Hi Elizabeth,
I saw your post a few minutes ago. Pearl is at the hair salon, and I have to pick her up at 1pm, so I don't have a lot of time to write, but I wanted to respond right away, and I was gonna write anyhow, even if you hadn't posted, because I heard something this morning that ripped my heart out.
It was your song, "Wrecked". Now, whatever you do, please don't worry, because I did a little checking, and I see that you posted it on August 20, which was right around the time the whole Johan/hacking/FB/Lillian friend request thing was going on, and there were a lot of misunderstandings then, and as far as I knew, they were all cleared up. Anyway, I was not aware of that song, because in the past you have always posted on FB when you have added songs to your Soundcloud. I could see why you might not have wanted to announce that one (though it's an extremely powerful song, even if heartbreaking for me), and so I didn't see and hear it until just a little while ago. The first thing I need to ask, is : is it about me?
I am guessing the answer is yes. There are only a few possibilities. It's either about me, or Stephane, and I don't think it's about him because you guys still seem to be friends, and on good terms, and besides, why would you write and post such a personal song over two years later, if it was about Stephane? I suppose if I really wanted to avoid the issue, I could guess - by wishful thinking - that it was either not autobiographical, or about some fictional character or even some long-gone boyfriend of the past, someone I am not aware of.
But the obvious guess is that it's about me. That's why my heart was ripped out. The saving grace was when I saw that it was posted in the middle of August, when all that intrigue was going on. But what I wonder is, when did you write and record it? At around the same time? I have more to say and ask on the subject, but I'll have to do it later, and in pieces throughout the day, because it's a back and forth day, with movie night tonight.
Elizabeth, even though it hurt to hear it, that is one excellent song, and so very powerful.
However - and this is, in part, what I want to discuss further in oncoming posts - if you have ever thought that I don't love you and care about you with all of my heart , then you are wrong. I have loved you ever since I first told you so, and I do now, and I always will. There is much more to say, and to ask, but right now I have to take a shower and then go pick up Pearl. Then I will be back at 1:45 to 2pm, with time to write a little more. But this is all a good thing, so please, please, please don't worry.
I hope your post means you are back from your trip, and have regular computer access again. I will be back in a little while.
I Love You, Elizabeth. Count on that always. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
2:20pm : Okay, I am back, and I think I need a little bit of a re-set here, on today's post. As I was driving back from Pearl's just now, a thought came to me : "I think I may have heard that song before". "Wreck", that is. Is it, by any chance, and older song, written when you were in Livewire? I could swear I heard either the whole thing, or a snippet of it, way, way back after we first met, when you were still playing with Justin and those guys, and I checked out the band's Soundcloud or some other music posting service. So, now I am thinking that there's a good possibility it is an older song, but re-recorded by you and Tanner and the studio guys. Still, if you posted it on August 20, maybe you posted it because of me, and what was going on at that time.
So, just to re-cap and get caught up, is it an older song from the Livewire days? I tried to check just now, but I couldn't find the older version. Also, I am guessing the new version, from Paul's studio, was recorded back in December 2012, when you first went into the studio to record? Is that correct? I had always wondered why you never posted any material from that session, but maybe because of the nature of the song.
Anyhow, just to dispense with the issue, the fact that the song was posted in August, when all that stuff was going on, seems to indicate that it was a measure of what was going on at that time - in August, when there was a lot of confusion in the air. So maybe that's why you decided to post it then. Just because I didn't hear it until today does not, I hope, mean the lyrics are still pertinent, to me, at the present time. To sum up, perhaps you were mad at me then, out of the confusion and misunderstandings of the issues of August, but I take it, and hope, that you are not mad at me now. After all, we cleared those issues up, right?
So, as far as the song goes, great song - powerful indeed - but posted a while back, and not emotionally pertinent now as far as the lyrics go. Do I have all that correct? I hope so. :)
So, there's the re-set I needed. Now, I just need to interpret the meaning of today's post, of the girl in the rocks. First of all, I take it that you are either back from your trip, or you now have access to post once again, so that's good. :)
As far as the meaning of the post, all I can go by is the title, "Conforming Beauty", and then interpret a general overall picture of a girl looking "trapped" in the rocks. It's a great picture, but what is meant is the message - your message - do I have that right? So, there's the title, "Conforming Beauty". Conforming is a pretty specific word. Do you mean it for yourself, as in you have to "conform", at the present time, to certain rules, maybe Mom's rules? The picture could indicate being "trapped", say, "between a rock and a hard place". So that's what I get, as a message, from the overall post - title and photograph.
If that's what you meant, and if you meant it in response to my blog from last night, and my talking about the need for direct communication, please know, Elizabeth, that it was just a hopeful suggestion. It was an urging for us to head in that general direction, so that we can talk everyday like ordinary couples do. But it was not an ultimatum of any kind, nor a definite, fixed and rigid timetable. It was just me, saying, "let's try for it", and maybe in the New Year.
But nothing fixed or ordered, because that's not me. I will never say to you, about any issue, "it's got to be this way, or else". I don't do that, it's not what I am about. If ever I have an idea, I will always listen to your ideas and suggestions in response. Always. And conversely, I will always be open to any suggestions you have, about any issue. This time, I'm just saying, "Hey girl, let's try for it someday, maybe even soon". Imagine - and that's all I'm saying, just imagine - if we could talk on the phone everyday. That will be pretty awesome, when we can do that. Don't you think? So all I am saying is "let's plant the seed, and give it some intention", and it will happen. Just like all intention-based thoughts eventually do.
So, no worries, no timetables, just good thoughts and something to aim for. Besides, as I have said, I want you to have a good relationship with your Mom, and I will never encourage you to go against her wishes. All I know is that things have a way of working out, when the intent is good, and I have always believed that one day, if your Mom meets me and gives me a chance, she will like me.
So, if that's what you meant by today's post, that you have to "conform" at the moment, to certain rules, then once again I say an emphatic "no worries". :):)
The only trouble this week initially stemmed from not hearing from you for a few days, which led to me going, "what now"? But then I see that you were out with your class again, and maybe now you are back, in which case, the confusion is over. And once again, I hope I have all of that right. :)
Elizabeth, I can tell you something that one day you will find to be very, very true; once we can communicate openly - and it's no problem when that actually happens - but when it does happen, you will never have to wonder what my feelings are for you, or ever doubt them or worry about them. Once you can talk to me, you will hear in my voice how much I love you and care for you. And one day soon, you will see it in my eyes, too. I Love You, Girl!!
So, for now, I will post and just ask that, if I got anything wrong in what I have written, if I have gotten wrong any of my suppositions or guesses, please let me know. If not, then let's say "all is well, and Happy Halloween". :):)
I Love You, Elizabeth. You are My Darling and I wish you Sweet Dreams. Post when you can.....
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
(here until 4:15, then back tonight after the movie)
A Little After Midnight : Good Morning, Nice Lady. I'm just hanging out on Facebook, talking with Chris about a movie we both love, "Quatermass And The Pit". Scary stuff for Halloween. I hope they are doing Halloween in Italy! Nowdays, with all the blending of culture, I would expect there is some aspect of the holiday. Tonight, I went to the CSUN movie and saw P&P's "The Small Back Room", which was very good as always from those guys. I'm looking forward to tomorrow, hoping we get more Trick Or Treaters than we did last year. Have a blast, whatever you wind up doing, and post if you can.
I Love You. xoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
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