Good Afternoon, my Angel,
Happy Friday. :) I just wanted to check in and say hi. The kitchen guys are not working today so I'm at home, but I will probably head over to Simi or Santa Susana in a little while to get in a quick Hundred Degree Hike (lol) before going back to Pearl's. Really I'm always just looking for pictures, but they are getting harder to find because I've been to so many of the locations. That's why I've gotta keep looking!
I hope you are having a good day.
I Love You. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
(here for a little while then back at 4:30)
11:55pm : I'm sorry to write so late, but I guess I'm still confused. Elizabeth, one thing you should know is that I love you and would do anything for you. I try to convey that every day. But I am just not getting the communication, not understanding your messages. On the one hand, the Taya Iv post was clear and beautiful. But then you followed it with three straight Brian Kaufman posts. So I get confused, because - while I know he is your friend, and of course I wish him the best of health - in the context of what has been going on, and what I have as recently as last night written about, i.e. the hacking, I don't know if I am supposed to infer something from those three posts, or what. I took it to mean something because they happened all in a row.
I have come to read and understand your posts in a flow, like a symbolic language. I've been doing it for two years, and I've gotten good at it, which I've stated before, I realize. But these anomalies jump out at me. To cite a fairly recent example, there was the F-You Japan post, which kind of started this whole debacle. Lately, from my vantage point, it appears that the flow that I speak of has been disrupted. Yesterday there were the somewhat uncharacteristic (from an Elizabethan standpoint) birthday posts to your friend. Then there was the Taya Iv post, which seemed more characteristic, or rather, entirely so, at least as far as our communication goes. And then today, three straight Brian posts. After I wrote about hacking last night. And so I don't know if you meant to infer something by those posts or not.
I know Brian is a tech guy. I mean, I don't know that, but from what I can see it appears so. I am seriously unnerved by what's been going on, and last night I mentioned it again, and then today : three straight Brian posts.
In the past, when you wanted me to get a particular message about your Mom, or your folks in general, you used the same tactic : multiple posts on the same day with a "Mom" photo, or word, or otherwise parental subtext in them.
So what am I to infer today? Anything? I truly have no idea.
I obviously don't know your friend Brian at all, but just using basic reasoning, it's hard to believe that you are inferring that he's been hacking me. I mean, why would he, or anybody with a good career and a wife/family involved, risk something like that? Plus, he seems like a good guy.
So it makes no sense whatsoever.
And if it makes no sense, then what is the significance of those three posts? Besides that Brian is your friend?
The whole problem here is communication, and all I am trying to do is improve it.
Elizabeth, believe me, I know that -somehow and in some way - you had serious restrictions put on your ability to communicate with me, back in September 2012. Something serious happened, that much I am aware of.
Still, we got over that hurdle and everything was good for a long time, mostly anyway. There's just been the Johan thing, and the hacking thing, and both have happened, or been discovered, very recently. With Johan, that's a totally seperate thing, something I can understand and deal with, and of course it was fantastic to hear the recorded results, to hear the beauty in your voice and the extent of your development. I was gonna write a little bit about the Johan aspect, in an effort to improve communication, as I said yesterday. But overall it's not a huge deal. The communication, and the resultant misunderstandings, are what the problem is.
I want to dispense with this whole hacking issue, so here is my take on it, as of now : It's apparent I got hacked. I don't know the extent, but being computer illiterate, I have to assume it could have been all the way, which is why I put paper over my Chromebook lenses. I don't know jack about computers. So, I even wondered, "could a person even see what I was Googling"? and I typed a few sentences into the Google search engine, sentences like you might state in a conversation, or as simple statements. I have no idea if hacking can achieve that result, of actually being able to see a person's search engine entries, but this affair has gotten me so unnerved about all of this, that I thought that anything is possible, computerwise, to an expert.
What I have learned from reading the new Stephen King book, is that once you open your computer in the morning, everything is a potential two-way street. If a hacker is good enough, everything you do on your computer is available to him. That is how the top hackers get government secrets and the like. But it's oh-so-dangerous for the hacker, and that's why none of this makes sense. It doesn't make sense that your folks would hack me, and risk everything they've ever worked for; it doesn't make sense that any of your tech friends would hack me, including Brian, and again for the same reasons.
Why risk everything to hack me? I am nobody special. It doesn't make sense. And yet, the apparent fact is that I was hacked. And I did my Google search "write a sentence" experiment to test it. But I'm still confused.
So, my point in all of this is that I cannot do anything about the hacking. I mean, I'm not gonna call the FBI or anything. If something had actually happened, like something stolen or my FB deleted, or anything changed at all, then I might have. But nothing has been. So apparently, this was done simply to spy on me, and to what extent I don't know. Last week, I speculated that maybe it was just a hack into my FB - a simple hack. But the truth is that I don't know.
To continue with my point, because I can't do anything about it, and because I am not gonna do anything about it, I just want it to be overwith. I don't want to think, or talk about, hacking any more. The time I have spent with this issue is ridiculous. I will say one last time : if somebody hacked me - and it looks like somebody did - then they need to stop right now.
That's all. If it stops, no harm done. If it doesn't stop, then eventually there will be a problem. The mistake a hacker would make would be to assume that, just because I am computer illiterate, that I don't know what's happening.
What I am more interested in, because I do love you and I want you to be happy and live your life according to your dreams and visions, is communication.
Elizabeth, I love you, believe it or not, and I have been hoping to eventually have something resembling real communication with you. It can come in small increments, but I am hoping we can start somewhere, so I am not constantly guessing and being thrown off track. I know something major happened in Fall 2012, and I imagine that you had to deal with some pressures and perhaps consequenses. But we can move past all of that, if you want to. Then one day, hopefully soon, we can talk directly again. I was gonna blog about all of this - returning to direct communication via increments - but I keep getting sidetracked by not understanding your posts of the last couple days, and if they relate to the hacking issue or not.
So for tonight, because I cannot keep straining myself in this way - I simply can't, because of my schedule - I will just summarize by saying that I love you, I'll write off the hacking so long as it stops (and I will know if it has stopped or not), and I hope to improve communication so that I can feel I am a real part of your life and not just a guy sitting on the sidelines.
Anyway, you know me, you know my heart, you know that I love you, and that basically, everything is good. So let me know what you can, as pertains to what I've said.
Thanks. I Love You and will see you in the morning. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
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