Unnerving

A very unnerving situation just now. I took Kobi on his morning dogwalk by myself, because Pearl was tired. This was about 9am. I got back to the house at about 9:25, and I was just gonna put Kobi inside, set everything up for Pearl for the afternoon, and then head home. But as I was coming up the driveway, I saw a man at the gate. I thought he might be a solicitor of some type or another, because Pearl gets a lot of those. Mostly, her solicitations come through the mail (for one charity group or another), but some ring the bell at the gate. There is a locked gate that separates the front patio area from the front door. As I got closer, I could see that Pearl was on the other side of the gate, the house side, and she was talking to the man, and handing him something. A set of keys.

I was now right next to them, and I could tell immediately that the man was homeless. He was a large man, about 6'1", 230lbs.

All of this happened within a few seconds. Now he had the set of keys in his hand, and he was saying to himself, "Which one opens this thing"?, meaning the locked gate. Of course my mental wheels are turning, so I reached for the keys in his hand, but in a non-threatening manner. I wanted to diffuse the situation rather than inflame it. Also, I didn't know what the hell was going on.

I kind of asked/took the keys from his hand. "Here, lemme see which key it is", I said. Then I stalled, put that set of keys in my pocket for safe keeping and took out my own set. The man spoke up. "She was just gonna let me in for a minute". "Um, okay", I said. Then : "Can I ask who you are"?

Well, the guy actually gave his full name. At least, it was probably his name. It didn't sound made-up, and he then went on to name a kid that had lived next door to Pearl and her family in the late 60s. "Do you know (the kid) who lived next door"?, he asked both Pearl and me. I actually had known that kid, his first name is Duane. I last saw him in 1967, I told the man. "Oh yeah? Well, he was my best friend", he replied. He then mentioned that he had lived on a nearby street as a kid. He also mentioned that he'd done some handyman work for Pearl in years past. Okay, fine, I thought, though none of that work has taken place in the four years I've been looking after her.

I couldn't just stand there with the dog, and the homeless man was showing no signs of stepping away from the gate, so I took my own key and opened it. I thought I might be able to wait out the remainder of the visit on the front patio. But then I noticed that Pearl had left her front door open when she'd come out to the gate. The homeless man saw it too, and he was a step or two ahead of me.

Me: "Uh, excuse me. Please don't just walk in. What did you say you were here for again"?
Him: "Oh, well Pearl said I could come in and have a cup of coffee".

The thing is that Pearl will say anything to anybody, because she is elderly and doesn't know any better.

The guy looked like he was down on his luck. He looked like you would expect a homeless person to look. His hand had gauze wrapped around it from " a pit bull that bit me when I put my hand through the fence to pet it". Okay.

I am a non-confrontational person by nature, and I always like to think several steps ahead in any difficult situation. Some folks might have put their foot down right there at the gate, and so would have I, had the guy been a 100% complete stranger. But he seemed to know Pearl from years past (before I came on the scene), and he'd correctly named the kid-next-door from 1967, and he'd also given his own name. But mainly, he was aggressive in his manner and physical movement, in his body language. I don't mean violently so, or even threateningly so. He just talked and moved like he owned the joint. I mentally deemed him more or less harmless, and decided the best course of action was to let him in, ask him if he'd like a sandwich or something, and then usher him out, using one excuse or another. "Oh, Pearl! We'd better get going, we're gonna be late for the crafts meeting".

So now the guy is in the house, and he starts asking questions. "So, what's down the hall, the bedrooms"? Then he qualifies it with "oh, yeah. That was the floor plan in our old house, too". Then he mentions again that he used to live on such-and-such street. "Did you say you wanted coffee"?, I said.

"Oh, y'know what? Forget the coffee. Would you mind if I took three or four of those Aleve"? He had spotted the bottle amongst the clutter of the kitchen counter. "Sure, go right ahead", I replied, and offered him the bottle. He opened it and said, "Four or maybe ten. I been sleeping behind the gas station at the end of the alley". I knew which alley he meant. It is at the end of Pearl's street.

So now he was dry-swallowing Aleve, and he sat down opposite Pearl at the kitchen table. He did ask if he could sit down, but he asked-and-sat at the same time. "Oh boy", I thought. "Now what am I gonna do"? It wasn't a situation that warranted calling the cops, or even making a threat. It was just something that needed to be diffused. But now the guy started talking, and boy could he talk. He kept his conversation directed at Pearl, and all his troubles and history came out.

"My truck is in impound"......."I need 900 bucks to get it out"......"the cops framed me for burglary"....."I did ten months in the State Penitentiary"......."I was supposed to complete a program but I couldn't stand living in that place for one more night"......."I'm not a violent person"......."but I once splattered a guy's nose who tried to start some shit with me".

"I don't take drugs, well, maybe a little pot now and then. How 'bout you, Pearl? You ever smoke pot, maybe back in the day? Hehehehehehehe".........."just kidding".

I am standing behind the table they are sitting at. I didn't sit down because I don't know what I need to be ready for. Like I say, I am a pretty good sizer-upper-of-situations, and this did not look to be a violent situation in any way. The guy went on to mention a few other neighbors in the area who have been of help to him, throwing some work his way, odd jobs like painting, etc.

Pearl: "Well, I have Adam to do all that for me".
Him: "Well I could do it, too. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to water the roses".

That shows resentment. Mild resentment, perhaps, because he doesn't know me, but resentment all the same. I have been in some scary situations in my life, so I am very observant when around questionable people.

Still, I thought it best to just stand there, not say too much, and wait it out. The guy was talking, he probably wanted an audience. Let him wind himself down. But keep one hand on my cell in my pocket, in case I need to dial 911. But I didn't think that was gonna have to happen.

The guy went on talking for about 45 minutes. "When I was in prison".......yadayada......."what's that dog's name again"?.......yadayada........"900 bucks to get my truck out".........yadayada. He just talked, there was no trouble. But boy could he talk. And it was mostly about prison and burglaries.

Well, at least he's honest - I thought. If we'd not been home, would he have burgled us? Worse, had I not come back with Kobi when I did, what would've happened if he'd been alone in the house with Pearl? It was almost like he read my mind, because he was going on and on about "the cops framing" him for a local burglary : "And I looked at them and I said, 'honestly - do you guys honestly think I'd burglarize a house in my own neighborhood, where everybody knows me"?

He asked the cops this while they were framing him. I think he was also trying to tell me, very subtly, "don't worry, I'm not gonna burglarize you". Gee thanks!, I thought.

Well, I thought he would never leave. I even tried twice to use the "crafts meeting" excuse. "Pearl, we'd better call June to see what time that meeting starts". But Pearl didn't understand what I was trying to do, so she answered honestly, "No, there's no meeting today. They cancelled it". Great. Thanks, Pearl.

But after 45 minutes, the guy was running out of gas. He asked a couple more times if there were any jobs he could do. Pearl said again that I am the guy who does them all. I could see again the mild resentment in his eyes, but it was only mild, and he was resigned now. Time to go.

"Well, I guess I'll head back now, try to catch a few winks in the alley".

He asked if he could pick a few roses on the way out, "for my girlfriend". I went and got the garden clippers out of the shed real fast, "sure, no problem. Cut however many you like". He cut about four.

Of course, we all feel sorry for homeless people, but there is help. There's food stamps and programs and shelters. Of course, once someone is institutionalised and homeless, it is often virtually impossible for them to change that lifestyle. I am not a social worker, just a caregiver for an elderly lady, and I do the best I can.

After the man was gone around the corner, I locked the gate, went back in the house, and let Pearl know, quietly but firmly, the dangers of letting strangers into her house, or even answering the door to them.

I will call and check on her in a little while.

It's been a rough couple of days, and I didn't sleep a wink last night, but this helped me to put things into perspective, and I will try to write more in a while.