Hi, just me.

Hi Elizabeth,

I saw your post earlier today, the one with your German photographer friend. I don't know if it was meant as a response to my blog or just an ordinary FB "like", but if you did mean it as a response, all I can make of it is that the guy is standing in the woods. In your only other recent post, from several days before, the pensive looking girl in the photo is also in the woods, so maybe that's your message. Are you back out in the woods with your class?

The last time you were out there, you were still able to make all those posts of canoes and fog, lots of posts in other words, so that I was able to get the message and understand. But this time, just one post since last weekend. So maybe you guys are camping out somewhere, no wifi, no iPhone reception, I dunno.

Anyhow, I am a little tired, just because it stresses me out, all this miscommunication and lack of communication stuff. I don't wanna harp on it all right now, just wanna salvage what's left of the Halloween week, so what I think is best, for now, is that I will just wait until you get back from your camping trip, or whatever, and when you get back, you can post if you want to, and I will respond. I'll be right here. It's just that these surprises (disappearances or whatever you want to call them) constantly put me on the back burner, and then I wonder why I am writing blog after blog after blog. Many times, I can see no one is reading them anyway. Sometimes, though, I get a whole slew of page views from someplace like Poland or France, like 10 or 20 all at once, and that bugs me because it's like back in the Myspace days, when I didn't know who was reading, and if it's a bunch of snoops or idiots.

I just want things to mean something. I've said before - and I know it's true and I like it this way, haha - that I am not the most interesting guy in the world. I'm not trying to be, and what bugs me about the Internet is that it's a barrage, all day long, of people all trying as hard as they can to "outcool" or "outhip" each other.

I am a guy who goes as far as he can in the other direction from that.

Now I am on a tangent again, but I guess what I mean is that if I am gonna write conversational blogs everyday, as I have been doing for almost two years now, then I am gonna need some input. And even then, I am still gonna be the same old me, not Mr. Excitement, perhaps, but whatever I may be for better or worse. I should say that I think, when you get home from Europe, or at least by the beginning of next year, we should have direct conversation. You can let me know what you think about that, and I will listen, and I don't want to make any absolutes or set exact timetables, but there has gotta come a time when we move forward, if you want to do so. Better communication can come even in small increments, nothing drastic at all, but at some point, it's gotta begin.

I just want things to mean something, and I don't want to be part of a crowd.

Anyhow, no worries. Please just listen with your heart to what I am saying, and see what you think, and when you get back from the campsite, you can post if you feel like it. I will be right here, and I will respond like always, and I will write and post just as I always have.

It's just that the stresses inherent in this form of communication have added up, and it's hard to deal with these days-long breaks in communication, which come as surprises to me, with no warning. I have been trying to keep a conversation going (485 blogs attest to that), but sometimes I feel like "just another guy on Facebook".

One thing you can be sure of, Elizabeth, is that I love you. I will also always do my best for you in all ways. It's just that I need things in my life to be on an even keel. I know I've said it before, but it's true. I am gonna be 55 next year, and I have been through my share of stress and misunderstanding, and I just want things to be steady. I want to live my life with good energy and a positive outlook. When sharing those things with another person, in a relationship (if we want this to be more than Facebook) the key, as always, will be communication. With open communication, anything is possible.

That's all for now. Post when you get back, and I will respond.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo