Okay, Wonderful Lady, I will write just a little more for tonight, but I also wanna relax and listen to some piano music, so I will try to cut to the chase. I know I can ramble on sometimes, lol.
If I were Lt. Columbo, I would get to the bottom line. The bottom line here is that you apparently knew about my friend request to Lillian. I say "apparently" because I have only the recent symbolism to go by, but I have become accustomed, after over a year, to interpreting your messages, and I think I've got that one right. It's what the whole fiasco was about to begin with. You knew about my friend request.
So from there, the bottom line is that, ruling out any participation from Lillian, there was no legitimate way for you to have that information. We have already discussed that aspect. The only way for you to know it, is if someone had gotten inside my Facebook.
That leaves the last bottom line, the one we haven't discussed yet. The last bottom line is to ask, "who was the person who got inside my Facebook"?
Here is why I said in the last blog that it would get delicate. My girl, in two of your recent posts, the word "Mom" has been mentioned in the text. First, it was in the Emily Tebbets post of yesterday. Then again, it was part of the text in the Portraits Of Boston post. Now, the main theme of each of those posts was something very beautiful and loving, and for all I know, you meant those posts in the most face-value way, with their beautiful meanings. And that could well be the case. If so, as always please forgive me, and disregard all that I am writing.
But we are talking bottom lines here, and the bottom line is that somebody probably did get into my Facebook, and it would only have been one of a few people. And the word "Mom" does happen to be in the text of two of your most recent posts, both posted after I began talking about this subject.
Here is a scenario I can envision : In the Summer of 2012, I was posting directly to your FB wall on a regular basis. You were doing the same to mine. We were talking out in the open, I might have even had my FB set on "public" at the time, I don't recall. But we were talking openly, and we were IM-ing a lot, too.
Everybody in the Internet age checks out everybody else. Pictures are only a click away. Profiles, too.
Here is the important part, Elizabeth, and it is so Important that I am gonna capitalise it.
The Important Part is that Your Mom Loves You. I don't know much else about her, but I know that. That is why there is another bottom line, and it is a request from me. That request is this : If, and I am saying only if, it was your Mom who either got inside my Facebook, or who had somebody else do it, I ask that you not be mad at her, and that you not hold a grudge or anything of the kind.
If she didn't do it, or has nothing to do with it, or if I am in any way wrong, please forgive me, and please disregard.
But if I am right, then please honor my request. Please do not be angry about it. I am not angry, so please don't you be, either.
That doesn't make it right - hacking, that is. Whoever did it, if it was done, should know that it is something they could go to prison for. Hackers, if caught, get into serious trouble. Now, whoever did this probably did it in such a way that it would be hard if not impossible to prove. That is just a guess by me. But still, hacking is not something that anyone should be messing with, period. I may not be angry about it, but it's still very wrong, a total invasion of my privacy.
But let me continue with my scenario, the one I can envision which led to this : let's again go back to 2012. You and I are talking every day on FB. Your Mom is on FB. Your Mom loves you, and because she loves you, and because you were 19 at the time (an adult but still young, and her child), our postings may have caught her eye. "Okay", she may have wondered. "Who the hell is this guy"?
It is a scenario I have proposed before, even way back when our communication was first disrupted. When you came back, in January of 2013, and you used that Star Wars post to symbolise a "dark force" that had caused the break, I surmised that you meant it had been your parents, and I think I even wrote as much on Myspace. I was still blogging on Myspace in those days, and I may even have had the link to my blog on my FB profile. Again, I don't remember, but I know that in the days before I met you, when I wrote on Myspace it was for anyone to read. I was writing about What Happened In Northridge, and I wanted it all out in the open. I didn't care if anyone read about my past drug use or anything at all in my life, because there are so many stories like that nowdays, and every rock star and actor and athlete, it seems, has a rehab story to tell. On Myspace I also wrote about my restraining order, obtained by Lillian, and I wrote all about the circumstances that led up to it. I tried to be frank and honest in my assessment, and not whitewash anything.
Still, the truth is that it was not all that shocking. There was no violence involved. It was just a screwy situation based on confusion, drugs, and What Happened In Northridge in 1989. The restraining order happened almost twenty years ago. I have never had one since, and if anybody ever wanted to talk to me about it, they would understand exactly why it happened, and what the real issue was.
However, in the scenario I can envision, back in Fall 2012 or perhaps that Winter, your Mom, who loves you, saw our communication. She might have wondered "who is this guy", and then she might have seen my FB, seen my age. If my Myspace link was posted, she might have seen that, too. She might have clicked it, and maybe even read some of the blogs. I have speculated on this a long time ago. She might have read about drugs, and restraining orders, and had an absolute cow about it.
"Elizabeth! Who the hell is this guy? You don't know who he is, there's all kinds of kooks out there"!
I can envision that as a possible scenario that ended our direct communication. And as I have said before, I not only fully understand such a reaction by a Mom (or a Dad), I applaud it.
I applaud it because I would have done the same thing, were I in her position.
Okay, that is a Situation I Can Envision that led to the end of direct communication between you and me.
But how could the current situation have developed? Well, I really do want to take a break and listen to some piano music, and I don't wanna spend all my days off writing about this thing, but I will write a little further about it right now, just because I want to get it done as soon as possible. I have spent enough energy on this already.
I can envision a further scenario in which we are now in 2013. You and I had resumed communication by Valentine's Day, and I discovered you had feelings for me. That may have been around the time I began posting my nightly song on FB. I was still writing my Myspace blogs, only now, they were almost all about you, or us. If Mom had the Myspace link, and she read those new blogs, she would maybe have hit the roof.
"Elizabeth! The guy's in his 50s, for God's sake! You don't know who he is, this is crazy"!
You might have told her I'm a good guy. We'd known each other for a year by then. Before I discovered that you had feelings for me, I tried to keep my own feelings in check and not write about them. I only really opened up and wrote about love after I discovered it was mutual. I have said before that I can't help the year I was born in. But I understand that Mom might not see it that way.
But you kept posting, and communicating, so I kept writing and communicating. I never gave it a lot of thought, because though we have an age difference, you have been an adult from the time I've known you, and you have an emotional and intellectual intelligence beyond your years, and on top of all that - our communication has always been sweet and kindhearted. It has never been suggestive or lewd or anything like that. I am not that kind of person.
But there was the age difference, and the blogs about past use of drugs and a restraining order. So if Mom knew about that, and now in 2013 she was seeing new blogs about love - mutual love - she might have decided to do something about it.
So - and this is just my theory, please forgive me if I'm wrong - she might have decided to run a check on me, the kind they do at Peoplefinders or one of those sites. If she did one of those, I am guessing she would find nothing. There could be nothing to find except for the restraining order, or possibly the four times I was arrested between 1995 and 1997, all misdemeanor offenses, all of which I openly wrote about on Myspace, and all over stupid stuff like trespassing at The Meadows or failing to show up for a court date. All four arrests happened in the speed years, and all were misdemeanors. But I doubt any of it would show up in a criminal history check at Peoplefinders. I doubt it because I ran one myself, when I was applying for jobs back in the early 2000s. Nothing appeared then, because it had all been wiped off my record, and it was all wiped off my record because I went to all my probation appointments and all my anger-management classes (which you have to do if you have a restraining order). I met all my requirements set by the court, and so I have no criminal record. All of that stuff happened almost 20 years ago now. It has never happened again, because I am not a criminal type. I am not violent. I was using drugs, and I did some stupid stuff. Period.
Also, I was dealing with What Happened In Northridge, but that's a long story.
But in getting back to Mom, in 2013, if she ran a legitimate check on me, the kind employers run, she would have got nothing, because there is nothing.
So maybe - just maybe - she decided to run another kind of check on me. Her own check.
Right around that time, in May or June of 2013, CSUN was shutting down most of it's public computers. I knew that if I was gonna keep communicating with you, I would need to get my own computer. I got my Chromebook in June 2013. Shortly before or shortly after that, Myspace shut down, and I switched to Blogger for my daily writing.
I continued to wonder, once in a while, why we'd had that communication stoppage in 2012, and I always chalked it up to the most likely reason : parents. It's what you had hinted at anyway.
But now that I had a home computer, I suppose it might have made it easier to hack me, or attach to me, or whatever was done.
If indeed it was done. And it seems that it was, because that is our bottom line with the Lillian friend request. The only way to know that was through some kind of computer intrusion.
But in June 2013, with my daily blogs about you and me, and love and life, it is possible that Mom might have had enough.
"I am gonna find out who this guy is, and what his deal is, once and for all". That is just a guess by me, based on all available evidence and supposition.
So maybe Mom either got into my Facebook herself, or had somebody get into my Facebook. As I say, there seems to be a lot of technical wizards up there where you live. Your Mom looks like an accomplished lady, very intelligent.
If she or somebody she knows did get into my Facebook, I hope they left it at that. If my computer itself was attached, that truly sucks. It's a humongous invasion of privacy, and the kind of thing people can get ten years in prison for. The funny thing is, I would be a pretty boring choice for such an act of espionage. I basically go to FB, or Google, or the King's X board, or IMDB. Not a lot to spy on, really.
Or maybe the whole thing was not all that involved. After all, Mom has her own life, and it is probably busy enough without spying on me. Also, the evidence shows, and my intuition tells me, that for most of the time in the past two years, our communication has been fun, and lighthearted, and the mood has been good. You have seemed happy. I doubt it would have felt that way if your Mom or some third party had been constantly looking at my Facebook. So maybe it's a recent thing, or maybe even a one-time thing.
"Hey Elizabeth, you know that Adam just sent his old girlfriend a friend request? What do you think of him now? See, he's not so great after all".
That might have led to "F-You, Japan", and the Lily Pad posts.
At any rate, I have been writing for hours. I wanna listen to piano music.
Your Mom looks like a nice lady. There is no doubt she loves you. I would have been concerned if I were her. I would have looked into who the person was, too.
The only thing I would not have done was hacked, or invaded the person's privacy in the way that has likely been done to me. I can understand it, because of all the Myspace and other stuff your Mom might have read. I can understand her concern, and again, that concern is something I applaud.
But I can't condone the invasion of my privacy.
So the final bottom line, for tonight, anyway, at least unless there is anything else you need to tell me, or unless I can think of anything else I want to say tomorrow or at a later date, is this:
It took a few days to really set in, the reality of what may have happened here. I say "may have" because I do not know for sure. All I know is what the evidence shows, and it shows the likelihood of what I have described this evening. When that reality began to set in, a day or two ago, I was shocked - but in a mild kind of way. It was like a slow realisation - "ohhh, so that's what's been going on all this time. That's why everything is the way it is, with our communication, and the secrecy and everything".
I knew that, all this time, ever since I met you, that your Mom must know about me. I figured she might not approve, at least at first, but I also thought that maybe one day, if she met me, she would see that I am a good guy, intelligent and pretty normal. I am not as accomplished as she is, and I don't have a lot, but I'm a pretty steady guy at the end of the day.
I don't like, or trust, weirdos and criminals any more than your Mom does. If she met me or talked to me, she might discover that I am pretty all-American in a lot of ways, and pretty conservative and straightforward, too. I come from an excellent family, a family that has been in America for 400 years on both parents' sides. If your Mom met me, she might even end up liking me. I can guarantee there are worse guys you could know.
So the bottom line for tonight is : while it was entirely not cool, and extremely wrong, to invade my privacy - if it was done, and to whatever extent, even if it was total - I forgive whoever did it. If it was your Mom, I understand, for all of the reasons I have written about. I understand, and I forgive, but I don't condone, and it absolutely can never happen again. I don't want to even think it is happening again.
Please remember that it is a Federal offense. And no matter how sly a person may be, or what tricks they know, anyone can be caught, especially if they continue to do it. So to whomever did it, please stop. Don't get yourself in trouble. It's not worth it; I am a good guy. I am also far from stupid. Don't try to find out how far that is.
If you want to get to know me, you can always call. My cell # is posted on my FB. Elizabeth has it, too. Anyone can call me at any time, and I will talk about whatever you like. I can't help it about the age difference. It's just the years we each happened to be born in. But we are both adults. I try to be, and promise to be, a gentleman where Elizabeth is concerned. I try to talk about intelligent things. I'm not someone you need to worry about, much less spy on, but if you want to make sure, you can call or email. There are no hard feelings on my side. Everything is good, so long as the spying is overwith and it never happens again.
To Elizabeth, I ask you to please honor my one request out of all of this : please don't be mad at your Mom, or at anyone else who might have been involved in this. If it was Mom, she did it because she loves you.
Your Mom thinks you are awesome, believe it or not. It doesn't take a mind reader to know that. So be kind, and let's all try to understand one another here.
I'm a good guy, and I know you guys are, too. No harm done then.
Elizabeth, you know I love you, and when I originally told you that, I said I meant it in the highest way. High-minded, from the best of my spirit. I still mean it that way, so Bless You, and Mom and everyone in your family as well.
I Love You and I will see you in the morning, as always.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :):)
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