Communication Has Always Worked Best For Us (here is a guess)

Hi Elizabeth,

I am home from Pearl's. Had a pretty good choir practice today, it is getting a lot easier for me to learn the songs and hit the notes. I hope you had a good day, too.

I guess something has gone really wrong here. I don't know if it has to do with me, but because it happened right on my birthday and has continued since then, I guess it either does have to do with me, or else it's just an extreme coincidence.

I want to write some more about it later tonight, at my usual late night writing time. I don't even know if you are still reading these blogs, but if you are, and if you read what I have written now, then maybe you will want to read later tonight, or tomorrow morning if tonight is too late. What I want to say isn't heavy or depressing or anything, it'll just be me trying to figure out what the problem is.

All I know, if this is a problem about me, is that we have always worked through all previous problems and fixed them, and we've done so by talking to each other, in our own way and by our means of communication of course. I'm saying all of this because I can't imagine this whole thing is just about a technical issue at this point. We are coming up on two weeks here, since it began.

Anyhow, I'll be back later tonight, and I hope you will too.

I Love You, Elizabeth.

10:45pm : I am starting a little bit earlier than usual, in the hope that you are still awake. To get right to the point, I've been trying to figure out what is wrong, and there does seem - to me, anyway - to be something wrong because you haven't posted a thing in almost two weeks, and if it was just a case of your phone being out of commission, I would think you'd have found a way to let everybody know. That's one thing that I haven't been able to understand, and that is, why has nobody - none of your FB friends - posted anything on your FB saying, "hey girl, where'd you go"?

I know you posted that short item about your phone, maybe a week ago now, but then it looked like you deleted that post shortly after making it. So, surely at least some of your FB friends must be wondering where you went?

Because no one posted anything asking "where are you" on your FB, I thought, "well, maybe they did and I just can't see it". I thought maybe I'd been blocked, in other words. But then I thought, "why in the world would Elizabeth block me? It doesn't make any sense". Besides, I thought if I'd been blocked, I probably wouldn't be able to see anything on your page, and I can still see everything going back to the picture of Nutmeg the cat and before that. That pic was April 14th. Since then, you posted a like of the photo of the parka guy, and that short post about your phone, which it looks like you then deleted.

After considering for a few days that your phone was the problem, I thought, "wait a minute, what did Elizabeth use to post with before she had her phone"? In your last FB post, too, you told your friends to message you on FB (instead of calling), which implies you still had access to FB, and therefore a computer or device of some type.

So then I thought, "well, if I'm not blocked, and if Elizabeth possibly still has FB access, then why has she stopped posting"? And I considered the date, and the timing of it (my birthday), and I can only conclude it has something to do with me.

I thought, and remarked in a blog, "well, maybe Elizabeth is tired of me. Maybe she doesn't wanna hurt my feelings and tell me directly, so this is her way of doing it". But then, in a couple of recent blogs, I've asked you to tell me if that was the case, or if you had a new boyfriend. I have said I would understand if that is the case, and I would understand. But, because I asked you to tell me, and you haven't, I am questioning that possibility. I know you aren't a cruel person. If you were tired of me, or if you had a new boyfriend, I believe you would tell me and not just let me twist in the wind.

So, I have considered these possibilities, and I have thought, "well, it's probably not just a technical problem at this point; it doesn't look like she's blocked me from FB (and why would she do that, anyway); and I don't think it's an issue of a new boyfriend because Elizabeth would tell me, if for no other reason than because I've asked her to".

So I've been stumped. As this has gone on, I thought, "when it happened last time, in September 2012, at least there seemed to be a reason". At the time, I couldn't figure out that reason, but you later indicated it had to do with your folks. In the years since then, I have written many times that I could understand their position, but added that I'm a good guy, and if they knew me they might like me. And nowdays, you and your Mom seem to be getting along great, as far as I can see. She is really proud of all the work you've done. If she is aware of me, which she must be, she can plainly see all the "likes" I've put on your FB posts. So, I've thought that can't be what the problem is. It doesn't seem like it, anyhow.

The whole thing of the timing is what I don't fully understand, but because it began on my birthday, I have thought, "well, if Elizabeth was mad at me, that would be one way to show it. 'Here you go - have a nice freakin' birthday! I'm not gonna post anymore' ".

But that would imply you are mad at me, and at first I wracked my brain about this. But then as the days went on, I thought of one possibility. It seems remote, to me at least, but then I know next to nothing about computers.

Elizabeth, the timing of all this - when it started - coincides with something. It has to do with the possibility of hacking. I will just ask you, because I don't know what else to do at this point.

I don't know much about how hacking works, except that hackers can break into things, like FB, or a person's files, their email, etc. Last Summer, as you know I thought there was some hacking going on, that someone had hacked my FB.

At the time, I was upset, but I was never really mad about it or anything, and I let it go after I had my say about it. But, it did get me thinking about the whole issue of hacking, and since then, I have actually read up a little bit about it. One thing I have wondered is if a really good hacker could actually attach completely to another person's computer, and more or less see anything and everything the person was seeing on their screen.

It didn't seem possible to me, unless the hacker had NSA skills, but then I reiterate that I know nothing about computers and very little about hacking.

I am not mad or even upset about last Summer, if indeed I was hacked.

Here is my question regarding your current silence, and I will put it in the broadest terms. Does all of this have anything to do with hacking, and Google? I know it sounds impossible, and please forgive me if I'm wrong. It's just that I am intuitive, and sometimes my intuition may be right, and sometimes it may be wrong, but it's what I rely on simply because I am not technically oriented.

I had a feeling the other day, maybe a couple weeks ago, about hacking. And so I tried typing things - sentences - into the Google search box. I wondered if a hacker could read what a person wrote in a Google search box.

I know it all sounds outlandish, and it might be way off. But for the life of me, it's the only thing I can think of that could be a reason for your silence. That, and because of the timing of it all.

Elizabeth, all of this is just a guess. Even on the remote possibility that it happened, I am not mad. I'm certainly not accusing you. It's just all I can think of. I've been sitting here for almost two weeks, thinking and wondering why you would just go away like that. This isn't like September 2012, when we were relatively new to each other and your folks may have just found out about me.

This time, I just couldn't think of a single reason. Except, finally, the one I have mentioned.

I don't care, in any case. All I care about is you. I have really loved you so very much. Beyond that, you are a wonderful person, and I have always thought that we have both cared about each other. I know you would not just cut me off for no reason; ergo, there must be a reason.

All I can say, is please come back. If it's about hacking and Google, we can either talk about it or drop the whole thing. All that's important to me is you.

I am gonna leave it at that for now, because it's late.

All I know is that I love you and miss you, and I don't care what happened, it's nothing that can't be fixed. I hope you agree, and I hope to hear from you. Please post if you can.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :):)