But for us, these periods are brief, because we know how to remedy them. We recognize them as things going on around us. Not inside us. Sometimes we absorb a bit of their essence, and then we can feel a bit off.
But then we remember our own essence , what we are made of, how we see and live life.
And we know that things are just fine, and will always be so. Because for us, Life is Magic.
xoxoxoxoxo :):)
(back in a bit)
7:25pm : That is right on about musicians and money. And it should be applied to the consumer, too. Hey people, if you want quality music, buy the albums, either on CD or from iTunes or wherever. One of my favorite artists, Steve Howe from Yes, was talking about how an album release used to be an event - the highly anticipated new music, the album artwork, the lyrics. Now, everything gets leaked, people bootleg the album or steal it, it sells far fewer copies and very often a new release is forgotten about not long after it is released. Then a domino effect happens. A band will just make a half hearted effort at writing new music, because they know it's just gonna get stolen and downloaded even before they can put it out.
I know that in the 90s, and even ten years ago, CDs were way overpriced, 18 bucks and such. Some still are, but nowdays a price like that usually applies to a deluxe edition with all kinds of extras and fantastic artwork. Many CDs now, regular editions, are only 10 or 12 bucks. If you legally download from Amazon or iTunes, an album is 8 or 9 bucks. That's not much to pay to keep your favorite artists in business, and caring about the quality of the music they put out. Albums should be an event!
Speaking of which, did you get the new Russian Circles? You probably have. I just now heard the samples at Amazon, and it sounds great. Lately, I've been spending all my "fun money" on DVDs (cause movies rule, too), but I will have to catch up on some albums, the RC being one of them. They are touring eastern Europe right now, but will no doubt come to America shortly.
Well, the mailman finally delivered my 2nd Chromebook today. I took it to Pearl's, then didn't have time to set it up, but I will do it tomorrow morn, then I will be connected during work hours once again. I am now gonna hang out for a little bit, go on my walk at 8:30, then be back for the rest of the evening.
I Love You, my Darling. :):) Us = :D Me
11:15pm : I've been reading "Doctor Sleep" since I got back from my walk. It's a page turner, Stephen King has always been great (my favorite author), but in recent years he's honed his style and doesn't need pages and pages of words to describe a scene. He was always able to keep a story moving forward, but now he's really tightened it up. There is an aspect to this book that is fascinating to me, and that is the psychic connections he describes between the main characters. King is a genius, and he knows so much about what makes people tick, especially people who are extraordinary or different, and he knows so much about psychic phenomena. In this book, there is a lot of telepathy described, very precisely too, he describes the mechanics of it. It's a horror story, of course, and if you haven't read King, he is as horrific as it gets. He pulls no punches. But he also knows so much about the human condition, and in this book he talks about "sending and receiving". Do you ever feel you are a little bit psychic? Or maybe more than a little bit?
"Doctor Sleep" got me thinking about it. When we met, I felt a very strong psychic connection to you, like a "pull". I talked about that a lot last year. You and I seem to have an unspoken aspect to our communication that is very powerful. I think about it a lot, and it fascinates me. The way we met, how we hit it off immediately, the way we meshed intuitively, the way we have been able to communicate symbolically. It's interesting to consider. It's like we could be on two different planets and still find each other.
We have "Radar Love", like the song says. :):)
Other than that, I am just listening to KUSC like I do in the evenings.
They are saying that a meteor appeared in the sky tonight over Southern California. I didn't see it, but I feel the same exhilaration with you.
Sweet Dreams, my Angel. I will see you in the morning. xoxoxoxoxo :):)
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