Wife (more added, weird stuff, etc. Love too)

Ohh, my Girl. How I Love You So. It's true, you know, no matter how many times I write it, no matter how "everyday" it can seem........

How I Love You So, How Crazy I Am About You.

Head Over Heels, Always. You're My Girl, you know?

So the following is written with a mixture of sheepishness, just plain "guyness", and a little bit of fragility........but it's all good, so don't worry. :):)

I didn't write last night, and then I was gonna write a long blog this morn, one of those tedious explanatory blogs in which I expound on my feelings ad nauseum (and hey, if I was in a Punk Rock band, that could be my name: Ad Nauseum!)

Anyway, I'm sure you can guess why, except this time, when I got home this morn from Pearl's, I thought, "well, I don't wanna write a blog like that after all". The same thing happened last night. I thought, "It's no big deal". And it really wasn't. That's why I wanted to post a song like I always do. For me, posting a love song at the end of the evening is my version of the goodnight phone call. It's my way of being there with you at the end of the day, tucking you in (and me with you), and whispering in your ear, "I Love You". It's all about Two Hearts, each one feeling the beat of the other. Such are the quiet and soft, yet infinitely powerful, ways of love. In months past, I have always wanted to post love songs several times a day - that's me, the kind of guy who would write you all the time if I were writing actual letters or cards, who would leave little notes for you around the house, etc. But what happened was very simple; I began running out of songs! Those doggone love song writers.....they either weren't writing enough of them, or they were writing too many of the "mixed feeling" kind of love song with negative lyrics, the kind that I never want to post. (For instance, there is such a beautiful song by The Association called "Cherish", it was an enormous hit in the 60s, but then you go to read the lyrics, and.........they aren't what you expect. Not awful, but not what I like to post, but anyway..........boy I am going way off on a tangent here.)

I have always liked to post a love song, at the very least late at night (and more often when I can find the right songs; looks like I will have to start repeating songs, bring back The Scorpions and Beatles!). Anyway, so last night, I wanted to post a song like I always do, and I did (usually I try for midnight or before), and I wanted to write, too, like I always do. But then I found that I couldn't. And then I told myself, "It's no big deal", and I knew that it wasn't, and still.......I found that I couldn't write. It wasn't that I didn't wanna write, just more like I didn't know what I wanted to say. Then this morn, I thought, "Well, now I've gotta write. I've gotta write something, at the very least for communication purposes". But then I thought, "I just don't want to write one of those Explanatory Blogs, because A) I'm not feeling that way, and B) It's no big deal in the first place.

I saw your pictures, and I guess I was feeling like a bit of a fifth wheel.

Now remember: this is a mixture of sheepishness, just plain "guyness" and a touch of fragility (which is really vulnerability, which is really strength, or so I like to think).

I know those guys are your friends, the guys in the pictures. I mean, I don't "know"-know, because they aren't guys that regularly post, but I think I've seen 'em pop up a few times. The important point, regarding the pictures, is that it looked like a group of friends, at the fair, and also on a.....boat? It looked like maybe it was a boat. But at any rate, it looked like a group of friends. But here is where my analytical side must enter the picture, to make sense of things. In one picture, the guy has his arm around you.
Analytical me says: "That's no big deal. It looks like a group "friends" shot, where everybody has arms around each other. You yourself (meaning me) have pictures like that".

But then Just Plain Guy Me chimes in and says, "Well, what if it's a new boyfriend"?

Now remember, you have gotta read all this in the light it is written in, which is simple, humble honesty. Most guys wouldn't tell you all of this. Most guys would just hold their feelings in, or the reverse; throw a tantrum. Some guys who are complete wimps would pretend it didn't bug 'em..........

But with me, because I have been through the mill, you get honesty, and I try to make it analytical honesty, too, although this time I don't need to analyse too much because it really was not a big deal, especially as I can see from this morning. But I only always ask for gentle observation of the feelings of Just Plain Guy me, gentle observation on your end, and not harsh judgement, because Analytical Me can see him too, and Analytical Me knows that the best way to be - for all sides concerned - is to always offer emotional anaysis that is honest, and yet explained with humility and clarity. So please go easy on me, is all I'm saying. :)

So, in seeing the pictures, I had a feeling it was just you and your friends, and nothing more than that, and really, I guess you could say I was sure of it. But still, because I am Just A Guy with regular emotions, I didn't write even though I wanted to, because I didn't know what to say. When I say I felt like a "fifth wheel", that means I felt like anything I wrote would seem like I was sitting over in the corner saying, "Hey, look at me, over here! I'm here, too". Those pics were for you and your friends, and of course I always leave photos like that alone, for the most part, unless they are Art Photos you have taken, like portraits and such. Otherwise, I never hit the "like" button on those types of pics, because they are for you guys, and again the "fifth wheel" principle comes into effect. And it was also that principal that made me not able to write last night, even though I did want to.

This morning, I was gonna initially write another blog all about communication, et al.

So thank God for Eric Whitacre. He rules.

Eric Whitacre posts, in our language of communication, have always meant love, and "A Boy And A Girl".

And in this morning's post, which you "liked" on FB, he is wishing his wife a happy birthday.

His Wife.

Thank God for Eric Whitacre. I wanna be like him, and wish my Wife a happy birthday too.

I know you have a lot of friends, both male and female, and I know you are having a fun, busy summer, and I know that our form of communication isn't perfect (even though it is pretty darn good anyway). One day, we can resume one-to-one communication, and I will leave it for you to decide when that day is, and as I have said before, it can be whenever you choose.

But this morn, when I saw the Eric Whitacre post, I decided to write this blog, instead of the long, drawn out one. This one was still long, but it wasn't written by Ad Nauseum.

The symbolism in the posts is important, as I have said so many times before, because it hits me on an intuitive level, a gut level that in some ways is just as direct - or even more direct - than actual conversation. That is how we were able to build this language we use, and how I was able to discern your feelings to begin with, last Winter. Intuition via symbols is a very, very powerful thing.

If, as in today's post from Eric Whitacre, you are symbolising a man's love for his wife, then that is all I need to know, dear Elizabeth.

A man's love for his wife, and a woman's love for her husband. Wow. It's got to be the most beautiful form of expression between two human beings. If you are thinking of us that way, then I know everything I need to know. Please forgive Just Plain Guy me, he's just a guy, and he lives far away, and he wishes he was with you.

But he can wait!

Because he really wants to tell his Wife he loves her.  :):)

(back later........)

10:55pm : Well, my Darling, it is a nice quiet evening here in my building, always a blessing for me. The quiet, for me, is maybe similar to your Singing Bowl in one respect - it forms a continuum. And a continuum, of silence or soft harmonic sound, is a precious conduit for clear thought, and restoration of balance via meditation. I find that you can be meditative even without going into a deep trance, just by allowing your mind to relax and go where it wants. The night and the quiet time are the mind's time, and the mind always knows exactly where to go when it is on it's own.

I was reading yesterday about the Indians who used to live here in the Valley, before it was settled in the late 1800s. It was pretty mindblowing to read that they had lived here for 8000 years. Eight thousand! So that goes back to the dawn of civilization, or at least what we know of it. I am sure there were Indians all over America for thousands and thousands of years, and archaeological finds have suggested that their presence in America may go even further back than that. Because I love to think about this stuff, I think - on one hand - "man......eight thousand years. That's such a long time". An incredible length of time, really. But then I think, "wow, you know..........there are many people living who are 100 years old, and 8000 years is only 80 spans of that length of time". So maybe it's really not such a long time at all. Certainly it isn't, in geological terms anyway. In geological terms, 8000 years is a blink. But to us, it seems an eternity.

So, because I love to think about these things, it blows me away that 8000 years ago seems both like an eternity and also, in mathematical terms, like yesterday. After all, it's only 80 life spans of a 100 year old person. So I think, "can humanity really be that new? It feels, inside, like it's a lot older".

No one really knows, of course, and we are still studying the subject. Scientists do their best to come to conclusions, but still.........no one really knows. So, these are the studies that fascinate me, the curiosities that I enjoy, and when it is quiet, like tonight, and when we are in Summer and the weather is nice, I can go on my walk and try to visualise the Indians in their land, right here, 8000 years ago.

There were no paved roads then, no stores, no commerce, none of the "busy" stuff that 21st century humanity seems to feel is so important. And certainly the Indians had hardships, and didn't live what we modern people consider an "ideal life" perhaps - of that there is no doubt. But there was a constancy to it. They kept living that way for ages. And what I wonder, when it is quiet outside, is "why does my mind always connect with the past"?

I think it is because of a continuum, the same continuum we think of with the harmonic sound of the Singing Bowl, or the quiet of the night. And I think of 8000 years, like it was both ages ago, and yesterday. I like to look at the mountains that surround the Valley, for they have seen it all, and are virtually the same as they were 8000 years ago. All of it blows my mind, because - other than paying my bills and saving money and all that stuff - I have no interest in commerce and the business world and cubicles and stuff. I can operate in that world, because it is the world I live in, but my mind lives in the world described by the constancy of the mountains, and what they know.

I like to envision the continuum by itself, devoid of the planning of mankind for constant progress. Just life, as it has been lived for eons, the way the trees and mountains live it.

When I think of the continuum, I think of love, and what it must really be, why humans feel it, what kind of bond it truly is, in the long term 8000 year sense, and beyond. I like to think of it, because it has real power, and unites those of us who experience it, in the most profound way.

So much of my life has been intuition, ever since I was little, and I am constantly trying to follow it.

Love, and living in the continuum, is what makes it fascinating and worthwhile.

I Love You, my Angel, and I wish you Sweet Dreams. xoxoxoxo  :):)