Postscript

Good Evening, my Angel,
  I know it's late, and I've already written a ton. I also am guessing you're likely asleep. Lastly, I know that was an ultra-long story, and that it had a lot of details about me that were pretty frank. Writing it, I was aware of two things - first that you already knew about my past, that the 90s were a wild and crazy time for me, and that I'd used drugs, that I'd been arrested (though for nothing serious, and that's the truth). But secondly, I knew while writing that, even though you knew about my experiences in the 90s, or at least some of them (from Myspace blogs), that we had long since stopped talking about that stuff, and to bring it up again might be startling. I don't mean Startling With A Capital S. You are a grown woman, a woman of high intelligence and wisdom, you know how the world works. You know that people live real lives, and lives can be. and usually are, somewhat messy. I knew you knew all that, but I was still aware in writing that blog that it might be startling, with a small s, to read about that stuff again. After all, we are in a new paradigm. We are in a beautiful place, I think. You and I have arrived in a place that is very beautiful indeed, a place of our own making. It is a place of artistry and creation and good feeling, and we live there all the time now, in our hearts at present, and before too long in real life.

So, just because I know it was a long, long blog, about a tough story that was personal to me, and may or may not have been interesting to read for that reason, and because it contained a lot of personal past details that I'd long since stopped writing about, you should know, if you found it weird or difficult (or even boring, lol) to read, that I only wrote it because I had to. I mean, I wanted to write it, but more than that, I was compelled to write it.

That's why it was such a subject changer, in the midst of everything new I've written about.

Seeing Steve's picture in the newspaper had an affect on me, not just because of my history with him, or the way he died, or even that they want to make a movie about it. I think it was because, in the photo, I was seeing him as a kid for the first time. It came out of the blue, as I was having morning coffee at Pearl's. I still think of Steve occasionally, but to see that photo and read that story brought everything back, full force.

I knew when I left Pearl's this morn that I'd have to write about it, to get it out of my system. It even felt like Steve was telling me to write about it. Of course that sounds weird, but then we have already told a lot of ghost stories, so you know me pretty well by now. In fact, you know most everything about me. There is nothing to shock you with any more, and really, though there have been many interesting experiences in my life, it really isn't all that shocking when compared to many lives in the modern world.

I like to think it has been interesting, yes. But shocking? Not too much. Not by today's standards. So, haha and smile/smile, I hope and trust that you'll keep that in mind when reading about speed and misdemeanor arrests and BS restraining orders. In truth, I really am a pretty steady person - slightly conservative even, in a good way! :)

I have lost many friends along the way, people who have died due to drugs and otherwise, but I was always able to make it through because God gave me a lot of inner strength. He also gave me a great family, and, despite their difficulties and troublesomeness, wonderful parents. I have only realised that since I turned about 45 or so. Since I lost them, really. That was when I realised how awesome my Mom and Dad were. Not in a World Sense, or in a "best parents ever" sense, but just in my life. In my life, my parents - in hindsight - were very very wonderful to me. Sometimes it is only in hindsight that we see these things, but I think I really knew it all along.

Enough about me, except to say, that's why I am here and enjoying life, and why I feel so incredibly blessed to have met and fallen in love with you. It is because of the blessings of inner strength and good family I'd already been given. It is good to discover blessings where you may not have seen them at first. I'd been at dark places in my life, though never as dark as Steve's or Dave's, but dark enough. Still, I always got through them, because of my blessings. And now, I am way past all of that. I am a strong person now, but when I see a story like today's, I still feel compelled to write about it, because it is important, I think, for the truth to be told and for people to be represented, especially those who are no longer here to represent themselves.

So, I wrote to stand up for Steve.

It was meant to be read dispassionately, not with heavy emotion. Many years have passed, and the circumstances have waned. Everything is different now - everything except the artistry, the desire to create, to find that which is poetic. Those are things I try to share every day with you, even on ordinary days when I don't have much to write about.

So, today and tonight, writing late, I hope all is well. I hadn't heard from you yesterday, and now today, since your concert in Chicago, so I hope you got home okay and that all is well, at home and in school. I am assuming it is, and that you were catching up yesterday on sleep and homework, and that today you perhaps began reading my story and didn't know what to say, because it was such a "curveball" from what I've been writing about in recent times. It was meant to be a story about Steve, but because our lives interconnected in those years, I could not tell his story from my perspective without adding details from my own life.

So there you have it. I am thinking about sending an edited version of the story to the Daily News, so that they will see that Steve's own story should be included if there is ever to be a motion picture made from this tale. If it's just gonna be a bunch of already well-off former ballplayers getting more money from a story about their old bank robbing coach, well, then I am gonna stand up for Steve, who didn't get a fair chance in life. In Hollywood, people very often want to bury unpleasant details in the race to entertain, to make a buck.

Many cheap movies are made that way, and while I have nothing against movies made for the purpose of sheer entertainment, this is one story that deserves to be told truthfully, if it is to be made in to a motion picture.

Because it involved the real life of a friend of mine.

Again, I hope all is well, I am sure it is, and I will see you in the morn.

Sweet Dreams, my Angel. I Love You.      xoxoxoxoxoxo  :):)