Good Post ("The Music Room")

Hi, my Darling,

I am just getting back from the hair salon, this time I got my hair cut, too. I saw your post. Very well stated. The funny thing is, and it's funny in a good way, is that I've always been the same way. When I was in my early twenties, like you are now, Ono (real name Pat) dubbed me "The Guy Who Never Calls Anybody", because it was very rare for me to do that, to call somebody just to talk. I always used the phone for informational purposes, like "what time are we going to the movie"? or something like that. If it was the other way around, and somebody called me, I would usually talk to them as long as they wanted to talk, about whatever they wanted to talk about. That's how I got a reputation as a good listener, but it was very, very rare for me to initiate a "conversational" phone call. It wasn't that I was being rude or standoffish, I just never felt the need or desire to call someone up just to yak about stuff, lol. In person was fine, but even then, ever since I was a little kid, it was no problem for me to spend hours by myself, reading my books or listening to music. I am very much "inside my own head", as they say, which means I like to think, as I said yesterday.

You are probably the same way, to a certain extent. The difference is that you have a lot more friends and acquaintances than I ever did. I was always pretty solitary, with a small group of longtime friends with whom I am very social - when it's in person. When it's in person, you can't shut me up. Opinionated Aries, lol.

Besides us both being intelligent, contemplative people, we both have our Mars in water signs, Pisces for me, Cancer for you. That is the source of some internalisation. Conversationally, you have your Mercury in Scorpio, which tends to be more reserved in conversation (though extremely deep in probing thought), and I have my Mercury in Aries, hence my inability to shut up once I do start talking (geez....shut up already, Ad!).

We both have our Moon in Capricorn, which can tend toward the melancholy sometimes in emotional matters.

That's the astrological part, and there's a lot to astrology, once you know the actual physical celestial factors behind it (and who knows what other forces).

But the thing is, I know how you feel cause I've been there. You may never have been labled "shy", but I was, as a small boy, and I always hated that label. They (teachers, mostly) would use that word like it was a handicap. "He's shy". Looking back, I don't think I was at all, or maybe just a tad. What I was, was "in my own head". Now I look at it like I am always in a cosmic conversation with the Universe. To be more specific, I think it's a part of being somewhat psychic, like your whole life, something is talking to you, but in thought instead of in voice. It could be your own curiosity, or it could be something else, but when you are a person who is "inside your own head" (meaning simply a person who is always thinking), you know what it feels like. And so, it is no problem at all to be alone, to "be your own company", because there is always something interesting going on inside.

Sometimes, wanting to be alone is for other reasons, and because I grew up in a very dysfunctional household, I know that feeling well, too. Sometimes I just wanted to be in my own room, and away from all the turmoil. One of the things, though, that I thank God most for, is that it all turned out okay, and my parents were ultimately okay and lived long lives and I was very close to them throughout. But as you can see, there were many reasons I was a Solitary Child, and why even today, I have no problem just hanging out by myself, about 90% of the time when I am not working. I like to read my books, go for my walks, watch a movie or show, even go to a concert, and I have no problem doing it myself. It's not that I'm a loner - quite the opposite. I like people fine. It's just that I am "in my own head", and I realise the things I think about, and read about, would not be of interest to most if not all of my friends. I can talk about how the Lakers are doing, or what happened on the news, because I do pay attention every day and I have a great capacity for detail and different subjects. It's just that I'd rather be talking or thinking about other stuff, mostly the kind of stuff I write about when I am not writing about what I did all day, haha.

Anyway, you know the feeling, and I wanted you to know that I know it, too. You are so special to me, Elizabeth. I just want you to know that I know that it's not always easy to be a person who thinks and feels deeply about life. But the good part is that it gets easier as you go along! That's a fact. The thing is, with me, besides just having A Guy Who Loves You, you've got Your Rock. I am that, too, because not only do I understand how you feel (cause I'm the same way), but I will always be a source of support for you in all ways. I think I even said once that we could be an Art Couple like the ones where she is on one side of the room playing the piano and he is on the other side, painting. And we could either talk or not talk and it wouldn't make a lot of difference because we'd know........we'd feel one another, as they say.

When I was talking about communication in my last couple blogs, it was mainly just because I was confused about what seemed like a major drop-off in communication since New Year's or thereabouts. And because I am 2000 miles away, I can't "feel it" as well as I could if we were in the same room. And then I saw that new guy's name popping up since about the same time, and I thought........oh no.

"It's me, and I'm boring her, and here's some new guy". I didn't know, and after all I am 2000 miles away. I also admit I don't do well with other guys sometimes. Though I am far away, I have thought of myself as your boyfriend, and I mean my goodness.....we have both posted some pretty serious stuff in that regard, and I have been 100% serious with everything I have said. When we fell in love, the excitement was so electric that we talked about marriage, the whole works. Or to be specific, I talked about it in these blogs, but I was responding to pictures you posted of brides and such, or happy couples. But we went all the way in talking about it, so naturally I have considered myself your boyfriend, even though I live far away.

Because of all this, and because I had gotten used to this form of conversation with you (i.e. non-direct), I figured I'd better be the one to write everyday, because I wanted to!, but also because it was necessary for at least one of us to do it, to make up for the 2000 mile difference. And mostly, it's been fine. Really! :):)

It was just that this time, it was that confluence of factors : your post about the "social media" thing, and then this new guy suddenly appearing, and in almost every one of your posts. I thought, "oh no, he's the new Me". Because when you met me, we hit it off right away, and there I was all of a sudden, in every one of your posts! (good grief, Ad. Get a grip).........

So being a worry wart, and being 2000 miles away, I just wondered, "maybe I am getting boring, and thus, New Guy has arrived". Also, guys see a Beautiful Girl, and they think, "hey, is she single? Maybe I have a chance". I have no idea about this particular guy, but it was just those two factors: The seeming drop-off in communication since New Year's, and then the appearance of the new guy. And, I'm not able to directly ask, because of this method of communication.

But more importantly, and most importantly, that was an excellent post from you just now. It helped me to better understand the situation, and again, boy can I empathize. All I can say is that, when you feel that way,  like keeping to yourself, I understand and I am right here waiting. And, it's never been three weeks, like in Sarah's post. Just a day or two here and there. And mostly, we have had good, continuous communication. I think so, anyway. But also, and this is important, too, please know that if you are ever feeling the need to be quiet because something is bothering you, whatever it may be, I will listen if you want me to. I understand a lot, because I've been through a lot, and I'm a good listener regardless. I Love You and I'm your Rock (and your Navy Seal and all those other things, too).

Tonight is movie night, so I'll be back at the usual time, 10pm-ish. Gonna head back to Pearl's at 4:15.

You Rule.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :):)

11pm : I just finished up my walk. The rain is only a drizzle now. Our movie tonight was called "The Music Room", directed by Satyajit Ray once again, and it was fantastic. Really mesmerising, like a dream. The story revolves around an aging landowner in feudal India (early 20th century), who is slowly losing all his land to erosion from the local river. He has also lost almost all his wealth due to the changing state of his country. He doesn't have the power he once had, and the modern era is coming in, influenced by longtime English rule.

So, as he slowly runs out of money, what does he do? He spends the remainder of what he does have, on concerts! Only he calls them recitals, and they are held in "The Music Room" of his decaying palace. There are other elements to the story, such as his rivalry with an up-and-coming Nuevo Riche neighbor who has bought in to the modern way of doing things. But what is grabbing about this movie, is that it hypnotises you in the way it cuts back and forth from the story to the lengthy concert scenes. Indian raga music is hypnotic anyway, and Ray's use of  b&w imagery, and the grey scale tones he gets, look like something out of The Picture Of Dorian Grey (no pun intended).

These movies are a mindblower, because they were shot in India, inside crumbling old buildings that look like they might as well exist in some other world. Everything about the look of the film (and his other films) is different. The people are different, the buildings are different, the music is different..........but the stories are something anyone can relate to. India looks like a place that existed long, long, ago, in a world where time stopped. Films like these are not for everybody, but if you like art films even remotely, see "The Music Room". The imagery and sound alone will be worth your time. For me, it's one of the top films I've ever seen, period.

I hope you had a nice evening, and you know I am always thinking of you. I Love You, Elizabeth.

Sweet Dreams, and I'll see you in the morning.   xoxoxoxoxoxo (real hugs and kisses)  :):)